Imitations Carved Deep: Chapter 16
My brain is bleeding out of my ears right now. Spring semester is a beast. Must keep sanity! Must...UPDATE!
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Disclaimer: I don't own them...so sad.
Warnings: Severe angst. Torture (in the past). Implied rape (in past). Don't read if any of these trigger.
Sentimentality
It was late, but more than one person was awake. Natasha and Clint had gone to bed a few hours ago, and Steve had only just clocked out. Bruce and Tony had escaped down to the lab to analyze the scans Jarvis had taken of Kira's back, though, Kira looked at the nearest clock, Bruce was probably asleep on his desk by this point.
Kira sighed and looked out the window at the city that was still awake with her. She had never imagined the events that had led her to the Tower. She had never thought that Calder would truly harm her in such a way. Perhaps Kira had been naive, believing that Calder was her friend as Loki. It was always the same on Asgard: no one was ever kind to him unless they wanted something…unless it was Lady Frigga. Kira wrapped her arm around her legs and rested her chin on her knees. If there was anything she actually missed about Asgard, it was her mother.
"Brother? Why are you not in bed resting?" Thor walked in rubbing his eyes. He had hesitantly left Kira to get into the comfortable pajamas Steve had introduced him to, and when he didn't return Kira assumed he had unintentionally fallen asleep. Thor had only left because Kira promised she was going to be heading to bed herself in a few minutes. That obviously didn't happen.
Thor came and plopped down onto the couch cushion next to her, nearly sending Kira flying. Thor caught her with a yawn and settled her back. Kira huffed, but ended up leaning back into Thor's side.
"I do not want this day to end," she murmured. She felt Thor shift to settled his arm around her shoulders.
"What do you mean?" Thor's voice vibrated his chest, and Kira felt the strong urge to listen to his heart beat like she used to when they were but children.
"If I fall asleep, when I wake up it will be tomorrow. Tomorrow brings naught but pain and suffering…for myself and those I have come to care for. If I don't fall asleep, I can pretend it will never come." Thor's hand came up and played with her hair. The Golden Prince was fascinated with its length as he wasn't used to having a sister. He had never dared to touch Sif's hair.
"You can't know that there will be nothing but pain. It could bring victory and healing." Kira snorted bitterly.
"With my luck? I think not. You always were the more optimistic of us two." Thor smiled.
"Now that is true." Thor's fingers traced ever so lightly the bruise marring Kira's face. Shame and guilt twisted in his gut so hard he almost couldn't speak. He was surprised when Kira's hand came up and covered his own.
"Do not hate yourself over this. I may not like you…but I have long since forgiven you." Thor's heart gave a little jolt, and his mind suddenly bombarded him with hundreds of memories where he had hurt Loki…and his brother had made him grovel for days.
"Since when have you become so gracious and merciful?" Kira rolled her eyes and smacked his hand away instead of holding it like she secretly wanted to.
"It is this female body. It makes me more sentimental." Thor barked out a quiet laugh (for him) and hugged Kira close, hooking his chin over her head.
"Well, whatever you blame it on, I am grateful." Kira didn't respond, but after a few moments, Thor could feel her slowly tensing in his arms.
"Thor? Why have you not brought me back yet? Surely you will be punished for disobeying the Allfather's orders." The Golden Prince understood Kira's worries, but was himself not concerned.
"Because, I believe you. Besides, I was ordered to bring back the Loki that escaped from his prison cell, the Traitor. It is quite obvious…now, that that is not you." Kira could not help but be shocked by her brother finding loopholes. It was so unlike him. Perhaps he had picked up a thing or two over their centuries together.
Thor let out a deep breath and pet Kira's hair, a gesture that was not entirely new to her. The Prince of Asgard eased Kira into his arms and stood, easily keeping her secure against his chest. Kira did not complain beyond an eye roll and let Thor carry her to her bedchambers. Except…that was not where Thor took her. Instead, the Thunderer walked right to his bedroom and carried Kira in like there wasn't anything off about the situation.
