Chapter 15:
"Owen? Don't shut your parents out. Keep your promise to Isabella."
He gives me a half smile, nods and closes the door behind him. I close my eyes and exhale deeply. What are you doing, Claire? Getting yourself invested again. What are you doing?
I sit on my bed, hands on my face. "Don't cry. Don't cry." I stand up and start walking the length of the room. Is this supposed to be a sign? Two days ago Owen and I took a big step in our relationship and we're already fighting? How am I supposed to feel about that?
Maybe I was right. It was too fast. We obviously don't know each other that well. I haven't even told him about my parents.
It hurts. We haven't even been dating a month and not knowing what may become of us scares me. I don't know how to feel about feeling this much! Could I actually be… No. No! I'm just starting to get to know him. It's impossible! But you already told him you see a future with him, which means…
What the hell is going on?!
No. I can't do this right now. I go to the walking closet and change clothes. Maybe running in Central Park will keep my mind off of Owen. I tie my shoelaces, grab my iPod and walk out of the room.
It's not a terribly sunny day, which coordinates with my mood, I suppose. Getting from the hotel to Central Park is not a short walk by any means, so when I start jogging I can immediately tell it won't be a long jog.
I press play and try to get lost in the music and the scenery. It starts working. I focus in jogging, in not crushing into people. My mind is kept busy for a while, but not long enough. I set my music in shuffle, so when 'Love the Way You Lie' by Eminem comes on, it's like I ran into a glass door. Didn't see it coming.
I start running now. I try to escape from my own thoughts and feelings. I feel the burn in my legs, the burn in my lungs begging me for a proper amount of oxygen. But I keep running. Maybe the pain will distract me a little longer.
I don't last long, though.
I stop and bent over, hands on my knees. I breathe loudly, trying to regain my breath.
"You had to tell me you rap to Eminem in the shower, Owen."
I stand up straight and look around. I ran all the way to the Jackie O Reservoir. I start walking back to the hotel.
I take my earbuds off.
I get to the hotel an hour and a half later. I go to my room and start running the water for my bath. I'm relaxing today, might as well do it with a warm bath. My legs are killing me. The hot water relaxes my muscles. I close my eyes.
What are you doing to me, Owen? I had a perfectly good life in Costa Rica and you had to swoop in.
"Who are you kidding, Claire? You did not have a good life. At all! Admit that at least."
When the water turns cold, I step off the tub and put my pajamas on. It's almost 5pm, I'm not going out. Screw it.
I look at my desk and see the 4 folders containing the options for my potential next job. I grab them and sit on my bed. Maybe going through them will help me keep my mind off of things. Just forget the fact Owen was the one helping you with this.
The four folders offer the same position I had in Jurassic World: Senior Assets Manager. I have to choose the company I'll work for.
The first folder offers me a position in a company called 'Heniq Security' in Chicago. They sell security devices to big corporations. Malls, office buildings, etc. The second folder is for Roche. A pharmaceutical company in Philadelphia. The third is for a petroleum company called 'PetroTal' in Arizona. The final folder is for a cell phone company called 'Telo' in Orlando.
I like the fourth option. The problem with it is that my position in a telecommunications company will involve a lot of travelling. I don't know if I like that.
I feel completely indifferent with folder number 3. I wouldn't mind Arizona, but the fact that I don't feel any type of excitement towards working there is probably not a good sign.
The second folder is pretty attractive. Philadelphia is a beautiful city and I will have my snowy Christmases, just like I love them. That's something I won't have in Orlando or Arizona. But, choosing to work in the pharmaceutical world is not a decision that should be taken lightly. I've heard it's a monster. But working with monsters is not new to me.
Finally, we have folder number 1, Heniq Security. There's no safer place than working in a security company, right? Chicago is also a beautiful city. I can see myself working there. Disadvantages? People seem to feel very unprotected nowadays. What if something fails with the products I am selling? Will I find myself in the same position I was on Wednesday? Talking to the families that were affected because of a security breach? I think this one might hit too close to home.
I stand up and grab my phone from the desk. There are no more distractions right now. I need to talk to someone. I need to vent. I obviously can't talk to Owen. I can't talk to him about him!
Karen.
It's Saturday night, maybe she's home. I text her and ask her what she's doing.
*Girls' night out. Scott's weekend with the kids. *
*Oh. Good for you! Are you free tomorrow? I need someone to talk to. *
*I have a few errands to run in the morning, after lunch sound good? *
*Sounds great. I'll call you on Skype. Have fun! *
*I will! Talk to you tomorrow. *
Torture it is for me this night, then!
