Disclaimer: I don't own SPN, but likewise they don't own this fantastically fun project of ours.

Revel in it people. Bask in it.

"Christo," Dean muttered under his breath, watching Sam from the corner of his eye.

"Dude, I am not possessed. You have been enforcing the 'driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole' rule for literally years now," Sam said. "So when I do it, you decide to get all victimized? I've had control of the radio like twice in my entire life."

"Well, if your music choices didn't suck souls like a reaper at a train crash, maybe I'd let you pick the music more often," Dean spat. "Ever think about that?"

Sam sighed deeply and mumbled, "That you're nuts? Only like all the time."

"Hey! I heard that," Dean snarked as he dug into his bag for more peanut M&Ms. He was on his third bag already, and not those little tiny bags meant to just tease you, but the monster sized bags.

"What is this rule," Castiel asked as he stared straight ahead. "I am unfamiliar with this 'cakehole' ruling of Dean's."

"It's just some stupid rule Dean made up so he could have tyrannical control of the music," Sam explained as he glanced in the rearview mirror. He was almost relieved to have someone to talk to other than grumpy Dean, although he was seriously starting to wonder if Castiel was going to stick around for the entire trip.

"We're nearly to the hotel, so help me look for the exit number," Sam said as he glanced at a passing road sign.

"Do we have to stop for the night," Dean whined. "I don't want to."

"Well, we are," Sam snapped. "I'm tired. I want a shower and some dinner before getting some sleep."

"I don't care Sam, I'd rather drive straight through," Dean argued for the fifth time since they had left Bobby's house that morning. "I don't want to spend the night in some flea bag motel."

"For once, it's a nice hotel," Sam stated firmly. "Chris was very clear about it; WIFI, HBO, a pool, the works. So shut up and don't ruin this for me."

Dean resumed pouting as Sam pulled the car onto the off-ramp. He hated Kentucky. Chris would be hearing about this for sure.

"Paducah," Dean exclaimed. "You can't be serious Sam! This is banjo country!"

"No, it's not, it is a nice town, on our route, and happens to have a decent motel," Sam spat back. "Suck it up Dean!"

"What is this sucking term that humans use. I hear it frequently used and have yet to understand it," Castiel asked from the backseat, which made Sam cringe.

"Well…Cas, it's a….Don't you have some other heavenly duty to take care of somewhere else," Sam asked as he turned the car towards their hotel. "You've been in the backseat all day."

"Yes, I have," Castiel confirmed. "I have learned a great deal. Such as that Dean snores when sleeping upright."

"I do not," Dean retorted.

"You do," Castiel repeated.

"No, I don't," Dean replied, his voice going up a decimal.

"Yes—"

"Hey," Sam shouted as he hit the brakes. "You can both knock it off! Now, or so help me—"

"You'll what? Pull the car over?" Dean snapped aloud. "I'd love to see that!"

"Both of you, stuff it," Sam said, his voice heavy from frustration. "It's been a long day and we all need a break. Can we just get into the room without anyone killing each other?"

"Sam—"

"Cas! It's just an expression, no one is killing anybody," Sam replied, wondering if he should just drive them into oncoming traffic.

They made it to the hotel without another word being exchanged. Sam parked the car and grabbed his duffel bag before heading into the lobby, his face tense.

"I though vacations were supposed to be relaxing," Castiel remarked. "Sam looks very un-relaxed."

"They aren't relaxing. That's just what schmucks say to themselves about it," Dean mused aloud. "It's a royal pain in the ass. And cost a fortune."

"Do you think Sam will be offended if I continue to accompany you," Castiel asked.

"Go for it," Dean said with a mischievous grin. "He'd probably love it."

"Most excellent," Castiel stated from the backseat, a split second before he materialized outside of the car.

Dean jumped when he saw Castiel suddenly standing outside of his door. Dean shoved against the door, stepping out of the car and stretching. "Cas! Don't do that," Dean exclaimed. "It's weird."

"It seemed the fastest way to exit the vehicle," Castiel stated.

Dean pulled his duffel bag from the trunk and hurried after Sam.

"We're in room 212," Sam said as he handed Dean a room key. "I call first dibs on the shower."

They walked silently to their room; Sam was startled to see Castiel already waiting inside the room for them. "Cas! Please don't do that," Sam said with a groan. "Creeps me out. Use the door like the rest of us."

"But I am not like the rest of you," Castiel argued.

"Whatever, just stay out of the bathroom while I get a shower," Sam said as he grabbed a handful of clothes from his bag and hustled into the bathroom.

Dean tossed his bag onto the floor and dropped onto his bed. He had to admit, it was the softest mattress he had slept on in some time. And the pillows—wow, he might have to steal one when they leave. Or maybe even two.

