My Pet Peeve

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.

"Do you think he's dead?" I can hear you… Shikamaru could feel his eye twitching in annoyance. All he'd done was attempt to sleep on the sofa to try and rid himself of the headache that had been plaguing him for hours, but even then it seemed he couldn't get any peace.

"His eyebrow's twitching." Ino's voice was too loud and he groaned. It was just too annoying.

"Ah, looks like he's still living. What do we do?" Nothing. Just leave me alone. Somehow he doubted that they were that smart though.

"Oh I know! He's asleep right?"

"Well done Captain Obvious."

"Shut up. I was just going to say that you should kiss him." ...Oh god. He couldn't even be bothered to yell at them. It was like no one he knew had any understanding of personal space.

"Really?"

"He's like a sleeping princess that needs to be woken by a kiss." Ino sounded like she was envisioning him in a dress which only made him shudder.

"Oh! Blondie you are a genius!" Wait… He isn't…? He didn't have to wait long before he felt a pair of lips on his. Shikamaru pushed his foolish boyfriend away and sat up, scowling at them.

"It worked! Clearly you two are meant to be~."

"And I'm obviously meant to be the one on top."

"What is wrong with you two?!" I think I preferred it when they really didn't like each other. Now they were happily working together to annoy him.

"Why are you sleeping? I get so bored you selfish fucker."

"Yeah Shika! You're so inconsiderate!"

"Don't help him! And stop shouting, I have a damn headache." His head was pounding even more and their craziness wasn't helping the situation.

"You are such a sourpuss. Why are you always so miserable?"

"I'm not always miserable, I just feel ill and I want to sleep." Why this was so difficult for these two to understand he didn't know.

"You shouldn't be sleeping on a sofa if you don't want to be annoyed."

"Yeah! Are you stupid?" …Words just don't describe this.

"I can't bring myself to go up the stairs. And as I live here I should be able to sleep where I want."

"Damn you're lazy." Ino considered this. "Ooo! Hidan, you should take advantage of this."

"How?" This better not be what I think it is.

"You could carry him like a bride!"

"…" As expected. Hidan tilted his head and stared at Shikamaru.

"That could work."

"It would be adorable."

"I'd rather you didn't." They gave him funny looks at this.

"I'd have thought you'd like to be carried?"

"It's not the carrying that's the problem."

"Are you implying that because you're a boy, you can't be carried like a bride? That's sexist! Nowadays boys can be anything." Shikamaru lay back down and put his pillow over his head.

"What the fuck are you doing now?"

"Trying to block out the irritating noises." It wasn't perfect but at least he could no longer feel the stares. Most people would get the hint but none of friends were exactly normal. It seemed Hidan had already decided he was going to ignore what Shikamaru wanted and so picked up the younger boy.

"I told you no!" It was humiliating and he felt too drained to really put up a fight.

"Why are you so heavy?" At least Hidan was also dissatisfied.

"My weight is none of your business!"

"It is when it's breaking my fucking back!"

"You shouldn't have picked me up then!"

"You guys are even cute when you're arguing." He glared at the annoying fangirl. It didn't quite work though as Hidan nearly bashed his head against the doorframe.

"What are you doing now?" A concussion was definitely not going to help.

"I'm carrying you up the stairs, you fat fuck!"

"I'm not fat!" This was definitely miles away from the romantic situation it was normally portrayed as.

After several near misses with door frames and assorted furniture, Shikamaru was finally deposited onto the bed. Hidan sat down next to him and stretched out.

"Now what?"

"Why are you asking me that?" All he really wanted was to be left alone.

"In books and movies and shit, this is usually followed by a sex scene."

"I'm not that kind of person and I'm not in the mood."

"So what can I do?" His voice was hitting that whining pitch again.

"Go help Ino indulge in her fangirl fantasies? I don't know!"

"But I've been doing that! I wanna spend some time with you." …That's kind of sweet but… what kind of stuff was he doing with Ino? He knew it definitely wasn't something good.

"I'm not good for much today."

"Damn cockblocking flu."

"That's one way of describing it." Ugh. I feel so tired out already. Too much energy from these people. "I'm going to sleep, you find something else to do."

"…" Hidan had the scowl on his face that showed he was thinking deeply. It was strangely adorable when he was being a dumbass. "Ah. Got it." He then hopped up and left.

…I guess that means he's found something to do. It was nice to have Hidan around but a little peace and quiet could be good too. He was just dozing off when the loud one returned.

"Here." Hidan practically shoved a glass of water into his face.

"…Thank you?" It seemed he was trying to be considerate so he wasn't going to complain at the boy. Hidan was still watching him with an expectant look on his face. "What do you want?"

"In those books Blondie showed me, you're supposed to look after people when they're ill."

"Oh…" I'm hoping it was a shoujo manga and not porn. He didn't want Hidan using it as an excuse to try something perverted. "Well I'm fine so… go do something else?"

"Tch. You won't even let me do something nice."

