Kurt glared at the blonde languishing on one of the sofas in the Commons Room. "You're avoiding me Jeffery No Name Sterling, and I won't stand for it a moment longer."
Jeff sat up, his mouth twisting stubbornly. "Well Kurt Elizabeth Hummel future Anderson, I was under the impression that this was a Council meeting to finalise the arrangements between us and the Lady Bugs for the Christmas concert. Trent said as much."
"Trent," Kurt responded, pausing so that Jeff could hear the definite click of the lock from beyond, "is in full agreement with this and will not be letting us out until I call him and tell him that you are all fixed. And, no, Jeff," he added, when Jeff shot a searching look at the window, "you cannot jump from the third floor."
"Someone's being a smart Alec," Jeff said sarcastically, settling on petulance for now. "Look, Kurt, there is nothing wrong with me, so let's end this right here."
"You ran away, literally ran away when I wanted to talk about you and Nick. With my bag, I might add."
"Oh you got it back," he scoffed.
"You've started partnering with Phillip every day… not that he exactly minds."
"He minds a lot," Jeff protested, "the poor lad was heartbroken after you and Blaine reconciled."
Kurt stared at him in disbelief, because, from his point of view, Phillip experienced quite the opposite sensation when that news had spread around Dalton (although he had yet to find out how that happened). Indeed, Phillip was usually red-faced by the end of rehearsals these days, and not from tiredness. He was a bit amazed by how oblivious Jeff was to the younger boy's crush on him, but really, he didn't want him to be hurt in the long run, simply because Jeff was using him as an excuse to stay away from Kurt's probing questions.
"I'm pretty certain he'll survive without my company" Kurt deadpanned, not wanting to go into that for now. "Besides, he's not my concern right now, you are my friend, and I want answers. What is happening with you and Nick?"
"What makes you think something is wrong?" Jeff asked brightly. "We're fine. We spent the entire day texting."
"Jeffery."
"We're fine Kurt. We're friends, best friends just like he wants us to be and everything is fine."
"So why can't you say that in a straight voice," Kurt asked bluntly, and Jeff swallowed, eyes widening as if he had only now realised that his own voice was wobbling.
"I've talked to Blaine about this, you know," Kurt pressed on, glad that he was finally, after an entire week, seeing a chink in that mask of humour that Jeff usually kept rigidly in place. "He says that everything's not exactly right with Nick either, but so far, he's taken a more hands off approach. But you're hurting; I can see that, and I don't want you hurting if I can help it. I care about you too much to see you in pain Jeff, so talk to me."
"About what Kurt?" Jeff snapped, all hints of joviality gone from his voice. "About how, unlike you, Nick doesn't have time for me? Doesn't care to have time for me? You have it so good, you know? Blaine's loyal to you; he's kept up his end of the bargain. Nick's ignored everything we promised to do and I don't even think he cares. I'm always the one left behind, because of a stupid blip in the universe that's left me a year behind in school. And you know what's horrible? I don't think he cares this time. He doesn't care to try to keep that connection alive between us, all because I opened my stupid mouth, and I don't know what to do to fix it, so just drop it Kurt!"
Kurt stood there silently, allowing Jeff to vent the emotions he probably had had building up in him for a while now. He wasn't scared by his anger; Jeff didn't seem like a threat to him in anyway, indeed, he sort of reminded Kurt of an angered puppy - an animal in a volatile mood yes, but not one who could likely cause any real harm to those around them.
"What did you say?" he asked calmly.
"What?" Jeff inquired, blinking in confusion, obviously not expecting that sort of response from Kurt.
"You said you said something to him that changed everything," Kurt elaborated. "What was it?"
"I'm not going to tell you that," he ground out, but, from the tone of his voice to the pain in his eyes, Kurt had a pretty good idea of what it was. His mind drifted back to when Jeff had inadvertently commented on the complexities of love that afternoon under the tree. If Jeff didn't want to admit it, then he would leave him.
"I'll respect that...for now," Kurt stated, raising his hand in a placating manner.
The tenseness in Jeff's body faded immediately, and it was with an audible sigh that he plopped back down onto the couch. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," he said after a minute's silence.
"I'm glad you did," Kurt responded, walking over and dropping down on the couch beside him, "You've been bottling a lot of things up inside."
"How'd you realise?"
Kurt nudged him with his shoulder playfully. "I do the same all the time. And if there is one thing I learnt from Blaine's visit; it is not at all healthy. "
"Oh yeah? What helps?"
"Talking about it, either with people I trust or my therapist."
"And do you feel better afterwards?"