He grabbed the remote and starting skipping channels, stopping on one, smiling when he realized that Sam might be pissy when he realized Dean could watch soft porn in their room. He left the television on and cranked the volume up a little bit. Sam would shit a brick.

Dean smiled to himself as he dug through his bag and pulled out a plastic shopping bag and headed for the attached balcony that overlooked the pool. Man, Chris hadn't skimped on the hotel; but hey—it was still in Kentucky and that was about as unforgiveable as it could get.

Castiel followed him to the balcony and watched as Dean pulled a cigar from the bag.

"I was unaware you partook of this particular human habit," Castiel said as he watched Dean light the end. He stepped closer and observed the subtle smoke Dean expelled from his mouth.

"I don't much. Very rarely. And if I was really going to do it on a regular basis, I'd get something good. Like a Cuban or something," Dean said as he perused the pool area. No hot chicks.

"So why do it then," Castiel asked, stepping even closer.

"Cas, you get any closer and you'll be able to puff the other end. Back it up or get your own," Dean warned. "Personal boundaries, remember; we talked about this."

Cas frowned and took a small step back.

"This is a Philly blunt, cheap crap. But the smell is horrific and it'll drive Sam nuts," Dean stated as he opened the door to the room and blew a lungful of smoke into the room before closing the door back and returning to the railing to watch the pool.

"You seem determined to upset Sam, I don't understand. Is taking someone on a vacation considered a hostile act," Castiel asked; confusion on his face.

"Vacations are for other people, not us," Dean replied as he shook his head. "People with minivans and two point five kids. And a yappy little dog."

Dean continued to puff on the cigar, opening the door to the room every few minutes to ensure that the smell would be enough to annoy Sam.

Sam was in heaven. Well, he was minutes from stepping out of a heavenly shower. That was the great thing about the hotel, he could use all the hot water he wanted and Dean couldn't be mad at him. Give him a never ending supply of hot water and Sam was fairly easy to please.

Two things registered in Sam's brain when he stepped out of the bathroom. Someone was having sex while someone else was smoking a cigar.

He rounded the corner, expecting to see—he didn't even know what to expect-when he saw that the television on.

"Dean," Sam barked as he stood in front of the television. "We are not watching that."

"Oh come on Sammy," Dean said with a wink at Castiel. "You said this trip is about having fun; this is me having fun."

"Okay Dean," Sam said, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "You don't find it just a tad perverse to watch soft porn with an angel? And Cas, seriously man, don't let him ruin you."

Castiel looked confused and was about to speak when Dean caught his eye and just shook his head, effectively cutting him off and confusing him even more.

"And why does it smell like some stank ass cigar in here," Sam asked, sniffing the air. "This is a non-smoker's room."

"No clue Sam," Dean lied as he grabbed his own clothes from his duffel bag. "I'm going to hit the shower. Go get some dinner, will ya?"

"I did all the driving today," Sam started to argue.

"Okay, toss me the keys," Dean said eagerly.

Sam was about to place them in Dean's hand when he tighten his grip on them, "You're going to make a break for it, aren't you?"

Dean cocked his head to one side and smiled coyly, holding up two fingers, and said, "Scout's honor?"

Sam rolled his eyes and threw Dean's clothes at him. "Fine, jerk, I'll go and get dinner. You hit the shower."

"I would like to procure dinner," Castiel suddenly said. Sam and Dean both paused and exchanged a small glance at each other before looking at Castiel.

"What," Sam asked. "I mean-do you even know where to get food?"

"Sam, I have observed you and Dean for quite some time," Castiel explained. "I would like to experience the act of procuring dinner."

"Wait a minute dude," Dean said, holding his hand up in a 'stop right there' gesture. "You can't pick dinner up. You can't just 'poof' yourself into a restaurant, you'll scare people. And you don't have any money, and you can't be stealing food, you're an angel. You'll probably get your wings pinned for that."

"Petty human crimes do not alert my superiors," Castiel stated. "Alright, Sam, you will drive me to the restaurant. And you will provide me with money. But I wish to place the request."

"You wanna order it," Sam asked, his amusement obvious. "Fine, let's head for the car."

"There is a large bus of touring Asians headed for the restaurant for the dinner special. We must hurry," Castiel said as he suddenly placed a finger on Sam's forehead. Sam and Castiel disappeared instantly, leaving Dean laughing hysterically.

Fifteen minutes later, Castiel was experiencing total awe. The sheer number of options was incredible, and Sam was waiting for him to decide.

"Cas," Sam asked calmly. "You want some help?"

"No Sam. I can do this," Castiel said as he studied the pictures closely. He could do this, he had been watching them eat for some time; green stuff for Sam, any kind of meat for Dean.

