My Pet Peeve

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.

It was hot. Almost suffocating. This was one of the reasons you should never travel on a train during peak time. The other was the annoying amount of people, mainly children and the elderly, who were taking up all the space or making loads of noise. Shikamaru really wished he'd had the money for first class so he could avoid the majority of people. Not to mention Hidan's increasing rage.

"If you even think about throwing anymore shoes, I'll kill you."

"Come on! They're even pissing you off. I won't throw yours this time?"

"I'm the one who has to go and apologise because you won't and you'll probably get us thrown off the train." After one of his pissed off wails, Hidan slumped down in his chair and scowled out the window. As long as he was silent things were good. The problem was what would happen when they reached their destination. When telling his parents he was bringing someone home for the summer, certain important details had been omitted...

It had been his mother who answered the phone.

"Shikamaru! We never hear from you nowadays, is something wrong?"

"Of course not! I just wanted to ask you about me coming home..."

"Oh, are you coming back earlier?"

"No, actually I wanted to bring someone back with me. Will that be a problem?"

"...Shikamaru. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Um kinda... Well, actually-."

"Oh thank god! We've been so worried. I thought you'd just hole yourself up in your room the whole year. Shikaku! He's bringing back a girl!" There was a shuffling noise in the background as his father came dashing down the corridor.

"Really?! Thank god. She better be a cute one Shika, because I'd rather have a nice looking daughter in law!" There was a slapping sound as his father discovered it was best not to mention other women in front of his wife.

"You guys are wrong! I actually have a-."

"Don't worry about a thing honey, I'll get the whole thing ready. And I can't wait to meet her!"

"Wait you troublesome-." The phone clicked and he groaned.

Why does she never listen?

Thinking back on this he cringed. When they met Hidan it would certainly be a surprise. And when he told them he was his 'boyfriend' (It was the best explanation without sounding weird) the reaction would certainly be interesting. Maybe I should get a camcorder...

Then there were Hidan's unusual habits. Admittedly he wasn't as weird as at first but he still many things others never really did. Like his lack of shame in getting naked, his apparent fear of people (getting on the train had taken a while), the ease that he spoke about 'offing' people, and his general lack of respect for personal space. He had been warned but a little more force would be needed.

"Hidan?" The boy looked over, still scowling. "I just need to check you remember some of the things we talked about earlier."

"Like?" Hidan wasn't in the mood to be nice.

"I think you know. I want you to cut down on some of the oddities while you're at my parent's house, ok?"

"I don't understand though!" It was frustrating when you couldn't see what you were doing wrong. "I know you get pissed at me but I don't get why. Just tell me exactly what you don't like!"

"It's not that I don't like it, it's that my parents won't appreciate it."

"Well, tell me what not to do. Give me some rules or shit like that."

"Rules?" That wasn't a bad idea. "Ok then. Firstly you can't strip in front of other people or in public areas. Next, no mentioning killing people or making them disappear. In fact, just don't mention anything illegal. No beating people up, cut down on the swearing, try not to snap at people on the street and no complaining about everything. And definitely don't mention how we met! If anyone asks we met in a club, ok?"

"But we both hate clubs. And is there anything I can do? It sounds like a fucking prison!"

"You're a guest in their house so you need to have respect! And if you don't do any of it I will most definitely kill you."

"...Will you punish me?"

"Why do you look so eager?" Most people would be uncomfortable with being punished. From the way Hidan's eyes lit up it seemed he was different.

"No reason~."

"...I should've known you'd be a masochist."

"Heh... So what kind of punishment we talking about?"

"...Stop thinking about those kinds of things."

-Page Break-

The train journey took so long that when they finally stepped off it was dark and freezing cold. It also seemed his parents had forgotten to come and get them.

"No one's here."

"Thanks for pointing that out for me."

"How long are we gonna be stuck here? I'm freezing my fucking bollocks off!"

"It's your own faut for not wearing a damn jumper!" His mother was useless when it came to time. Her record was two hours late picking him up from school aged 8. It seemed she was still up to her old tricks and it was another hour before she finally decided to show up.

"Sorry I'm late Shika! There was this really interesting TV show on dragonfly nymphs and I got sucked in."

"You were watching TV?! For a whole hour?"

"You know how it goes. Anyway, where's this girl of yours Shika? I'm so excited about meeting her!"

"Erm..." Now was the awkward part. Hidan was lounging on the bench but had looked up at the mention of a girlfriend.

"Girlfriend?! I don't have a fucking pussy!" And as usual, he just made the situation more awkward. Yoshino looked from Shikamaru to the silver haired one and furrowed her brow.

"Who's this?"

"This is Hidan. He's my 'girlfriend'."

"...Oh. I see. So she's post op or pre op?" Oh god, she'd been reading those magazines again.

"I've never had a fucking op! Look!" He did have every excuse to be pissed but pulling his trousers down in public probably wasn't the best way to go.

"Put that away you idiot!" He didn't think she'd seen much but probably enough to think he was dating some kind of pervert.

"He's certainly... forward. So... you're gay." No! Definitely not!

"I think so." The lies I tell for this idiot.

"Well he seems like a... lovely boy, and at least now we'll have something to talk about." She winked and he groaned. Yoshino hadn't been too bothered but his father was a different story. It wasn't that he was homophobic; he was simply a lover of women. Having his only son bring home a guy rather than a 'cute young thing' as he put it would probably irritate him greatly.

