Rewritten 2018

This is kind of a filler chapter since I really needed Maria to bond with Natasha because of future plots. Besides, I thought that Maria and Steve needed a moment since they hadn't had that in a while and because everything is going downhill for them at the moment :P I hope you guys like it!

Make You Feel My Love ~Book II~

Disclaimer: I do not own The Winter Soldier movie! All rights go to Marvel. All I own is my own characters and their stories.

~Chapter 16~
Still working on it

They made their way towards the parking garage adjacent to the mall, all three of them walking in silence. No on spoke about anything, and Maria tried her best not to think about the kiss her friends had shared; the kiss her boyfriend had shared with her friend… It was nothing, right? Just… nothing…

Taking a deep breath, Maria's thoughts moved to Artur and his actions. He had been hunting them, which she was sure of. But why had he not yelled at his co-workers that they were there? Why had he just told her to remain quiet before walking off, pretending never to have seen her in the first place?

Maria shook her head, turning away from Nat and Steve to walk over to a random vehicle, saying nothing to the others.

"What are you doing?" asked Natasha, stopping and causing Steve to look over at Maria as well.

"New Jersey," began Maria as she took out her dagger from her pockets; "It's a long way to walk."

"I was assuming you guys had a vehicle somewhere," shrugged Natasha as she and Steve made their way over to Maria.

"Even if we had, they'd know what it looks like," said Maria, forcing the dagger in between the window and the car door, easily unlocking it.

Luckily, the truck owner didn't have an alarm installed and therefore, it all happened without them drawing attention to themselves. She sat down behind the wheel, seeing that the car had a somewhat more advanced system in which a key would not be necessary to start the car. However, it didn't matter to Maria as she simply let herself glide down so that she was underneath the wheel before using her dagger to open up the interior, starting to reroute some cables in order to be able to turn the engines on. Natasha looked on, impressed, while Steve looked slightly uncomfortable.

As most thugs who worked for Artur, Maria had once needed to prove to him that she could be a part of his crew. Her "opening ceremony" had not been a simple act against the law, as most thugs'. Instead, her deed had been hand-picked by Artur. She had been forced to climb over the fence to a very rich looking house, steal one of their million dollar cars and drive off with it. She had succeeded even though the alarm had gone off in the car. Whoever had lived in that expensive house had been too slow to stop her.

When the engines roared to life, Maria smirked and sat up straight again before exiting the pickup truck. Her smirk and pride was washed off of her as Steve looked at her with disappointed eyes. Her actions must have reminded him of her past… though, he said he had been okay with it. He should have known.

"I ain't driving," she said simply, pushing past Steve and sitting down in the back of the pickup truck, throwing the door shut behind her.

She wasn't mad, in fact, she was anything but mad. Her heart was breaking in two and she didn't know what to do about it. Steve hadn't said anything about the kiss between him and Natasha and neither had Nat. Although she knew she probably should be furious at the both of them, she just couldn't find the strength to be just that at the moment. Instead, a strange numbness took over her body and as Steve and Natasha entered the pickup truck, she let her head fall against the window. The memories of what Steve and Maria had been a few days ago played in front of her eyes and even though she fought against it, her eyes filled with tears, blocking out the real world even more.

Only days ago, Steve had held Maria's hand and told her that she was the only thing in his life that made him happy. Only days ago, they had said that they loved each other. And now, all of that was ruined. All Maria had was gone. He had promised her he was okay with this… but the slight mention of Hydra being in her past had been enough for him to break that promise. And that hurt more than the kiss he and Natasha had shared.

Through the rear view mirror, Steve continuously glanced back at Maria. He tried his best to focus on the road as he drove, but her slumped form in the backseat and the visual tears in her eyes made him hurt. But what could he say?

He sighed, preparing himself to have to stay in this tense atmosphere the entire drive to New Jersey. And as he glanced over at Natasha, he was surprised to find her simply relaxing, enjoying the wind against her face as she had rolled down the window.

Steve wasn't sure of what he had done wrong when Maria had started to act odd towards him, though he was sure that whatever it was, she had long since forgotten it after what had happened earlier in the mall.

