Thessia
With the windows set to filter out the glaring light of the sun, the walls of the room shimmered coolly. The ship models on display sparkled, taking on life to Liara's eyes as she looked around. She felt curiously detached yet refreshed as she lounged on the bed, absently rubbing her belly. There was still a lingering touch of weariness but it did not weigh on her so heavily. Strange that she was only now acutely aware how deep the exhaustion was cutting into her. It was as if she had just woken up to another world.
The last thing she remembered was talking to Aethyta and Shiala. A sudden surge of terror and then nothing. Aethyta must have put her out of her hysterics. How long was she asleep? Her inner clock indicated a passage of several hours. At least a day. Acutely aware of the matriarch seated in an armchair beside the bed, she ran her hand over her middle defensively. She wondered if the other 'looked in' while she was unconscious.
"I have been foolish," she said softly.
Telienos nodded. "It has been a day. How do you feel?"
"Not so exhausted. My mind is clearer."
"You have not been keeping to a proper sleep schedule nor observing the daily meditative exercises. How long?"
Liara said somberly. "I do not remember."
She was not surprised Telienos discovered her lapse in discipline. When was the last time she meditated? It had been regular until the Reaper War, she realised. After that, she had no recollection if she did them.
"You remember the litany."
"From the first memory to the last, I will hold fast the beginning and the end of deeds. I will not let the dark vines twine nor let passion command. When the eye of consciousness is clear, I will see the reflection of myself, the path is opened," Liara chanted, feeling like a child again to recite what was taught to every first year student.
"Until you have delivered, follow the basic observance. Do not try more than that," advised Telienos. A flicker of uncertainty twisted Liara's brow. "Speak your thoughts."
"I... Is it too late?"
Liara looked down at her middle and touched where she thought the child's head would be. A precious gift she wrought with Shepard in a moment of ill judgement and haste. Why oh why didn't she wait? It was not as if Shepard was in her dotage. There was at least eight to nine decades of Shepard's life to share. Time enough for the both of them to recover from the scars of the war and start a family.
"It is not a matter of time but of will." Telienos's voice held no inflection. "If you cannot regain balance, the next best imprinter is Aethyta, unless you have a better suggestion."
Of course they would allow her to endorse someone else. She was the parent after all but that did not mean it would be accepted by the clan elders if her mental state was in flux. She did not bother to ask if Shepard would be allowed to participate. An unborn required two imprinters; the parents. All that was needed from Shepard was her mental essence. The asari parent had more responsibilities in the awakening. The shaping. Her responsibility.
"Put aside all concerns," said Telienos. "Your assignments have been taken up by another. Your only duty now is to yourself, your child and your bondmate. Food, rest, light diversions, reflections. These are all that will be in your schedule from now on."
"Does Shepard know?" Liara didn't think it they would throw an additional burden on Shepard. Not when she was on a vital mission but they would tell her something.
"Aethyta told her you're in seclusion for a while to prepare for the awakening. Whatever must be said is not ours."
Liara nodded. It was hers. She tried not to think of what her bondmate would say of her doings, the deceptions she foisted on her.
"For the rest of this day, contemplation. I suggest returning to the beginning of the foundation." Telienos stood up, reaching forward with a hand towards Liara's brow and waited for her nod of assent. Cool fingertips brushed lightly. Liara tensed but she barely felt anything.
"Better," the matriarch said. "Your balance and essence has re-asserted themselves, do not over strain yourself or you'll upset it again. I'll see you tomorrow morning."
"Thank you," murmured Liara.
Telienos left the room. The matriarch's lime flicked green eyes had remained the same when she touched her mind. There was none of the change. Not even when the matriarch melded with Shepard to bring her out of her coma, Liara remembered. Adepts never did. The only other adept she touched that closely and far longer was Benezia. It was an experience she never wanted to repeat. Benezia was the best loving mother she could ask for but the weight of years, experience and power of a matriarch was frightening. She felt small, diminished and naked for she could hide nothing from a mind that seemed infinite.
