By the end of the day, Kurt finally, fully realised the truth behind the saying "Curiosity killed the cat". He also learnt that it was better to not aggravate his older brother if he wasn't prepared to deal with the consequences and that his parents really had a quite liberal view towards teenage sex as long as it did not relate to him and he truly was not sure how he felt about that fact hours later. Regardless, Kurt would have been quite content to go through life without knowing about these particular things, and, if he knew that one simple question on his spark would have paved the way for all those revelations, he certainly would have just held his peace.
He should have left well enough alone when Finn had come home a little after midnight Friday night with the stupidest of grins on his face and actually whistling. He should not have bothered to inquire after Rachel seeing that she was unusually quiet (she usually blasted up his phone with messages immediately after Finn left her after their dates), the result of which caused Finn's already ridiculously large grin to widen further. He should have just chalked it all up to a blip in the universe and resumed his weekly movie-Skype date with Blaine. But he didn't, and so, when the next morning, Finn still sported that grin, he felt almost compelled to ask "What are you so cheerful about?"
Finn didn't answer him immediately. Instead, he continued to fix himself an oversized bowl of cereal and milk before plopping it down on the table, adding a glass of orange juice to the mix before he finally sat himself.
"What are you doing?" he inquired, his eyes roving over the pile of books, pens, pencils and laptop Kurt had scattered over half of the table.
"History project, Geography essay and Literature notes," he answered, "but don't distract me. What's got you so cheerful?"
"My date with Rachel was quite…excellent," he told him after swallowing.
Kurt tilted his head slightly. "What's so different about that? You guys are a lot better than that travesty of a relationship you tried to have last year. She hasn't complained about you in forever, occasional questionable clothing choices aside."
"It was really really good Kurt."
"What did you do?" Kurt asked suspiciously. Rachel still hadn't answered his text passed a series of embarrassed face emojis, something in itself quite something. "You guys were just going for the whole dinner and movie routine. What's so special about that?"
"We were going to do that," Finn corrected, "until her dads decided to have an impromptu weekend getaway. After that we just ordered in and spent the evening together."
"Well she must not have forced you to watch her recently acquired musicals if you're so happy," he mused, reaching over to snag and take a mouthful of Finn's juice, sticking out his tongue at his doleful expression.
"We didn't reach too far into the first one," he answered, refilling his glass, "we got distracted."
"What on earth would distract Rachel from a musical?"
Finn shrugged, shooting him a faintly amused look. "I'm still hungry," he declared, rising and heading towards the cabinets. "You've eaten?"
"I had a fruit salad."
"Glorified rabbit food," Finn sniffed, pulling down a pack of pancake mix.
"At least put raisins in them."
"As long as you mean raisins of the chocolate chip variety," he returned.
Kurt rolled his eyes, but did not complain, using the time it took him to make brunch to add a good few notes to the chapter he had been reading before his arrival. He had pretty much decided to end the conversation then, pretty certain he could wrangle the truth out of Rachel later, except, looking up in search of a purple highlighter, he realised that Finn was actually shimmying around the counter.
"You're not telling me something!" he snapped, annoyed.
Finn paused before giving him a sheepish look. "Sorry little brother," he rumbled, trusting the pancakes not to burn in the time it took him to come across the room and wrap his arms around Kurt's shoulders, squeezing him gently. "You probably think I'm being mean to you."
"Terribly," Kurt sniffed.
Finn chuckled, before kissing the top of his head and returning to the stove.
You need a shower," Kurt added, "you smell…weird."
And it was true. Kurt was quite accustomed to dealing with Finn in all his states by now from freshly showered to his sweaty, post-game messiness and everything in between. But this smell was different in a subtle way he just couldn't place and he wasn't too sure he liked it.
"Sorry lil dude," he apologised, even as he expertly flipped a pancake in the air, "I went straight to bed last night and it's not like I have a set of clothes at Rachel's so-"
"What did you need clothes for?" he asked, before finally, a few seconds after the question passed his lips, his rusty mind finally made the connection between all those subtle clues that had indeed been right in front of him.
"Ewwwwwww!" Kurt screeched, "You hugged me! You got all your sex-germs on me!"
Finn's eyes widened for a moment at Kurt's outburst before he laughed, deep and hard as Kurt starting tugging at the shirt he wore.
"You cannot be serious Kurt," he snorted as he successfully shrugged it off before tossing it to the floor in disgust.
"You kissed me. I have to wash my hair now!"
"Kurt."
"I don't know where your lips have been," he added with a profound glare.
"Oh come on," Finn said in exasperation when Kurt made to rise. "You've cuddled up to me loads of time after Blaine left over the past few holidays. How is this so different?"
