Putting Away Childish Things
It was a hot summer night and Steven was fast asleep in his air conditioned room. The gems even Peridot had gathered outside for a meeting. Even with the cool summer breeze the atmosphere was thick and smothering.
"Despite all our best efforts Steven still has a lot of growing up to do," announced Garnet.
"Garnet, he's like matured emotionally a lot," said Amethyst.
"No he hasn't! If he had it would show. You should have pushed him harder," said an exasperated Garnet. "I've seen the future. Thanks to our delays the world will be devastated.
"And who's fault was that? Garnet your decisions have cost us. From sending Connie with Steven and me on a mission to destroying our replicator it's all been you," said Peridot.
Garnet growled, "Peridot unless you have something constructive to say shut up."
"Now Garnet, Steven is actually making great strides. He's worked very hard from grade 3 education he's now at junior high school. He even can keep and maintain a household," said Pearl soothingly.
"None of that means anything. You should have pushed him harder," shouted Garnet.
"Oh and how are we supposed to do that?" snapped back Amethyst.
"I shouldn't have to tell you."
"Let me guess we have to figure it out on our own," said Pearl snidely. "Garnet you're good at telling people what to do but you are a lousy teacher. So tell us how do we make a man out of Steven?"
"I actually have a suggestion," Peridot said timidly.
The gems all blushed at that remark.
"No, no not that! I am suggesting a Homeworld coming of age ritual," suggested Peridot.
With that Peridot explained her plan. It would involve all of Steven's friends and family Greg would be particularly important. When she described the ritual that she went through before coming to Earth the gems all stared at her.
"So you want us to burn down the beach house or at least Steven's room?" said a shocked Amethyst.
"Usually that's what's done but I'm suggesting something different. We simply burn his toys," said Peridot.
"Actually that might work. I'll call Greg then Connie," said Pearl.
"No this is a ritual for coming into adulthood. No children should be allowed," lied Peridot. The last thing she wanted was the Connie taking part in Steven's special day.
The next morning Steven awoke to the smell of coffee and bacon. Pearl was in the kitchen cooking him a huge breakfast. When Steven protested that he could cook his own breakfast Pearl simply waved him away. When he sat down at the kitchen table he noticed Peridot nursing a cup of coffee. The green gem blushed and wished him a good morning.
After serving him breakfast Pearl stood before the boy, "Steven I've got something important to tell you. You've made so much progress in the last few months growing emotionally and intellectually well we've decided to to.."
Peridot came to Pearl's rescue "Steven what Pearl is saying is that we're going to be taking a page from Homeworld and have a coming of age ritual."
"I thought Gems didn't grow up," said Steven.
"Actually we don't come out as adults just not babies. But we do grow emotionally that is why we have formatories. Steven once a gem reaches maturity, she goes through her possessions and takes a few mementoes. Then her friends and instructors each take a memento and her dorm is set on fire. After which her friends each give her a gift to mark her transition to adulthood."
"Well what do I do?" asked Steven.
"Nothing," replied Peridot. "This is usually done as a complete surprise. I myself was having downtime when I was greeted by my matron with a flame thrower in one hand and a formal cloak in the other. We're just modifying the ritual a little like not setting your bed on fire."
The next few days the gems were kept very busy. Pearl handed out formal invitations to all the adult members of the community. Amethyst and Garnet did the shopping for the big day and Peridot searched the town for an appropriate gift with Greg.
"hmm if this works. Steven is going to need new clothes," mused Peridot as she looked at the clothes racks. "What size is Steven supposed to get as an adult?"
"I really don't know Pearl tried to guess but all we got was somewhere between my height at 6 feet tall and Rose's at 8 feet tall," replied Greg. "Besides from what you said he might not reach full size even if this does work."
"Then we can't give him a formal suit."
"Well we can get him one thing," said Greg as he produced a tie.
"That's great, let's get some extra-large T-shirts and these shorts. I'm going to look for a gift myself at the supermarket."
On the big day Pearl shook Steven awake. She had a big smile plastered on her face.
"Wake up sleepyhead we have a big day ahead," said Pearl.
The first thing she did was drive him over to the DMV. Where thanks to a local at the desk he actually got to write and pass the test. Steven left with a learners permit in hand. At Pearl's insistence he actually drove to the beach house. It seemed like the entire town was waiting for him. He scanned the beach and saw the Pizzas at a banquet table.
"We're catering this big event," said Koffi. With a flourish the man opened one of the trays. On it was not pizza but some beautifully prepared fish.
"This is an adult party with adult food and booze," explained Koffi.
