Time distorted for Kurt after the announcement. There was a whirl of activities about him, hugs with well-wishers, interviews with reporters and a surprisingly hearty congratulations for him from Mr. Shue. He had to admit, he really had not thought about his former glee director for a long time, but he felt strangely vindicated when the man told him that he had performed excellently. He had not dwelled on the faint traces of bitterness his words aroused in him for long; the pressing events around him didn't allow for that. Finally, thankfully, Finn pulled him away for a well-deserved lunch with the family, followed by a period of relaxation in which he and Blaine simply snuggled on his bed, music wafting quietly in the background. Their phones were both on silent and set aside so that, for now, they could concentrate on each other and the short time together they had.
Kurt dozed for a while, drifting in and out of consciousness, enjoying Blaine's little caresses, rousing at times to murmur things to him that Blaine responded to in an equally soft tone.
"Dad is completely unfair," he murmured eventually into the skin of Blaine's neck. "I did good today."
Blaine chuckled at that, the movement jostling Kurt who made a discontented sound of protest until he settled back down again.
"You did great today, sweetheart," Blaine corrected, kissing his hair.
Kurt tilted his head up enough so that he could meet his hazel gaze, his lower lip protruding the slightest as he said, "If I did great today, why am I grounded?"
"For nearly giving Burt a heart-attack is what I believe he said."
"I haven't been punished since I was twelve Blaine. Twelve! And you didn't even help defend me. It's entirely unfair."
"You scared us all half to death," Blaine answered. "Besides, it's only for a week. It's better than I would have got if my parents had seen me pulling those stunts on stage."
"What, they would have spanked you?" he teased, before bursting into startled laughter when a red tinge coloured Blaine's face. "You're joking right? You got spanked?!"
"I have the right to remain silent and I am using it," Blaine grumbled, something that only caused Kurt to chortle.
"Thank you for coming," he said eventually. "It was the best surprise ever."
"You're welcome. I didn't want to tell you about it in case we couldn't manage to pull it off. Wes had brought up the idea of us attending weeks ago, but it took some logistical scheming to ensure that we were all free this weekend. Well, free enough," he amended, as he recalled that he had skipped a lecture and study group to be here.
"Thank you," Kurt whispered, kissing the space between his collar bones, "it meant the world to me."
"It's no problem," he told him sincerely. "Oh and...I decided that I'm coming back to Ohio for Spring Break."
Kurt stiffened, looking up at him with wide eyes. "I thought we agreed-"
"I know what we agreed upon," Blaine interrupted gently, "but I want to come back here Kurt."
"But I'll be in school most of the time," Kurt protested.
"My dad's going to be state side around that time," Blaine explained. "He said he'll hang around Ohio to be with me. So I won't be lonely or alone Kurt and I'll still get to see you. Besides, I am pretty sure no one will mind if I crash a few classes. You do want me here right?"
"Of course," Kurt answered quickly, "I always want you with me. I just...no...I'm glad. This is something you're sure you want to do?"
"This is something I want to do," Blaine confirmed, and wormed a finger under Kurt's chin before kissing him. Kurt deepened the kiss and for a few minutes they lay there, gently making out until, breath uneven, Kurt pulled back in favour of burying his head in the space between Blaine's shoulder and neck. "I love you," he murmured, when he was mostly back in control, and smiled softly when above him, Blaine replied with the same words.
Nick wasn't entirely sure how long he and Jeff had been in his bedroom thus far, just sitting there in awkward silence. Jeff had ran ahead up here once Nick had pulled up in front of the house, leaving him to receive a harsh, judging look from Mrs. Smith alone. He hadn't blamed the woman though, and accepted meekly her threat to dispose of his corpse in an untraceable location if he screwed this up again. No one needed to remind him of how much he had screwed up everything relating to Jeff ever since he had graduated from Dalton, but, he truly hoped that today he could finally start to fix the damage he had wrought.