I think of my mum. How she always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better. She would put into words what I was feeling and help me work through it. It is moments like these that make me miss my mother so much. I haven't thought about her in a long time. I realised that when Karen told me what mum used to say. 'A promise tomorrow is worth a lot less than trying today.' Yes. I miss her.
I watch TV waiting for the moment my eyes will begin to droop. Doesn't take as long as I thought it would. That run really took a lot out of me.
I turn off the TV and hope for a better day tomorrow.
"Son of a bitch! Ow!"
Being woken up by a cramp is the most horrible way to be woken up!
God! The pain is horrible! It's probably the worst physical pain I've ever been in. It's painfully long, I can feel my muscles contracting and I have no control over my leg right now.
It passes after what feels like 20 years. I stretch out my leg and wiggle my toes.
Yeah, what a beautiful way to start my day.
I stretch out my hand and reach for my phone. 8:15am. I stay in bed and see if I can fall back to sleep. I have at least another 5 hours before I can talk to Karen and I am not spending all that time thinking about Owen. I'll go crazy. Probably jump off the window.
I start moving around, trying to find a comfortable position like a damn dog. Maybe going foetal will help… I tuck my legs in.
"Goddammit!" My leg gets possessed by another cramp. After it passes, I give up on sleep.
"Fine! Screw it." I get up and try putting some weight on my leg. I feel a little twitch, but nothing happens. I sit on the floor and stretch a bit to try and prevent another cramp.
I go down to the dinning room and get some breakfast. I ask the universe to please not let my leg cramp up in the middle of a room full of people.
I inhale my breakfast, just in case.
When I go back to my room, housekeeping has already cleaned it up. I sit on the couch and watch some TV. I watch Forrest Gump from beginning to end. I welcome the distraction.
After the movie is over, I look at my phone and see is almost lunchtime. I saw a blackboard in the entrance of the dinning room saying they were offering pizza delivery today. I decide to call room service and get some. I get it 15 minutes later and sit on the couch again. I bite into it and feel very underwhelmed by it.
"I've had better." I finish eating it anyway.
When I'm closing the box it dawns on me. "God. GV pizza, of course! Grady-Vernelli. Seriously Claire, how did you even miss that? The grandfather in the navy, the Italian grandmother who bakes. It was all there!"
My phone vibrates.
*I'm home. *
Do I text him back or ignore him?
*Good. Had a good flight? *
*Couldn't tell you. My mind was somewhere else. *
Come on! How am I suppose to answer that?! I don't reply. I feel my phone vibrate again. It's Karen.
*Calling you now. *
*Okay. *
I sit on the desk, open my laptop and wait for her call. Her face appears on my screen and I answer.
"Hey."
"Hi, Claire. You okay?"
"I, uh, got into a fight with Owen."
"Oh, I'm sorry. What happened?"
"You're not going to believe this." I take a deep breath. "Owen is the son of Benjamin Grady and Emilia Vernelli."
Her eyes widen. "Oh my God."
"I know! I-"
"I have to apologize to Gray."
I look confused at her. "What? What does Gray have to do with anything?"
"Gray researches anyone and anything he finds minimally interesting. He obviously googled Owen and he told me he had found 'links' to the Grady-Vernelli family. I told him it was just a coincidence and ignored him. I guess he was right."
I raise my hands in disbelief. "Unbelievable! An 11 year old made the connection between Owen and his family faster than I did!"
She shakes her head. "Ah, don't feel too bad. That kid finds things nobody else can. Okay, so? What happened?"
"Well, at first I was pissed that he didn't tell me. Then, that anger morphed into hurt. It really hurt me that he didn't trust me. So, I told him I was not going to New Haven with him today. So here I am."
She's looking at me confused. "Let me get this straight. You say you're not mad at him, but you tell him to go home alone? That sounds like punishment to me, Claire."
"It's not a punishment. I just… I was hurt he didn't tell me about his family!" I thought she was supposed to be on my side!
She puckers up her lips. "Okay. So you're mad, sorry. Hurt. Because you were an open book and he wasn't? Hmm, tell me Claire, how did he react when you told him you were engaged 3 years ago?"
I freeze. This was probably not a good idea.
I look at her and then down at my hands. "I haven't told him about Patrick yet."
Karen taps her ear with her forefinger. "I'm sorry. What's that?"
I roll my eyes. "I haven't told him I was engaged, okay?!"