Furthermore, receiving the full brunt of her mother's expectations was hard to bear, adding impetus to her desire to leave. Benezia. How long was it since she thought of her? With a pang, she realised she hardly spared any time for deep reflection of her, even on the anniversary of her death. Every fibre of her being was tied up in Shepard, the TI question, the needs of her people. Then the child. Then several other things that seemed very important. Too many distractions, too much anxieties. Why did it seem that she couldn't get anything done? She paused at that, recognising the onset of malaise immediately. No, Telienos told her to contemplate. She would choose one strand of memory and not think about anything else. What should she start with?
Telienos suggested the beginning. The beginning of what? She turned the thought over and over and realised what the matriarch meant. Closing her eyes, she sank back into the cushions and let herself drift, detaching all emotions as memories began to float past...
The first steps she took. Benezia smiling, encouraging her to be brave when she approached the pool. The holes she made in the park. The amusement in her mother's eyes when she explained what she was doing. The first fight with a classmate. The anger and the shame she felt on her actions. The unkind words chanted by some of the class on her origins. Benezia comforting and explaining. She had tried to understand. There were more quarrels with her classmates. Spiteful and unpleasant. She withdrew from the rest, choosing to concentrate on her studies.
As she near maturity, she was in a dilemma. Benezia's aspirations for her did not sit well. She had no interest in the vocations her mother wanted her to take. Nor was she interested in following the aspirations of her peers; to tour the places they heard so much about, to taste the exciting adventures of a mercenary, to take up odd jobs and travel around on ships, to enlist as a soldier and become an elite commando or huntress and so on. She was more interested in the past, history, the races that had once thrived. Against Benezia's wishes, she signed up as a junior archaeological aide for a well known interstellar planetary exploration company.
A soft voice called insistently. Liara opened her eyes to find Shiala standing beside the bed. It was time for lunch. She was not surprised the entire morning was gone. With Shiala's help, she sat up and refreshed herself with a shower. Then she ate the food on the tray Shiala brought.
"You're better," said Shiala, nursing a glass of tea as she sat on the bed next to Liara.
"I am." Liara scrutinised her. "So are you," she added as she picked up the last piece of fruit from the dessert bowl.
An uncomfortable look crossed Shiala's face. "I've also been remiss in my meditations though I did not neglect it so severely." She looked at her glass. "I accept my guilt. There is no excuse."
"Shiala, you have acknowledged it. Shepard accepted your actions. She does not want you to go to the justicars."
"I know. She is kind, empathetic, supportive. Generous and forgiving." Shiala looked up. "I sense her qualities in the meld."
"I understand," Liara said softly. "She draws many people to her because of who she is, what she is. I am fortunate she has chosen to invest her future with me. And you," she added. She put out a hand to touch Shiala when she made to speak. "Both of you have to decide over the course of time. Accept that it will happen. It does not disturb me."
"You are indeed a match for each other."
"I try, Shiala. I try." Liara turned away in embarrassment from the praise. "Do not think yourself less of her."
"How can I not?" Shiala said simply. "All I can do now is to try to forgive myself and follow Shepard's lead."
A smile of empathy flashed to their faces when they looked at each other. With the food tucked away, Shiala suggested a stroll in the gardens. A fine idea to Liara as she was feeling decidedly stiff. With winter at its ebb, the wind was fresh and cool instead of bitter cold. They spent a few pleasant hours together as they discussed their meditations. Revisiting the beginning was a sensible course of action. Shiala approved of it and exchanged anecdotes of her own past with Liara who was startled to find that Benezia had a funny side to her.
It seemed odd but it also made sense that she wouldn't know everything about Benezia. As she grew older, the rapport she had with Benezia became strained. They hardly talked. She never saw Benezia much after she left Thessia. Her picture of her mother became more complete with each tale Shiala related. She returned to her room feeling at peace and took a nap. When she woke up, it was late afternoon. She decided to meditate further and picked up where she had left off. . .
Full of curiosity and anticipation, she left with the expedition to an ancient prothean site. It was like opening boxes of precious jewels when they began to explore the ruins. No task was too mundane for her. She set to with a will and eagerness, absorbing what the senior expedition leaders had to impart. She became proficient and confident in her analysis of artifacts and writings. As the years went by, she signed on with other companies. At times they were mining corporations searching for mineral lodes on purported prothean planets.