"Thor? I believe you are confused by the late hour. This is your bedroom, not mine." Thor pulled the blankets back with one arm and then set Kira down on the bed.
"I am not confused. I wish to ensure you rest. We did this very same thing for years, Lo-Kira. What is the problem with doing it now?" Kira's jaw dropped.
"How about we did this when we were small children scared of the dark, and we were two boys? It…it is not proper now that we are grown and I am technically your sister." It was Thor's turn to roll his eyes as he slid into bed beside her.
"Since when have you cared about what is 'proper'? There is no one here to scold us. Just go to sleep." With that, Thor pulled the blankets back up and laid an arm over Kira's waist, ensuring she stayed. Kira huffed, but eventually settled down. It was only moments later that she fell blissfully asleep.
Tony stumbled in to Team Breakfast only to reach for the coffee and grunt at his friends. The others didn't comment as this wasn't anything new. The inventor would go on an insomniac genius spree and pull all nighters. It wasn't conducive to waking up in the morning with a cheery disposition. However, when Steve was cooking, even Tony dragged himself out of bed.
When the caffeine had kicked in enough to help Tony see past the blur of his exhaustion, he frowned.
"Where are Kira and Thor? Kira's always on time for breakfast, and Thor wouldn't miss food for anything." Steve pushed a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Tony.
"Maybe they decided to sleep in for once. Yesterday was pretty rough for them…well for all of us really." Stark didn't seem too convinced and questioned Jarvis as to the two Norse gods' whereabouts.
"Miss Kira and Mr. Odinson are sleeping in Mr. Odinson's bed." Tony and Clint both spit out their coffee, effectively coating most of the table in their spray.
"What?!" They shouted it together and sent each other early morning glares. Neither noticed the glares they were getting from Bruce, Steve and Natasha, and both of them ignored the other three's shouts for them to stop when they went running off to Thor's room. Tony wanted to make sure Thor hadn't hurt Kira or worse; his mind was conjuring dark images of why Kira was in Thor's bed. Clint was running to make sure Kira hadn't sliced Thor's throat in his sleep.
However, when they arrived and slammed the door open, both of them were proved to be very wrong. Both "demi-gods" were sleeping peacefully. Thor had his arm thrown across Kira's waist, while Kira herself was tucked as close to Thor's chest as possible without hurting her arm. To Tony's relief, both of them still had all of their clothes on, and to Clint's, Thor's throat was fully intact and he was breathing normally. Both archer and inventor were suddenly yanked back out of the room by their shirt collars by a rather irritated Captain America. Jarvis ensured the door closed once they were out of the way.
"You two need to knock it off!" Steve held them so they were facing him directly and getting the full force of his 'disappointed/frustrated face'. "If you spend all of your time fighting and being suspicious of either of them, we'll never make any progress and we'll fall apart by the time a real conflict comes along." He waited for them to nod, before he let them go. Tony caught Bruce's eye and nearly flinched at the disappointment he found there as well. Maybe this wasn't one of his finest moments. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Clint getting the same treatment from Natasha.
Suddenly, the door behind them opened and there stood Thor, bleary eyed and confused.
"Is something wrong, my friends? My bro-er-sister…Kira is still resting." Before Tony could blurt out what the rest of them would only assume was something offensive, Steve apologized.
"We're sorry to wake you up. We were just concerned when you were missing from the breakfast table." Thor's eyebrows went up, and he turned to check the clock on his nightstand.
"We did not mean to be rude, Captain. Kira had stayed up until early in the morning, lost in her thoughts, something Loki was oft to do. I had to carry her to bed to ensure she got any sleep, and keep ahold to make sure she stayed there. Another thing I am quite used to." Tony would never admit to the shame burning his throat, and instead clapped Thor's arm in a friendly manner. Whatever; he knew what it meant.