From the corner of his eye Steven could see a huge form lumbering towards him.
"I'm I too late?" panted an exhausted Ronaldo. Steven I got something for you."
In the boy's hand was a blooming fried onion. Then shaking his head Ronaldo put it on the banquet table. He tried to hand something to Steven but was stopped.
"Not just yet. First we take out Steven's possessions from the beach house," scolded Pearl.
The gems thanked the guests for coming and then went inside the beach house. They pulled out every toy, every book, and every piece of clothing Steven had grown out of. In short everything that was Steven's was placed in a pile on the beach. By the time they were done the beach house was much cleaner and emptier.
When they stepped outside with the final bundles. The crowd clapped loudly. The pile was huge it was easily as big as a small car.
"Steven, since this is your day you get the first pick," said Peridot.
The young man picked up his ukulele, cheeseburger backpack, a teddy bear and his Gameboy set with cartridges.
"Now your father and the Gems," called out Peridot.
His Dad cautiously picked over his things, the gems also dug in while Peridot looked on. She felt a shove to the back.
"You're a Crystal Gem too," said Steven starry eyed.
Peridot scanned the pile until she came to some strange small artifacts. Some of them looked to be clothing but were way too small for Steven.
"What are these?" asked the green gem.
Greg answered with sparkles in his eyes, "These are Steven's baby things. I can't believe you guys kept these. I'll be taking those."
"Actually there're mine now," corrected Peridot.
Greg was about to say something rude when Garnet put her hand on his shoulder.
"Let her have these Greg it might be important," stated Garnet ambiguously.
Peridot gazed thoughtfully at her find, while Greg took the rest of the baby things in the pram.
Once the Gems and Steven's father were done Peridot motioned for the guests to take their pick. Surprisingly the guests formed a neat orderly line each one taking one or two items and then leaving.
When Ronaldo's turn came up his eyes bulged. "Steven you have the Lonely Blade series and you're giving it up?"
Steven blushed, "Yes I realized it was not like real sword fighting at all."
Stars appeared in Ronaldo eyes, "You mean you've seen a real swordfight. That's so cool."
When Lars came up he was holding a rather peaked Sadie by the arm. He gallantly showed Sadie some things and she picked out her old dress from Beachaplooza. Lars picked out the best video games saying he couldn't believe that Steven was throwing these away. The rest of town picked out what they wanted quickly but the pile was still very large.
"Alright let's get some lunch. The food is getting cold," announced Koffi.
For this special occasion even Pearl got something to eat while Peridot merely nursed a glass of wine. Because Steven was an adult he was given wine as well. It tasted funny but he felt so grown up. He watched as the town laughed and chattered away.
Peridot watched the party closely. The coming of age ritual seemed to be a success in her eyes Steven already seemed to be a bit older. What Peridot didn't realize is that she looked older too.
"Hey there I noticed you aren't eating anything. Don't you like the taste of food?" observed Amethyst.
"Oh I like the taste of food alright. It's just the excreting part that's unpleasant," replied Peridot.
"You're so like Pearl. No wonder the town thinks you are her kid. I find the excreting to be quite good. It gives me time to think you know."
"Miss Amethyst you are in sore need of meditation lessons."
The purple gem merely laughed and walked away.
After lunch was over it was time for presents. This time the townsfolk came first. Steven received tie after tie but Lars surprised him when he handed Steven a door.
"A door how nice," said Steven trying to seem grateful.
"Yeah, Sadie and I did it because we adore you. No seriously you need walls on your room for privacy," he then put his hand beside his mouth. "Come over to the Big Donut for your real coming of age present."
Ronaldo gave him some plaster and the cool kids gave Steven some lumber and drywall. When it was Mr. Smiley's turn we merely smiled at Steven and revved up a power drill.
"Well I was going to give you another tie but after hearing what Sour Cream and his gang were planning I decided to build your room," said Smiley actually smiling.
The man marched straight up to the Beach house and started to work. As the gems heard him pounding away Mr. Smiley asked that the town not mind him and continue with the celebration. Naturally the gems and a few townsfolk pitched in. Within an hour Steven's cubby had walls. Garnet shuddered at the possibilities now open to Steven.
Mayor Dewey made a big show of giving the most expensive gift a digital camera while Buck hunched over in embarrassment. After the guest had given Steven their presents Peridot turned to Steven.
"Now it is time for our gifts Steven," said Peridot.
Greg blushed and looked away, "Stu-ball I was going to get you a tie but seeing everybody else did I got you this instead."
