A/N: Amy and Sabrina have it out on New Year's Eve as Sabrina starts to realize just what Karma may have given her.

Amy gave you five minutes and you've used up about thirty seconds so far without saying a word and you know silence is golden and all that, but the clock is ticking.

The clock, Amy's clock, is ticking - it's like a fucking bomb in your head - and you're pretty sure (more than pretty) that she could have given you five hours or five days or five fucking lifetimes and it wouldn't really matter.

You'd still have no idea what to say.

"What do I say?" you asked Karma after she chased you down outside the coffee shop. "What words can possibly… after what I did…"

You shook your head and turned, walking away and accepting your fate and you swear to God, none of it was an act, none of it was a way to make her feel bad or guilty or want to help.

"I don't feel bad, you know," Karma called after you. "There's no guilt here," she hollered. "You were the one who lied," she shouted at your back.

She wasn't wrong.

What she was was gasping, when she ran you down at the corner and grabbed your arm and held you in place cause she clearly hadn't been working out of late and said she couldn't chase you anymore and if you wanted her help you had to "stand fucking still for a minute and what the fuck do you do, run track?"

State champ in the 400, two years in a row.

If there's one thing you know, it's running.

But you're not running now and neither is Amy, at least not for another… four minutes. She's just standing there, just off the dance floor, in a dark corner away from the crowd, away from all the watchful eyes, all those eyes that are pretending not to be watching. All those eyes that were there that night or that have heard about that night or are hoping for a repeat of that night.

You don't give a fuck about those eyes. The only ones you care about are down, on the floor or on her feet or staring at the air between you, anywhere that isn't you and you can't really say that you blame her.

You can't really say much at all.

"There's nothing," you told Karma while she searched through your closet, trying to find the perfect thing… the exact right dress… and you weren't sure if you were talking about the outfits or what you could possibly say to fix this and - in the end - you kinda figured it didn't matter which.

They were both true.

"I broke her heart and I know I said it didn't have to break and it didn't, but…" You shook your head as she held up a tiny green number you'd bought for a St. Patrick's date with Roy and no, that was not happening. "But it did. Whether it had to or not, it did break and I was the one who broke it and there's nothing I can do, nothing I can say -"

She threw a dress at you and told you to try it on and to stop with the "already lost bullshit or I'm going to go home and forget I even know you and… Felix will kiss Amy at midnight and… neither of us wants that, so stop thinking and stop talking and let me work."

You did, you let her work and you let her hustle you through three more dresses ("how the fuck many of these do you have?") and a half dozen hairstyles (she was about to call Lauren for advice when she finally found the one she liked) (the one Amy would) and you let her ramble on and on and on about how to handle it and how to talk to Amy and what you should say and then she...

"She gave me a speech."

Well… fuck. Three minutes left on the clock and that's what your brain and your mouth and the apparently very little connection between them, manage to come up with.

She gave me a speech.

Karma gave me a speech.

Well… fuck. (Again.) Fucking head and fucking brain and fucking mouth not being smart enough to stay shut (ticking clock or not) and fucking Karma for… well… for a lot but mostly for being Karma and if you don't curse her then really all you've got left is cursing yourself and you've done about all of that you can handle the last few days.

And if anyone should be cursing you, it's Amy and she's not, so…

Then again, she's not doing or saying much of anything except, probably, counting down your last few minutes.

"That was probably a dumb thing to say," you say and for fuck's sake why does the universe continue to allow you to speak? But, hey, Amy's staring at you now instead of the floor or the air so, there's that at least. And she's still not saying anything but her eyes say pretty much everything and yeah…

Dumb.

"Karma gave me a speech to say," you say - in case there was any confusion as to who 'she' was… and cause what the fuck, let's face it, you're already doomed. "She thought a grand gesture would do the trick."

You need a grand gesture, she said. You need something big, something memorable, something that will wipe the memory of… him… and you and all… that… right out of her mind forever.

You nodded and agreed and went along with it cause… well… it wasn't like you had any better ideas… even if you were pretty sure there was nothing on Earth or the seven kingdoms that was going to bleach all that from Amy's mind any time soon.

If ever.

"She worked up this whole speech for me to give," you say. "From the stage, in front of everyone."

Amy still doesn't speak but her eyes roll just enough, in that 'yeah, that sounds like her' kinda way that you can almost feel the ice starting to crack - just a bit, just a tiny little sliver of a thing, just the start (but a start isn't an end) - and maybe, you think (hope), maybe you're not quite doomed.