"So how did you two meet?" The interrogation began immediately.

"In a club. Ino dragged me out and we met by the bar." He'd been practicing this story in his head all day so it flowed out easily.

"I'm impressed. I didn't have you down as a club goer."

"I'd do anything to shut up that troublesome woman's whining."

"And how long have you been together?"

"A few months."

"I see. So Hidan, don't your parents want you to visit them at all this summer?" Shit. They hadn't talked about that. I hope he doesn't get too weird.

"I don't have any."

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realise!" Yoshino scowled at her son like it was his fault. "Is there no one else? Any other family?"

"No. I only had my mother so..." Hidan sounded genuinely depressed and it was likely he was telling the truth. That or he was getting better at ad libbing.

"Why didn't you tell me Shikamaru?!"

"Err..." Somehow denying any knowledge didn't seem right.

"Well Hidan, I'm Yoshino nice to meet you." She smiled and Hidan returned.

"Likewise fuckface." There was an awkward silence.

"What did you just say?!" Shikamaru couldn't believe the idiot had done something so stupid.

"What?" Hidan looked genuinely mystified.

"Why did you say that?"

"What's pissed you off?!"

"You don't call people 'fuckface'! It's generally not a nice thing to say."

"Eh? Err... sorry?"

"...You genuinely didn't see a problem with that?"

"I call you fuckface all the time!"

"If he didn't mean any harm, it's fine!" Yoshino was smiling but Shikamaru knew if anyone else had done it she'd have ripped them to shreds. "Now let's get going boys. Your dad's been looking forward to meeting your... partner."

This was probably not going to end well.

-Page Break-

"Shikamaru, you sly dog!" Shikaku had clearly been waiting for them as he practically jumped on his son as he walked in and gave him a bear hug. "Where's this girl of yours then? I've been waiting! I hope your taste is as good as your father's."

"Err..." Shikamaru glanced behind at his mother who was trying not to laugh and at Hidan who was simply scowling at this old man who was taking the attention of his Shikamaru.

"Who's this?" Shikaku had noticed Hidan and was giving him a funny look. "Jesus Shika, your girlfriend doesn't have much in the breast department." No one really knew what to say to this. He'd clearly been having one of his evening bingeing sessions whilst everyone was out. This was confirmed when he started poking Hidan's chest in an attempt to find boob. Yoshino had to stop herself from laughing whist Shikamaru went red as he waited for the inevitable realisation.

"Stop poking me you perverted piece of shit!" No one could really blame Hidan for punching Shikaku. No one would be willing to put up with that for long.

"You... You have no breasts! What kind of woman are you?!"

Both Yoshino and Shikamaru were thinking the same thing: That useless pervert.

"Woman?! Why does everyone think I'm a fucking woman! I have a dick you asshole!"

"..." Shikaku paused thoughtfully for a while before groaning loudly. "Where did we go wrong Yoshino?! I even leant him my magazines and he's still playing for the other team!"

"There's nothing wrong with him. In fact I think his boyfriend seems much nicer than any of his previous girlfriends!"

"...Thanks mum..." Neither looked over as they continued their battle.

"But what am I supposed to do? I'm not into men!"

"You shouldn't be looking at other women anyway you disgusting old man! Especially your son's girlfriends!" She grabbed the nearest vase and hurled it at his head.

"...So Hidan, let me show you my room." It was better to leave them to it when they got like that.

"Eh?! But this is hilarious!"

"Upstairs. Now." Hidan groaned but followed Shikamaru anyway, leaving the Nara parents to do battle.

"Right. This is my room." It was small but comfy and plenty of space just for him... Well, there would be if there wasn't another bed made up on the floor.

"Why are there separate beds? That's bullshit!" Hidan was angry for all the wrong reasons.

"The better question is why you aren't in the spare room!"

"Why would I be? We always share a bed!"

"But..." That would be common sense for a couple but he was a well known prude. His mother clearly wasn't.

"Do you like what I've done to the place? I thought you guys might be happier sharing a room." Clearly this was a short lived fight and Yoshino popped her head round the door and smiled.

"It's ok. Just... are you ok with us sharing a room?"

"Shikamaru, I'm not an idiot. I know what couples get up to when they're alone. As long as you're quiet you two can do what you want~."

"We can do what?!" Hidan put his arms around Shikamaru and grinned.

"Thanks mum of Shika! We will~."

"Don't say that kind of thing!" It seemed he was the only normal person around here.

"I'll leave you guys to settle in and I'll get some dinner cooking for you."

"Th-thanks." When she was far enough away he turned round and scowled at the silver haired idiot.

"What's wrong with you? You look kind of pissed off."

"You think?! Now my parents think we're having sex!"

"Most couples do."

"But we're not really a couple!"

"Why are we whispering?"

"Because!"

"It was your idea to say we were fucking anyway! I'm just going along with what you said."

"...You have a point. It's just... I don't like talking about the details in front of other people."

"You're easily embarrassed."

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"No. I think it's fucking adorable!" Hidan grabbed him and pulled him close and Shikamaru attempted to pull away.

"Stop that! What's wrong with you?"

"I'm just happy~."

"...I think I prefer you when you're depressed."

"Don't be a dick."