Corporate search was often careless and cold. Prothean artifacts were occasionally destroyed from carelessness or shipped off before she had a chance to examine them. As much as she deplored their methods, their indifference sometimes left the essence of the builders untouched, giving her the chance to uncover valuable clues. She made the most of it. Finally, she decided to work alone when possible. Loneliness was something she reveled in. There was no one to disturb her, no one to pick on her excavation and research methods. The one setback was the reception to the papers she published later. It made her all the more determined to prove her theories right.
She was happy, pottering around ancient sites. Then came that fateful day. Mercenaries, Benezia, Saren, Reapers all burst out on her like an avalanche. What did she perceive when she met Shepard? She met and interacted with humans before but she had never associated closely with a soldier. Shepard reminded her of the asari commandos. That same determined, efficient and disciplined air. There was more to Shepard, she realised later. She was open-minded, receptive to ideas and customs that must be very strange to her. There was uncertainty, hesitation but no repugnance to the mind meld offer.
Kaidan and Ashley were not so receptive at first. Their reserve to her presence was tangible. Kaidan clearly catalogued her as pretty, young female. Ashely was very wary of her because she was an alien. Dr Chakwas was prosaic in manner. Joker was the more amiable of the human crew. The other non-humans; Wrex, Garrus and Tali accepted her more easily. They all got on well eventually. Ashley taught her a lot more about weaponry, bringing her past the basics she picked up on Thessia. She appreciated the gunny's patience. Kaidan was kind although he couldn't seem to get past that "pretty and young" image of her in his attitude.
Kaidan. Ashley. You are missed.
A wave of sadness threatened to swamp her. No, she had let herself slipped into emotions. She must not. Breathing deep even breaths, she mentally recited the litany. The cloak of dispassion returned. She stayed in it for a while before picking up the thread again.
Shepard. The commander was curious about her as she was about her. They spent hours discussing the protheans. She sensed that Shepard was genuinely interested to learn more about her work as well as a determined drive to gather information on her mission.
She had come to wait with bated breath for her visit. Straining to hear the sound of the door, the sound of her voice. She scoured avidly for every bit of information on the commander, desiring to know what she dared not ask. It disturbed her, to want to know so much that she could not help but blurted out what she had done one day. Shepard had laughed and said she should not believe everything that she read. She knew then she was in love. To see that smile on Shepard's face, that light in her eyes, it brought her happiness. She wanted to see it every day for the rest of her life. Or rather, the rest of Shepard's life.
She kept her feelings bottled as long as she could. The crew at the mess hall thought she couldn't hear, standing so far away but she knew of their gossips about her and the commander. On a frigate, everyone knew everybody. No one could fart without the entire ship knowing (according to Joker). Shepard maintained an authoritative distance but kept herself approachable. The crew held her in high esteem. She feared that she had inadvertently diminished Shepard's reputation and yet, the human said nothing to her. There was no change in her attitude towards her. She began to wonder if the other didn't have some feelings for her too. Desire warred with caution to know where Shepard stood. The former won. She was both happy and embarrassed when Shepard admitted to some attraction.
But then, there was reticence. A strange expression on Shepard's face after her hesitant admission. As if she regretted acknowledging there was something between them. Was it too soon? Perhaps the commander was afraid what such a relationship would wrought for her among her own people and her career. Or perhaps, she was too alien for her. There was no chance to ask. As if the question was a switch, Shepard did not come by as often as she did. She could find no reason to seek her out. When she did see Shepard, the other was reserved, keeping their dialogue to mission matters. Fear of rebuff kept her silent. Perhaps it was for the best, this coolness between them. She did not think she was ready for any relationship or so her cool logical consciousness said but the other half said the opposite.
Then came the fateful mission to Noveria. Benezia died before her eyes. Her beloved mother, a terrible shadow of her vibrant and beautiful self. It cut her deeply to see a sliver of that personality when Benezia used the last of her strength to give the information they needed before she finally succumbed to madness. The ending she had always visualised for her; dignified, peaceful, with close kin and students around Benezia, did not happen. Her mother died, confused and lost. She could not believe such a thing had happened. When they returned to the Normandy, she sat in the storeroom, recalling everything about Benezia, going over and over again their last conversation before she left Thessia.