Doomed adjacent, maybe.

You keep talking because she's not and the clock's still ticking and you don't really know what else to do (you do though) (but you're pretty sure kissing her is not the best plan) (long term, at least) (short term it's fucking awesome.) "She had an entire plan, really," you say and maybe it's been years since you all really hung out but you remember enough of the stories Amy used to tell to know that Karma plus a plan equals not a fucking shock. "She thought maybe if I got up there and… basically… outed myself… if I made a big public spectacle of the whole thing…"

Amy's eyes grow dark and you know she's thinking the same thing you did, that the same objection is running through her mind as the one you actually voiced to Karma.

"Don't you think maybe this has all been a little too public, already?"

Karma looked at you like you'd grown a second head (one that didn't lie), as if you'd just suggested the Earth was flat and Shane was straight and maybe Liam and Lauren's… thing… wasn't quite as fake as she thought.

"Yeah," you say quietly, your eyes drifting to the floor in front of Amy, like you can't look at her anymore, like it's staring too long into the sun. "I didn't think it was such a great plan, either."

"But," Amy says and you look back up, shocked to hear her, that she's decided to stop going all Ariel and find her voice. "You were going to do it anyway. Lousy plan or not."

You start to shake your head, like no, no, no, I wasn't, and then you start to nod, sheepishly, like yeah, I was gonna, but then you just shrug because the truth (and that's kinda a big deal here) is you don't know what you were going to do.

"I don't really know," you say and that is the truth, not just some 'let me walk the line between yes and no so my ass is covered' bit of bullshit. "I don't even… I remember being in my room and then in hers and then we were coming here and she was… coaching me up and… I heard it all, you know? But it wasn't…"

It wasn't you. And, in the end, you'd like to think that would have won out, that that would've been enough to keep you off that stage and for you to end up right here, in a corner away from it all with just you and just her and even if you only had five minutes or five seconds, they'd have been yours.

And not Karma's.

"It was a good speech," you say and you know you're out of time but Amy doesn't seem to be leaving and sooner or later (hopefully sooner) you know (hope) you're going to stumble into what you want to say "All about how yeah, I lied at the beginning… which I did and honesty being the best policy and all that…."

She's just standing there, arms crossed and expression neutral and you don't know if she's listening or just stalling, just giving you enough time to get it all out before she leaves, before she walks away and leaves you there alone and you're not sure you'd blame her if she did.

No, you're sure. You wouldn't. You couldn't.

"But the lies…" you say, remembering that part of the speech, the part Karma went over and over and over as she stared out your bedroom window while you finished your hair. "She said I should say that the lies were because I was scared. Because I couldn't face the truth."

Amy says nothing - still - but neutral starts to slip into… something else and you know enough about… them… and everything that went down between them that you've kinda got an idea what that else might be.

And you're starting to understand just how much Karma gave you that speech.

"She wanted me to say that I lied because it was easier. It was easier to pretend to myself that I was faking it, to hide my own truth behind the lie that wasn't…," you trail off, running over the words in your head. They were good words, heartfelt words, and… sorta… true words.

Sorta true for you.

And, you're starting to realize, probably a bit more than sorta for her.

You watch Amy carefully, looking for any sign, any… anything… but her face is a mask and her words are still just hers and the only thing you've got going for you is that clock in your head.

Five minutes is long since gone. But Amy's not.

"She said to say It was the kiss," you say, remembering how very specific Karma was about that part. "The kiss was a… realization."

It was. It so was.

That hits home with Amy and you can see it on her face and in her eyes. She knows all about revelatory kisses, all about what it's like to feel that, to get lost in someone's arms and someone's lips only to find yourself there.

Even if the you that you find isn't the you that you know.

But that wasn't what Karma wanted you to say, how she wanted you to describe it. She didn't say 'realization' or 'discovery' or 'moment of truth' or 'epiphany'.

It was your moment, Karma said. Your… 'woah'... moment. When you kissed her, your whole world changed and your every lie became truth and…

And?

And you're watching Amy and you're seeing her playing it all over in her head, watching every moment go by in super slo-mo except… except that you're not really sure they're your moments.

They're hers.

Karma called it the 'woah' moment and that's kinda accurate for you, but it's starting to sink in, for you at least, as you watch Amy that she (Karma) wasn't just talking about Amy and what Amy had told her and how Amy had described what that moment (their moment) did for her.

