My Pet Peeve
Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.
"Something feels wrong here… Very wrong." Hidan eyed the display in front of him with disgust. "Why are we even here?"
"I've been asking myself the same thing…" It wasn't often that they shared an opinion but after recent events the two of them had gotten closer, and Shikamaru in particular was glad he had an ally in a situation such as this.
"I say we run now before we catch something."
"Like what?"
"I don't know! The smell hurts my brain."
"Don't worry, it'll be over soon."
"Will you two stop your whining for five minutes?! You're embarrassing me!" Considering that Ino was holding some scraps of material that claimed to be some kind of lingerie up to her chest, this seemed a bit rich.
"Why did you need us here again?"
"Surely you could bring the pink one for this shit."
"I need a male perspective here! I'm wearing them for Choji!"
"Because clearly we see a lot of women's lingerie." Hidan's voice was dripping with sarcasm.
"I was desperate! And how many straight men do we know who wouldn't start doing stupid stuff like trying all the bras on?" All three sighed as they imagined Kiba dancing around the shop, covered in bras and generally creeping everyone out.
"I get that… Anyway I wouldn't say I'm definitely not straight." Shikamaru had, after all, been attracted to women before Hidan.
"So you're Bi?"
"I guess…? Does it matter?"
"Yes it does!" Hidan grinned. "You're only attracted to me so I guess that makes you…"
"Hisexual?"
"That could work… Nice job Blondie."
"I try."
"Ok could we stop discussing my sexuality now?! Just buy your damn bra so we can get out of here!" Shikamaru gulped when he realised everyone in the shop was staring and a few were sniggering. Well that's just great. Absolutely peachy.
"Wow Shika, you're very sensitive nowadays."
"I know right? He gets pissed at me for wanting to share a shower!"
"Really? Come on, that's a normal couple thing surely?"
"See? Even the Blonde one agrees!"
"You guys are not helping!" It seemed it was fate that he was stuck dealing with crazies. If only Choji had been there.
"So I've narrowed it down. Red or Yellow?" Both things she held up were lacy, tacky and practically non-existent. I think I'm glad I don't have to deal with women anymore…
"Err… Well they look basically the same to me."
"You are next to useless." Well thanks… "Hidan?"
"I don't get why you're bothering with this crap when he'd be happier with you naked."
"Would he?"
"Well that way he doesn't have to take all this crap off."
"Hmm… Well that would save money…"
"I don't see why anyone would spend any money on this crap." This last sentence was a little loud and there were glares from everyone queuing up to pay.
"Ok, Naked it is! Now let's go get us some lunch."
"Finally!"
"Wait… You mean this was all for nothing?!" It took three shops for this! Hidan seemed amused by his rage. "And you can just shut up."
"I didn't say anything!"
"You don't have to!"
"You two are adorable! Just like an old married couple!"
"Oh shut up!" Perhaps if he ignored them for long enough they'd leave him alone. Wishful thinking.
"Barbecue!" The noise resounded through his head and he grabbed his ears groaning.
"Don't you have any lower volume settings?"
"But they have barbecue! Korean barbecue!" From the look on his face it seemed he expected everyone else to be as excited as he was.
"That's… great? Now can we just leave here already? I'm sick of all these people." Instead of replying like any normal human being, Hidan decided he was going to smack Shikamaru around the back of the head. "Are you insane?! What the hell was that for?"
"Sacrilege!"
"Why now?"
"You don't dismiss barbecue you dirty blasphemer!"
"…I despair of you."
"We're getting some so shift it asshole."
"You two can go get barbecue if you're so desperate." It was then Ino's turn to start the domestic abuse. "Why are you joining in?" Why do they only get along with each other when it's to annoy me?!
"Clearly he wants to have some alone time with you. Seriously Shika, I thought we raised you better than this."
"You didn't raise me at all!"
"There you go again! You're so insensitive!"
"Yeah you bastard!" Don't help her you idiot!
"Now you two will go and have a nice romantic meal together and you will enjoy it." She was staring right into his eyes and he felt like he was going to be massacred if he refused. After completely freaking him out, she stalked off, leaving Shikamaru's brain still processing what just happened.
What is wrong with these two today? Hidan decided then to grip his arm and lean forward until their faces were only centimetres apart. …And that's not creepy.
"Hidan? What exactly are you doing?" It was pretty hard to think when you had a known madman that close to your face.
"We will get Korean barbecue and we will get it now." …I'm guessing this is an attempt at hypnotism. There was no way he was going to refuse when the other boy was this close and this determined.
"As long as you don't do anything stupid."
"Hell ye- wait, what was that?"
"What?"
"Did you just call me stupid?!"