Of course, he had been completely in shock after what Maria had told him. Hydra still existed. He basically gave up his life to stop Hydra from thriving yet still, they continued to exist. Not only that, but his girlfriend had worked for them. His girlfriend had even been traumatically hurt by them; hurt in ways he could not fix. A broken heart, a broken mind even, he knew he could fix with a little effort – or at the very least, he could mend it enough that it would not bother her anymore. But a broken body and a broken dream; he could not fix. He had pictured her with children many times even though they had only been together for two years. He had even drawn a couple of pictures of his fantasies; though he knew that, thanks to Hydra, he could never give her that. She could never have that life.

Of course, these were no actual reasons or excuses for what he had done and although he knew that he wasn't the one who had been flirting or kissing, he had still consented to it. Hell, he had even enjoyed Natasha's kiss and he almost had wanted to burn his own lips because of that. Maria was the woman he wanted to be with and not Natasha, though how was he supposed to show her that? How was he supposed to apologize because of what he had done?

Two hours into their journey, they had stopped by a small gasoline station next to the road. About an hour was left though the truck needed gas and all three heroes were both hungry and thirsty. Maria found herself simply sitting in the truck with the door open, occasional gusts of wind brushing against her face. The numbness she felt caused for her to feel unmotivated to even move; a feeling she recognized from earlier in her life when Artur had done the same thing to her. She had laid in Matt's bed for an entire week, doing absolutely nothing. When Matt finally forced her to stand up and get a shower, she had felt awful. She had lost weight and her face was paler than ever. It hadn't been 'till after Matt had taken her down to the local boxing place he used to go to, that she had felt better, having beaten Matt twice - even though he had clearly let her win. However, this time, there was no Matt to comfort her. Even worse was that they were on a mission; a very important mission; and Maria truly needed to stay focused.

Steve was the first one to arrive back from the store, a bag of crisps in his hand and two bottles of water. He walked over to Maria's open door, standing there awkwardly for a while, seeming to think twice about whether or not he should say something. In the end, he decided not to and simply handed Maria a bottle of water.

She glanced at the water, feeling her mouth dry up even more when she saw the water she so dearly wanted. Though, as her eyes landed on the fingers holding the bottle, she imagined them holding her hand instead, even touching her cheek and the pain that it caused her made her look away from both Steve and the water, feeling tears start to appear in her eyes again. If she showed him how heartbroken she really was, she'd look weak and she didn't want that. Weak was not what an Avenger was. And she was a damn Avenger, no matter what.

"Take it," said Steve with a sigh. "Refusing water isn't going to mend our relationship."

"So you agree that we have problems," she hissed back, glaring over at Steve who, for a few seconds, looked at a loss for words. She had even surprised herself what tone her voice had held, though tried not to show it; "Good."

"I'm sorry-"

"Save it," said Maria quietly, softly grabbing the water from him and opening it, lifting the bottle to her lips and sipping some of it, wetting her lips and dry tongue. "There's no point."

"No point in what?" asked Steve quietly, his voice breaking in the middle, earning a look from Maria.

He hadn't looked emotional, though Maria could clearly see in his eyes that he was. She had known him long enough to know that all his emotions were always seen in his beautiful blue eyes.

"You don't need me anymore," said Maria quietly. "I get it."

"No, you don't-"

"Really, I do," said Maria, feeling surprised that she wasn't tearing up as she said it. All she felt, was her heart racing. "I love you, Steve. But if you feel like Natasha is a better op-"

"Stop it," said Steve harshly, suddenly having crouched down to be on the same eyelevel as her. "Just, stop it. I understand that you feel like that, really I do. But all that the kiss meant was that we'd not be spotted by Rumlow. I-I understand if you can't really look at me at the moment and I understand that you're angry, but that really is the truth. I know, I shouldn't have agreed to it, but what would you have wanted me to do? Reject her kiss and draw attention to us? We could've been dead if that had happened…"

Maria suddenly felt bad about her own feelings. What he was telling her made sense. After all, rejecting a kiss wouldn't have made them blend in since people become curious when that happens. On the other hand, when two people are kissing, people tend to not want to look since it's something private that makes most people uncomfortable.

"I'm not mad…" said Maria quietly as she stared into Steve's icy blue eyes, her eyes filling with tears again. "You know what happened between me and Artur…"

Steve tensed at the name though still nodded.

"You know what he did to me… I just – it hit hard. Harder than I though. I guess… I guess it still haunts me. I shouldn't have let that go out over you. I'm sorry," said Maria, making Steve shake his head.