"If you're going to sulk can you do it somewhere else?" This was definitely the wrong thing to say.

"I'm not sulking! I don't sulk, screw you."

"You kind of do."

"You are a sucky boyfriend and an ungrateful prick." He was trying to help me…

"Ok, I'm sorry."

"Too right you are." Hidan sat down on the bed and glared at him.

"You're not going to leave are you?"

"Nope." As expected.

"I don't mind as long as you're quiet." He turned and faced the other way. Hidan would probably get bored soon and leave him alone.

After a few seconds he could hear the boy shifting around as if he was trying to get comfortable. Not long after that he heard him moving things around like he was rearranging the room. Eventually silence resumed. Even though Hidan was still in the room it was very quiet and Shikamaru was worried and confused. Unless he was doing something that would be annoying later he was never this quiet. Shikamaru slowly looked over his shoulder and stared at the unusual sight in front of him.

"…Are you reading?" He couldn't help but sound surprised. This boy was known to hate books.

"What's wrong with that?"

"I just didn't expect it…"

"You tell me to find something quiet to do so I do it, and now that's annoying you too?"

"No!" I'm definitely the bad guy here. "I'm really pleased you're making an effort, I was just surprised." This was probably offensive. Although Hidan was literate his short attention span was well known.

"Just go to sleep and get over this bullshit so we can do other stuff."

"Ok… Sorry."

-Page Break-

..Am I on the floor? Shikamaru's eyes were half open and he could see the bed above him. His back was stiff and his feet were still in the bed. Damn. I hate it when that happens.

When he looked to the other side of the room he could see Hidan was completely unaware and still reading the same book from earlier. Shikamaru pulled himself up and went over to Hidan. Despite the fact that he was standing right next to him the other boy didn't even notice.

He sat down next to the boy and stared at him. It seemed he still didn't notice. It was rare that he was so focused on something like this. I think I know how he feels when I'm reading. Maybe he's doing this on purpose.

"Hidan?" It seemed that he genuinely hadn't noticed because the older boy sprang back and smacked his head into the wall.

"Ah shit!" He had his head in his hands and was leaning forward.

"Sorry… Are you ok?"

"I don't know! Am I bleeding?"

"No."

"Well as long as I don't suddenly start slurring I guess it's fine." Hidan rubbed his head and stared at Shikamaru. "Where'd you come from?"

"I was surprised that you were still reading."

"There wasn't much else to do."

"True." Then Shikamaru noticed what he had been reading. "Is that a murder mystery?"

"I guess."

"I suppose that would fit…" Anything with something involving pain amused him.

"It's not that great though. Only one person died and it was poison. I'm still waiting for a stabbing."

"Well you won't find one in that book."

"What? Bullshit." He threw the book across the room and scowled at it.

"Don't you want to know who did it?"

"I don't give a shit, they can all fuck off with their strychnine and all that crap."

"…The husband did it."

"Of course he did. I thought he was a useless shit."

"Well he is an asshole to kill his wife."

"That's not why. He was too much of a pussy to kill her in an interesting way." …Of course that would be what pisses you off. He sighed.

"…I worry about you. Especially when I sleep in the same bed as you."

"You shouldn't. If I was gonna kill someone I wouldn't get caught."

"…And that's supposed to be reassuring to me because…?" Hidan looked at him as if he was an idiot.

"Because I wouldn't go to prison for it."

"…I'd rather you didn't kill anyone. Even if you didn't get caught."

"Tch. I thought you said you'd like me no matter what. I'd still love you if you murdered a shit ton of people." He'd probably help me hide the bodies… Damn, he's such a bad influence on me.

"I'd still love you but I'd be a little creeped out."

"Pussy." He was always given such loving nicknames. "Know any books with good murders in 'em?"

"...I think it'd be better if you didn't get any more ideas." His imagination was bad enough without other sources of inspiration for his creepy fantasies.

"I thought you liked encouraging people to read."

"I'd rather you picked something less… Hidan-like." So without murder, torture or any kind of sex scenes.

"Hidan-like?"

"You know what I mean."

"I feel like this is supposed to be offensive."

"Don't think too much about it."

"Asshat. Anyway, I'd rather we did something fun. Like-."

"Don't you dare."

"What?"

"I know what you're going to say." The last time he did this they'd been in the middle of a public place and it hadn't ended well. It seemed there was nowhere he could take the boy without being publicly humiliated.

"You mean anal?"

"Yes that." Hidan didn't seem too bothered by his boyfriends scowl. "I think I'll have to start leaving you at home when I go shopping. That or leaving you outside when I go into places."

"Hey! I'm not a fucking dog."

"You act like one sometimes."

"I don't piss on the floor or hump people's legs."

"You have no qualms about public nudity or fighting people in the street."

"You think it's hilarious so don't give me that shit."

"I think we should only walk you at nig-. Ow! Why are you so violent?"

"It's called tough love and I know you like it really."

"Damn sadist…"