"Are you sure," Sam asked again. He glanced at the teenagers behind them and smiled apologetically.

"Yes Sam. I am capable of great battle. This should be quite easy," Cas said as he suddenly looked up at the acne covered teenager who was waiting to take his order.

"We will have two of the large pizzas," Castiel said curtly.

"What toppings you want," the teenager asked, disinterested.

"On one, every kind of meat you can provide. Bacon especially," Castiel stated.

"And the other," the teenager asked again.

"Vegetables," Castiel stated. "Green things."

"Wait Cas," Sam said as he leaned over the counter. "Get ham and pineapple."

"But Sam, you are the herbivore to Dean's carnivore," Castiel argued. "I have observed this for years. I am not wrong."

"Right, tell you what, we'll get a salad to go with it, okay," Sam said as he awkwardly patted Castiel's shoulder.

"As you say," Castiel stated, wondering why Sam was attempting to placate him. "We'll have a ham and pineapple pizza. And a salad."

"Yeah, I heard," the teenager said with an eye roll.

"Yes, as you have no auditory defects you should have; however, I am the one officially placing the order," Castiel stated.

"Whatever," the teenager said. "It'll be twenty-two fifty."

Cas stood still for a second before Sam handed him several paper bills which he passed to the teenager behind the counter. The teenager handed him back a few coins and said, "It'll be about twenty minutes."

Castiel stood in place, staring the young man until Sam grabbed his arm and pulled him to the door.

"Sam, I provided him with money and a food order, why didn't he give me the food," Castiel asked, confused.

"We have to wait while they cook it," Sam said. "Let's go pick up a six pack at the gas station."

"I will wait here," Castiel said as he intently watched the pizza dough being thrown into the air.

"You'll be okay on your own," Sam asked worriedly.

"Sam, I am an angel," Castiel said as though that was good enough.

Sam shook his head and headed for the car.

When Sam returned for Cas, he was standing on the sidewalk, his hands in his pockets.

"You okay Cas," Sam asked from the car.

"I require more money, I returned to the counter and asked for something I saw someone else getting," Castiel stated as he gazed into the distance. "It was quite beautiful."

"Um—okay," Sam said as he handed Castiel another twenty.

Castiel disappeared into the pizzeria and returned with an armload of boxes. The ride back to the hotel was almost painful, the smells overwhelming wonderful.

Sam insisted they walk back to the room on foot; and Castiel insisted he be allowed to carry the food.

Dean was amazed to see that Castiel had chosen pizza. "What happened to the dinner special and the Asians," Dean asked.

"They had a reservation and Sam refused to let me skip over them in line," Castiel explained as he handed Dean a pizza box.

Dean opened the box and nearly gasped. "What is this," he asked.

"Is it wrong," Castiel asked with a frown as he looked over Dean's shoulder into the box.

"No, dude, this is so…..right. Look at this! Sam! There is bacon on my pizza! Cas, I think we just found your superpower," Dean said as he pulled a slice from the box. "You can order my pizza any day of the week."

Castiel sat and watched them eat until Sam made him try a bite. Castiel was on his second slice when Dean asked, "So what's in the square box?"

Castiel lifted the lid to reveal a large chocolate cake. "The man behind the counter said it is a lava cake," Castiel said. "However, I am quite certain it contains chocolate and not molten rock."

"Cas, I think you're officially getting a taste for what's good," Dean said as he lustily stared at the cake.

Dean ducked out onto the balcony and dialed up Chris' office. When he got to Chris' voicemail, Dean said, "Chris, Dean Winchester here. I don't care how fluffy these pillows are, you're the reason I'm standing in Kentucky's banjo country. Better watch your back."

It was late when Sam and Dean finally crashed into their own beds. Castiel was standing on the balcony, observing the night time swimmers and city lights around them. He knew he should be getting back to Heaven, but he knew that once he left the Winchesters, he'd lose track of them again. From his jacket pocket, he pulled one of the glossy pamphlets that he had 'borrowed' from Sam; glancing almost guiltily at Sam's sleeping figure. He unfolded the paper; it was colorful and filled with smiling faces and maps.

He read both sides carefully, not understanding what it meant. The offer of a magically experience didn't typically make Sam and Dean relax, usually it made them research and kill things. He shoved the paper back into his pocket, vowing that he would find out if this magical kingdom was a threat to Heaven, or just to Sam's wallet, as Dean had declared.

Okay. Think it over. Leave a review if you want.

To the guest who hates it when I ask for reviews: close your eyes for a second-

Please be kind and leave a review. I may be writing this story, but it's currently happening for the fanfic writer, Winjennster, and I'm sure she and her peoples would get a kick out of hearing what you think of her road trip. Sam is by her side; Cas in her backseat. Make her smile!