My Pet Peeve

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.

"Happy birthday." Hidan looked up and Shikamaru dropped a small paper bag on his forehead.

"What the fuck is that?" It wasn't even his birthday for a start.

"Open it." Inside it was a small bronze coloured key. As he was quite slow he looked to the Nara boy for answers. "I got you a key cut."

"Oh… Why?" They'd been living together for over a year so he wasn't sure why he'd waited until now to do this.

"So that you can go outside when I'm not here." Obviously he wouldn't but Shikamaru wasn't going to be blamed for his boyfriend's anti-social nature.

"Why the fuck would I do that?"

"I don't know. I just thought it would be a nice thing to do." Most people would've appreciated this as a gift. "And I am going. I have a lab session."

"What? And what the hell am I going to do while you're there?"

"Go out? I'm sure you'll find some way of entertaining yourself." Not that he wanted to know what the guy did.

Shikamaru couldn't see what Hidan had to complain about anyway. The guy got to spend all of his time doing whatever he wanted. Now he had to go for a three hour lab session, probably ending up with Kiba as a lab partner. This would be a pain in the ass but it was obligatory so he had no other options.

When he arrived at the fifth floor lab which had required several storeys of stairs, he was in a bad enough mood. When he discovered that they did have to work in pairs this was even worse. Sasuke had cleverly managed to persuade Shino to work with him since Shino usually left you alone. In fact, people often forgot he was there at all. This was something that Kiba was happy about.

"That guy gives me the creeps." As Kiba was currently staring at Shino as he said this and only working on the other side of the lab bench, this was harsh.

"He's not doing anything, doesn't smell and actually does his work. This makes him much better than you."

"He collects bugs." For some reason he thought it was ok to point at Shino while he said this. He didn't seem too upset about this but as he was usually expressionless, it was hard to tell.

"You shouldn't talk about a person when they can hear you. Why? Because it hurts their feelings."

"And he talks like a robot!" This was so loud that half of the class started watching.

"Don't be a dick Kiba." This from Sasuke, who had stopped writing in his notebook and was now scowling.

"Yeah, sit down and leave him alone." Shikamaru grabbed the back of his lab coat and pulled him down onto the stool.

"Why are you taking his side?"

"Because you are the one being an asshole."

"Ok everyone." The argument was brought to a speedy conclusion by their supervisor. "We're going to be testing these microbes."

Ugh… If there was one thing he hated, it was tedious and troublesome things like this. It was tempting to start pretending to vomit so he could go home but the walk felt like just as much of an effort right now. At least this time there would be no fish. The smell would be a lot better and Kiba wouldn't be able to do that stupid fish thing.

"Ooh Shika~."

"What?"

"Look what I've got." Kiba was holding up an eraser, shaped like a shark.

…Kill me now.

-Page Break-

Hidan could only think of one thing he felt like doing right now and so he made his way out down the road. It seemed weird to be on his own and part of him wanted to turn back. And then he remembered the only other person in the house was Ino and she had been in a bad mood. This seemed a good alternative.

Remembering where the actual university was did prove a problem to him since he usually followed Shikamaru. Because there were so many tall buildings on the campus the general direction was easy to guess at. Once he got there he discovered another problem. There were at least a dozen buildings and he had no clue which one Shikamaru was in.

All he could remember was that it involved a lab so he avoided anything that looked artistic. Three buildings later and he'd found something hopeful. Obviously he wasn't meant to be there and so he walked as if he knew where he was going. This usually stopped people from asking questions. Looking into windows wasn't very efficient but most of the rooms were empty so it didn't take long.

When he got to the fifth floor (very irritated indeed), he heard a sudden shout from one of the rooms.

"This is an infringement of my human rights!" This was clearly Kiba and he knew he'd found the right place.

Looking through the door he could see a large group of people standing around in lab coats, one of whom was Shikamaru. The good part was that everyone was distracted by Kiba who seemed to be fighting with the man in charge. This made things easy. Opening the door slowly he slipped in and kept low to the ground. He went along the tables towards the back of the room. Shikamaru was sitting at the end of one table, looking at the fight with an expression of distaste. Nobody noticed him moving along the floor and ducking under the desk. It was amazing that Shikamaru hadn't noticed since his legs were within half a metre of him.