She looks at me smugly. "You know, as my little sister, I haven't really had the chance to say this to you because the opportunity never presented itself. But that opportunity is here now. You are being an idiot!"
"Karen!"
"What? That's the truth! You are pushing him away! You are being such a hypocrite! Oh my God! You, Claire Dearing, are sabotaging your relationship with Owen!"
"No, I'm not!"
"Yes, you are! What you are thinking is: I'm going to destroy this, before he does!"
I get defensive. "I know Owen is not Patrick! He would never cheat on me a month before our wedding. He's not that person, I know that!"
Her voice softens. "Then what the hell are you doing, Claire?"
I bark out a laugh. "I have been asking myself the same question."
A moment passes.
"Claire, I know you have feelings for him. I mean, you sent me 500 photos of dresses and a 1000 photos of different hairstyles for your date with him. You never cared that much about impressing Patrick."
"I'm scared, Karen. I don't know what I'm feeling." I feel a knot on my throat.
"I think you do know what you're feeling and that's what's scaring you."
I shake my head and close my eyes. "Yeah, I think I do."
"Then what are you doing in New York, Claire? Go to New Haven and talk to him. Tell him everything you just told me. And tell him about Patrick for God's sake!"
I laugh and nod. "What if-"
"Stop with the 'what ifs'. I saw how he looked at you in Costa Rica. He may be taken aback by the fact that you were engaged, but his feelings for you won't change."
"I hope so. I think you're right, though." I nod determined. "I'll catch a flight to New Haven tomorrow."
"Now that's my smart little sister. Are you going to tell him you're going? Or are you going to create a big movie moment and knock on his door?"
"Ha. No. I'll fly to New Haven, go to a hotel and then call and tell him I want to talk to him and to meet me there."
"Yeah. I guess that'll work too." She looks at me. "I'm glad we did this. Like the old days, you know?"
"Yeah. I'm glad we did this too. Sorry it took so long."
"It's okay. Well, anything else I can assist you with, Claire?"
"Nope. That's all. I just needed you to knock some sense into me."
"Call me when you're in the airport, okay? Just in case you get cold feet. I'll knock some sense into you again."
I laugh. "Okay, Kar. I love you. Send Zach and Gray my love too."
"I will. Love you too. Bye."
"Bye."
I close my laptop and sit there for a minute.
Yes. This feels like the right move. Karen's right. I do know how I feel about Owen. It's scary, but I won't let fear ruin what we've created in this short period of time.
Maybe my mind is suddenly less foggy with worry and confusion, but for some strange reason, I know which job I want. Where I see myself with Owen.
I smile. I should talk to Karen more often. I certainly feel enlightened.
I open my laptop again and make the changes to my plane ticket so I can fly to New Haven tomorrow. I also book a room in a hotel in downtown New Haven. I stay on my laptop writing the email I'll send to HQ to tell them that I've made a decision about which job I want.
I go over it a thousand times, until I'm happy with it. I save it and turn off my laptop. I go to sleep.
I wake up the next day feeling anxious, nervous, but resolved. I'm going to fix things. Hopefully Owen isn't too mad at me when I tell him about Patrick. Of course I'm not expecting him to be all sunshine and rainbows about it, but hopefully he forgives me; mainly my hypocrisy.
I check out of the hotel and go to the airport. Once I check in my bags, I go to the waiting lounge and call Karen.
"You haven't bailed, have you?"
"Good morning to you too, Karen."
"I assume you're in the airport?"
"Yes, I am. I board in 20 minutes."
"Good. Call me at night to see how things turned out, okay? I have to go. I have a meeting."
"Okay, I will. Bye."
"Bye. Good luck!"
My hands start sweating 5 minutes before I board the plane. Calm down, Claire! Think of it as a business presentation. Present your points, back them up and wait for his response. Then, brace yourself. 'Cause I have no idea how he's going to react!
People start boarding the plane and I stand up. There's no turning back now.
The plane takes off.
I spent the whole flight going over what I'm going to say to Owen. I don't want to sound too desperate; but I am. I don't want to look like I will fall apart if he decides I'm not worth the trouble; but I do. There's no easy way to say what I have to say.
The plane lands and I text Karen to let her know. I pick up my bags and walk out of the airport to grab a cab. I tell the taxi driver the name of the hotel I'm staying at and he starts driving. I keep bouncing my right leg.
Calm down! You're working yourself up!
We come to a red light. I look out the window and up to the sky. I see grey clouds coming closer and closer.
That's not ominent at all, I think.
The light changes to green and the car starts moving. I look out the window again.
Everything slows down around me.
