My Pet Peeve

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.

"Shikamaru!" The shout was loud and right next to his ear causing him to jump up and grab the alarm clock next to his bed, ready to beat the person who was trying to attack him. Hidan was crouched next to the bed and watching him with amusement. "What'cha doin'?"

"...Was that you shouting at me?"

"Yep~. Pretty fucking funny, right?" The scowl he received for this comment made it clear Shikamaru wasn't best pleased.

"Were you trying to give me a heart attack?!" Some of the things this guy did creeped him out enough and he wasn't exactly helping himself. "Do that again and I will kill you."

"Kill me?" Hidan seemed eerily amused by the idea of this.

"How is that funny?"

"N-no reason!" Yet another suspicious comment. This man was clearly hiding something. "I'm fucking starved."

"Well you are an adult, make yourself some food."

"Can't you do it?" And the whining started again. In the end the only way he could shut him up was by going down to the kitchen and sticking some bacon in the frying pan. This was clearly the desired effect as Hidan grinned at him and watched eagerly. He was not as stupid as he seemed. At least the boy was the happiest he'd been since staying here. Perhaps this was the kind of thing Neji was talking about. Letting him come out of his shell would be best for him.

"I can't believe how much meat you eat." Practically all of his supplies had gone.

"I fucking love meat."

"I can see that." Especially from the way that he was practically salivating on the floor as he stared at the bacon. It had barely hit the plate when he started devouring it. Almost like a predator savaging its prey.

Ino and Choji had gone out for the day. They would be alone together for a whole day for the first time and in some ways Shikamaru wasn't sure what to do. Making effort with conversation wasn't really his kind of thing. Instead he decided to leave Hidan to it and attempt to read a book. This wouldn't work as; as soon as Hidan finished eating he wanted instant entertainment.

"Why you doing that?"

"Because I like reading. It's nice and quiet. And you can do it alone." Even the most moronic of people should be able to get the hint.

"It sounds really fucking boring." It seemed this person was denser than he thought.

"Well that's your opinion." Maybe moving to the lounge would make it more obvious. It was only two or three minutes before Hidan came in and sat next to him at an uncomfortably close distance. "Could you move up a little?"

"Why?" This guy is such an idiot.

"Because you're too close." Instead of moving away, the boy moved closer until their heads were nearly touching. "Stop that!"

"Dun wanna."

"That's not even English." He shrugged and lay his head down on Shikamaru's lap. "Get off!"

"No." He sounded like a stubborn child now.

"What is wrong with you today?" It was never this bad, was it?

"Because."

"Act your age moron."

"...Shikamaru?"

"What?!" This book would never be read and all thoughts of a nice relaxing Sunday were going straight out the window.

"I'm bored."

"Entertain yourself then!"

"Ok." Hidan sat up and Shikamaru thought he would finally be free. Until the fool started pulling his trousers down.

"What are you doing?! Put your clothes back on!" This troublesome idiot... I'm getting a migraine.

"But you said to 'entertain' myself."

"How does that involve strip- oh. Don't do that! Not in front of me!" Keeping up with these antics was tiring him out.

"Why not?" The fact that he genuinely looked mystified made the urge to punch him even stronger.

"Because that is personal. If you want to do that kind of thing go to the damn bathroom."

"You're such a fucking prude." But he left the room anyway. Knowing what the man was about to do made him flush and he switched the TV on quick and turned it up. Hidan was loud with most things and he doubted this would be an exception. Maybe he was prudish but that was just how he'd always been. His father Shikaku was a bit of a pervert and it had always exasperated him so he'd tried not to end up the same way. Sadly many of his friends were perverts so he could never really avoid it completely.

Hidan was up there for a good half an hour before he returned looking rather smug and Shikamaru rolled his eyes at him and resumed reading. Perhaps he'd shut up now. After a few moments of silence the assault started up again.

"Shiiikaaaaa?"

"No."

"I haven't said anything!"

"You're probably going to annoy me or complain about something."

"Hn." There was finally silence. This lasted all of ten minutes until Hidan decided to start playing with his hair.

"Don't you have anything better to do?"

"No." Shikamaru sat there while the boy took his hair out of its usual ponytail and started plaiting it and rearranging it into different styles. The book was now completely abandoned as he accepted his fate as the annoying ones plaything. It was almost like getting a head massage and at least it kept the little psycho quiet. It was so relaxing in fact, that he ended up falling asleep.

Hidan only noticed this when the boy started to tip forwards and he had to pull him back. He looked much nicer when he wasn't scowling or nagging at him and he enjoyed watching him for a good few minutes before he decided to take advantage of the situation. Gently, so as not to wake him, he started easing his trousers off. He'd never seen Shikamaru with less than trousers on and he was curious as to what was underneath. Kakuzu had a massive dick and he really wanted to compare.

The brunette was more tanned than expected due to years of lounging in the sun but all of the time he'd spent indoors avoiding exercise stopped him from going truly brown. His skin was mostly unblemished except for one mark Hidan noticed when he turned him over slightly to see his back. There was a fairly large scar going across his lower back that had faded with age but had once been an obviously major injury. He traced the scar with his finger and wondered how the boy had got it.