Nick had tried to start the conversation twice now, but both times the words had died before they had even passed his lips. Instead, he found his gaze drawn to how pitifully small just looked with that pillow held protectively against his chest, and, how much weight had he lost since he had last seen him? The difference was starker now that he was out of his uniform. He could see the way his tee-shirt – one he recalled to be form fitting – hung loosely on him. Was Jeff taking care of himself? Had anyone even noticed the difference in his state?
"How much of our performance did you see?" Jeff asked suddenly, disrupting the silence.
Nick latched onto that opening immediately, grateful for a way to get this conversation started. "I got seated midway through McKinley's act. I came straight from the terminal."
"Everyone seemed surprised that you were there."
"Well I dad been adamant that I wasn't going to come," he admitted. He softly cursed at the way Jeff flinched at that response. That had not been a particularly tactful way of putting that, even though it was the truth. "Look," he hurried on, "our last interaction was a disaster Jeff; we both know that. I didn't know if me coming here would make things worse for you, and I was worried that I would throw you off your game if I showed up unannounced. But…Blaine left me a ticket and a note saying that I was making the stupidest decision of my life, and by midnight, I realised he was right. I had to be here."
Jeff didn't look up, his stare still determinedly on a spot on his rug as he asked, "Why would that have been a mistake?"
"Because I have already done so many things to hurt you," he told him without hesitance. "I've broken a lot, if not all of the promises we have made to each other. I've been an ass to you and it's time I try to fix it."
"How were you so certain I wouldn't have just punched you in the face when I saw you?" Jeff inquired, and now, finally, he looked up at him. "I was thinking about it you know."
"I see you more as a balls-buster," Nick said, only half-joking.
Jeff smiled briefly at that before his face fell back into forced neutrality. "I'm glad you're here Nick…it shocked me…but I'm glad you came."
"I'm glad I'm here. It's given me this chance to finally tell you how sorry I am for how things have worked out between us. I know…I think if I hadn't shown up today that the door between us would have been locked forever. I know you enough to guess that my absence today would have been the last straw for you. The thought of that…of not having you around permanently scared me beyond belief. And that's what finally got me out of that door."
Jeff didn't speak for a while, didn't even look up at him anymore, but Nick knew his body language well enough to see the signs, good signs. The way that the tenseness bled out of him just the slightest, that way he always raised a hand to play with his bangs when he was nearing a decision. And finally, the way Jeff peeked up almost tentatively, as if he was trying to ensure that whatever he was about to say would receive an understanding audience.
"Will you let me speak for a minute?" he asked. "Can you just...listen?"
"I can and I will," Nick promised.
Jeff smiled the slightest when Nick mimicked zipping his lips. "I-I have spent so many nights wondering what I would say if I ever got to speak to you like this again. I've changed the words so many times thinking about how you would react and what you would think of me depending on how I phrased things. I can't blame you for the fundamental fault here...and I can't blame me. I think we both handled this entire situation wrong. You shouldn't have walked out on me, but I shouldn't have sprung that on you. You were right when you said I knew you weren't in love with me. I knew it and I still hoped that maybe you would give in to what I wanted. That...that was pretty selfish of me. I created this dream of what I wanted us to be and I had hoped that you would conform yourself to what I wanted. I'm sorry for that...and for loving you. The fault is mine there."
"Loving me is not a fault," Nick responded, when he was certain that Jeff was done speaking. "You can't help how you feel in the same way that I can't help it. Jeff...if I were gay, we would have been together for years now. I hope you know that. And there have been times when I have wondered if I could do it...change for you. Every time I saw hints that you really were in love with me I tried Jeff, I honestly tried to see if I could love you in the same way but it just doesn't work for me that way. I just don't swing that way and I can't do that to myself or to you. We'd both be trapped in an unfulfilling relationship. And that's probably something I should have told you then and there.
"I love you Jeff. I want you to be in my life for its duration, but not as my lover, but as my best friend, my brother, the wicked cool uncle of my future kids. You're the one who's going to embarrass the hell out of me at my wedding and be right there with me when I'm panicking outside the delivery room. You're the one I want to have my wife and kids eye roll at as we escape the world for an epic bromance of two, and you're the one who's going to be right there beside me in that nursing home pulling pranks on everyone else. That's what I want Jeff, I want you in my life and by my side. But...you aren't the love of my life and I think that with time, you'll see that I'm not the one you're destined to have."