"Hell no," Kurt said with a laugh, "it's like picking at a wound."
"So why did you do that?"
"Because after it's irritated you realise the things you need to do to stop yourself from picking at it and slowly it heals."
"Well I don't think there's a solution to this," Jeff told him, pulling his legs up and dropping his head onto Kurt's shoulder.
"Yeah, but at least the universe knows, and I know, so I can help."
"There's nothing you can do Kurt. And please, don't say anything to Nick."
"I won't tell Nick anything," Kurt promised. Blaine however, was an entirely different matter, he told himself.
"Come over this weekend?" Jeff requested, nestling closer. "We can have a marathon, eat popcorn and talk about things that have nothing to do with Nick."
"That's fine, Jeff," Kurt agreed, "are your grandparents here?"
"Nah. Business trip."
"You Warblers and your privileged family lives," Kurt teased, "your families are hardly ever around."
"The suffering the wealthy face," Jeff mock-groaned, throwing a hand over his head, causing Kurt to laugh. "I think you have it the best out of all of us sometimes, Kurtsie," he admitted. "Your family is always around. Boarding school is great and all, but sometimes when you go home, you wish it isn't to hired help or an empty house. No child of mine is ever going to experience that," he finished decisively.
"So no Dalton or County Day for future Sterlings?"
"Day student status only," Jeff confirmed. "Now come on, enough of this future garbage. Let's decide what we're doing for our weekend!"
"Okay."
"I can't believe it's snowing so much," Kurt said, as he stared out of one of the floor to ceiling windows in Jeff's house. "It was so light when I got here."
"It's all a part of my grand master plan," Jeff declared, adopting his most menacing expression as he approached. "The snow will fall and you will be trapped here with me forever and ever!"
"Master Jeffery is being ridiculous," a lightly accented voice stated.
Jeff flushed, and looked at the far corner of the dining room, where Mrs. Smith, house-keeper for the Sterlings since long before he had been born eyed him with amusement, her hands hovering over the display she had been creating of different desserts for the two teenage boys.
"I didn't see you there," he said with slight petulance.
"Does he act as goofy in school, Mr. Hummel?" she inquired.
"All the time."
"Traitor!" he stated loudly, pointing accusingly at him.
"Be nice to your guest Master Jeffery," she scolded him as she crossed the room, her shoes clicking on the polished, wooden floor, "or I will have him keep my company for the evening instead."
"Yes ma'am," Jeff agreed, because he knew better than to question the woman. She was a woman of her word, and unfortunately for him, she and Kurt got along ridiculously well.
"Don't let him take advantage of you now," she said to Kurt as she reached the door, "Master Jeffery tends to take his games a little too far at times, especially when he knows his grandparents aren't around to keep him in check."
"You're making me sound like a brat."
"You are," she replied, before leaving them alone in the large room.
"She's always so mean to me," Jeff complained, although in a complete contradiction to his words, he all but skipped to Kurt, wrapping his arms around Kurt's right on before peering out into the gloomy afternoon weather. "Wow," he whistled, "my master plan is going extremely well. You would have been stuck here even if you hadn't planned on spending the weekend with me."
"You are ridiculous," Kurt told him, although he reached up to ruffle his hair. "Now as much as I love watching snow, I am hungry, and the spread Mrs. Smith made for us looks absolutely delicious."
"Are you here for the company or the food?" Jeff asked.
"A bit of both," he dead-panned before pulling and walking away. "Is that lamb chops, I smell?"
"Kurtsie," he groused, following him at a slower pace, "You're supposed to be amusing me."
"After you've fed me I'll give you all the amusement you want."
"Ooooh! Food time then!" he half-shouted enthusiastically, grabbing the plate from Kurt's hand and starting to pile food on it, while Kurt let him be with fond affection.
Aside from a text or two to Blaine and Finn, the pair largely adhered to the no technology to the outside world rule Jeff had (arbitrarily) created. After a movie, during which Kurt spent more of his time laughing at Jeff's attempts to guess the plot lines ahead of time, and two episodes of Doctor Who, Jeff stood abruptly.
"You took any meds today?"
"No," Kurt responded, even as he wondered at the question.
"Good. So we can safely be illegal then," he said with a grin.
Kurt's eyes widened at the proclamation, especially when Jeff made a bee-line for the liquor cabinet.
"Woah Sterling," Kurt said, "What are you doing?"
"We are going to up this party tonight."
"We're only eighteen."
"Which is the legal age in so many places around the word," Jeff answered. "Now I know you're the goody-goody two shoes kind, so I highly doubt you've have had anything stronger than a beer, but tonight's the night to rectify that."
