When we got home, Bella and Edward still weren't having full conversations with each other, but did exchange some words every so often. I had talked to Bella privately, and with the family. Renesmee and Jacob had several conversations with everyone about the recent events as well, but soon got sick of it and decided they were going to stay on the reservation for a few days. Melody had come home and was almost inseparable from Esme. Seth spent most of the past few days at our house with Melody. Rosalie was unusually nice to everyone. Emmett, Jasper and Alice were the same as always.

I had called in to Dr. Snow and said that I could work earlier than planned if he needed me. He had given me shifts for the next 3 days before a day off.

I kissed Esme before walking to the door to leave to my second day back at work after what seemed like years.

"Carlisle? Make sure you take off your anniversary next week." Alice reminded me.

"I will, thanks." I winked and left.

I lay in the middle of Carlisle and my bed. I couldn't let myself have a single one of these days anymore, but all that was rushing through my mind was memories of my past, of Charles Evenson, of my baby. It was ridiculous; no one ever lived with guilt over losing a baby as long as I have. No one had ever lived as long as I had after losing a baby at all. I was so glad that Edward wasn't home at the moment, and I was hoping he wouldn't come home for a while. He and Bella had gone out to talk in peace. They had gotten a lot better with each other with each day.

I lay there for about an hour crying my tearless sobs. I tried to stop several times, but it all became too much. I could see everything that Charles had done to me; I could even feel it slightly. Or was that my mind playing tricks on me?

It never registered until this moment that Jasper could feel everything that I was. That's when I heard his footsteps come up the stairs.

He knocked ever so quietly, not wanting to draw attention from Emmett, Melody or Seth. Alice and Rosalie had gone shopping.

"Esme?" he spoke so quietly that even my inhuman hearing had trouble catching it.

I didn't respond, just move further under the covers that were now above my head. I heard his steps move closer and he sat on the side of the bed.

"I'm not Edward, so I don't know exactly what you're thinking about, but I think I have a pretty good idea…" He pulled the covers down so that my face was no longer under them.

I buried my face into the pillow. I didn't want him to see me hiding, but I also didn't want him to see me like this. A wreck, weak, upset.

"Esme, come on." He rolls me over so that I'm facing upwards towards him.

Once he realised just how much all this affected me, he pulled me upwards and into his arms. "I love you, mum…" he whispered.

I laughed lightly for a second, before the moment faded and I returned back to my overly low mood.

I stayed in his arms for several minutes and sobbed into his chest.

A light knock on the door caused me to sit up instantly and turn around so whoever it was didn't see me.

"Um, sorry. I'm going down to the reservation. I might stay the night." Melody whispered.

I heard a quiet "okay" from Jasper. When she left I tuned back around.

"Isn't it a little early to say you might stay the night? It's 11am…" I said quietly.

"She'll probably have a fun day which turns into a fun night which means she will stay there. We're not talking about her though, we're talking about you." He said.

"Emmett is probably looking for you…" I tried.

"I told him not to interrupt. He's going hunting soon. Stop trying to change the subject."

I stared at him.

"I know, it's painful to talk and think about, but if you don't talk about it, then it will just keep coming back. You can talk to me, or I can call Carlisle."

"No! Don't call him. Please…"

"I'm waiting."

"You are very forceful today."

"I'm forceful when something has to happen but someone is just procrastinating…"

"It doesn't have to happen."

"Esme." He slumped his shoulders like he was getting tired.

It wasn't that I didn't want to tell him; it was that he didn't know the full story. No one knew the full story. Carlisle didn't even know absolutely everything, and that means something, because we normally had no secrets from each other.

I still hadn't said anything. He was staring into my eyes intently and was waiting for me to explain something, anything. He knew I would eventually.

I looked away, then back at him and the look in his eyes shattered me. He just looked so helpless, confused, upset and empathic.

I gave in way too easily. I told him everything, starting from the first day with that horrible man that had changed my life forever. It must have taken me several hours, because Edward had returned with Bella. He told her and Emmett to call Carlisle and he was up standing behind Jasper in less than a second.

"Carlisle doesn't know?" Jasper asked once I finally finished.

"Not all of it, no."

"Esme, you have to tell him." Edward said.

They both had a look of terror and anger. I don't think I had very seen Jasper so angry.

"He is very lucky that he is already in hell, or I would have definitely put him there. Slowly, painfully." Jasper said.

Edward hit his shoulder lightly so that he would stop there.

I heard the Mercedes pull up and within a few seconds, Carlisle was sitting beside me. I immediately fell into his arms, crying dry sobs again. They wouldn't stop and it was very embarrassing in front of two of my sons.

The both snickered, knowing exactly what I was either thinking or feeling.

"Don't worry; we have all had our fair share of embarrassment for stupid reasons." Edward assured. "Like when Jasper was embarrassed the night we got back from Isle Esme over his bedroom."

"What?" Jasper asked.

"Seriously dude, you should have been proud of that. Well done." Edward smirked.

"They are my parents. Shut up." Jasper said, pointing to us.

I laughed at them. Even when I was a total mess, they still managed to make me smile or laugh, even for a short while.

Carlisle was resting his chin on my head and stayed silent.

"How much did Bella and Emmett tell you?" Jasper asked Carlisle.

"They gave me very limited information. Just that Esme was majorly upset and was with you guys." He explained.

"Well, Esme, would you like to explain, or us?" Jasper asked.

"Us." Edward answered the question for me verbally.

They started explaining everything like I had to Carlisle and every so often his arms would tighten around me for a moment before loosening again.

It took just as long for them to explain as it did for me.