I was sitting in the living room with Carmen and Eleazar when their phone rang. Tanya walked out and looked at me before answering.

I didn't hear the talking on the other end.

"No sorry, she isn't here…" Tanya lied, staring at me with a guilty face. She hung up and stood there for a second.

"Thank you…"

"I don't think I have ever felt so disappointed in myself…" she said quietly before walking away.

I looked down at my hands and I could feel Carmen and Eleazar staring at me.

"I'll leave soon."

"Home?" Carmen asked with a hopeful ring to it.

I shook my head and I heard Eleazar sigh.

"If you're not going home, then don't leave. We would rather lie for you and have you safe here than be off somewhere with risks."

"Risks?"

"Well, your family is known for making visits to the Volturi…"

"Eleazar!" Carmen scolded.

"No, don't worry; I'm not going to Italy."

"We would still rather you stay here. There are a lot of no mads around here. They can be dangerous sometimes." Eleazar didn't sound like he was telling the truth, but if I did cross a no mad, they probably wouldn't be too friendly.

I decided to change the subject, "I should hunt."

"I'll join you." Carmen smiled.

I nodded and we left.

"Carlisle? Yes, she is here. She asked us not to tell you so Tanya decided not to, but I will not lie about this. I had a similar situation many years ago with Carmen and it left me terrified." Eleazar explained.

"Thank you Eleazar. Is it okay if Jasper, Edward and I come up to bring her home?" I asked.

"Of course. I don't think it will be very easy. She said she was going to leave us today but Carmen and I told her to stay. I think she will for at least a few more days." He explained.

"We'll be up as soon as possible. Thank you again." I hung up.

I had to sit down. I had been so terrified. I had no idea where my wife was or if she was safe. How could she leave us? I knew it was my fault. I should not have treated her or the family the way I did and I felt so guilty now, especially now that Esme was gone. Before I knew she had left, I was going to make plans with the girls and different ones with the guys before taking my wife somewhere beautiful to re connect and express how sorry I was. Now that she had left, I couldn't do anything with my children. I had my phone in my hand at all times in case she called. I told work that an emergency had happened and I had no shifts for the next month. I studied a map and put pins in many places where she could be right now.

"Edward, Jasper! Let's go!" I called out, walking down the stairs.

They were at my side in an instant. "She's in Denali. Eleazar said it won't be easy to convince her to come home, but we have to try everything." I explained, walking out the door with them behind me.

"Carlisle?" I heard Alice call.

I turned to see Bella, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Melody, Renesmee and the wolves on the step. Alice looked ill. She had been trying to see Esme in her visions but all she did was cause worse headaches for herself each time. Jacob and Seth had gone to the reservation and ask the pack if she crossed through, which she did. Rosalie looked like she could have been crying for days and Emmett looked starving. The others had anxiety and concern spread over their faces.

"We're going to get her."

"Can we come?" Melody asked.

"You can't meet the Denali coven yet Melody." Jasper said.

We didn't know how they would take someone of her age as a vampire. Jane looked to be younger, but the Volturi were known to change rules to start wars.

"We've already met them…" Rosalie motioned to herself, Alice, Emmett and Bella.

"Fine. Renesmee and Melody, you stay here. Esme won't want you to see her like this anyway."

They nodded without argument, knowing very well that I didn't have my mind straight without my wife with me. Esme was the main reason I was in complete control of myself, when she wasn't around for a long period of time, or I was worried about her, I was just as unpredictable as the others.

Melody, Renesmee, Seth and Jacob stayed on the porch until we had left.

"Why are you scared?" Jasper asked Alice, sensing her feelings.

They dropped behind us so that it was harder for us to hear their conversation. Sure it was harder, but we could still hear.

"What if this is it. If Esme doesn't want to come back then the family is going to fall apart. She is literally what keeps everyone from tearing each other's heads off."

"Alice, Esme loves us. She will come back. It might take some time, but Carlisle is her world. She would never think of leaving it permanently." Jasper assured.

"People can live without their worlds. If my vision back when the Volturi came for Ness happened, Esme wouldn't have killed herself to be with Carlisle. She would have stayed with us. There is a possibility that she doesn't like the life she has now and she might not want to live it anymore. She could leave if that's what she wanted."

"She never wanted to leave, she felt like she had to."

"Why?" Alice asked as everyone stopped.

Jasper looked at me. "Does it matter?" he asked her.

"Do you know?" Rosalie asked him.

"Dude, just tell us." Emmett joined.

Jasper looked at me again and everyone else followed his gaze.

"Yes, we all know it was me." I spoke impatiently.

"There is more to it…" Edward spoke quietly.

"Well tell us." Bella said.

"She felt like Carlisle was being distant because he didn't want her anymore. She also thought he was regretting changing all of you. She didn't believe me when I said he had a rough week at work and she still thinks that Carlisle feels obliged to love her and us." Jasper didn't make eye contact with anyone.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I fucked up."

"Language…" Alice whispered hesitantly.

"You all know that I don't regret changing you at all and that I love you because you're my children and not because I have to, right?" I asked.

"We know." Bella assured.

"What about Esme though?" Rosalie asked.

"She is my wife, Rose. I will love her for eternity, whether she wants me to or not."

"Just making sure…"

"Okay, we should go." Edward said.

I stared at Rosalie and she walked ahead of me, clearly intimidated.

"Tone it down a notch; you're not upset with us." Edward spoke quietly so that only Bella and I would hear.

"Why did she even question that?" I asked at the same volume.

"Well we almost never question Esme, apart from times like these but Rosalie is very protective of her. She just wanted to make sure this was one of the rare times that Esme was wrong." He explained.

I took in a breath to calm down. I was becoming more anxious with every second that we got closer to my wife. What if Alice was right and she didn't want to come home? What would I do with myself?

"She will come home, Carlisle." Edward interrupted my thoughts. "Just take a few breaths and don't get angry with her. That's something to avoid in this situation. All she needs is to be reassured that you would never leave us and that you will love her for the rest of her life."

"And after…" I spoke to myself.

We ran again and were making good time.