Vanessa woke up. It was Thursday, the fourth day of school. She yawned.
"Good morning, sweetie," Heinz greeted. "Want a muffin?"
"Sure," Vanessa muttered. She was barely awake.
She took a bite, and was surprised.
"Dad, these muffins are spicy! What did you mess up this time?!" Vanessa exclaimed.
"I put a habañero pepper in the mix. I have got a cra-a-ave for spicy today!" Heinz exclaimed.
"It was intentional?! Augh, dad!" Vanessa complained.
"Now, now, honey. I read on the internet that spicy stuff makes you more manly, and the internet is always right!" Heinz explained.
"First off, that isn't true, and secondly, WHY, might I ask, do you want to turn me into a man?" Vanessa questioned.
"Because as a man- wait, you're my daughter; what am I doing?!" Heinz cried. "Oh, no! You're going to turn into a man!"
"Relax, Dad. Habañeros don't turn women into men, unless ... you drugged it. Wait, did you?!" Vanessa yelled.
"No! No, I just bought it at the local supermarket and put it in my large muffin batch," Heinz explained.
"Then I am not going to freakishly turn into a man and we can get on with our day!" Vanessa bellowed.
Then her phone buzzed.
"Ooh! A text!" Vanessa squealed.
"Wait, who are you texting?" Heinz asked.
"Who texted me? It could be anyone. Now, shoo, Dad!" Vanessa dismissed.
"But honey-" Heinz started.
"Give me privacy!" Vanessa shouted.
"Yes, hon," Heinz groaned.
She looked and saw a text from Ferb.
"Good morning!" Ferb texted.
"To you too! What's new?" Vanessa asked.
"I just broke my electric toothbrush head, like, five minutes ago. And we are out. :- " Ferb explained.
"What does :- mean?" Vanessa wondered.
"It means you can't see below my nose," Ferb clarified.
"Why?" Vanessa continued.
"Because there isn't any mouth," Ferb defined.
"No! Noy that! I'n talkimg about what expression does itt conbey?" Vanessa explained haphazardly.
"Oh, that's funny!" Ferb stated.
"Why?" Vanessa asked.
"Oh ... oops... Never mind, it would be the nose anyway" Ferb texted rapidly.
"I am so confused. :- " Vanessa stated.
"Why?" Ferb asked.
"I don't know. I don't know why my dad didn't buy any lunch meat. I don't know why he put a habañero in the muffins." Vanessa texted.
"Habañero in a muffin? Isn't that a felony?" Ferb asked.
"Not in this state" Vanessa responded.
"It has to be at least a misdemeanor." Ferb concluded.
"They don't have THAT many laws" Vanessa texted. "Anyway, I need to get ready. See you at lunch."
"K" Ferb texted back.
Vanessa chuckled and put away her phone.
· · ·
Vanessa got out of the car.
She was rushed off to her physical education class.
They were running three miles, and at the end, she was horribly tired.
Gasping after finishing her second water bottle, she was still recuperating when they moved on to Mr. Monogram's class.
He read them his poem and had them do a "poetic exercise" focusing on an ancient battle of the student's choice.
Vanessa's poem was what Monogram would consider a "moderately untuned piece of free verse". She just wanted to get through the day. She fell asleep halfway through class.
Mrs. Weaver unveiled a giant project she was going to make them do; they were supposed to write a novella by the Friday after next, which gave them eight days.
Vanessa was pretty sure she flunked her start, but at least she was feeling better.
Then it was lunch time.
Vanessa was a little slower at getting there than the rest of her class.
"Hey, guys," Vanessa greeted.
"My little brother had a birthday party. Bla, bla, bla. So then my dad found a pipe on the ground, and he started mutilating the piñata! But what he didn't know was that it was filled with flour, not candy!" Cecil exclaimed.
"Flour! Dude, that's almost as brutal as purple glitter!" Danny responded.
"He- he- he looked like a zombie that someone was about to cook up!" Cecil managed to say through his laughter. "Then my oblivious mother put a blindfold on the Chinese kid, and five minutes later, my father looked like a real zombie! He even had the groan going! I have the pictures posted on my Facebook page!"
Vanessa pulled out her phone.
"Ha! Ha! He looks like Einstein as an undead carcass!" she responded.
"Ouch," Ferb interjected, as he saw and perceived. "That looks-"
He was cut off by someone yelling at the top of their lungs.
"You!" he cried. Then the boy threw his luncheon at the other boy, who happened to be Monty.
"What? I just got this shirt last weekend. You are so dead!" Monty grunted.
Monty threw his apple at the boy, but it went over his head and hit Buford smack dab in his sutures.
"Hey! What's the big idea! Which one of you jerks hit me in the head with an apple?" Buford bellowed. "You! You! You! Ohh, you!" Buford chucked the apple at Cecil, and it ricocheted off and went straight toward Vanessa. Ferb caught it with his right hand, aimed, and knocked Buford out with it at fifteen feet. The apple split apart, shooting in all directions.
Vanessa gasped.
At this point, pandemonium ensued.
People started throwing food, knocking over tables, and beating each other up. But as far as Ferb, no one wanted to lay a hand on him, because of his otherworldly throw. Vanessa's proximity to Ferb was small enough for her to be out of the war zone.
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" the cafateria lady shouted.
Not one offender ceased in their throwing of food.
"Stop!" she shouted through her megaphone.
"Maybe we should get out of here," Ferb suggested. "I am not in the mood for a food fight."
"Way ahead of you, Ferb," Vanessa responded. They got up and proceeded.
By this time, many of the kids were under tables.
The chaos intensified; tables were overturned, chairs were thrown, and metal water bottles were flung.
"How did you manage to start a food fight with one single throw of an apple?" Vanessa asked Ferb.
"Well, I am a little controversial," Ferb stated.
"Apparently," Vanessa responded. "Yeah, what did you do to...?"
Ferb shrugged.
Vanessa tilted her head.
She then continued to eat her lunch.
· · ·
"And, Vanessa, when you pour the liquid in, seal it immediately, or some of the gas might escape," Heinz stated.
"Da- Dr. Doofenshmirtz!" Vanessa shouted. "Isn't this a little dangerous?"
"Only if you don't seal it fast," Heinz responded.
"Mixing ammonia and bleach is always a bad idea," Vanessa stated. "Fine!"
She poured the bleach in and immediately sealed the small open part of the bag.
"Yay, now we have toxic gas in a bag," Cecil observed.
"Yes, class, and if anyone tries to pop this, you are going to die," Heinz stated.
The boys didn't look very happy with what Heinz just said.
"In fact, I am putting it in a safe. That way, we can expirement tomorrow with it and insects," Heinz stated. "Oop, this class is just about over. Get ready to leave."
There we go. The end of my school year was very hectic. I am happy to publish a chapter again. Sorry it has taken so long! I am planning for one more calm chapter and then, well, muwahaha! .\/. Review!