When she failed to show up for mission briefings and missing meals, Shepard came by. She had not wanted to see her, wishing to be left alone but she couldn't be rude. She was glad she hadn't adamantly shut Shepard out. The human's patience, sympathy and concern melted the icy sorrow that held her. She had cried. When the storm passed, she was grateful for the support. Though Shepard did not resume her visits after the incident, her manner seemed to mellow. Occasionally, they would partake a meal together. Conversational topics were general, the atmosphere warm and affable. She finally dared to pose more personal questions to Shepard and came to understand her better. She was careful and didn't try to ask for more. Friendship was more important than her desire.
As the chase after Saren stretched into months, she could not help but admire Shepard's strength, her character, her relentless pursuit of her goal. When Ashley died at Virmire, the crew was devastated. Though Shepard said nothing, there was bitter anger in her eyes; it was her decision to leave Ashley behind. Kaidan was the most upset. She overheard him raised his voice at Shepard, heavy with guilt and anger. Shepard had only continued to speak softly and then left him alone.
She found Shepard at the crew lockers, packing Ashley's personal effects. There were other sealed boxes stacked neatly nearby. She realised Shepard had cleared out the lockers of the marines who died on Virmire. Half expecting to be sent away, she offered her condolences. Shepard was silent at first as she folded a overall, then she began to talk. Though brief, the grief and pain in Shepard's voice was clear as crystal. She had listened, treasuring the rare moment of trust. Perhaps it was because they were both in a unique position. There was hardly anyone onboard the ship to whom they could readily speak their mind.
The one bright light out of that mission was they finally figured out what the Prothean message was pointing to. The Normandy returned to the Citadel where the Council, instead of supporting Shepard, refused to heed her warnings. What was worst, the human ambassador looking out for his own interests, shackled Shepard, refusing to allow her to continue her pursuit of Saren. With the ship locked down, the crew went on shore leave. She found Shepard fussing silently at her locker. Outraged by the treatment, Liara was dismayed by the air of depression around the human. Surely Shepard was not going to let things slide. She was adamant that the commander not give up and said so.
Shepard smiled and said she had no intention of doing so. When she helped her to stand, instinctively, she knew they had reached a forked road and for once, wished Joker was not onboard to interrupt them. There was no time to brood over it. The next turn of events overshadowed it. Captain Anderson risked his career to send Shepard onward in her mission. He was confident the crew of the Normandy would support their commander. Recalled to the frigate, the crew listened to Shepard's speech at the mess hall. Not a single crew member requested to be transferred and so, they set off for Ilos, determined to stop Saren.
Knowing what was at stake on Ilos, she fretted. It would be by far, the most dangerous mission they had undertaken. Geth presence would be heavy. They were just one ship. The odds were not in their favour. Would any of them make it? Fear and desire impelled her to do something she had never done before; visit Shepard in her quarters. Instead of being shown the door, Shepard wanted her to stay. She almost forgot to breathe at the hunger in the human's eyes. She thought her craving too strong and unsettling but she never imagined it could be two fold in Shepard. She nearly ran back out the door but then Shepard moved and there was no thought of running out.
When she was younger, she paid no heed when her peers whispered and talked about romantic assignations. When she did think about it, she had indulged in fantasies of finding that one lover she would bond with. She thought it would only happen when she was a matron. That dream lover became Shepard. What she imagined couldn't measure up to the reality. Her fumbling awkwardness that she dreaded became smooth and sensual under Shepard's patient and soothing encouragement. The touch of skin on skin and scents were a whole new vista to her. Shepard's body was so like and yet unlike hers. She marveled at the differences as she explored shyly. She could not help but respond eagerly when her lover made what was hers, her very own.