"It changed everything," Karma said to you on your way here. "Like the walls just came crumbling down," she said. "And suddenly every direction was open to you and everything just made… sense."

You nodded and tried, so very hard, to remember it all, like there was going to be a quiz or a test, and - you supposed - there kinda was.

"You were… happy… no… not happy," she said and there was confusion all over your face but you don't think she ever saw it. "Happy is too simple, too easy. You were… free. Free of everything you'd ever thought you had to be or do or…" She drummed her fingers along the armrest and let out a slow breath. "She freed you. She gave you a way to a whole different life."

One you were too scared to take, she said. At first, she stressed. But now…

She was quiet for a moment, staring out the window while you parked the car. "But now you're ready," she said as she slipped from the car and you might have been the track star but you had to hurry - had to race - to catch up to her.

And it occurs to you that maybe you still haven't.

You wanted to push Karma out, you wanted to make her move. Maybe you didn't want her gone (but you wouldn't have minded) but you wanted her to make… room. You wanted space, you wanted a spot that you could fill in Amy's life, one that Karma didn't think was hers.

You thought such a spot existed.

Maybe you thought wrong.

The speech. The grand gesture. Choosing a dress and fixing your hair and driving you here and chasing you down no matter how many times you tried to run.

Fuck all.

You didn't push Karma out.

She jumped.

"Is that it?" Amy asks and suddenly you're back, back in the room, back in that dark corner, back in the moment and skirting right along the edge of letting it pass you by. "If that's all you've got to say, I -"

"I didn't want to kiss you," you say, cutting Amy off and this time, there's a reaction, there's something new flitting across her face cause of all the things you could have said…

Even you didn't see that one coming.

"I didn't," you repeat, just for emphasis (partly for you.) "I didn't plan on it, not even after your speech, which really was awesome by the way, I didn't… intend to kiss you. Because I didn't want to hurt you, I never...:"

You see it then, the tiny little eye roll, the 'here we go again' twitch to her expression and yeah, here you do go again cause, really, can you get any more fucking trope than 'I never meant to hurt you…'?

No, you can't. But you're flying a little blind here cause you can't use Karma's speech cause… well… it's hers. And that's how she'd do it, if she could, but she can't but you can but if you're going to do it?

You're going to do it.

"I didn't want to kiss you and I didn't mean to kiss you because I didn't know what I was feeling, and that would… was… wrong and unfair of me," you say. "And I'll always be sorry that I was so selfish in that moment but… I just… I couldn't not kiss you."

There's another reaction, another… something… crossing her face but it fades (or she pushes it away) as fast as it appears, but you saw.

"It was like something took me over, like I had no control, no matter how crazy and insane it was, I had to." That you think she understands, that sense of not having a choice of having to do it, right or wrong, ecstasy or never ending pain.

"You had to," she says, "because you saw Karma. Because you had to do what she never would."

It's there, you can hear it, the slight (so fucking slight) (but there) hope in her voice. The near desperate… need… for you to tell her she's wrong and to make her believe it.

And you know you could. You could tell her the truth you know she deserves to hear, the one that would push her away for good. That it wasn't a matter of 'never would'. It was all 'never could.'

But that's not your truth to tell and maybe it's selfish and maybe you'll regret it, someday, but this isn't someday and Karma…

She made her choice.

"I did," you say. "I did see her and… I… I wanted it to be about Karma." There's another reaction then. Amy flinches. She visibly fucking flinches and you feel it all the way through you, like a knife. "I spent the rest of that night praying that it was about her, about her and Felix and pushing them out and pissing her off."

In a lot of ways, you realize now, it would have been so much easier. It would have been so much easier to be the devil she thought you were.

"I was even going to tell you," you say and you can see the 'yeah, right' and the 'yeah, of course you were' and 'how dumb do you think I am' written all over Amy's face. "I came to your house and I did tell you, at least that there was something…"

You watch as it rolls over her, as fuck no shifts to maybe shifts to memory.

I do want to kiss you right now. More than… well… more than I… but there's something I have to tell you first. Something you need to know.

She remembers. And maybe - just maybe - she believes.

"I wish I'd… that I'd had the courage to tell you then and to not kiss you again, not like that," you say. "Because I know, now, that no matter how fondly I will always remember every one of those kisses, they'll always be… tainted… for you. And that kills me."

