My Pet Peeve

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.

"Why are we goin' again? It was so fucking boring last time." One more comment and he was most definitely going to punch him.

"Because I've already skipped a lot because of you and my parents will murder me if I fail my exams. It's not like you have to go either. You could just wait at home."

"No fucking way."

"What is it with you and being on your own?"

"Because."

"Just don't start fights with anyone ok?"

"I don't start shit! Everyone else starts on me!" Shikamaru looked sceptical but decided not to comment. He wasn't getting into a row over this. Unluckily the lecture was going to be with the green loving Gai who was standing at the front and looking eager from the start. Sasuke was already there and pulling faces at the horrible amount of exuberance. No one could stomach it.

"What the fuck?"

"What is it?" Hidan looked like his brain had been broken.

"He looks like the twat with the big eyebrows!"

"Ohhh, yeah he would do. He's his uncle."

"There are more of the things?!"

"Around here there are only two so I wouldn't worry about that." For someone who was so peppy he could be incredibly boring when it came to giving lectures and most people fell into a comatose state. All except for Hidan who instead turned it up a notch.

"What the fuck is his problem? His eyebrows are too big, how do they stay on?... What's with that green shit he's wearing? Maybe he's got a mental problem or something... Look at that guy! He has a fucking bald spot, that's hilarious!... Wow that bitch looks rough. Probably on a walk of shame." And so continued Radio Hidan.

"Will you shut him up?! He's driving me crazy," Sasuke hissed at him.

"You think it's possible to stop him once he starts?!"

"You're the one who bought him here so he's your responsibility!" This was an excellent point. Not to mention the fact that some of the people who'd been mentioned were starting to notice they were being talked about.

"Hidan?"

"What?"

"Could you keep it down please?"

"Keep what down?"

"Are you an idiot? Stop talking about people so obviously, they all notice and I get stared at too!"

"...Oops." It was better than the usual so it would have to do. "When does this shit finish though? Because I am so fucking bored!" Why does this never end?

"It ends when Gai stops talking, now shut up before I stick something in that mouth of yours." A few people noticed his little outburst but at least it kept the fool quiet for a minute. As quiet as he could be anyway. There were a lot of sighs and groaning noises but no more non-stop commentary. By the end of it he looked practically dead and Shikamaru could almost sympathise. He was feeling pretty drained from it all himself.

"You don't have any more of these fucking things do you?"

"Well I'm supposed to have another two..." The look of horror on his face made his opinion of that pretty clear. "It's ok, we can skip them." There were better things to be doing anyway. Like sleeping.

"If you're skipping can you do me a favour?" Sasuke was clearly annoyed about something.

"Sure."

"Go to my place and beat the shit out of Kiba. Or if that's a big ask, just annoy him a little."

"Annoy him how?"

"Bring that with you."

"Don't call me 'that' you stuck up piece of shit!" Sasuke simply blanked him which made Hidan even more annoyed.

"Ok then... Why are we doing this?" If there were other people around the loud one could annoy someone else and he could get a bit of a break. Perhaps he could even have a quick snooze on their sofa.

"The moron kept banging on the walls and shouting at me and Naruto while we were trying to have a bit of fun last night."

"...I see." You couldn't really blame Kiba for that. Shikamaru himself had been tempted whenever Choji and Ino started up. It was something to do though so he couldn't care less. "I'll set Hidan on him so don't worry about it."

"You'll 'set me on him'? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Feeling too lazy to reply, he started walking away leaving the silver haired one yelling at him. "Hey! I'm talking to you! Don't play that shit with me!"

-Page Break-

"Dammit Kiba, open the door!" They'd been standing outside for a good ten minutes ringing the doorbell and banging on the door but it was strangely silent in there.

"You think he died?" Hidan sounded unbothered about this and the brunette scowled at him.

"Or maybe he was up all night drinking and bothering the odd couple and is now passed out on his floor."

"Maybe that. I don't know. I just hate the fucker."

"I'm pretty sure it's mutual." It was cold out there though and he wasn't leaving till he'd at least sat in the warm for a while. Hibernation sounded pretty good right now. Migration would require too much effort. In the end it was a sleepy and pretty pissed off looking Gaara who answered the door.

"What the hell do you want?!"

"Err... Well Sasuke told us to come round and annoy Kiba for him."

"As long as you leave me alone while you're doing it. I've got lots of work to do." From the look of him he'd been up most of the night too.

"Sorry... And thanks for letting us in." The redhead humphed and went back to his room.

"He's pretty pissy."

"...There's a thing called tact. Learn it." Of course Hidan looked kind of confused at this so Shikamaru groaned and hurried into the warm.

"Where's the wanker then?"

"Probably in bed." He couldn't help but feel envious at this. Bed was truly a wondrous invention. "Now can you go and get him for me? Up the stairs and to the left." And he retreated to the sofa where he could lie back and relax. It was someone else's house but he truly didn't care. Let them draw on his face as much as they liked; as long as he got some type of sleep he was happy.

Hidan was not best pleased that he'd been left to it, but he went off in search of his victim anyway. The boy was easy to find as his door was wide open and he was sprawled on the floor with a small pool of drool forming. His room was filled empty bottles and rubbish and it was surprising that anyone could live in that much dirt, but Hidan had seen much worse so he simply shrugged it off.