"Just get back to work and we'll talk about this later."

"Damn society trying to crush my soul!"

"Just sit down idiot." Hidan nearly chuckled when he saw Kiba join Shikamaru at the desk.

"These people are so boring."

"You need to stop. The sooner we do this, the sooner we can leave."

Hidan's main issue was working out how to tell the boy he was there. If he did it the wrong way, it could cause a scene. Luckily an opportunity came when Kiba dropped a pen. When he leant down to pick it up he caught a glance of Hidan and froze. Hidan put his finger to his lips and then drew it across his neck so Kiba would know what would happen if he gave him away. Slowly Kiba sat back up.

"So Shika…"

"What now?" Shikamaru was at the end of his tether. Kiba had already been bothering him with the shark eraser and generally messing around.

"I can do a magic trick." He gave him a glare. Why he had to talk so loudly he didn't know.

"You shouldn't mess around in labs. Why? Because-."

"Shut up Shino!" Kiba really had no patience for Shino. This was probably because he was jealous that the bastard got to live with Hinata. "Anyway, if I tap your desk and say the magic words something will appear underneath."

"What did you do?" It's probably that bloody shark again.

"Alakazam!" And he tapped it with his pen. "Now, behold!"

"…Really?" He couldn't be bothered with messing around. "You better not have put something stupid down there."

"Have a look." Shikamaru put his pen down, pushed the stool back and looked down. Hidan made sure to wave. He sat up quickly.

"What the hell is this?"

"There's actually something there?" Sasuke looked sceptical. He, like Shikamaru, had assumed it was a joke. Shikamaru looked down again. Hidan waved.

"Yes there is." How the hell did that happen?

"What?"

"…A dog." There was a swift whack on his shin. "Ow!"

"A dog?" Sasuke subtly stood up and walked round, pretending to be interested in their worksheet. After knocking a pencil over he leaned down. Only a few seconds later he stood up. "…How?"

"I don't know." Shikamaru rolled his eyes and ripped a sheet out of the back of his book. With a pen he passed it to the gremlin under their desk. When it was passed back it had only three words.

"'I was bored'." Why am I not surprised? Sasuke went back round to his seat and started whispering to Shino. After writing 'you are an idiot' in big letters on another sheet of paper and throwing it under the desk he leaned towards the two on the other side.

"How are we going to get this idiot out?" If anyone overheard they would assume they were talking about Kiba.

"Leave him there until the end of class. He chose to go there, he can stay there." Sasuke made the best argument.

"I think I agree."

"Isn't it dangerous to sit on a lab floor?"

"Don't be a pussy Shino."

The only problem was that it was hard to do work when someone kept massaging your leg. At least he didn't have to walk around too much. He'd done most of the practical bullshit.

Hidan was greatly enjoying this. His legs were cramping up but he got to enjoy playing with Shikamaru when he could do very little about it.

Shikamaru was partly scowling but also blushing. He wasn't a public display of affection kind of person and though no one could see, he could feel hands rubbing up and down his leg. It was pleasant as well since Hidan was purposely aiming to give him a pleasant massage.

The problem was that if he did anything his friends would notice something was going on and if they realised what it was he wouldn't hear the end of it. Hidan was well aware of this and so he continued to move upwards until he was rubbing his thigh. At the point Shikamaru knocked his pen to the ground and ducked under.

"Stop it." The white-haired boy tried to look innocent.

"I have no idea what you mean."

"I will kick you. Hard." And he sat back up, all three of the others staring at him.

"What was that?"

"Something kept trying to take off my shoe."

"How are we going to get that thing out? Because I think a certain dickhead will notice an extra person." This was an astute observation from Kiba.

"I can't believe you suggested something sensible."

"Hey! I resent that."

"Because you know it's true."

