Thessia
Spaceport Perimeter Tower Five
"...28...29...30."
The counting ceased. An inaudible sound of breath drawn in and then slowly exhaled. It was repeated twice. A muffled shuffle as Pulchia changed her prone position. The counting resumed as she continued her exercises.
Humming softly under her breath, Nervia ran the cleaning cloth over the top of the work counter several times, removing the greyish layer adhering to the surface. As she worked, she kept her senses tuned to the security console, ready to jump into action the moment the beep of incoming data or alarm sounded.
It had been too long since anyone took a cloth to the workstations and furniture. Not since Gallia. The memory of the human hit her with a pang; she really missed her. Besides gifting her colleagues with her popular jam biscuits and pies, Gallia used to endow Tower Five with her cleaning spells. Since she left, no one had bothered. The damage in the tower was repaired but none of the repair workers cleaned it up. The whole place was decidedly looking very dingy.
"30. Oof," Pulchia huffed as she got to her feet. "That's better." Grabbing a bottle from one of the bags hanging on a wall rack, she drank thirstily as she watched Nervia gave a last wipe over the work counter. "How much longer do you think it'll take?" she asked casually.
Nervia knew what she was referring to. It was on everyone's mind ever since the Assembly announced the deployment of the Prothean device several days ago. The timing of the disclosure was suspect as the question of whether Thessia should be abandoned came close to being put to the people's vote. Was it real or a ploy to delay the vote? Speculations and accusations flew so thickly they threatened to shut down the forums. Before the situation got out of hand, a day after the revelation, the Council openly revealed the same distribution on Palaven, parts of Sur'Kesh and other council homeworlds which led many to believe the Assembly preempted Council authority. Did such a move forced the Council to move the deployment of the device forward? No one knew but the climate around the forums were bright and infused with hope.
Folding away the cloth in her own bag to be cleaned later, Nervia sat down at her work console. "It has been very quiet in the last few days."
Usually there would be the odd warning when something ghosted close to the sentry drones. This would occur a few times a day. There hadn't been a single beep for the last two days. She wasn't sure how to interpret it. She didn't dare to let loose the hope she penned in.
"Those things have better be working. I don't want to see the referendum kick in ," Pulchia said darkly as she capped her bottle, glancing through the windows.
A beautiful day from the looks of it, suitable for an excursion with the clan or the chosen mentor, a picnic with a lover or family or a simple foray to touch base with the fauna. The sun peeped through cumulus clouds that promised rain. The brilliant colours of flora dotting the lush green of the waving grasses and trees, the birds sweeping through the air. Such sights made it hard for her to believe the reality that was taking place on Thessia.
"At least it bought the Assembly some time to come up with a contingency plan against the referendum if the device fails," said Nervia, oblivious to her colleague's ruminations.
"Goddess, don't say that," Pulchia groaned as she sat at her own workstation and stared at the readouts.
The sound of the opening hatch drew their attention. They stared at Gallia framed in the doorway.
"Hi, thought I'll drop in and see you gals for a while." Gallia held up a small bag.
Nervia jumped up when Pulchia made no move. "Biscuits and pies?" She grinned when Gallia nodded and snatched the bag out of the human's hands. "Just the thing we're looking for." She thrust a hand into the bag and came up with a fruit pie. Whirling, she dumped the bag in Pulchia's lap before her colleague could react. "It's great!" she pronounced after the first mouthful. "I think it'll be better with some fresh air. Keep an eye on the station for me, will you Gallie? I'll be five minutes."
Silence fell after Nervia disappeared through the door. Pulchia regarded the bag on her lap and put it on top of the console where it would not block the screen. An action that didn't make Gallia feel any better, considering what she had come to say. She sat down at Nervia's station, rummaging for something to start with and came up with nothing. Minutes ticked by as she dithered. Pulchia didn't seem bothered by the silence. She wanted to jump up and swing that chair around so the asari would look at her.
Finally, she could bear it any longer. "I'm sorry." She went a little red in the face when Pulchia remained silent. "I said I'm sorry," she said loudly.
Pulchia sighed and swung around. "I'm sorry too if the matter still weighs on you."
Gallia stared at her blankly for a moment. "It doesn't to you?" she demanded.
"Misunderstandings often happen when we interact with other species," Pulchia said with a patient air. "The matter is clarified. We move on."
"Why do I get the feeling it's not? Nervia said you have something to say and insisted I come see you when you were injured."