This was not the main focus of his little 'mission' though and he soon resumed attempting to completely strip his new toy of all clothing. The boxers started to slide down and he could just see the start of hair when Shikamaru started to mumble. He paused a minute before resuming but it seemed his fun was about to be cut short as the younger boy opened his eyes to find himself nearly naked with Hidan's hands down his pants. Understandably he wasn't best pleased.

"Get off there! What are you doing? Are you trying to molest me?" Shikamaru was scared that if the other decided to try anything he wouldn't be strong enough to fend him off.

"Eh? I just wanted to see it." Hidan couldn't see why he was so annoyed. It wasn't liked he'd tied him up and gagged him.

"See what?"

"Your dick." The brunette forgot his fear for a minute and instead punched the moron in the face.

"You don't do that kind of thing! And what were you doing taking all my other clothes off if you only wanted to see that?!" Though this was probably a good thing as it had stopped him from having his main part exposed.

"I wasn't gonna do anything! Just wanted to look."

"Well ask next time!" It would still be no obviously.

"Can I look then?"

"No. And please pass me my clothes so I don't feel like a stripper."

"I don't give a fuck that you're nearly naked."

"It's not just that, I'm freezing." Stupid student housing and its expensive heating.

Hidan didn't give him his clothes but instead started taking his off. Shikamaru watched with increasing confusion and unease at this foolish man. He then let out a cry of surprise as the silver haired boy put his arms round him and pulled him into his lap.

"What are you doing? Put me down!"

"You said you were cold."

"And?"

"Aren't you supposed to share body heat or something like that?"

"This isn't the arctic."

"But it feels so fucking good." Hidan was almost purring and gripping him hard. It was warm and the boy's body fitted into his well.

"I'd really like my trousers back." Granted this was warm and comfy but he'd never been a touchy feely kind of person. That and the fact that Hidan's hand was closer to his crotch than he would ever be comfortable with.

"Five more minutes," Hidan mumbled and shifted back into the chair. There was no way for Shikamaru to get himself out as he wasn't exactly the strongest of people so the best thing to do was to put up with this until the other man got bored.

-Page Break-

It was quiet. Too quiet. After all the madness from earlier he'd been expecting more continuous noise and more being bothered. Instead there was nothing. Shikamaru had a quick glance at Hidan but he wasn't doing anything. Perhaps he'd finally tired himself out.

"Shika?" Or not.

"Yes?" His mouth was probably twitching right now.

"How'd you get that scar?"

"Scar?"

"On your back. It looked pretty fucking big."

"Oh that." He'd almost forgotten about that one. It had been years ago and it was hard to see something on your back. "Accident when I was younger."

"What kind?"

"I went to this deer farm with my dad when I was pretty small and one of the males tried to gore me with its antlers."

"Eh? Why the fuck did it do that? Did you piss it off?"

"I didn't. I think the way my dad kept dangling me in front of it and trying to give it wine might've had something to do with it." He certainly wouldn't be winning any father of the year competitions. It wasn't that he was a neglectful father; it was just that he could be surprisingly stupid for such a smart man.

"He sounds pretty fucking funny."

"You would think that." The boy seemed equally as stupid and equally as needy. Indeed, Shikaku seemed to crave attention in much the same way although unlike Shikamaru, his mother Yoshino loved her strange husband. Hidan was more like a dog. A slightly backwards dog.

"...What are they like?"

"Who? My parents?" Hidan nodded. "Err... They're... different. Dad's a bit of a drunk and a pervert but he's mostly a nice guy. And mum is a bit bossy but she puts up with dad so I guess that's to be expected. They only live about an hour away so that's nice I suppose. What about you?"

"Eh?"

"What about your-." Oh. Shikamaru had stupidly forgotten that was a taboo subject. "Never mind."

"Why you living with fat fuck and bitch face?"

"Please don't call them that. And we've known each other since we were kids. Our parents are friends."

"Why is everyone you know so fucking weird?"

"You really can't say anything about people being weird."

"Why?"

"...I'll let you figure that one out yourself."

"Why are you always so pissed off?"

"I'm not always angry." He couldn't exactly say it was because Hidan was always driving him up the wall.

"Why the fuck are you so depressed all the time?"

"I'm not depressed either. I'm just tired, ok?"

"Why?"

"What's with all the questions?"

"I wanna know shit about you."

"Why? I'm not that interesting." He was actually quite an average person.

"Because I like you." That was such a wide and happy smile Shikamaru was speechless.

"Th-thank you Hidan. I guess I like you too." Despite the whining and the weird behaviour he wasn't a bad person. Hidan smiled more and practically jumped on him. It really is like having a dog...

"Shikamaru?"

"Yes?"

"Can we get rid of the bitch?" Well that kind of ruined it.

"No."

"But she's so annoying! And her hair pisses me off."

"...I don't how your brain works and I don't think I want to know."

Somehow Shikamaru always ends up being stripped in my stuff... Perhaps it's because I'm a pervert XD Thanks for reading and please review :3