There's a moment, a split second, when you think… feel… like she's going to move, like she's going to take your hand in hers and whisper that they're not all tainted and maybe, just maybe, you could do something about replacing them, about pushing those kisses out of her mind forever.

But then that moment… evaporates… and you're left where you were and she's where she was and there's still an ocean of air and space and fuck ups between you. Because you know memory has shifted again, changed to pain and changed to I wish that too but you didn't and they are and now, in the end?

In the end, you still hurt her, you still broke her heart. But, in the end?

She's still here.

"If I gave you that speech," you say, "I'd tell you it was the kiss that made me see it, the kiss that made me understand what I'd been feeling since I was twelve years old, since the day we met."

There's something in Amy's eyes and you know that part of Karma's speech would've hit home and someday, in the distant future, when Amy tells you all about her jailhouse speech, you'll know why.

"But," you say, cause it's you (not Karma) (not some weird combination of you both) that has to say whatever it will be that fixes Amy's heart, "I'm trying not to lie."

You wait, hesitate, just for a beat. Expecting her to run. Grateful when she doesn't.

"I don't know if I was in love with you then," you say. "I was twelve. And as much as… she… might have wanted our story to be that story, to be that perfect ending, that romantic finale to end all finales…" You shake your head and wish, not for the first time, that you could still just fucking lie. "That's not us."

"It isn't?" Amy asks and you try - so very hard - to not do a victory fucking jig that she didn't drop a 'there is no us' on you.

"No," you tell her. "In her head, in her… world… that's what matters. The grand gesture, the moving confession, the Hollywood scripted moment." You reach out, suddenly unafraid (cause what have you got to lose?) and take Amy's hand. "And that's a great world and a wonderful one and God, I wish we all could live there."

"Not so sure I'd like someone else writing my life," Amy says but you only half hear her cause you're a little busy focusing on how she's not pulling her hand away. "I'd probably end up realizing I was only into dudes or pining endlessly or fucking… shot."

"Good for you that you're the writer then," you say and she smiles (smiles) at you. "You're your writer and I'm mine and my script… it isn't so clear, you know? I don't know what I felt back then and even if I did, it wouldn't make what I did better and it wouldn't change that I will never stop being sorry for hurting you, and that I'll never be able to be sorry for… for those kisses or for those four days or for…"

You don't fight the tears, you don't even try to blink them back and they come, like the fucking rapids, but that's OK.

They can't stop until they start.

You lace your fingers with hers and Amy still doesn't pull away and the words… they come like the tears. "I love you," you say and it's like a weight being cut loose, like air rushing into your lungs after almost drowning, and you have to repeat them, you have to say it again. "I love you, Amy Raudenfeld, and not because of Karma and not because I need a friend and not because someone else has something I want."

You're starting to understand what Karma meant by free.

You stare at your hands, at where you join her because if this is the end, you want to remember that, you want it burned into your mind, sunk into your memory like an anchor.

"I know you might not believe me," you say, "but I hope someday you can. Even if we're not… I just hope you can know that everything I felt, every bit of love and every bit of hope and every bit of fear… everything that gave me… life… for those four days… it was always about you."

Amy's hand twitches in yours and you hear the shudder as she breathes and it's just more… more for you to remember, more for you to hold to when she's gone, more of her.

Like more would ever be enough.

"Is that it?" she asks and it's all you can do to stay standing. "Is that all you have to say?"

You nod and it hurts - it physically fucking hurts you - to let go of her hand, to open your fingers and slip them from hers.

Or, really, it would.

If she'd let you.

"I wish," Amy says.

Her voice is so soft, but then she doesn't have to be loud because she's right there, she's crossed that ocean of… stuff… and she's there, with your hand in hers and her other hand on your cheek and you don't dare breathe cause then you might wake up.

"I wish I'd let you say all that that night," she says. "Cause let me tell you, the last week has sucked." She smiles at you - again - and almost laughs at the look on your face, at the confusion and the uncertainty and the 'is this fucking real' of it all.

She leans in and presses one soft kiss to your lips, one that wipes the memory of so many others that might have been hotter and longer and more desperate and passionate.

But so much less… perfect.

And somewhere in the background you can hear them all counting it down, so many voices ringing out one year and ringing in another and you pull Amy close and your arms slip around her waist and hers around your neck and when all those other voices hit Happy New Year hers mumbles 'I love you, too' against your lips.

And maybe Karma's not wrong to believe in happily ever after.