"Nervia has her own interpretation of the matter," Pulchia said evenly. She shook her head and turned back to her console.
"What interpretation is that?" Gallia stood up. "I've been trying to get hold of you but you never returned my calls."
"How receptive would you be if you're not feeling well?" Pulchia returned.
"You're fibbing," Gallia accused. She flung up her arms in defeat when Pulchia only stared at her console. "Ok, I came to apologise, not kick over tables and chairs."
"Thank you. I appreciate it."
A gracious answer but Gallia felt dissatisfied. The door opened. Nervia stepped in, looking at Gallia and Pulchia hopefully. She almost groaned at the look of annoyance on Gallia's face and the cool countenance on Pulchia. "Pulchia," she said in disapproval. "Seriously, you need a kick."
"There is nothing to say, Nervia." Pulchia threw a warning glance at Nervia.
"I will say it if you will not. Say it and clear everything out," Nevia returned with a determined air.
"Say what?" Gallia asked suspiciously.
"She's..." began Nervia.
"Nervia." Pulchia threw a hard look at Nervia.
"Honestly, Pulchia. You can't keep down a volcano when it wants to explode. It'll only get worse. Get it over with."
"It's not your problem," Pulchia said icily.
"What's going on?" Gallia looked at them in exasperation. "I apologised but I'm still out in the cold-."
"Pulchia has feelings for you," Nervia interrupted. When Gallia only blinked at her, she added, "If you think she was trying to woo you, she was."
Gallia tried to absorb the statement. "Then that night-."
"No, she wasn't. You know what is wooing, right?" Nervia poked a finger at Gallia's chest. "Like spending a lot of time with you at a certain point? Bringing food and so on?"
Gallia's face flamed red. "I don't-."
"I think that is enough, Nervia." Pulchia frowned at her colleague who scowled at her stubbornness. She relented and sighed. "But you're right-," she gave Nervia a withering look when she smiled triumphantly. "It is as Nervia said. I do have feelings for you. I was trying to see if you feel the same. You made your stance very clear. As such, I do not have to continue. We are still friends but given the misunderstanding and mutual discomfort, only time and distance will heal the breach."
Gallia didn't know what to say. Happy that her suspicion was vindicated or upset that Pulchia thought she would be interested. Pulchia sounded so business like it was hard to react. The sound of an alarm cut short further discussion. Nervia leaped for her console. One of the sentry drones had sent an alert.
"Defense zone incursion. Our first catch of the day," Pulchia said after checking the readouts.
"Looks like a single, could be a rover. Not reading any ordnance or active hardware. Drone is tracking." As it should when no perceptible hot weaponry or hostility was detected. "No additional objects or encroaching mass. Target is not moving," Nervia said, puzzled.
"It's at the extreme range of the drone's sensors, I'm sending an eye." Pulchia flicked rapidly at the haptic display, directing the drone to send a remote spy eye.
Gallia came up behind her to look at the screen. They watched the live feed intently as the spy eye sped to its target. It rapidly grew larger.
"Approaching target." Pulchia thought it was a person, a TI for she could see the hardsuit. Her eyes widened when the spy eye reached its mark. The stillness about them drew Nervia's attention. They seemed frozen, their expressions were one of horror.
"What is it?" she asked uneasily. "Pulchia?" She got up and looked over their shoulders. She too, went silent when she saw what the spy eye was sending back. How long they stared at the screen, she had no idea. She shivered when Pulchia finally stirred.
"I'm alerting Central." Pulchia said softly, tapping at her console with slow fingers.
Kelice Military Academy
"The remaining C215 trainees were released from the infirmary yesterday," Sanar said, sitting next to Nyrine at the table of the conference room. "Light simulations is scheduled two days from now. We should be back on the usual training rotation the week after."
Nyrine nodded distractedly. With everyone back on their feet, the following days would be busy. Almost everyone. There were distressing gaps in several of the recruit companies that might or might not be filled with new intakes. If there were none, existing members from other companies would be transferred to plumb out under-strength corps. Such an undertaking had to wait. At the moment, everything was at a hiatus. Awaiting the result of the deployed scrambler. She preferred a result with the Prothean device than the referendum that nobody wanted. But how long would they have to wait?
"The prognosis on the thirty trainees at the medcenter is updated," continued Sanar, "they are expected to be discharged next week. You'll be changing your schedule I expect."
