My Pet Peeve

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.

Shikamaru knew the day wasn't going to go well. It was clear from the way that Ino had decided to throw his door open and waltz in whilst he was attempting to sleep (despite Hidan's strange sleep babble), that there was some form of deity out there that had it in for him.

"What do you want woman?" I thought I'd locked that door...

"You are wasting your life Shika. It's been beautiful weather and you've been staying in and missing the whole thing."

"Some of us need to work because some of us have lecturers that purposely miss out entire sections of work so we have to learn it in time for exams." Ino never seemed to have anything and it greatly annoyed him.

"Oh come on, you have an amazing memory! You don't need to do that much work."

"If I don't get great grades in everything, my mother will kill me." Sadly his parents knew that he was capable of much more than he wanted to work for so he had to at least try. His mother did have a vicious temper when crossed. "I already don't know how to explain... well, that." He gestured to Hidan who seemed to not have noticed the loud voices and was snoozing contentedly on the bed.

"...You're not taking him home with you, are you? Because he's not a stray kitten or anything like that."

"Well I'm not sure what else to do. I can't just throw him out." There was nowhere for him to stay here either so Shikamaru knew he'd have to take the idiot home.

"Good luck with that. And you better leave the house today anyway, because that cleaning lady is coming in."

"...Wasn't she supposed to come every week?"

"Yeah... Not sure what's going on there. But you know what she's like so you might want to escape while you can." Their cleaning lady seemed to enjoy complaining about something. Why the landlord even decided to hire one was beyond all of them when she only showed up every few weeks and did a really shoddy job.

"Oi Hidan. Hidan!" He groaned and looked up with bleary eyes.

"Whass goin' on?"

"Get up. We're going out."

"Why?"

"Because I said so. Now move."

-Page Break-

It wasn't until they were a few streets away that he could finally relax. There was no way he was going to pretend to be interested in conversation with menopausal women. Women his own age were bad enough. Although he could've set Hidan on her...

"Why the fuck are you looking at me like that? It's creepy."

"No reason..." Now he was outside he had no idea what he was supposed to do. He'd just rushed out without thinking of anything else. Not to mention the fact that the sun was already giving him a headache.

...Damn this is hot... And why is Hidan taking his trousers off? It took a while for his brain to fully comprehend this fact.

"What are you doing?! You don't strip off in public!"

"But it's hot~! And I'm sweating shitloads here."

"I don't care! Just cover yourself before someone sees!" Hidan groaned but did as he asked.

"Can I at least take the shirt off? I'll fucking die!"

"I highly doubt it."

"What are we doing then? Are we just gonna stand here all day?"

"No... What do you want to do? And please say something that doesn't involve molestation."

"...Damn. Well I'm all out of ideas."

"Must be nice to be stupid like you."

"Hey! You're such an asshole!" Instead of bothering to reply, Shikamaru continued walking with Hidan following on behind and insulting him. The weather was stupidly hot which meant the streets were filled with masses of people all attempting to enjoy it while it lasted.

He'd never been the most sociable person in the world and he groaned at the idea of having to deal with masses of people surrounding him. He was better than Hidan who had grabbed his arm and started scowling at anyone who came within a few metres of them.

"What's wrong with you?" This could be a good thing if he keeps all these irritating people away.

"Can we go?"

"We've only just got here. What's wrong with you?"

"People piss me off. Now let's go."

"People piss me off too but sometimes you have to deal with it. You've been with me to uni before and you were fine." Aside from trying to kill Kiba.

"But-."

"Stop worrying, you're fine. And I am really in the mood for a burger." Hidan was annoyingly close as he followed him but at least he was too busy being an antisocial psycho to whine at him continuously like he normally did.

Sadly every fast food place in the whole damn city seemed to be filled to the brim with mothers and small children who made it their mission to block every doorway and take up every table. Not to mention the fact that Hidan seemed to have no qualms about telling children where to go in much the same way he told everyone else. Their parents weren't so pleased.

"What is wrong with you? He's only six!" Shikamaru tried to sneak away as the angry mother came charging over.

"He fucking started it, so I gave it back! You can't let them get away with that kind of bullshit!"

"Hidan! Hey! Stop it!" Whispering wasn't getting his attention so Shikamaru decided to grab some food then leave.

"You don't shout at someone else's child! And you'll be lucky if I don't phone the police."

"For what?! 'Oh I'm sorry, I'm a neglectful bitch of a mother who lets her asshole kid run around fucking up people's days'. Yeah, good luck with that."

"You keep talking mister and I will beat the shit out of you. You have no idea how hard being a mother is!"

"Well it can't be that fucking difficult if they let lazy bitches like you do it." The woman went to swing her fist at him so Hidan moved quickly meaning the woman punched one of the shop workers who'd run over to try and sort things out. The silver haired boy obviously found this hilarious whilst the woman tried to apologise to the now bleeding young boy on the floor. Shikamaru had luckily managed to acquire some food and decided now would be a good time to run. He dashed over to Hidan and tugged his arm.

