My Pet Peeve

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.

Shikamaru was pretty focused on what he was doing. So focused that he didn't notice the fish coming up next to his face until it was practically touching him.

"What the-?!" He started out shouting before remembering that they were in a lab and were supposed to be acting 'responsibly'. "Put the damn fish down."

"But he wants to say hello." Kiba resumed pushing his dead fish closer to Shikamaru's face. "Look, he likes you."

"…" Cursing the day he allowed Kiba to set up next to him in this lab session, Shikamaru tried to get back what he was doing. For some reason they were dissecting fish. Considering that a lot of people he knew had short attention spans, it was a surprise they were trusted to even be in the lab let alone actually do any work.

"Dun dun." …He better not be doing what I think he's doing. "Dun dun." He is. Great. The fish's head kept popping up over the other side of the table. "Dun dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun DUN!"

Shikamaru scowled as the fish slowly made it's way around the table, bobbing up and down as it did, with Kiba 'subtly' holding it out from underneath the table.

"Are you finished yet?" He had reached Shikamaru and was still under the table holding out the fish. There was a pause while Kiba considered his many options.

"DUN!" He jumped out, pushed the fish right into Shikamaru's cheek, and ducked back under the table. Not only had he gotten up early for this bullshit he was now covered in fish slime. Being around Hidan had increased his tolerance for idiocy but this was too much in one day. Shikamaru was too smart to just get angry. He waited until Kiba had stopped paying attention to him and slowly cut out one of the fish eyes. As soon as Kiba looked over at someone else he dumped it down the back of his shirt. The results were satisfying.

"You wanker! What the hell?"

"Oops, I thought that was the bin." Retaliation was prevented when they noticed the lab supervisor glancing their way and so they pretended to be working.

"You scroat."

"You started it, I finished it."

"Hmph. This round is yours but next time vengeance will be mine!" At least they were providing a good show for the people on the other bench. This was where Sasuke had sensibly decided to place himself so he wasn't involved in any of the usual bullshit. "What exactly are we doing anyway?"

"…I think it involves some kind of sampling. To be honest I zoned out after he said the word fish."

"Hmm…" Kiba looked over at Sasuke who was very into what he was doing. "Perhaps our friendly neighbourhood Uchiha will know."

"I don't think you'll get anything from him but good luck trying." Sasuke was too much of a sadist to help anyone.

"Psst!" Kiba had decided to very subtly get Sasuke's attention by hissing at him. Loudly. This got a few giggles from the girls next to them. "PSSSST!" Sasuke was pointedly ignoring him.

"You could just ask someone else."

"He is supposed to be our friend so he will help us."

"…I think I'll go ask one of the girls over there."

"No! You are defeating the point of this!"

"There's a point to this?" This seemed doubtful.

"Silence infidel!" Wow. That's a new one. Shikamaru sat down and started cutting up the fish. As long as he didn't mangle the stupid thing too much it would probably be fine. Kiba, on the other hand, had apparently not given up on whatever it was that he was trying to do.

"Psssst!" He'd even added to the repertoire by waving his arms and jumping. Half the class had started watching, including their supervisor.

"Err… Mr. Inuzuka?" He was quite a shy old man so he had left it longer than most would to intervene. "Is there a problem?"

"Sasuke's ignoring me!" Kiba had shouted and pointed towards the Uchiha who had looked up and given him a look that promised death. The supervisor noticed this.

"Why did you need him exactly?" Even this guy seemed a little uneasy of the glare. Shikamaru put his scalpel down and turned to watch fully. It was likely this was going to be a good show and he didn't want to miss any of it.

"Because I don't know what we're supposed to be doing." He wasn't even ashamed of this. Clearly this guy had no idea how to deal with Kiba.

"Oh… Well I could explain-."

"Sasuke is the one who should do it!" Oh Christ he's trying to get the session cancelled again. It usually worked when he kicked off.

"I think he's busy so-."

"You Uchiha bastard!" Kiba had walked over and pushed Sasuke's scalpel on to the floor. "Now do your work!"

"Maybe you should just-."

"Don't blame other people because you're a dumbshit."

"I'm not a dumbshit!"

"Boys-."

"Screw you and screw your stupid fish!" Shikamaru looked up at the supervisor. The poor man looked like his spirit had been broken and Shikamaru felt kind of sorry for him. It wasn't easy dealing with idiots.

"Mr…" Damn I can't remember his name. They dealt with so many generic lecture people it was hard to remember them all. "Err… sir?" The man looked at him.

"Want me to get you a coffee?"

"…Could you make it an Irish?"

"Got it."

-Page Break-

"You missed the best part of the show." Kiba stuffed the nearest burger into his face. "Seriously, it involved nudity."

"Wow. I am so disappointed." Shikamaru rolled his eyes. When he'd returned with the coffee, the supervisor had given up, told everybody to leave, and retreated to the inner office. As they'd gone out they'd heard crying coming from behind the door. Of course, escaping from a three hour lab session after only forty five minutes was cause for celebration so they'd gone to the nearest crappy food place.