The meeting of minds within such intimate involvement was nothing like the platonic and exhaustive melds she had with Shepard. The meshing of two different minds at accord at such a level. The taste of it sent her to dizzying heights of ecstasy with every sensory nerve alight, reflected itself in Shepard, increasing twofold. Instinctively, her mind resisted from stimulating Shepard further. To do so was to create a child neither of them was ready for. She allowed the combination to continue on its natural course. It spun them to the top. It seemed to her that they never knew who was who or what as they went over the edge. She felt the swirling cascade of strength and power coursing through herself as she examined the mental thoughts that Shepard had shared with her and blushed in embarrassment at the ardent emotions the commander was harboring.
While Shepard slept, she had lain awake thinking over what had just happened. The harmonizing of such heady energies gave her an insight on why some asari were so fond of seeking bedmates. It was often bruited that foreign lovers provided the best gestalt due to their different vitality. That she wouldn't know but she now had some idea what Ardat-Yakshi tasted with their victims. They had taken and taken because their control was not there. Ardat-Yahski lived and sought the rapture, she realized. The potential strength and insight they could tap would make them as powerful as any matriarch if they managed to survive long enough to use it. Perhaps more powerful than an adept. Was this one of the reasons why Shairio stepped beyond the boundaries?
The taste of power. The ecstasy. To control. The temptation to dominate had been very real. It frightened her. To make Shepard a puppet. The thought repulsed her. She looked at Shepard, gently touching her face. No, she would never do that to her, she promised herself.
Liara opened her eyes. Oh Shepard, how could I have forgotten? I broke that promise.
The Reaper War hurt Shepard deeply. It also twisted Liara herself. Made her cling tightly to the one person she loved. The one person she had come to depend on. When her bondmate closed herself off, an instinctive act of self protection, she tried to force past the wall. She could have damaged Shepard if some inner part of her hadn't recognised that she was out of kilter. So what had she done? She tried to manipulate her bondmate. Their child had come about. What was worse, the unbalance dropped her off the edge. She began to have fancies that she wouldn't survive the birth. She knew about the bond link Shiala had put on Shepard so she seized on the thought that Shiala should become Shepard's bondmate when she herself died. She had mentally instill in her bondmate seeds of passion to make her seek out Shiala.
Truly. I was crazed. How was I able to function all this time?
She had to tell Shepard. She could only hope her bondmate would forgive her. Shiala would have to be told too. Would she be as forgiving? As if her thoughts conjured the asari, the door chimed and Shiala herself stepped in with another tray. Dinner? Liara glanced out of the windows to see the dark of night.
"A new revelation?" Shiala queried when Liara stared at her as she set the tray down on the desk in the room.
"A terrible discovery."
"Do tell."
Shiala sat down and listened. Her reaction was thoughtful instead of anger, Liara noted with relief when she finished explaining.
"I see. There were overtones of passion when she came to see me the next morning. We reacted but she did not carry it further. I think she knew something was not right. So did I. But I've to admit, I wanted to act on it," she said and chuckled at Liara's rueful expression. "If you're thinking she'll get upset, that is to be expected. She loves you, Liara. She herself is now grasping with full clarity what the war did to her, to you, to me, to all of us. She will forgive you."
Liara was lost for words. "Shiala..," she fumbled.
"You have come to understand the temptation that threatens every asari every time they fully meld with a partner. You have faced it, meddled with it and admit it is wrong, a horrendous deed. You are remorseful. The experience enriches and helps you to define yourself. Just as it did for me."
"For you..?" Liara began to ask and then realised what Shiala meant. "Shepard."
"Yes. I detest myself immensely for it. I cannot take it back. Shepard refused to inflict pain on me by asking me to remove it. She forgives me and wants to work on the problem with me. I must forgive myself and move on. As you must too."
Liara nodded solemnly. "I understand."
Citadel
Normandy
There was no sound in the conference room. There was an underlying current of anticipation as everyone examined the holographic maps display. The soft hiss of the door turned most heads. Shepard kept her attention on the star charts. Aware she was late, Miranda lengthened her strides to reach the group. Coming to a halt beside Araki, she caught Shepard's eye and nodded. Shepard straightened and lightly rapped her fingers on the table. All eyes turned attentively to her.