"Wow, thanks Dad a gift certificate for Big and Tall," said Steven.
Amethyst handed Steven a guitar. "A ukuele is like a baby guitar so I decided to get you this."
"Thanks Amethyst I'll take it to the barn."
"Now it's time for my gift," announced Garnet. "It's a set of cuff links. Originally they were your mother's jewelry but I had them modified."
Pearl said nothing as she handed him an adult sized set of clothes. It was simple just a large black T-shirt and a pair of shorts. Steven's eyes teared up and he hugged the pale gem.
Peridot's gift made him raise his eyebrows. She blushed sweetly as she handed him a strange purple fruit.
"It's a passion fruit," said Peridot shyly as she kissed him.
Garnet then stepped forward with a flaming torch.
"Steven I think you should do the honors," smiled Garnet.
The crowd cheered as Steven took the torch. They clapped as Steven put the torch to his old toys and burned his childhood away. After watching silently for a while, the town left first in ones and twos and then finally the whole town. As Pearl watched the flames burn away at Steven old treasures she wiped away her tears smiling as she did so.
When Connie walked home from school she couldn't help but notice how empty the streets were. There were hardly any shops open and when she went to the boardwalk only Beach City Fries was open. Where was everybody? As if to answer her question a crowd of people marched in from the beach back to their places of work and homes.
"What's going on?" asked Connie as she grabbed Buck Dewey's shoulder.
"Steven had a gem bar mitzvah, an adults only party sorry," replied Buck coolly.
Steven looked on at the pile of burning toys and clothes. His childhood was going up in flames and it felt great. It was like his past mistakes were burning away as he watched his queasy doll burst into flames. Off to the side Peridot and the gems watched in approval.
"Look at that. Its working," crowed Peridot with her fist clenched. "I can see him growing bigger already. I can't believe this is working, finally a success."
What Peridot didn't see was that she was growing as well. Her limbs lengthening and her form filling out. Stars lit up in her eyes as Steven grew from a small boy to a godly fuzzy male.
"Steven I think it's time you tried on the clothes Pearl got you," said Peridot in a husky voice.
When Connie finally rounded the corner of the beach to where Steven lived she came to see a heartbreaking sight. There was her jam bud rapidly growing as the gems looked on in approval as Garnet handed Steven a pile of clothes. The man stripped off.
Connie could take no more, "Steven what are you doing?"
His voice was chillingly deep. "I'm growing up Connie. It's time to put away childish things."
"Does that mean putting me away too?" tears welled up in Connie's eyes.
Steven looked at her and shrank a little, "No, no you'll always be my jam bud."
"Are you outgrowing me? Because my parents won't let me see you like this."
"Tell me do your parents know about the end of the world?" snapped back Peridot.
The green gem had also grown up too. Now she was taller than Connie and had a lush figure.
"No, I am protecting the people I love. Your Mom might have trained you but could you say she loved you?" said Connie smugly.
Tears formed in the technician's eyes. The little slut visibly shrank. Now Connie knew what to do.
"Steven don't you want go on adventures with me? Hang out together?" pleaded Connie.
Steven shrank even more. His voice was now higher pitched, "I do it's just that I-"
Connie turned on the water works. Steven in his new clothes ran towards her. Now his voice was higher pitched. "There, there I'll always have time for you."
Connie smirked at Peridot who was looking on. The goblin was smaller too.
In a rage Greg took Steven's guitar and smashed it, "You selfish little brat.
"Excuse me?" Connie turned to Steven's father.
"I finally got to see my baby boy grow into the fine young man that he was meant to be and you ruined it," growled Greg dangerously.
"Greg you're hurting me," pleaded Connie.
"Dad let her go. She didn't mean to," said her Steven to the rescue.
Connie looked down. "I just wanted my-"
"It's always me, me, me with you. Grow up," screeched Peridot. The green gem looked like a small child. Peridot ran into Pearl's arms, sobbing.
Pearl looked at her with scorn, "Connie, you're just too much."
The little twit still wasn't getting the clue. Garnet stepped forward.
"You need to leave Now," ordered the leader.
What a mess. Garnet watched the little girl leave crying her stupid eyes out. Garnet saw a possibility that this might happen but the payoff was too great. After gathering Steven Garnet ordered her gems into the car. Greg watched numbly as they left.
Since everybody was too upset to drive Garnet drove the car. She stared stonily at the highway as they drove to the farmhouse.
"From now on we will stay at the farmhouse, no leaving under any circumstances. We will be in complete radio silence until the drill is operational is that clear?" ordered Garnet.