The last was more a question than a statement, concern behind her motivation for Nyrine whose daily trips to the infirmary tents and medcenter was taking a toll on her; shadowed eyes and a frame gone noticeably lean.
Nyrine nodded and reached for the intercom when it beeped. "Yes?"
"Izharia Vantios is on her way to see you," said Kelia, her clerical assistant.
Exchanging an astonished and puzzled look with Sanar; why did Zelenia not summon them? Nyrine acknowledged the message and stood up, intending to intercept the matriarch but the door of the conference room opened before she could move.
Gesturing to them to sit, Zelenia sat down across the table from them, the tension about her thick and perceptible. Without a word, she transferred data from her omni-tool to the holo-display in the middle of the conference table. A glance passed between Sanar and Nyrine before they looked at Zelenia, questions and anxiety held mute in their throats. A video sprang up. Both commandos immediately recognised the place. The wooded green forest belt, designated the defensive zone, that ran parallel to the perimeter wall of the space port.
"This is a vid taken from a sentry drone at tower five of KSP," said Zelenia, "taken two hours ago."
The view became a swift rushing of unseen objects that slipped past too fast for them to discern exactly what they were. Training allowed them to identify the viewpoint as that of the spy eye attached to every sentry drone. The images slowed and steadied as the eye approached the target, a bipedal form. It could only be a TI for they could see the shape of the hardsuit. As the spy eye went nearer, the figure became clearer. A TI, as they thought but black from her head to her boots and totally unlike what they were expecting.
Shock and horror held them when they saw the state of the hardsuit, crumbling around her skeletal frame. Bits were sloughing off like dead tissue as she stumbled along the grass, seeming oblivious to where she was. It wasn't just the hardsuit that was separating, the crest on her head and skin not covered by clothing was shedding in bits and pieces, revealing a ghastly cybernetic network of strands, organic veins and parts of the skull.
Sanar covered her mouth as bile rose into her throat when she saw the blank gaze in listless eyes turned to the spy eye. It was hard to tell how old she was or what she might possibly have looked like before she was taken. The disintegration made it impossible for any visual identification. Robbed of identity and self, she was a terrifying sight.
The TI stumbled and fell to the ground. Squeezing her eyes shut when the TI raised an imploring hand, Sanar turned away before she lose control. Turning off the display, Zelenia said nothing for several minutes. Though she had seen it before, the impact still resonated deeply in her. The implications of the rot taking place among the TI was horrifying. Empathising with the two sitting across the table, she waited for them to compose themselves.
Nyrine reached for one of Sanar's hands resting on the table, to comfort her subordinate and in need of comfort herself.
"I'm all right," Sanar muttered, returning the pressure of Nyrine's hand. She turned back to face Zelenia, taking deep breaths but did not release Nyrine's hand; she could feel her trembling in distress. She knew she was too.
Zelenia coughed softly. When their eyes met hers, she said, "That is one of the earliest recorded encounter. There are more coming in along the perimeter, not just at Kelice but at Sharzis and Armali as well. Some of the TI appeared to be more stable but they are displaying signs of disorientation. Though armed, they seemed incapable of raising any response to defense fire."
"Does that mean the prothean device is working?" asked Nyrine, her face still pale but colour was slowly returning.
"It cannot be verified at the moment but as you can see, we have a problem. Each hour is bringing in more of them. The turrets and drones took care of those who're armed but those who're not, they either fall or collect along the walls. They are still alive."
Both asari blanched at the distressing news. Zelenia went on. "It is not clear why they would head for populated areas but it could be remnants of instinct that's driving them. More could be wandering around out there. We will not know until planetary scans are collated. If it is confirmed the majority of the TI are incapacitated in the outer zones, we will coordinate with the geth on their removal. At the moment, High Command are in consensus with the Assembly on the response to the stricken TI along the defense wall. They must be put out of their pain."
Nyrine nodded. It was the only thing to do. The merciful thing to do. If the TI were that impaired, it could take days for them to die. If news of what's happening got out to the public, no doubt most would want the TI to be put to sleep but some who opposed elimination had remained on Thessia. They might try to get to the TI, thinking they could somehow find their loved ones and saved them. They might try to argue that those who were still alive should be kept in stasis until a "cure' could be found.
"Is this released to the public?" asked Nyrine.