Kurt squeaked, an embarrassed sound before he shot the patented glare that Finn had come to love seeing on him after so long.
"I certainly have not, and even if I had had…relations with Blaine do you think I wouldn't have showered after?!"
"Relations?" Finn repeated, "is that what you Dalton boys call it? And wait, what? Even if you had…? You and Blaine…you mean…you can't be serious?!"
"About what?" he muttered, "and don't let my pancakes burn."
"Your pancakes are they?" Finn stated with a raised eye brow. "And dude, are you really still a virgin?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" he retorted, taking up his discarded shirt tentatively before walking to the adjacent laundry room. "We're not all horn dogs you know."
"But you guys have been together forever, dude."
"So?"
"Seriously, you can't expect me to believe that you guys haven't-"
"I hope you treated Rachel right," Kurt interrupted smoothly, "and were kind and gentle or else I'm going to have to eliminate you on principle."
"There were no complaints last night," Finn said with a shrug, bringing over twin stacks of pancakes before pretending to ignore Kurt as he moved nearly half of his own pile onto the other plate. "And it's not like it was planned or anything you know. It just happened."
Kurt eyed him for a long moment. "Unplanned with protection right?"
"Her period ended last week. We're in the clear."
"Finn!" Kurt gasped, and this time it was out of shock, "you really didn't use a condom?"
"I told you, we didn't plan it. I don't walk around with those you know."
"Are you crazy?" Kurt hissed, waving his fork at him, "always use a condom! I mean, yeah it's Rachel, so we know you're safe but still…did you even stop to consider STDs and STIs? Do you want it to rotten off?"
"Seriously dude, what are they teaching you…?"
"To not think with the downstairs brain for one."
"You sound like that sex ed tape they made us watch."
"This isn't a joking matter Finnegan."
"It's rather funny for me."
"I'll tell dad! I'm sure he's been waiting to unleash 'the talk' on you anyway."
"Maybe you should get it first. Only one of us is scarlet right now, little bro and newsflash, it isn't me."
"Finnegan-"
"What's Finn teasing you about this time Kurt?" Carole interrupted walking in the room with an armful of groceries. They had been so engrossed in their conversation they had not even heard her arrival.
"Finn had sex without protection," Kurt blurted out. "You should ground him!"
Carole blinked before she placed the bags on the counter. "What now?"
"Finn did the deed with Rachel," he repeated.
"Burt I need you," Carole called out, shaking her head.
"What for?" he called back, even as he entered the room.
"To talk sense into one or both of our sons."
"Oh?"
"Finn apparently had a great night without the necessary precautions and Kurt looks like he is about to pass out from said information."
"Mom," Finn whined.
Burt dropped his own load before looking from one boy to the next searchingly for a moment. "Well that one's still a virgin," he declared pointing in Kurt's direction and laughing briefly at his outraged shriek. "So that leaves you," he concluded. "Finn, unprotected sex is a pretty thing to do son, especially if you two aren't committed for the long term. Unless Rachel's on birth control you really should wrap mini you up. Wait, do I need to get you condoms?"
"Why are you encouraging him," Kurt protested, "Ground him for life!"
"We've got one out of two still a virgin," Burt shrugged, "that's more than most families can boast, especially with two sons."
"Daddy!"
"I can give you the talk later if you want bud," Burt said placating, reaching over to steal a pancake, "but given that Blaine isn't due back for at least a month, there's no real rush to it, huh?"
"Burt is taking you for condoms later, Finn," Carole stated, her voice firm, "and Rachel better be here for dinner next week."
"Mom!"
"If you two are at that stage I think a reintroduction is in order."
"Yes ma'am," Finn sighed, knowing that it was a battle firmly lost.
Kurt would have been quite happy to have let the entire matter end right there, especially since Finn was not out for revenge after Carole's proclamation. Unfortunately, Kurt had not catered for the fact that a locked door would not at all be a hindrance for his older revenge seeking brother. If he had, he would have been a little more suspicious of the unexpected but wholly welcomed call from his boyfriend in the middle of that afternoon.
"Blaine!" he said jovially, the second he answered the call.
"Hello poppet," Blaine answered him warmly, "why is Finn questioning my manhood?"
It took Kurt a moment to understand what his boyfriend was saying, but when he did, he ground out, "I will kill him."
His statement lost most of its heat though when Blaine laughed, his rich tone warming his heart despite his annoyance.
"And what is going on in the Hummel house today?"
Kurt heard the sound of shuffling over the phone, and he could imagine Blaine making himself comfortable for what was promising to be an amusing tale.