"That's the one thing I want now...the thing I've been afraid I lost. I want you in my life too Nick. And if I can't have you as a boyfriend, then as a friend. You're my oldest friend, my closest friend and I've missed you so damn much it hurts. It hurts so much," he admitted with a tearful laugh.
"I know. Blaine's great to live with, but our friendship is just on another level."
Jeff smiled at that. "We were going to conquer New York by storm."
"We still could," Nick told him, "if you want to? I mean I know one conversation isn't going to fix things, but I want to start fixing it."
"I think we've started," Jeff told him softly, tossing the pillow away and straightening, "I think now we can put things back where they ought to be."
Nick took that for the invitation it was and stood. Jeff met him halfway and they pulled each other into a tight, emotion laden hug. Jeff hummed in contentment as he took it all in, relishing that finally, finally, he and Nick seemed to be working their way back to each other. "I'm sorry I can't fall in love with you," Nick whispered, and Jeff answered equally softly with, "I know. It's okay."
And, he hoped as he pulled away, giving his friend a smile, that one day he could say those words, and not feel as if a knife was twisting just a little more firmly in his heart.
"Come in Blaine," Finn called, without looking up, his eyes still drawn to the unfolding meltdown in the Facebook group.
"How are you doing?" Blaine asked, dropping down onto the bed.
"Not so good," he answered shortly, resisting the urge to slam his laptop close, perhaps chucking it out of the window for good measure.
"Yeah, I know. It can't be easy losing out."
"Oh-what?" Finn said, and finally, he turned away to focus on the older teenager in his room. "No. I'm not upset about the results. Trust me, by the time The Warblers got to the third song, I knew it was all over for us. I'm pretty glad actually. It's just this...aftermath that's bothering me. Kurt's sleeping?"
"Yeah," Blaine confirmed. "I slept a lot on the ride here so I didn't nap for too long. What's going on? Unless you don't want to talk about it?"
"Nah, it isn't anything too bad. The group is just being ridiculous. Rachel's on a war-path. She's saying that the fact that she won an award means that the rest of us failed to meet her standards and that that is why we lost."
"What?" Blaine asked, dumbfounded. "She did watch the same performance right?"
Finn shot him a speaking look. "She also blames me for not showcasing her talent to the fullest extent."
"Because you didn't win Best Male?" Blaine guessed.
"Exactly. She's also questioning if The Warblers deserved to win because only two-thirds of the group actually sung."
"Didn't you guys have to recruit people in to meet the minimum?"
"I know. She's being ridiculous and people are letting her know it, among other things. Mercedes is ripping her a new one, but Santana is wondering why Kurt's still at Dalton if he's 'recovered.'"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Finn sighed. "Back when Kurt joined the Warblers officially, and they found out, they decided that Kurt was sufficiently recovered and should therefore return to Dalton. They thought that we transferred him out for his peace of mind, but if he was back to performing, it obviously meant that he should come back to McKinley were he, quote unquote, belongs."
"So they wanted him to disrupt his schooling yet again as well as his health to what? Sing backup?"
"Exactly," Finn hissed. "Obviously that idea didn't make it past the drawing board, but now Santana's arguing that if Kurt had been back with us, the Warblers would have lost. And Tina is arguing back that Mr. Shue would have never given him any of the opportunities to perform and shine as he got today so him being back would have been a moot point anyway and right now I am this close to just deleting my Facebook entirely," Finn ended with an aggravated sigh. "I'm so tired of all this nonsense Blaine. I can't deal with it and I'm not entirely sure I want to deal with them anymore."
Blaine offered him a sympathetic look. He had known that Finn wasn't finding McKinley entirely too comfortable…hadn't for a while. He doubted that he had ever told Kurt about it, but from what Finn had said to him numerous times, he knew that he was starting to suffer from the 'big fish in a small pond' syndrome. Kurt's situation had forced him to mature and to mature fast. Things that seemed so important to his classmates were largely irrelevant to him now, and his friends often thought that he was coming across as cocky because of it. Finn simply didn't have the patience to pretend to fit in anymore, and by virtue of that had started to alienate himself.