"Jeff..."
The blonde turned around, a bottle of barrelled rum in his hands. Their eyes met, and held for a moment, before he sighed. "Okay Kurtsie, I'm not about the peer pressure life. Do you want some?"
Now that Jeff seemed a bit more rational about the whole thing, Kurt felt as if he could give the matter a bit more thought.
He had sampled alcohol before, but really only at home and under his father's rather indulgent supervision. He really didn't see the appeal of it in large quantities but he was well aware of its so called benefits. Which made him wonder why exactly Jeff had decided to incorporate alcohol into their previously perfectly PG night.
"Do you have beer?" he asked, deciding that he could compromise on this. "And how much trouble are we potentially going to get in for this?"
"Next to none," Jeff said with a shrug, putting down the bottle before heading for the mini-fridge. "Granddad doesn't care as long as I don't touch the really old stuff and what Grandma doesn't know won't hurt," he finished impishly. "There's Smirnoff."
"Red?" he asked hopefully.
"You're drinking a Black," Jeff informed him, standing with it. "Oh relax you," he bid, as Kurt joined him in the bar area, "We've had full meals and way too much popcorn. And this is glorified kid's stuff. You'll be fine tomorrow."
"But will you be?" Kurt rebutted, watching Jeff's transformation into a bartender as he started compiling a drink for himself that seemed to have a ridiculously high alcohol to juice ratio in his opinion.
"Life isn't fair, so it'd be okay, if I follow along with it for a little bit."
Kurt didn't respond to that. He didn't know how to.
The pair eventually settled back down onto the couch together, Jeff putting Youtube on the flat screen that neither of them particularly paid much attention to. Jeff seemed too engrossed with his drink, and Kurt, Kurt was just waiting for what he half expected to happen. Jeff was halfway through his drinks when it did.
"I told Nick that I loved him the day before he left," he said softly one finger running along the rim of his glass, "am in love with him I mean. I figured this was it, that movie moment people go through. I'd tell him finally that I loved him, he'd respond in kind and that'd be it. We'd spend a year pining for each other, I'd come to NYU too and we'd be set for life."
"What did he say?" Kurt questioned softly, putting aside his mostly full bottle.
"He never answered," Jeff said with a slightly hysterical laugh. "I told him I loved him, he stared at me for a moment, and then he said he still had some packing to do. And he left. I got a text from him two days afterwards stating that he had arrived safely in New York. Things have never been the same since."
Kurt could only look at him with an expression akin to pity. He didn't have a clue as to how he would have reacted if he had been in Jeff's position.
"Have you ever brought it up to him since?"
"How could I?" Jeff asked him, "he heard me. He heard me and chose not to respond. I've been too humiliated since to even try bringing it up. I just try to act normal you know? Hitting him up every few days, reminding him of the plans we'd made before I opened my big, stupid mouth and ruined everything, but Nick's been so unresponsive to me. I think he hates me now."
"He doesn't hate you."
"Well he definitely hates what I've done to our friendship," Jeff responded, downing more of his drink. "Don't worry," he said with a huff, as he caught Kurt's stare. "I've been drinking for a while now. I'm not going to turn into a blubbering mess all over you."
"Why do you drink?"
"To be happy," he said sarcastically.
"Jeff."
"Because it dulls it, okay Kurt? I've been hurting so much since that day and there's no one I can talk to about it. You've got Finn, your family and all your old school friends to talk to about Blaine if you need to. They're independent of the situation."
"Me? I'm surrounded by Dalton boys Kursie. Have been my whole life. There's not a damn soul I know who doesn't know Nick. Kind of hard to complain about Nick acting like a douche to me when half of them are probably just going to roll their eyes and say that it's just the usual post-Nick separation anxiety I go through every time Nick goes on ahead of me. That's why I'm telling you. You're the most removed person from this entire situation that I know. I'm telling you that I'm not okay, and it's getting harder and harder as time goes by to pretend it is. Our families always have Christmas celebrations together. Grandad and Nick's dad went to school together and were the best of friends."
"What?" Kurt asked, thoroughly confused, and wondering if this was now the alcohol talking.
"That's a story for a different day Kurtsie," Jeff told him. "This story is about how fucking awkward Christmas is going to be because there is no way either of us are going to get out of this. Imagine how it's going to go. Nick, pass me the ham. Oh by the way, do you still hate me for loving you?"
"That will be awkward," Kurt agreed.
"I'm trying to come up with way to get out of it. Find someone with something contagious like chicken pox."