Zelenia knew what she was thinking. "The vid which you just saw will be released after the troops are deployed. It is fortuitous most of the populace are on the Citadel. Nevertheless, irrational responses are expected. The civil force have been alerted. No civilian is allowed to approach the defense wall. Now-," she shifted the topic back to military deployment. "Medical teams are currently being assembled. Commandos and blooded trainees will provide escort to the perimeter and search the defense zone for any fallen TI. The rest of the trainees will make up the clean up crews to gather the bodies for incineration."
Giving Sanar's hand a final pat, Nyrine straightened in her chair, her thoughts turning to logistics of the operation. "What about Sharzis and Armali?"
"Put two veteran and two trainee companies on a three hour rotational schedule. More will be mobilized if there is need. Sharzis have the troops to deal with the incoming TI but Armali will need an additional two companies to reinforce them. I leave you to decide which companies to send. Briefing and mobilization will take place in an hour at the KMB (Kelice Military Base) main hangar. Are there any questions?" Zelenia got to her feet when they shook their heads. "I'll leave you to make the arrangements. I'll be in session with the Commandant."
"Izharia."
Sanar joined Nyrine in a salute as Zelenia went out. Silence fell. She stared at the table, the images playing in her mind again. She tried not to imagine members of her own family undergoing the same disintegration. Was there pain? Did they know what was happening to them? A touch on her shoulder drew her eyes to Nyrine who pulled her into a hug. They stood for a moment, sharing grief for those they lost in silence. Nyrine pulled away after several minutes, pressing Sanar's shoulders in silent encouragement.
"Let's get to work," she said, shifting her teary eyes away from Sanar's gaze and left the room. Drawing in a deep breath to ease the pain, Sanar followed her.
Citadel
The water was a bit cooler than Liara liked as she stood beneath the shower but it was a faster way to clean up the mess left on her by Delenn than to jump into the hot tub. A quick scrub with soap and sponge, another rinse and she was done. Tapping the switch to turn off the water, she waited until the little robot cleaner removed most of the water that did not drain away before stepping away. Grabbing a towel off the rack, she turned in the direction of the bedroom. Her heart promptly turned over at the sight of Shepard lounging on the bed, talking and playing with the baby. She dried herself as she headed for the wardrobe. As she dressed, she couldn't keep her eyes off her bondmate.
Clad in a teal shirt and black pants with hair loose on her shoulders, combined with that lissom length of her body stretched on the white covers of the bed, Liara thought Shepard looked just too alluring. Should her bondmate crooked a finger in her direction, she'd thrown herself at her in a second but Shepard was preoccupied with making her special sounds at the baby. Sounds that Liara, tried as she might, couldn't make any sense of. Despite what her bondmate said, she thought they had to mean something, surely.
"So what salacious schemes are you cooking up? I can feel those eyes of yours boring into my back," Shepard said without looking up when she sat down next to her, index finger grasped firmly in the baby's small fist.
"That you look delicious," said Liara, exchanging a kiss that set her heart racing. She immediately wished they didn't have to go anywhere that morning. "I was also thinking that you will look gorgeous with long hair," she added, reaching out to gently curl a fiery strand of hair in her finger.
"How long would that be?"
"Down to your back?" Already, Liara could see it. Her bondmate would look divine, her nakedness half shrouded with her tresses.
Shepard grimaced. "It'll take quite some time to grow to that length. It isn't practical for me." Not to mention the maintenance, the time it would take to braid and keep it tidy when she's in uniform. She would be breaking regulations too.
Liara smiled. "It is just a thought."
"Oh don't I know it. I can see it in your mind." Shepard gave her a knowing look before taking one of Liara's hands and putting it over her heart. "I know what you really want to do right now," she said teasingly, "that sets my blood afire. Shall we take wing once more, love?"
The passion and invitation in her bondmate's eyes drew Liara in. As they kissed, her hand shifted over her bondmate's body, feeling her responses and the surge of her own answering in kind. The sound of the door chime was loud and disruptive. Amusement glittered in Shepard's eyes at the annoyance on Liara's face when Hilia called over the intercom; it was time for her to take charge of Delenn.
"Good timing," Shepard said wryly. "Can't keep Karin waiting."
She looked down and realised the baby had kept a hold of her finger all the while. "Tenacious, aren't you?" she said, smiling when Delenn gargled in response. Was that a smidgen of smugness she was getting from the baby?