"…You're really slow on the uptake today." This received another slap. "Ow! Stop doing that! You could give me brain damage if you carry on."
"Stop insulting me then you jerk!"
"That was a pretty mild insult for you."
"Shut up! Now get me food before I get a stick!"
"Will food make you stop hitting me?"
"I'll consider it." …Well that's probably the best I'll get.
-Page Break-
"You sure we can't just try a few more pieces?" Even though he attempted the puppy dog eyes again, it wasn't going to work this time.
"You want more?! You've had three platefuls!"
"But there's still plenty of room! We might as well eat our money's worth!"
"I have to pay every time we order! Do you have any idea how much this all costs?" Although I suppose he can't help having a head full of sawdust.
"You need to stop worrying about the minor things."
"You'll be worried too later in the month when we can't afford to eat."
"If we get desperate I could always go out on the streets and earn a little?"
"…I'm sorry I must've misheard. I thought you just said you'd try prostitution."
"What? It pays well!"
"You sound like you're speaking from personal experience."
"No…" Hidan averted his eyes slightly and Shikamaru groaned.
"I think it's better if I don't know." This seemed like knowledge that would scar him for life. "Now can we leave before you bankrupt me?"
"Tch. Fine." Thank god. "I'll just grab some dessert first."
"Dessert?! How do you still have space for dessert?"
"You don't? You pussy." Well I'm sorry for being a normal person. Hidan sauntered off to find the desserts and he leant up against the table. At least this way he could get a moments peace without having to keep an eye on whatever weirdness that boy was getting up to.
"Excuse me? Sir?" A waiter was standing next to the table looking pretty annoyed. What the hell has he done now?!
"Is something wrong?" Feigning ignorance seemed a good strategy.
"Would you mind asking your friend to stop dipping vegetables and meat in the chocolate fountain? He was a bit… loud when I just mentioned It." …Wonderful.
"…I'm sorry about this. I'll try and sort things."
"Please do." Hidan returned just as the waiter left and Shikamaru fixed him with a look of intense hatred.
"What's your problem?"
"Why were you dipping meat and vegetables in the chocolate fountain?! Are you an idiot?"
"The sign says you can dip anything!"
"From the bowls next to it! It should be common sense." Hidan picked up a piece of meat and began eating.
"Well it tastes good so I don't get the problem!"
"…How can you eat that? In fact, why did you dip vegetables in there? You don't even like vegetables!"
"I thought it might make it taste nicer!"
"Only you would think something like that."
"If this is about the veggies getting pissed that their food is tainted with meat, then they can fuck off."
"I think it's more about the fact that it makes the chocolate taste greasy and kind of disgusting."
"Damn you and your pussy waiter friend."
"Just finish that so we can leave."
"Eh? But I wanted to go back for more." You little-.
"If you want to pay for it all then be my guest."
"…Damn." At least that was a way he could exercise some control over the irritating boy.
-Page Break-
In spite of all his begging, Hidan was still insistent on dragging him around everywhere. At least it was a vast improvement from his refusal to go anywhere near groups of people, but why he had to drag him along everywhere was beyond him. All Shikamaru wanted to do was go back to bed to recover from a long hard day of dealing with people getting sick of Hidan.
"Can we go home now?"
"But I wanna try to push some stupid teenage bitches into the fountain! Can't we do that first?"
"No! What the hell?"
"But they deserve it!"
"I don't care if they deserve it, you don't go around assaulting people!"
"It wouldn't count as assault if it looked like an accident…"
"Just stop talking." Instead of trying to persuade him, Shikamaru grabbed his arm and started leading him in the general direction of their house in the hope that it would work.
"I bet you secretly agree with me."
"No I don't, I think I need to start putting you on some kind of leash."
"Really~?" Damn, I keep forgetting how masochistic he is. Hidan's eyes were practically sparkling at the idea and Shikamaru almost pulled away.
"I didn't mean it! It was just a… a metaphor!"
"Tch. You shouldn't get my hopes up like that."
"Keep those kind of interests to yourself from now on."
"Shouldn't you be happy I trust you enough to tell you everything?" He does make a good point there…
"I like the trust but you don't seem to care when it comes to sharing that kind of thing."
"But I'd only want you to join in~."
"I'm flattered…"
"You should be. I wouldn't even go near this many people if you weren't ar-." Hidan suddenly stopped.
"What was that?"
"Nothing!" For once it was the other boy that was blushing and getting nervous.
"So… you only went out because I wanted you to?"
"Kind of…" He was even fumbling with the hem of his shirt.
"…Wow. I guess even you can be cute sometimes."
"Hey! What do you mean sometimes?"
"And there's that ruined." I suppose it was good for the five seconds it lasted.