"Rachel and Finn had sex last night," Kurt explained.
"Oh…interesting I suppose."
"He hugged me without showering!"
"Gross," Blaine agreed in response to his affronted tone, "have you burnt your clothes?"
"Carole is cleaning it."
"What happened next?"
"He-" Kurt paused briefly, searching for the right words. "He said I was over-reacting because it wasn't as if I never came to cuddle with him after you leave sometimes."
"Ooooh," Blaine said knowing. "Sorry."
"It's not your fault. We're just not horn-dogs like them. We don't need to hump like bunnies to pass the time."
"His words?" Blaine inquired, and to Kurt it seemed as if he was biting his lip to stave off laughter.
"They might as well have been," he grumbled. "He didn't believe me at first. But that wasn't the worst part Blaine! Carole and Dad came in then and they sided with him, Blaine. I apparently look like an un-besmirched virgin and it is all your fault."
"Forgive me for not sullying your virtue poppet."
"You're teasing me too!" Kurt whined.
"You are too cute you know," Blaine said fondly, "I imagine you're quite red right now."
"Blaine!"
"And so because you embarrassed Finn with your parents, he is trying to avenge himself through me?"
"Basically," Kurt answered softly. "This is a conversation I really do not want to have."
"But is it something we need to talk about?" Blaine asked him seriously. "The sex part I mean?"
His no nonsense tone sobered Kurt a bit, and made him actually consider. "No we don't," he said finally, "at least I don't think we need to?"
"Poppet, has Finn now filled your head with a billion little insecurities that are going to keep you up tonight?"
"Maybe," Kurt admitted, not even bothered by the slightly patronising tone Blaine's voice had taken. Blaine wasn't being mean; he was just trying to illicit a truthful response from him.
"Then we need to talk about it," Blaine answered simply.
"I don't want to?"
"Nice try, Kurt. Now, what's on your mind?"
"You're the one who started this conversation, you lead it."
Kurt heard Blaine sigh, and, he knew that were he here in person, or they were having this conversation on Skype, Blaine would be shooting him a mildly reproachful look right about now.
"Sorry," he muttered, "I shouldn't cup an attitude."
"Thank you," he responded easily, "but I understand. You're uncomfortable and lashing out and possibly considering how you're going to get Finn back for putting you in this position in the first place."
"Exactly."
"Now, I'm not exactly sure what I need to say to you, I mean, we've never actually had a deep conversation about sex. I think we both just understood that we weren't ready for that step."
"I wasn't ready," Kurt corrected. "I'm pretty sure you wanted to at some point."
"Perhaps," Blaine agreed, and Kurt knew that he was tapping his chin thoughtfully. "That afternoon at the pool seems most memorable. You were not really inspiring pure thoughts in that vest."
"But you didn't act upon it," Kurt said, ignoring the low edge that coloured Blaine's voice.
"Because you weren't ready. And I'm not really sure I was one hundred percent ready then either. Horny probably, but ready to take that step with you? I'm not sure. I don't really want our first time to be some sort of rushed, unprepared venture, you know? I want it to be more than that."
"Finn seems to think that that's weird."
"We're never going to be that normal couple," Blaine told him, "and people are going to find some of the things we do pretty weird. But that doesn't bother me in the slightest. Sex maybe the benchmark of progress in some relationships, but I'm in no real rush to experience it. And given your behaviour in this conversation, neither are you. So, I think it's for the best if we continue to take things at our own pace and see where that eventually gets us."
"You're going to be celibate for a long while then," Kurt whispered eventually.
"And that's why porn and masturbation exist," he quipped..
"Blaine!"
His only response was a deep laugh. "You're blushing aren't you?"
"Y-yes!"
"Aww," he cooed. "You've been teased tremendously today it seems."
"And no one is in the least sympathetic about that fact."
"I'll make it up to you," Blaine promised. "I'll sing to you until you fall asleep tonight."
"That sounds great," Kurt admitted, before snuggling down into his pillow.
The pair's conversation drifted into lighter topics for a while before, with a reluctant tone, "I should probably get going on Kurt. I told Nick I would go to the library with him at four."
"Okay," Kurt agreed, "but you'll call me later?"
"As always," he agreed. "Are you a bit more reassured now though?"
"Yes. Thanks Blaine. It's not going to spare Finn from my vengeance though."
"You may do with him as you please," Blaine said with a chuckle. "You'll have to tell me your diabolical plan later.
"As soon as I've hatched it, I will."
"I love you poppet. I'll talk to you later."
"I love you too Blaine," Kurt returned sincerely before disconnecting the call.