Calling for Hilia to come in, Liara grabbed her boots from the wardrobe and put them on. Shepard gave Delenn a chuck under the chin which set her to giggling, got off the bed and tugged down her shirt. She gave the baby a smooch on the cheek as Hilia settled her into the crook of her arm. Stepping outside the bedroom, she waited as Liara spoke to Hilia and fussed over Delenn for a while. There was no one on the upper floor. She wondered if Miona was still asleep. The door of the second bedroom was opened so she took a look. Most of the beds were occupied. It was hard to spot Miona, being so much darker than the others but she saw the augmented asari often enough to discern the faint glittery sheen of her crest.
Still asleep. Who knew how long she was talking to Shiala last night? Hiaras was not around, gone to report to Aethyta most likely. Shepard recognised the other asari in the bedroom. Commandos. She couldn't fault Aethyta's precaution but it would make no difference. None of them would last long against Miona. At the most, they could buy time for the rest in other areas of the apartment. She didn't think Miona would go berserk though. Liara came up to her and followed her gaze.
"How did she break free of the conditioning?"
Slipping her hand into Liara's, Shepard turned for the stairs. "She wasn't certain how she did it. In the initial trials on Omega, she had no recollection of what she was doing, only that she killed other prisoners. But she was aware when she attacked me on the station and tried to regain control. I tried that temporary block phrase on her. I'm not sure if that helped."
She sniffed appreciatively at the aroma floating up from the kitchen when they walked past it.
"Saer-elis," Liara murmured.
A word oft heard in her younger days in school. The coded phrase instilled in every youngling when they began to learn to control their mental and biotic talents. A stopgap to temporary enforced a return to impassivity when younglings lose control, often the cause of accidents and injuries. Most asari usually outgrew the effects of the coded phrase by the time they were ready to leave Thessia.
"Would it be enough to override a control chip?" she wondered.
Nodding at a commando who murmured a greeting when they passed her at the front door, Shepard said, "She agreed to an extensive scan and bio workup on the Normandy after we got back. There isn't a contol chip. Never was one."
A slight shudder passed through her as visions of what Santino had become and how he died rose before her. Despite his betrayal, she did not wish that kind of suffering on him. Was it Terra Firma or Cerberus's idea to discard the control chip in their later experiments?
"Then they controlled her by mental coercion," said Liara, frowning.
"A smarter and cleaner alternative by all counts. If it worked, the efficiency of their thralls can be sustained far longer than a control chipped minion who would need periodic upgrades if they wanted to maintain his value. Subliminal commands were likely implanted by an asari they had under control," said Shepard, looking through the plasglass window to catch a glimpse of the activities of the promenade below. With skycars passing busily overhead, the ward was a startling contrast to the rest of the Citadel.
"The phrase pushed everything back to square one, right?" she said. "Like a shut down. When she was held to immobility, the initial commands for her to use her abilities were still active. By closing them down, she regained control. We tried issuing those same commands I heard on the station to her, nothing happened."
"That does not mean she is free."
A cleaning bot swooshed up to them, swirling around their feet with alacrity before dashing off to another spot.
"No, but she wants to be. Telienos said she'll see what she can do."
"It will be dangerous," Liara said doubtfully though her eyes widened slightly at Telienos's name. The mention of the matriarch reminded her of a matter she knew she had to bring up with her bondmate. "There is the question of her mutation to be cleared. Has she made contact with her family?"
"She wants to wait until she's given a clean bill of health. Until then, she'll stay with us. Is that all right with you?"
"If you are that certain of her."
"Up to a point but I hope she can return home."
They stopped outside the door of the apartment next to Shepard's. It opened readily to Liara's touch. A familiar round drone floated up to them as they stepped in.
"Dr T'Soni, Captain Shepard," it said.
"Hey Glyph," Shepard greeted as she eyed the main sitting area. It was largely empty except for a sofa, coffee table and armchairs before the fireplace. There were no decor on the walls. The former owners having packed off most of their possessions when they left.
"There're 58 messages awaiting your perusal, Dr T'Soni. Mineral shares have increased by three percent in expectancy of mining mergers and..."
"Thank you Glyph," Liara put in hurriedly before the list became longer. "I will check them later."
The drone bobbed. "I must also inform you that the company, Binery Helix, you have asked me to tag has gone defunct."
About to head to the kitchen, Shepard pulled up short at that surprising news. "Binery Helix has folded? Why?"
"An incident at their headquarters on Noveria eighteen hours ago. A large percentage of their storage mainframes and materials, including a number of personnel are reportedly destroyed in a fire," said the drone.