"Why did you order so many burgers? Where do you even put the damn things?" Sasuke and Shikamaru had ordered only one each like normal people but Kiba had gone for four. He'd only had one and already his face was covered in mustard. "Seriously, forget fat, you're lucky not to be dead."

"Screw you and your unrealistic body standards!" He leant forward and started eating right next to Sasuke's face, chewing with his mouth open. The Uchiha responded by emptying a salt sachet onto his hair.

"Shika! Sasuke's bullying me!"

"I'm on a break, deal with your own crap." Troublesome fools. It was worse than Hidan. Almost anyway. Hidan, when he had discovered he was going to be alone for hours had decided to turn the taps on and off when Shikamaru was in the shower so it kept running cold. When this hadn't stopped Shikamaru from getting changed he had sat in the lounge sulking.

"I'm not surprised you're sick of idiots like this when you live with one." Kiba huffed and looked away. "How did you escape the psycho anyway?"

"I just ignored his sulking?"

"What's his problem? Can he not survive alone or something?" Sasuke, like Shikamaru, was pretty independent so neither of them really understood.

"I guess he's just… clingy?" This was an understatement.

"Is that even healthy? You shouldn't be so obsessed with one person." This was true of course but Shikamaru still felt a little annoyed.

"I don't know what I can do about it." It was easy for Sasuke to say anyway. Naruto was pretty normal in comparison.

"You could leave him alone?" Sasuke started popping fries into his mouth. "It'd be better for you."

"I know that." It was scary having someone rely on you so much. "He hates it though…"

"Of course he does. He'll be fine later." Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Do you enjoy having him freaking out whenever you're not there?"

"It's troublesome so no." Though being needed is kind of… no! Shut up brain! His head was an asshole.

"Just fix him up sooner rather than later."

"It's not like he's some kind of broken toaster I can take to a shop. He's a human being."

"Debatable." Sasuke and Hidan were never gonna like each other.

"You deal with Naruto, I'll deal with Hidan."

"Who do I get?" Kiba was feeling left out it seemed.

"No one," Sasuke and Shikamaru said in unison.

"Why do all my friends hates me?"

"Don't you dare start the fake-crying routine again." Shikamaru was giving him the look he usually gave Hidan.

"Yeah, we will move to another table."

"…I hate you guys."

-Page Break-

When he got back to the house, Hidan was slumped in front of the TV. He was halfway through one of Ino's 'secret' tubs of Ben and Jerry's.

"What took you so long?" He wasn't looking too impressed.

"We went to get food."

"Hmph. Prick." Hidan was still pouting so Shikamaru sighed and went and sat next to him.

"Why didn't you go and do something? You don't have to wait for me."

"Who? I hate people." Hidan was tutting at him like he was the idiot.

"It was only a suggestion. You're the one who gets bored." Sasuke had annoyed him with what he had said and so Shikamaru wanted to prove that Hidan could function perfectly well on his own.

"I wouldn't get bored if you were here." This wasn't a good start.

"…You don't mind Naruto." He was nice and generally easy to manipulate.

"I guess." Hidan didn't mix with people, he usually just watched. He and Shikamaru shared this trait although he did at least talk to some people. Hidan let him do it all.

"You could see him next time I mean?"

"Wow, great idea. You should ring his asshole boyfriend and arrange a fucking playdate." His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Ok I get it, you don't like it."

"Why are you saying this shit?"

"Because you're clingy… it's not good for you."

"I know that! You think I haven't noticed?" Hidan was scowling at him now. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you hate me or something?"

"No! I didn't say I hated you!"

"So you hate me being around you?" Hidan pulled his legs up and put his arms around them.

"No! I like having you around, I was just worried! Just… Ahh forget it." There had been no reason for there to be an argument. This was my fault. "Sorry… I shouldn't have said anything."

"…What's wrong with me?" Hidan looked kind of depressed. "I don't like it."

"I know." It was a lot harder for Hidan than it was for him. "You'll be fine. You're not a complete idiot and you're tough when you need to be."

"That was a compliment right?" He sounded suspicious.

"Yes."

"Hmmm…" He was still unsure of this but it didn't prevent him from leaning up against Shikamaru and burying his head in his chest. "I better be getting some fucking petting." Shikamaru rolled his eyes but started stroking Hidan's hair anyway. It had the same effect as petting a small animal.

"Did I bother you?"

"No… It was just something Sasuke said." Hidan looked up.

"What did that bastard say?"

"Not much… Just that maybe you should…" He could sugar coat it or he could be honest. "He thinks you rely on me too much…" Hidan looked pretty pissed off.

"And you agreed?"

"No! I mean, I don't want you to live your whole life revolving around me or anything but I wanted him to be wrong."

"Wrong about what?"

"That you're fine on your own…"

"Oh… I'm gonna kick his ass later." Hidan leant back against Shikamaru. "And you should've done."

"I know… Meh, you can just fix him. You're good at that." Hidan laughed. Probably because he was planning something disturbing but at least he was happy.

"…Shika?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we weird?"

"Definitely."

"Oh."

"I think that's probably a good thing though." Neither of them could put up with other people for very long.

"Agreed."