"Again? Really?" Kiba and Sasuke should never be put together.

"I could distract him." The three of them stared at Shino who seemed quite calm. "I have an interesting bee in my bag."

"You just carry those things around?"

"Shut it dog boy!" Kiba flipped Sasuke the middle finger who ignored him and turned to Shino. "Can you keep him interested enough to sneak someone out?"

"Probably."

"Thanks Shino." The only other option had been to break something at the other end of the room and have Hidan run for the door.

When the class was announced as over, Shino went straight for his bag and having proved the procured the pot containing the insect, went straight to their supervisor. When a lot of the others were gone and the man was distracted, Hidan quickly made for the door with Shikamaru close behind him. Finally outside in the corridor they sighed.

"I can't believe you did that." Actually he could since this fool was capable of anything.

"It was fucking hilarious when you saw." He had a smile on his face just picturing the moment.

"You're gonna have to wash those clothes since I have no idea what's been on these floors."

"Will you help me shower too?"

"Can't you do it?"

"A lot of couples shower together. It's romantic and all that bollocks."

"You describe it in such a lovely way." His blunt way of talking certainly made things more refreshing.

"You can wash my back, I'll do yours."

"I don't feel like a shower. It's troublesome."

"Don't you trust me?"

"I was going to suggest we have a bath. Less effort."

"Oh… Yeah, if you want." He was surprised the boy had said this. Shikamaru hadn't trusted him in the bath for months.

"Lower water bill too." And that killed the romance.

"I better get a proper fucking back massage."

"Yes yes." Shikamaru was acting quite calm but inwardly he was feeling awkward. He saw Hidan naked a lot. The man had no shame and was in fact, famous for it. But he hadn't shown much of his body in a while. The walk home didn't take long and as the bath was filling up he could see Hidan eagerly stripping down.

"Put those clothes in a bag or something. They could have dome chemicals on them."

"Yes mother." He did as asked though since he wanted the other boy in a good mood.

While Hidan was distracted with this, Shikamaru started undressing. He left the boxers on for now though. That area was only going to be seen through layers of bubbles. As he readied the bath he noticed Hidan watching him.

"What?"

"Just thinking about how that ass is mine."

"The bath is ready." He chose to ignore that comment. And while Hidan was distracted he pulled the boxers off and hopped into the bath. Hidan caught on much faster than someone with his intellect could be expected to.

"Why won't you let me see your dick?"

"I'm just getting into the bath. I thought that was what you wanted me to do." Hidan was still looking at him suspiciously as he lowered himself into the bath.

"So you gonna help me get this crap off?"

"There's probably nothing on you but fine." He was used to doing this for Hidan since the guy liked being petted often. He did rush it however. This felt awkward.

"And now it's my turn~."

"I'm not that-." Hidan kissed him and used it as a distraction to allow him to grab Shikamaru's ass. "What are you doing?"

"Feeling you up."

"Why there?"

"Feeling shy?" He'd noticed the blush spreading over Shikamaru's face.

"You said you'd help me wash. That is not helping."

"But you never let me touch your ass."

"Do you have a thing for asses?"

"Maybe…." It was only Shikamaru's ass really.

"I'm kind of cold so maybe you could do that out of the bath."

"Ok~." And before he knew what was happened, Hidan had stuck him over his shoulder and was climbing out.

"Don't carry me like that you idiot!"

"Fine." He placed him on the floor. Sadly he was sitting which meant most of him was on display, He grabbed a towel. "It's only your dick."

"I have shame."

"But it's me." And now he was pouting.

"I don't mind you." This was kind of a lie since he did feel awkward that it was Hidan. "I just hate being naked."

"Poor Shika."

"Don't pat me on the head."

"I think you have a fucking awesome body!"

"Thanks?" Clearly he was trying to cheer him up in his own way which was kind of cute. "But I am kind of cold."

"Need any help?" Hidan held up Shikamaru's boxers and smiled.

"As long as you don't act like a dick about it." If Hidan helped it would lessen the amount of effort he'd have to make anyway.