Lifting the boy by his arms, he draped him over his shoulder in a fireman's lift and carried him down the stairs. He was such a deep sleeper he barely stirred as he was taken down the stairs and into the lounge. Even when he was dumped onto the chair, there was little more than a grunt. Shikamaru also appeared to have dozed off and Hidan scowled at the realisation that he had nothing to do. Until Naruto walked in anyway.

"Ah it's you. What are you doing here?" He was naturally a friendly person so he wasn't as rude or shy around Hidan as most.

"Shika wanted to come here. And that guy apparently pissed your asshole boyfriend off." The blonde snickered at this.

"Yeah he does that. And Sasuke can be an asshole... well actually he's always an asshole."

"Why you with him then? Would he kill you if you left?" This was the most likely thing in Hidan's mind.

"Err no. I just love him despite the fact he seems to have a stick up his ass. His family are all pretty nice too."

"...I guess I can see that."

"Ah! I've just realised we haven't properly met!" He strolled over and held out his hand. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, nice to meet you."

"Err..." He stared at his hand with eyebrow raised. What exactly was he expected to do here?

"You're supposed to shake my hand."

"Oh." This guy seemed to be a mind reader. "I'm Hidan..."

"Well Hidan it's good to have you. And as you're planning on getting Kiba, I may as well help you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he annoyed me too last night. We might have to start drugging him so he sleeps all night."

"What the fuck are we going to do then?"

"Hmm... Give me a second." He was a well known prankster and he wasn't going to pass up such a wonderful opportunity. "I guess we could shave him?"

"You mean his pubes?"

"Yeah, that way he won't be having any sex for a while. He'd be scared of anyone finding out." A little harsh but he deserved it. "Up for it?"

"Fuck yes! You get the razor, I'll strip him"

-Page Break-

"That should do it." Naruto and Hidan sat back and admired their handiwork.

"He's got a pretty small dick hasn't he? Shika's seems bigger." Naruto nearly choked at that.

"You've seen it?"

"Almost. I stripped him cause I was bored." He didn't see what the big deal was.

"Ha! I can imagine the look on his face! Why almost though? And how did you persuade him to let you strip him?" In all his years of knowing him, Naruto had always though Shikamaru was a bit of a prude. Not to mention the fact that he'd always seemed straight...

"He was asleep. And when he woke up he started bitching and moaning at me so I never got to see it." It was quite disappointing really.

"Well good luck for next time."Shikamaru needed a bit of something. "Now what should we do?" The loss of hair was good but they needed a little something to finish it off.

"We could chuck some water on him? That'd show him."

"Or better yet, we could throw him in the bath! And fill it with cold."

"That sounds fucking awesome!" Hidan and Naruto were strangely similar and were getting on well. The blonde was pleased to have someone who was as eager to annoy as he was and Hidan was talking to someone who wasn't annoyed with him all the time. Shikamaru would always be his favourite though. The brunette had stayed asleep the whole time and Hidan almost missed the nagging. Naruto dashed up the stairs, returning again a while later.

"The bath is full and it's freezing."

"You should put some ice and shit in it."

"...You're a genius." It took a while to scrape all the ice out the freezer but when he had the bath was cold enough to turn your fingers numb. Kiba was still sleeping peacefully, unaware of what was about to occur. "Right. Let's do this."

Hidan grinned and picked the boy up once again, this time naked and carried him up the stairs. The other two had evil grins on their faces as they grabbed Kiba at each end and chucked him in. The boy screamed and scrabbled to get out of the water, splashing everything as he went.

"What the actual fuck?! Naruto, you absolute-." Kiba stopped as he realised Hidan was also there. "You asshole! You helped with this? I'll kill you guys!"

"Fucking try it!" It was hard to take him seriously when he was shivering and naked like that.

"And why the fuck am I naked?"

"Well we thought you'd want a dip after your shave." Naruto smiled at Kiba who looked down with increasing horror.

"You shaved it?! Why would you do that?"

"Because it's fucking hilarious."

"And you were asking for it by acting like a jackass." There was nothing else for the boy to do but let out a frustrated screech and storm off to his room leaving Hidan and Naruto in hysterics. "So... shall we do Shika next?"

"That would really piss him off... hell yes."

Shikamaru was not as heavy a sleeper as Kiba and woke up as soon as they started pulling his trousers down. That first time had just been lucky.

"It's bad enough having just you, but now you're dragging Naruto into this?"

"Well it is pretty funny Shika."

"Yeah, and you're too much of a fucking prude anyway. You need to show it off!" Hidan made a dive but the brunette jumped back and glared daggers until he beat a reluctant retreat.

"Please stop trying to molest me."

"Actually we were trying to shave you."

"Like we did to the asshole upstairs!"

"...I see." It seemed that it was a bad idea to mix these two. He would learn from his mistake. But in the meantime... "Try it again and you are definitely sleeping outside tonight."

"Eh?! That's a bit much!" He gave him the Look, learnt from his mother years ago. "...Ok I'll stop."

"Wow you've trained him well." Naruto looked impressed. Hidan on the other hand, was not.

"What do you mean trained? I'm not a fucking dog!"

"You act like one."

"You guys are dicks."