"All right, people, let's get this going." Shepard waved at the maps. "With EDI's input, ANI has deciphered the codes and determined that they are coordinates to three planetary systems in two sectors. The Terminus Systems and the Attican Traverse. The Ain Jalut and the Normandy will recon these systems to gather as much data as possible before any plans can be formulated. Our snooping area is Styx Theta as that is the closest sector."
Two of the star maps vanished. The third was enlarged.
"Styx Theta consists of two systems. Our objective is the Erebus system which is made up of four planets." Using a stylus, Shepard highlighted the star system. "Our target is the planet Nepmos. Miranda-," she looked at the raven hair woman, "what kind of system security network does Cerberus usually employ?"
"Cerberus often deploys a primary and secondary EWS (early warning systems) buoys with a heavier perimeter seeding beyond the heliopause. It is also customary to picket a small taskforce of ships to guard the system," Miranda said before tapping on the console before her. A picture of a web network imposed over an unknown system sprang up.
"This is the standard EWS layout. However," she added, "with the proximity of the Five Kiloparsec Ring, the network will not be effective. Therefore-," Another diagram appeared. The number of buoys was doubled. "I expect more in-system placements to overcome any deficiencies. Ship presence should be negligible due to the FKR."
The others nodded in comprehension. The Five Kiloparsec Ring that surrounded the galactic core made travel through the sector dangerous.
"What about fixed defense installations?" chief engineer Adams asked.
"Automated missile and turret batteries. Likely pre-Reaper era," Miranda added almost as an afterthought. The lines around his eyes relaxed a little.
"I'm afraid we cannot expect zero heavy weights," said Shepard. "That turian dreadnought that was captured at Omega used no organic crew except one. A human interface for ship operations."
Not having read the classified report of Operation Overlord, there were frowns on several faces except Miranda's.
"Cerberus tried to link a human to a A.I. network. The initial trial was a failure as it produced a rogue yet sentient intelligence. They refined the project and are presently using a thrall subject with better results. With no risks to crew, we can expect them to scatter a few ships in the system."
"Then-," Araki began to say as she wondered if Normandy's stealth systems would obscure them from a foe that had essentially built the frigate in the first place.
"The Normandy will not enter the system until we have hard verification on the type of resistance. Installations, ships and whatever devices they have out there," Shepard numerated. "We must also expect oculi."
"Deploying probes will be difficult," said Araki. "They will be detected at once if they have two EWS systems. Especially with that kind of deployment." She nodded grimly at the diagram.
"Even with the geth probes we have onboard, they would radiate too much emission," Adams added.
"How long would it take for them to traverse through the system if they were ballistic and on passive scans?" Shepard wanted to know.
Adams blinked, not expecting such a question. He smiled when he realised what she had in mind.
"If we launched them a distance just beyond the heliopause, fire their drives to full velocity before shutting down-," he frowned as he mentally calculated. "Three to four days." Seeing their astonishment, he grinned. "The geth said the probes we have onboard are the advance models they're working on. Their rate of acceleration and shielding have improved twofold."
"They gave us five hundred." Shepard stared at the hologram of the Erebus system. "We may lose half or more since they won't be able to adjust their course once they're inside the system. So-," using the console, she highlighted three points outside the system, forming a 'Y'. "We'll split them up. The Normandy will launch two hundred from this point. We will also launch a hundred and fifty each from diverging points, here and here, from the shuttles."
"That'll work." Miranda nodded in agreement at the dispersion. "But even on passive scans, it is possible the EWS might be able to pick them up if they fly too close."
"That cannot be helped unless the geth could come up with a way to stealth the probes. Normandy will maintain C2 once the probes are away," Shepard said to Araki. "Deploy a few EWS probes at the boundary and the translation point of the relay. Elimination of data lag is a priority. If anything emerges from either one of those ends, it's not going to catch us with our pants down."
"Yes, sir," Araki said. "Sir, is the Ain Jalut using the same approach?"
"Most likely. It's too risky to run in when Cerberus know how our stealth frigates work. I wouldn't be surprised if they mount superior surveillance pickups on any hard rock they could find in the system," said Shepard. "There may be a base in there. That's what most of us think, that's what I think." She snorted wryly. "But it could also be a trap. We're operating with little backup on this one so be on your toes people. Let's get to it."