"Way to help out, Hammer Time. Kira would come down and sit in the lab with me when she couldn't sleep, even though Bruce was working on getting her on a regular sleep pattern." Thor tilted his head in acceptance of the praise, but then shifted subtly to fill the whole doorway. He particularly eyed Clint as he said,
"Kira aims to reverse the spells placed on her by this afternoon. How will you be affected seeing my brother as Loki, though he was not the one to hurt you?" Clint pursed his lips and finally sighed after staring for too long into Thor's slight puppy dog/mostly bulldog expression.
"I'm working on it, Thor. I can't say I'm just going to set up play dates with Kira as soon as she's Loki again. But…" Thor's brows lifted in surprise. "If he points me in a better direction, I might just send my arrows that way." Everyone on the team, minus Natasha, was surprised at Clint's concession, given his blatant vehemence towards Kira since the truth came out. It seemed rather sudden, considering the past five minutes, but if Natasha had said something to Clint, there was a good chance he would go along with it.
Thor seemed to accept the answer and relaxed somewhat. He looked back to Steve.
"I will rouse her, and then may we join you for breakfast?" Steve smiled broadly and nodded.
"Of course, Thor. Sorry again." Thor closed the door, and Cap frog marched Tony and Clint back to the kitchen.
"Hey, hey, hey! We're going! I said I was sorry, Mom!" Steve rolled his eyes at Tony's antics and just pushed him down into his seat and did the same to Clint.
"Anything like this happens again, and I'm putting you both in time out like the five year olds you are acting like. Understand?" Both men nodded, matching scowls on their face. "Good. Now eat. Tony, coffee isn't breakfast." For all Steve complained when Tony called him mom, he sure did a good impression of one.
A few minutes later, Thor came into the room, carrying a disgruntled Kira. The dark circles under her eyes were prominent and since they corroborated with Thor's story, no one pointed them out. Kira gave Steve a tired smile, when the man pushed a plate of food to her.
"Thank you, Captain." Steve smiled back and dug into his own plate. After a few minutes of Kira pushing her food around her plate despite Thor's urgings, Natasha spoke.
"Thor tells us you plan on reversing the spell today. Are you going to turn into a genocidal maniac again if you do?" Kira nearly choked on the bit of food she finally put in her mouth. Thor gently patted her back as she coughed and glared at the assassin. Natasha only raised a brow at the blond prince and looked expectantly at Kira. Once the raven-haired woman had herself back under control, she shook her head.
"That is not my intention. My mind does not change when I change gender. As I told Thor, I am still me. And in case you are concerned, I do not still harbor those feelings." Thor actually reeled back at the new information.
"K-Kira…you mean to say that you no longer hate the Frost Giants?" Kira opened her mouth and shut it again, trying to find the right words.
"I can only say that…that I do not wish to be responsible for the decimation of an entire race. I killed Laufey. I killed the one that left me to die. The rest of them might still be beasts, but…maybe…maybe there is another abandoned child waiting for someone to rescue it. I won't be responsible for its death." Thor's eyes softened, and he laid a hand on Kira's shoulder and squeezed. Kira cleared her throat and looked determinedly at Tony.
"You have the scans Jarvis took of my back." The inventor blinked at the rapid subject change but nodded readily.
"Yep. Jarv, give the nice lady what she asked for." Without a verbal response, a screen popped up on the wall across from them, and Kira hissed at what she saw.
"What? What is it," Bruce asked, his face pinched in concern.
"This is a very dark, cruel spell. It was meant to be degenerative, so my magical core would eventually break down and whatever's left of my power would transfer to the one that cast it. I would be nothing but a shell in a few days time…that is, if he had done it correctly." Steve's eyebrows shot up.
"He did it wrong?" Kira nodded, her eyes not leaving the screen.
"Yes. His carvings were too sloppy to fully take hold. That is the only reason I am still alive right now. Stark," she leveled her eyes to the inventor. "I am going to need salt, candles, lavender and a knife of pure iron." Tony nodded, knowing Jarvis would have those at the Tower within the hour.
"Done. Anything else?" Kira gave him a terse nod.
"Your help."
The beginning part I wrote more about how I feel. When something is coming the next day I don't want to go to sleep. I think the longer I stay awake the longer I can put off tomorrow.
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