"You have the NDC investigative report?" Liara asked, exchanging a astonished glance with Shepard.
"It is on your terminal, Dr T'Soni."
"This I have to see," Shepard declared. She began to look around for Liara's office and tentatively began to move for the stairs.
"This way-," Liara touched her briefly on her arm and headed towards what would have been the bedroom behind the kitchen.
It was converted into an office when Liara rented the apartment. Work consoles, terminals and a bank of screens covered one wall. On display were a number of visuals that Shepard recognised as several local points of the ward, particularly Tiberius Tower and the Silversun Strip. Glyph floated to a terminal on the far side of the room, leaving them alone at Liara's work console before the screens.
"Here," said Liara, calling up the information.
Shepard whistled in amazement when she saw the recorded visuals of the damage. Everything was reduced to black soot and sludge. "Looks like a complete blow out." She bent to examine the images more closely. "Main office and labs. Sabotage," she declared.
"Yes it is," Liara agreed, reading the report. "Evidence sweep confirmed the presence of high-grade explosive residue. Most of the researchers were caught in the blast in the labs."
"Along with the office staff," Shepard noted. "The management board were having a meeting at the time."
"I cannot think of a better way to cripple the company."
"Cripple? Whoever it was took out the heart and the head." Shepard pointed to the names of the casualties. A chill went down her spine as she read the report. "This is obliteration."
Whoever did it went to extreme lengths, hardly anything was left of those caught in the inferno except for organic traces. Who would want to remove Binery Helix?
"Who would want Binery Helix wiped out?" Liara wondered aloud, unknowingly echoing the question in her bondmate's mind.
"Too drastic for competitors," Shepard hesitated, "I wouldn't put it down to anybody in the Systems Alliance ordering such a hit."
"You are thinking Terra Firma."
"Maybe," Shepard said noncommittally. "If it's sabotage, NDC's security contract with the investors and companies just went out the window. After the salarians cleaned them out, they can't afford an incident like this."
That her bondmade was reluctant to pin it on Terra Firma did not escape Liara's notice but she merely pointed to an update that appeared. "They will not. They are laying the blame on a Binery Helix project failure although that is not going to prevent some bail outs."
Shepard shrugged. NDC's problems were none of her concern. "Whoever it was just saved me the trouble of pulling the plug on Binery Helix."
"Were you thinking of getting Miranda to do some dusting?"
"She was an option and then there's you," Shepard grinned, "I was wondering if you have somebody poking around in Binery Helix."
"Not since the last was killed in the war." Liara's eyes went to Shepard as she turned away, biting her lip nervously before taking the plunge. "Shepard, I have to speak to you."
The odd tense inflection in Liara's voice caught Shepard's attention immediately. "I'm listening," she said, turning back to face Liara. "What?" she queried in puzzlement when Liara said nothing.
"I..."
"Something bothering you?" Shepard reached for Liara's twisting hands, wondering at the cause of her distress.
Gently removing her hands from Shepard's grasp, Liara deliberately took a step away, aware of her bondmate's puzzled frown. "I have committed acts of transgression against you."
"What're you talking about?" Shepard blinked in bewilderment.
"Please, just listen. It is with Telienos's help that I realised that I have not been myself. I have been irresponsible in my mental disciplines."
"The cycle of reflection."
"Do you remember what I told you about it?"
"It's to keep an asari in balance," said Shepard.
Liara had said it was specifically important for an asari to meditate, to deliberate on her thoughts, her actions, her decisions and the events that happened to and around her. Given an asari's mental sensitivity and talents, such an exercise helped to keep her grounded or she would gradually lose stability.
"You're saying you've not been doing it," she said. So it was as she suspected. "When did it start?"
"During the war, the exercises became more and more irregular and after, I did not do them at all."
"Why?"
"Because I was too caught up in the war. When the war ended, I no longer have the balance. But I did not have the courage to face what was happening to me. Shiala recognised the signs and brought it to Aethyta's attention. Dad already suspected as much, Shiala merely confirmed my condition. She forced me to face reality, what I had done to myself. If she had not, I would not be the one to wake Delenn."
"It's that bad?"
"It is worse." Liara put up a hand when Shepard opened her mouth. "Please, just listen. With Telienos's help, I faced the truth. I resumed the practice again. I acknowledged that Shiala is not the only one who has transgressed. I too, am guilty. The temptation to dominate, to control has always hover within easy reach of every asari. That is why our training and discipline in our abilities is so stringent. I made a promise never to fall to such enticement but I failed."