"I'm sorry that this is happening," he told him, "but it's your choice if you want to leave. It's a lot of chaos that you really don't need to deal with. Deactivate for a while if you want, or you can just unfriend all of them. I wish I could help more."
"Nah, it's fine man. You've helped me a lot already. And, dropping glee might be good. I can add those extra hours to helping Ms P. I wouldn't have thought to talk to her in the first place if you hadn't suggested it you know. The community service hours I'm putting in now is going to make my applications look so good, and Ms P even has a few connections."
"I'm glad my advice helped," Blaine answered enthusiastically. "I want the best for you too you know."
"I know. I'm thinking that I'll be good with that, football and basketball. It shouldn't look too bad if I drop out of glee now right?"
"No," Blaine said after a moment's thought. "A lot of clubs tend to disband for the year if they're primarily competition based and haven't advanced any further. It may actually look good; you're redeploying your time in a productive way."
"Remind me to practice with you before any interviews I manage to snag," Finn joked. "Speaking of which…"
"What is it?"
Finn frowned, his expression darkening. "I was supposed to tell you…NYADA called on Wednesday."
"What?" Blaine said in disbelief. "Rachel actually did it? She applied for him?"
"She did," Finn replied, and now anger coloured his tone. "She listed the landline as his contact number and Burt got the call. Instead of interviews, NYADA has auditions, and the representative is going to be in Ohio soon."
"Kurt made it to the audition round?"
"Yeah, which apparently is a big deal if the way Rachel was acting when she got her call is anything to go by. I mean it's a good thing, a great thing even. But it's still an absolutely horrible situation."
"Does Kurt know?" Blaine asked, his mind running with the implications of what he had learnt. His boyfriend hadn't mentioned any of that to him, and something drastic like this was definitely something he would have shared.
"Does Kurt know what?"
The pair froze at the new voice, and turning they saw Kurt standing in the doorway. Neither of them had noticed the door opening, and now they were faced with a sleepy but obviously curious stare from the teenager.
"Is this what you do?" Kurt continued, closing the door, "you wait until I'm asleep and then you sneak off for conversations with Finn? I feel asleep with my very own human pillow Blaine Devon."
Despite the situation Blaine's lips quirked at the scolding tone. "Sorry sweetheart."
"Mmmhmm," Kurt said, before moving to the bed and dropping down beside him, cuddling close. "Now, what is this lady chat about? What don't I know?"
Blaine shot Finn a slightly worried look, not sure how to proceed. He had his answer now; Kurt didn't know and if they told him, he was pretty certain that Burt would kill them both.
"I'm going to start volunteering at the community centre," Finn said after a moment. "I'm dropping glee and adding those hours to that."
Kurt's brows furrowed at that. "You're volunteering? For what?"
"I started helping out Mrs. P a while back. Just filing and reviewing stuff. She teaches me in return, about psychology and social work."
"Oh...I did not know that."
Finn chuckled, and Blaine hoped that the edge of nervousness to his voice was something only detectable to him. "Yeah, that's what Blaine was asking. It was news to him as well. He thought it was something you would have mentioned."
"Well, community service looks good to colleges," Kurt said decisively, "so that's a good thing. Now, what else are you two hiding from me?"
Blaine bit off an oath; trust his boyfriend to realise that all was not being said to him.
They hesitated a bit too long, he supposed, because Kurt let out a disgruntled sigh before glaring at them each in turn as he stood. "Fine, keep your secrets," he declared. "It's not like you two know everything about me anyway."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Finn inquired.
Kurt's lips pursed briefly, in that way Blaine knew meant that he was quickly deciding upon what he should say. "You're not the only one hiding things," he repeated, a bit crankily.
"Like?" Blaine couldn't help but asking.
"Like the fact that my therapists think I should defer college a year," he said quickly, and, before either of them could fully process what he had said, Kurt left the room, the door closing behind him loudly in the silence that had suddenly descended.