"Move. Now!" Luckily he wasn't so stupid as to stay around for the chaos that was beginning and followed.

"Hey! You get back here!" The woman tried to give chase but was soon stopped by the manager who was not pleased at the staff assault going on.

Shikamaru had never run so fast in his life and the sheer effort was killing him but he didn't want to be around to deal with the aftermath. Once they'd left the main part of town he finally collapsed on a park bench and groaned.

"You... so troublesome... going to... kill me..." He could barely breathe. It showed that he really was unfit. All I seem to be doing today is running away.

"Wow, you ok? We only went two streets and you're practically dead."

"Shut up!" At least he hadn't dropped his food. He hadn't eaten a takeaway burger in so long and now he was going to gorge.

"What's all that?" Anything food related would be instantly noticed by Hidan who had leaned right into his face and was staring at him.

"Hamburgers... and some fries I guess." Of course Hidan started giving him the puppy dog eyes and he groaned. "Yes, I got some extra for you. You'd never shut up if I forgot."

"Fuck yes! You know I love you!"

"Err thanks..." It was kind of awkward having him be so over affectionate. After all, he barely knew anything about him. I doubt a moron like him could've got away with doing any major crimes though.

Especially seeing him now with sauce all over face and cramming food into his mouth. It was like being around a small child. At least small children were sometimes well behaved and usually not vastly stronger than you.

"Do you have to eat like you're savaging it? How much mess do you want to make?!"

"If it bothers you so much you can lick it off?" The hopeful way he said it meant that in Shikamaru's eyes he deserved to be smacked round the back of the head. "Hey! That shit hurts!"

"Wipe your face and shut up. You really are troublesome. That's another place I can never go to again."

"The food's not that great. There's barely any fucking meat there! It's like cardboard."

"Yet you still ate it."

"Food is food is food. But buy some proper meat next time and none of this cheap crap."

"I'm a student! I have no money! You want something you buy it with your own damn money. You're not a child or a dog, you can get a job."

"A job?! No way in hell! I could do shit for you?"

"Like?" He could already guess what he was going to say.

"Well I could fuck you? Or you could fuck me? Or maybe I could off someone for you?"

"'Off someone'?! What does that mean?"

"Well if someone really pisses you off I can make them disappear."

"...You know, I think I'll pass on that one. You sound like you've done that kind of thing before."

"...No..." Hidan knew he would definitely be kicked out if he admitted certain things.

"Well that makes me feel better. I definitely won't have any problems sleeping next to you." Even the fool wasn't so stupid as to not recognise sarcasm.

"'The fucks wrong with you? It's not like I'd do anything to you."

"How can I be sure of that? You could be tricking me for all I know."

"I guess... I really won't though. You give me food and shit and you didn't ignore me like everyone else."

"Ignore you?"

"Yeah. When I was outside in the rain. A lotta people saw me but no one tried to help me out..."

"Oh... How long were you there anyway? You never said."

"Well I was on the streets for a few days but I was only there on that day." He didn't sound too depressed about it for a change.

"Why were you there? I'm guessing it was this Kakuzu guy?" Shikamaru felt brave so he thought he might as well ask.

"Yeah... He used to want me... then that ugly bitch came along! He chose her over me!"

"So he was your boyfriend then?"

"Well kind of... It was pretty complicated shit to be honest. Let's just say we were together and leave it at that..."

"Ok... I guess I better tell my parents you're coming back with me. They will not be too pleased though."

"Your parents?"

"I'm supposed to be going home for a while after term ends. The house is only rented so I can't stay there all the time. And I'm guessing you have to come with me since I know you have nowhere else."

"I knew you loved me really!" The glomping did need to stop.

"Ow! Ok I get it. But that hurts!" Hidan lessened the grip slightly but still continued the man hug of death. "I really don't know what to call you to my parents..."

"Isn't it obvious?" Shikamaru scowled at him but the boy still continued. "Your lover~."

"We are not lovers! No way in hell!"

"Awww." And the puppy face began again.

"Stop it... I said no... No!" Hidan leant in closer and closer and Shikamaru continued to scowl. This creature really was infuriating. "You are not my lover; you are a pet at best."

"Well you can tell them that if you like~."

"...That would be so much worse." Shikamaru groaned at the fact that he had such bad luck. At least he'd learnt never to help strangers again in case they were freeloading psychopaths.

"Hmph. I'm better than any girlfriend you'd ever have."

"I guess you're a lot less troublesome. And that doesn't mean you can jump on me!" He slid to the other end of the bench before he could be gripped.

"Fuck me, you're jumpy today. It's not like I'm gonna rape you out here or anything like that."

"I'd rather not take my chances." If he says any of his usual stuff in front of the parents I think they may freak out as well... Shikamaru sighed. "We're going to have to go through a lot of ground rules before I take you home."

Sorry for long delay, for some reason my brain only wants to write fanfiction in the middle of exam season rather than before when I'm free ¬_¬ Hope you enjoyed reading and please review :3