"Or maybe you can tell Nick that you really want to clear the air between the two of you before Christmas."
"Not. Gonna. Happen."
Kurt took his Smirnoff up and took a generous swing from it to buy himself a few moments to think. He nearly choked on a mouthful when Jeff closed the already small distance between them, looking at him with slightly glassy eyes.
"The best solution I had managed was to somehow end up in a relationship before Christmas, love be damned. But all the Dalton gays are taken and girls are just not worth the hassle."
"They're not all taken," Kurt corrected, a particular red-headed Warbler coming to mind.
Jeff mumbled something indiscernible and dropped his head down onto Kurt's shoulder, knocking aside Kurt's bottle and pushing him down so that he was half-lying on top of him.
Kurt wriggled his arm free and wrapped it around Jeff, starting a soothing caress at the base of his scalp.
At this point he was simply hoping that the alcohol would have a greater impact on Jeff than he believed could, rendering him asleep. Kurt could wriggle from under him and settle down on one of the other couches then while still being able to keep an eye on him.
Thankfully the laptop was on auto-play so as the time dragged by, it didn't become too boring for him. Kurt had just about decided that Jeff was out for the count when Jeff sighed and shifted, looking up to meet Kurt's eyes.
"You're the best," he stated, and Kurt was mildly surprised by how normal his voice sounded now. Jeff patted his chest, as if in thanks before sitting back up, Kurt following him. "I'm thirsty," he said, rising. "Don't worry, just juice this time," he reassured him as Kurt's eyes widened. "I'll bring you a glass too."
Kurt nodded, and decided to use the time in the interim to go back to the window. The land around the house (because it was too vast to be called a yard) was illuminated enough by a series of lights that Kurt could still observe the still falling snow. Kurt chuckled as an absentminded thought about a snow-day floated around his mild. Now that was definitely the Smirnoff thinking, he acknowledged. The semester was ending in a little under two weeks. He would have all the time in the world to relax then...well in between college applications.
Lost in his train of thought, Kurt didn't hear Jeff approach until he was right behind him. He jumped when his arms wrapped around him and his chin settled on his shoulder.
"Hey you," Jeff murmured.
Kurt smelt alcohol a bit stronger on Jeff now, and his brows furrowed. "You drank more," he said plainly.
"I drank more," he confirmed. "Your juice is on the table though, perfectly untainted as you prefer."
"We should get you to bed," Kurt suggested, as Jeff sagged a bit against him. "I rather not lose my place of honour with Mrs. Smith."
"Forget her," Jeff ordered with a huff, pulling back enough so he could tug at Kurt, turning him around, "let's talk about you and me."
"What about us?"
"Why did you have to make up with Blaine, Kurtsie?" he inquired. "You guys are relationship goals, but couldn't you have held out a little longer? You'd have been the perfect excuse to use against Nick."
"Sorry?" he offered even while he continued to tell himself that this was just the alcohol talking.
"Things never go my way," he bemoaned.
"You know, Phillip has a crush on you," Kurt informed him, "not all the gays as you put it, are taken."
"Phillip likes you," he said gruffly, shooting him a mild glare, "don't try to distract me."
"From?"
"I'm lonely Kurt," he half-whined and Kurt resisted a small smile, because, drunk or not, that was the adorable Jeff he knew.
"Come on," he bid, "let's get changed and go to bed. It's been a long night."
"It's been a long life," Jeff corrected, looking at him.
This wasn't one of their usual eye contacts; Kurt knew that instinctively from the way Jeff's gaze lingered on him. He stepped back, breaking the look and Jeff's grip on him, and ran his hand through his hair. "Come on drunkie," he said, but Jeff didn't respond.
Indeed, he took a step closer to him. "Why won't you love me?" Jeff asked, and Kurt felt every bit of the pain in his voice. "What did I ever do to make you treat me like this, Nick?"
"Jeff," Kurt said cajolingly, "let's get you upstairs."
"I love you," Jeff repeated, reaching out.
Kurt froze as Jeff's hands wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer to him. Kurt swallowed, unsure of what to do. He wasn't stupid, he had a fair idea of what Jeff could be angling for with the position they were in now.
"Jeff," Kurt tried, "let's go upstairs n-"
Kurt's words cut off as Jeff moved in closer, his face close, so close to his.
"I love you," Jeff whispered, leaning towards him.
Jeff was hurting pretty badly, he told himself. That and the alcohol in his system had pushed him to this, a desperate drive for affection and validation of his worth. And so, Kurt didn't resist when the distance between them closed and Jeff claimed his lips in a slightly sloppy, but wholly emotion laden kiss.