"You have nothing to apologize for," said Steve, lifting his hand so it was cupping her cheek, his thumb wiping away a stray tear that she hadn't even noticed had escaped her eye. "It was a logical response."

His lips curled up into that cute half-smile that Maria loved, his eyes hopeful as she didn't flinch away from him. However, she didn't smile back. She still had one last thing to ask him, one last thing to discuss with him.

"I didn't know it was Hydra who I was working for."

Steve's smile faded and he retrieved his hand, nodding his head slightly as his gaze locked onto the ground beneath him. He pursed his lips slightly and Maria watched him carefully, not being able to see what he was thinking about and so, not knowing what his response would be.

"Sorry," said Natasha as she appeared behind Steve, causing Maria to look over at her, Steve doing the same. "Am I interrupting something?"

Although she looked unfazed by the fact that she had interrupted, she did look at Maria with a sympathetic look as Steve quickly stood up and rounded the car, walking towards the driver's seat. As Maria simply looked at her with a monotone face, Natasha lowered her gaze and entered the car.

Although Steve had apologized and although Maria understood why the kiss had happened, she couldn't help but feel slightly annoyed with Natasha. Hopefully, they'd have some time to talk since Maria didn't want to spend the entire mission with an awkward tension between Natasha and herself. Maria knew, or rather assumed, that she could never become close friends with Natasha. She never became close friends with women. Not after her mother...

It was foolish to let a childhood trauma allow her to not bond with women, she knew that. But the power of association was stronger than Maria's own will.

Her eyes shifted over to the back of Steve's head. He still liked her… which made her smile faintly. But there was still something bothering him about her past. He had never really gotten the time to respond to her or tell her what he felt about the whole ordeal. She worried that that very detail from her past would keep the two of them apart if they didn't talk about it soon.

"Is it any point to ask where you learned to steal cars?" asked Natasha, causing Maria to look up, understanding that she was talking to her.

They had been driving in awkward silence for almost an hour now and it was starting to grow tiresome. Maria understood that Natasha was simply trying to make the choking silence disappear, though she didn't quite enjoy the question.

"Guess three times," replied Maria simply, earning a scoff from Natasha as she smiled in amusement.

"I was ten," said Natasha, causing both Steve and Maria to glance over at her with wondering looks on their faces. "When I stole my first car. They didn't really look the same though."

"Sixteen," said Maria quietly, earning a nod from Natasha.

"We're not stealing… we're borrowing this car and then returning it," said Steve, earning a look from Natasha before she placed her feet on the dashboard, smirking at the annoyed look Steve flashed at her.

"I was sixteen when I ruined my first relationship," continued Natasha, her voice still sounding as nonchalant as always though her face slowly turned into a saddened look. "It was supposed to happen though. It was my mission."

Maria looked out through the window, not wanting to be a part of the conversation anymore.

"You know, I never intended on being so… forward," said Natasha, both Steve and Maria staying silent; "But you can't really blame me for being that either. Trying to become part of the group is hard when it comes to the two of you. I lied to Steve, breaking his trust and Maria's distanced herself from me since the beginning. What did you want me to do?"

"Be you," said Steve quietly. "That's all it would've taken."

"I don't really know who I am anymore," said Natasha quietly. "Usually, I just make a personality up, try to be something that'll fit in with whatever mission I am on. This is different. Fury's gone and I have no one to give me directions on what to be."

"How about a friend to us?" asked Steve, Maria glancing over at the back of Natasha's head again.

"Now that's something I can do," said Natasha, a soft smile appearing on Maria's lips.

"Being yourself comes to you naturally. The small impulses you have, the thoughts you have… they're all you," said Maria. "I know it's hard to be your own person. Especially if you've lived all your life being someone that others want you to be. But I found myself and I know you can do that too."

Natasha turned around in her seat, letting her feet fall down from the dashboard as she did. Steve glanced at the two women through the rear view mirror, watching as Natasha looked at Maria for a long time before opening her mouth: "How long did it take for you?"

Leaning forwards slightly in her seat, Maria suddenly felt as though they were bonding. She was bonding with Natasha; a woman. It perplexed her and even worried her. But the way Natasha looked back at Maria was not the way her mother would have looked back at her if Maria had opened up.

"I'm still working on it."