With her, Shepard realised. "What did you do?"
"I feared to lose you. We are together and yet not in accord after the war. You did not trust your reality, your perception. Even though I knew it was dangerous, I desired a child to ensure that you stay with me. I remembered the promise you made that we would have children. When you declined to consider the matter. I felt that you have abandoned the idea of a life together so I mentally urged you to compliance every time we touched. When the deed was done, I then feared that I would not survive the bearing of the child so I sought an alternative solace for you. I felt the link left behind by Shiala so I secretly contacted her and was thinking of a way to try to get her to Thessia when you fell into a coma from the incident at Ilos. When you revived, I knew there was a thread of attraction between you so I encouraged that desire, I urged you to seek her out."
Liara's voice trailed off. She looked at Shepard. Her bondmate's face was shuttered. She did not know what she was thinking. She did not attempt to mentally reach out to her and instead braced herself for her response. Angry and upset surely. She would not yell, that was not Shepard's way. Would she be furious enough to walk out on her? The silence between them grew. She nearly fainted with relief when Shepard finally spoke.
"You're not alone in being irresponsible. It has bothered me when I realised I didn't ask you about the risks to child bearing."
"Dr Chakwas asked about this too. She does not understand why our younglings would grow at the same rate as a human and then freeze once we reached the same adult physical state as humans. It has to do with our evolution, the need for young ones to be aware and able to deal with the dangers they would face from the wilds."
"Ah." Shepard nodded. What Liara said reminded her of something she come across in the books she read as a child. "Something like the young of earth animals. Some of them get on their feet within minutes after birth and start walking and running. Unlike human babies which can take more than a year."
"Yes, Karin said that too." Liara nodded, watching Shepard warily. "Our physical structure mature quickly but once we hit a certain genetic plateau, it slows down, allowing certain aspects of cellular formation in our bodies to mature at their normal rate. There are risks for those who try to bear a child before reaching the first stage of their maiden phase."
"Because they're biologically immature."
"Yes. They are not mentally settled or even prepared. That is why no maiden has ever tried for child bearing."
"So what was the danger to you? You're past the first stage so was it mental imbalance that was the threat?"
"Yes. I allowed fear and despair to dictate my actions, my decisions..."
"If you failed to regain mastery of yourself," Shepard interrupted, "does it mean you could have succumbed to them?"
"Possibly. Yes," Liara admitted gravely. She waited, keeping herself composed. If Shepard repudiated her, she was prepared to accept it. Much as it would hurt her, it was her own doings and her fault after all. She had only herself to blame. Her heart leaped when Shepard took her hands.
"I am as guilty as you are," Shepard said softly. "You were not thinking clearly. You were distressed, so was I. I should have asked but I didn't. If I had known, I would not have let you take the risk. Would you have attempted to force an agreement if I were aware and against it?"
"No." Liara shook her head. "If I were to do that, I risk damaging you."
She ought to be angry, furious but Shepard felt neither. She recalled how she felt after the sessions with Telienos. The clarity she felt after. She could empathise with Liara's mental flip flops. She had gone through it hereself. The damage the Reaper War wrought left nothing untouched. She knew it. Liara knew it. Their failure to face what had happened to them would have destroyed them. Some of her thoughts filtered over to Liara.
"You are different now," she said. "More relaxed, calm, so different-" she trailed off, recalling those terrible days when they argued, when her bondmate's anger and coldness shut her out.
"You are different too," Shepard observed. "We can thank Telienos for setting us on our feet. Shiala and Aethyta for catching you before you fell any further."
"Yes. We made mistakes," said Liara. "We know the pain, the fear and doubts the war left on us but neither of us were willing to admit it. We should have been honest, asked for help instead of trying to fight it alone, hobbling half-crippled."
"We're lucky our friends and family are there for us." Shepard smiled into Liara's eyes. "I understand why you did what you did. As for Shiala." She looked down at their hands. "I like her." She looked up and saw the smile in her bondmate's eyes. "We have to find where we stand but-," she drew Liara closer, "know that you are always and forever will be in my heart, my soul, my life."
"I am sorry-," Liara choked and began to cry. I am sorry to have disappointed you.
"Silly," Shepard chided softly, wiping away the tears with a finger before kissing her, feeling her bondmate's arms wrapping around her and holding on fast.
You never have.