This time I don't see grey clouds. I see a car coming directly towards me.
Nothing is ever easy, is it?
That's the last thing I remember thinking before everything goes dark.
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"Good morning, Isa. Where are mum and dad?"
"Hey. Dad had a meeting and mum had to sign some papers. They said they would only work until noon. They want to spend as much time home as possible."
I sit down and pour some orange juice in my glass. "Cool. I was thinking maybe we could go catch a movie."
"Sounds good. There are some cool movies out this week."
One of the maids comes out of the kitchen and places a dish with a couple of pancakes in front of Isabella. "Thanks, T. Oh, Owen. This is Teresa. She started working for us about 3 months ago. She is an amazing guitar player! She taught me some tricks."
I look at her and smile. "Nice to meet you, Teresa. You gotta show me your skills with the guitar. Maybe you guys can have a guitar off!"
"No way! She'll kick my butt! I'm serious, she's some kind of prodigy."
Teresa laughs. "I think you're overestimating my skills, Ms. Isabella."
"No, I'm not! And I told you to call me Isabella, just Isabella."
"Sorry, Ms.- Isabella. Habits." She looks at me. "Is nice to meet you too, Mr. Owen. Is there anything I can get you?"
"Please, call me Prince Owen. I'll have some scramble eggs, please."
They laugh and Teresa plays along.
"Coming right up, Prince Owen." She bows and goes back to the kitchen.
I laugh. "She's funny. I like her."
"Yeah, she's cool. She has the cutest daughter. Last week she asked mum if she could bring her because she couldn't find anyone to babysit her. That kid is seriously the happiest 3 year-old I've ever met. She had a permanent smile plastered on her face. I played with her all day long."
"Aww. Kids are the best, man. Their happiness is contagious." I grab some bread and butter. "Hey, speaking of guitar playing, mum and dad told me you're into music now."
She pours maple syrup onto her pancakes. "Yeah, is not really something new to me. I've always loved music, I just didn't outwardly say anything."
"Why not?" I break a piece of bread and butter it.
"Because of what mum and dad told you when you told them about studying Zoology. I was 6 and I freaked out. So, I kind of hid it from them. They caught me singing one day and they told me I could be whatever I wanted. That they had made a mistake by telling you not to do the thing you loved."
"So why study business then?"
"Because I love it too. Actually, I've made a decision regarding that. I haven't told mum and dad yet." She drinks some orange juice.
"What?"
"I've decided to study music as a minor. I love business and I love music, why not combine the two of them? I would love to work in the music industry. I mean, I don't need to study music to work in the music industry, but I want to understand the artists, you know? Their creative process and everything. And, to be fair to them."
"That's amazing, Isa! Always so smart. I get the 'be fair to them' part. Not too long ago, I saw on Netflix the 30 Seconds to Mars documentary called 'Artifact'. Man those corporates can be real assholes!"
"I know, right? I saw that too! I gotta admit, I decided to see that because of Jared Leto and his beautiful face and voice, but seeing the whole thing really showed me the ugly side of music. I want to try and make things a little better."
"Oh, wait a second. You sing, too? I thought you were just into the playing instruments part."
"Yeah, I sing too. I love playing instruments. I know how to play the piano and I'm in the process of learning how to play the guitar."
"You really are putting your summer to good use, aren't you?"
"When you love something…"
"Now you have to sing me a song."
"No, I don't."
"Oh, yes you do. Come on."
Teresa comes out with a beautiful looking dish of scramble eggs and places it in front of me. "Teresa, have you heard Isabella sing?"
"Yes, I have. She's really good. She has a very versatile voice."
"Come on! I'm your brother! How can I be the only person in this house to not have heard you sing?!"
"God, calm down! Fine, I'll sing something later. Now shut up and eat your food." She laughs.
We talk about her musical preferences, we discuss about bands and the crap there's on the radio nowadays. My cell phone rings. "Hello? Oh, hey Karen. Wh- Wow, wow, wow. Slow down. What's going on?" I listen to her and I hope to God this is a joke, a nightmare, anything!
"Where is she?"
"She's in New Haven, Owen. She's in Yale-New Haven Hospital. Please go! I'll catch the first flight out there!" She hangs up and the moment she does, everything hits me.
I stand up and start running to the door.
"Wow, Owen! What's going on?! Stop!"
"I can't! Claire was in a car crash! She's here in New Haven. I have to go! Now!"
"Oh my God. I'll go with you! Teresa when my parents get here tell them to call me!" I'm already out the door and getting on the car.
Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay.