My Pet Peeve

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.

It was hard not to stare at the vision of perfection in front of him. Hidan gazed in wonder and could feel his body twitching with anticipation at what it would feel like to touch it. He leant forward, arms outstretched, ready to grab this-.

"No." He stopped in his tracks and sent a pleading look towards Shikamaru who was scowling at him from the other side of the room.

"But Shika!"

"I said no."

"It looks so damn good!" Just one taste was all he asked.

"For the last time, the cake is for dad's birthday, eat it and both myself and my mum will kick you into next Tuesday. Understood?"

Hidan huffed and watched as Shikamaru took the chocolate covered wonder away where he couldn't even sample it. This whole birthday thing confused him greatly. What was so special about it? He was only another year closer to death and how that was something to celebrate was beyond him. Not to mention the fact that a mass of people would be here for this 'party'. He'd never been to one and it sounded confusing. Shikamaru returned muttering about troublesome gluttons.

"Shika?"

"If it's about the cake forget it."

"What's this party bullshit?"

"Eh? You mean why are we having one?"

"Yeah that."

"Because my dad likes any excuse to get large groups of people together and to drink masses of alcohol of course."

"So that's all?" It sounded much like what Shikamaru's friends liked to do but on a larger scale.

"Well I guess people just like to celebrate for any reason and a birthday is as good a reason as any."

"You people are weird."

"...Like you can really talk."

-Page Break-

There was nothing worse in this world than a large group of people you've known since childhood together in a confined space. Shikamaru had lost count of the number of elderly relatives who had come over and commented on his growth/hair/skinniness. It seemed they all got the basic framework for their conversation from the same crappy self-help book.

The only plus side was that many of his friends were there due to their families being friends and so he didn't have to be alone in watching his parents drink till they lost all control of their bodily functions. Some were even joining in although Naruto's mum would not be best pleased when she noticed him sticking his head into the bowl of jelly.

Sasuke was joined by his older brother Itachi who was known for being sadistic and had often given all of them hell when they were children. At least he wasn't doing anything like that now but he was recording his mother getting drunk so he'd have some kind of blackmail material for later.

Ino and Choji had disappeared somewhere and he seriously hoped they weren't fondling on his bed again. You would think they'd be bored of this after being together for so long and yet they were like a pair of rabbits. Even Asuma and Kurenai were acting worse than usual. It seemed he was one of the few people still sober.

"Shika! Tell Shasuke he's a twat." Naruto had lurched over and was leaning on him, face covered in bright green blobs of jelly. He looked like a moron.

"Why now?"

"Because I stopped him from drowning himself in green." Sasuke was scowling whilst Itachi was taking photos and smiling. "Stop doing that!"

"Surely you'll enjoy showing these to him tomorrow though?" The evil grin on his face suggested he was more likely to plaster them all over the internet rather than just printing out a few copies.

"Shut up and get lost." The great Uchiha glare had emerged but it had no effect on other Uchiha's.

"Now now foolish little brother. You need to learn to chill." Sasuke looked like he wanted to do anything but chill.

"I'm gonna go look for Hidan..." There was no way he was getting in the middle of a row between these two and he hadn't seen his 'boyfriend' in a while. Most would say no news was good news but he knew better when it applied to this idiot. If he couldn't see him, he couldn't stop him.

"Hidan?" Itachi was distracted by the mention of a new name. "Who's that?"

"He's Shika's boyfriend." All of his friends had been told in advance the cover story although he did wish Naruto hadn't shouted so loudly as a few nearby people were staring.

"Boyfriend? Is he attractive?" Itachi was a fairly shallow man and generally attracted to anyone and anything that he deemed good looking enough.

"I suppose..."

"You must get him out here." Oh no. Itachi had one of those predatory looks in his eyes and it didn't look good.

"J-just a second!" Maybe he could put them together and they would cancel each other out.

As usual Hidan was as far away from human contact as he could go which in this case was the far corner of the garden. He was staring at the fish pond and watching the gold fish, although it was more likely he was considering them as a possible food source than just admiring them.

"What are you doing out here?" He hadn't heard the brunette approaching and jumped up.

"Shika!" Shikamaru nearly shrieked as Hidan jumped on him and held him close.

"What are you doing idiot?!" Some of the people in the back garden were looking and some were even cheering.

"I've been so fucking bored!"

"Why were you out here then?"

"There are too many people in there."

"And if you're out here I have to deal with them all by myself so get your ass in there."

"You want me?" As expected Hidan looked pleased at this.

"Well you provide a good distraction."

"But there's too many of them and they freak me the fuck out!"

"...Wait there." Shikamaru knew there was only one thing that could make someone relax at a party. Maybe it was a bad idea to give the pet psycho alcohol but it would definitely make him more sociable. He hoped so anyway. He grabbed a six pack of beers from the table.

"Here." He handed over the whole pack. Clearly Hidan needed it.

"Why beer?"

"If you drink alcohol you will chill out and socialise so get on to it."

"Ok~. He quickly downed the first one and moved on to the second.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...

"I'm gonna go back inside, come in when you feel like it." If he wasn't nearby then he couldn't take any responsibility for what happened.

-Page Break-

It was another hour before Hidan decided to appear. On the plus side he seemed perfectly happy to socialise with anyone and everyone. Sadly he'd also acquired more alcohol and was completely off his head.

"Isn't that your boyfriend?" Both Shikamaru and Sasuke were sitting in the corner and surveying the madness from a safe distance.

"Where?"

"Over there staring at Itachi. What's he doing?" Oh hell.

"...I'm not 100% sure of this but I think he might be attempting to work out Itachi's gender."

"...I take back every bad thing I ever said about this guy, he's brilliant."

"I don't think Itachi will agree." The elder Uchiha had noticed and was attempting conversation. Hidan didn't seem to understand anything as complicated as words at the moment but had moved his stare from face to breast area. Itachi seemed to be asking what he wanted when Hidan reached out and grabbed the man's breasts and started squishing.

Oh crap! He's dead. Sasuke thought it was the most hilarious thing he'd seen but Shikamaru wanted to hide somewhere where he couldn't be associated with this moron. Itachi was now scowling and had pushed the boy away.

"What do you think will happen now?"

"Glad to see you're enjoying this."

"If you had an older brother you'd feel exactly the same." Hidan was still staring dazedly whilst Itachi was clearly getting pissed off. He was gesturing wildly and looking homicidal. The silver haired boy wasn't smart enough to understand why the boy was angry and clearly decided on another course of action.

"He's not...? Surely he really isn't that- oh."

"Well it seems you were wrong. He is definitely that stupid."

"I think I ought to get him out of there before he gets his dick ripped off."

"Considering the way he just grabbed Itachi's crotch, I think you'll have to be fast."

"Crap!" He had to run over before Itachi decided to break the moron's nose.

"Shiiikaaa!" Hidan started smothering him the second he got close enough. The boy smelt so strongly of alcohol it burnt at the back of his throat.

"What the hell is wrong with him?"

"Sorry about this Itachi, I think he's been broken by alcohol."

"He grabbed my chest and my dick!"

"...I'm so sorry."

"It'sh not my fault you look like a fucking chick!"

"...Get him away before I castrate him."

"Will do!" Shikamaru dragged him away before any more comments could be made. He pushed him down into a chair and scowled. "What the hell is wrong with you? And why did you drink that much? Where you managed to get that much is another good question."

"You told me to drink till I wanted to talk to peoples! That'sh how much I needed. And older Shika gave it to me."

"...I should've known." It seemed all anyone ever did was cause trouble for him.

"You're not pished are you?"

"Not as pissed as you are."

"I'm not pished! I feel fucking great!"

"Good to know." Of course he could see Shikaku was just as drunk as Hidan and even Yoshino was slightly tipsy. Instead of being able to go back to the safety of his corner where he could get out the way, he was grabbed by Hidan and pulled onto his back. "What are you doing now?"

"You're sho warm! And small." At least he seemed happy even if they were uncomfortably close. The boy was so clingy.

"Are you going to let go anytime soon?"

"Don't be so frigid!" Frigid? "It'sh not like we're having sex!"

"Maybe so but I quite like that nice corner over there."

"You said I was being antisocial! You're a dick!" Hidan pushed him off and sat there pouting.

Mood swing much? At least it gave him the chance to escape quickly before the boy could trap him again. Sasuke had noticed and was giving him one of those smiles as he returned.

"Just shut up."

"I didn't say anything."

"Keep it that way."

"Hidan's coming over here now."

"Eh?" Once again he was almost strangled by the psycho.

"I'm shorry! I mished you!"

"'Mished'?" The Uchiha looked amused whilst Shikamaru scowled.

"That didn't take you long."

"Let's go somewhere elsh! Away from this wanker!" Most people would avoid irritating either Uchiha at any one time. He'd managed to annoy both in one night. Shikamaru had little time to think as he was thrown over the taller mans shoulder and carried away.

"I can walk myself!"

"This way's more fun~."

"For you maybe!"

As predicted Ino and Choji were in his room but they soon scattered when Hidan entered carrying a very annoyed Shikamaru. When he was in a mood it was best not to annoy him further. He was dumped on the bed and soon straddled by Hidan looking very eager to please.

"What the hell are you doing now?"

"You seem streshed so I'm gonna make you feel better."

"You're gonna what now?" This question was answered when Hidan started kissing him whilst attempting to pull his trousers off. It was then that the amount of alcohol he'd consumed proved a point in the younger boys favour and he managed to shove the man off before he could get any clothes off.

"What the hell?! What is it with you and nudity?"

"But... I was trying to help!" And then started the puppy dog eyes.

"Err..." What do you say to that?

"You don't like anything I do! The fuck is wrong with you? Do you want me to suck you off, or do you want to fuck me? What you want?"

"I don't want any of that stuff!" Why does he think sex is the answer to everything?

"But I can't do anything elsh!" And the slurring had returned. Accompanied by the tears and the whining. "I shuck at everything! I can only do that kinda thing and if you don't want that, what can I do?"

"Don't cry! I'm sure there are plenty of other things you can do so stop being stupid. Just go to bed and sleep it off."

"But I'm so fucking depressed."

"You're just drunk, it's nothing major. So bed. Go. Now."

"Stay with me till I go to sleep?"

"You're not 5."

"Pleeaasssseeee!"

"Fine! God, that noise goes right through my head." Hidan pulled him down and held him close. "At least get changed first!"

"Dun wanna."

"...I despair of you."

"Mmm. Night Shika."

"Yeah good night."

"Love you."

"...Th-thanks." Well this is awkward. It was lucky that Hidan was too out of it to notice and he was practically half asleep already.

Troublesome idiot... You're lucky you're not so annoying when you're sleeping.

It's Shikaku's birthday today hence birthday party :3 Also I'll take any excuse to write in a drunk Hidan although a drunk Shikamaru would also be pretty funny :L And I forgot to reply to this earlier but I will put in more about Hidan's past at some point, I just need to find the right place for it. Thank you for reading and please review :3