Chapter 13: The Weight of Knowing
I was sitting at a table, eating some of Linn's Lo Mein. It really was good, just like they'd all been saying. Kuhn and Linn were at a table, Nina was sitting with a table of... Strangers, Eiji and Hiro had finished eating, and were deep into a round of chess. Some more mastered spirits were watching the children strategize, taking notes...
Hmm...
Karo and Shisuta were practically connected at the hip, pun intended.
Haruka was with Boh, venting on her brother's mind link no doubt. I knew this, because Shisuta was upset about it, and told me herself.
A bit much description for my taste, but I would expect no less from the author of an 8549.5 Page dictionary. How she was able to manage that? I'll never know.
I smiled.
I remember when she was not even thirteen, and cried the end of times for a simple crush...
How she had changed. She was more confident now, and smiled more. My self proclaimed little sister wasn't so little any more.
...Though not everything had changed. She was still a but about organization, and obsessive on Alchemy. Some things should never change...
Karo had looked away for a moment, to answer a customer's question. Shisuta's expression completely changed. She looked almost... Guilty.
Karo turned back, and she regained her composure.
"I need to start working in the kitchen now..." He said. They parted with a kiss, and Karo left.
Shisuta's sorrow seemed to return, and I saw the slightest hint of tears.
I walked over to her, and sat down at the table.
She smiled. "Hello Kahn! What brings you here?"
I sighed. "What's wrong."
She looked to side. She was about to tell a lie.
"Nothing! My day has actually been very good!"
"You're lying." I said. "I may have been gone for ten years, but that doesn't mean I can no longer read you. I never stopped watching you those entire ten years, so there is no reason to continue this. What's wrong."
She looked down, and a tear slipped.
"N-Not here..." She stood, and gestured for me to follow.
I followed her to her Altar room, where we had started repairing the windows.
She sat in the desk, and laid her head on the table. I took a chair, and sat next to her.
"What's wrong Shisuta...?" I asked softly.
She slammed her fist on the table. She was shaking...
She stood, grabbing her dictionary. She lit a match, and held the book to the flame until it caught. She dropped it, and watched it burn.
My eyes were wide.
"Shisuta... You worked so hard on that..."
She started laughing, softly at first... Then it became dark, and more maniacal.
She punched the wall, and left a hole.
"IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK!?" She screamed.
Her head hung, and she began to speak.
"Do you know the weight and burden of Sasageru...? Yes, there is a weight. I hungered for it, and now it drowns me... It always wants more, like a glass filling with water... It overflows, casting me away into the dark abyss in which I sold my soul... A destiny that will part all ties that I was not privy to in my youth..."
Sasageru... It was a bargaining demon. It was an honest one, but had a very specific price...
...The soul of the bargainer. When Sasageru took his souls, they were destroyed, ingrained into his own aura.
I went pale.
"Why would you make a deal with such a demon... Shisuta..."
She laughed darkly.
"I took the karmic price... Once for the soul, twice for the body, thrice for the mind. The first, knowledge to bend the will of fate. The second, the anguish and suffering curse of my sister. The third... The murder of everyone else in my family. A price at the time, that was meaningless such as myself."
The karmic price involves three separate deals instead of one. There is no in between. She had definitely made some pretty major sacrifices to herself.
She fell to the floor, grabbing her head, and screaming.
"It's MY FAULT! MY FAULT YOU DIED! My fault that Linn and Kuhn were attacked by MY SISTER! I DID THAT TO HER! Me... I spared NO ONE!"
She started sobbing.
"Kahn... How can I be with Karo? When I die, that's it. No eternity, and he'll be alone! No... I, I can't!"
She was shaking. "I CAN'T DO IT!"
Karo was standing in the door way, no doubt he'd been listening the whole time.
"I could never hurt him... I love him, but... I am worthless to him."
He walked over to her, and knelt down, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"No... I would spend ten eternities lonely to spend my life with you..."
Tears streamed down his face.
"I-If you would have me..."
Shisuta clutched on to him and wailed into his chest, sobbing violently.
He held her tightly, and soothed her.
All I could do was stand there. I knew the feeling of being wrongfully condemned all too well...
...In fact, I know it. It's happening right now...
I had died in purgatory, and was saved. Now I have been sent back, and I have nothing to do with the Leviathan's. The fact that I have been cast from paradise after once dying, means I am never to return. For a mission I have no control over, I will be forced to wander the plains when I die.
There was no way I could comfort Shisuta, when I couldn't even comfort myself.
I left the room, giving them their privacy.
I was wandering the halls aimlessly, and Nina saw me.
"Kahn, are you okay?" She asked.
I nodded...
Then I shook my head, and felt a tear slip.
I breathed slowly. "No... I'm not okay."
She stared. "You're really not, are you?"
She walked up to me, and grabbed my arm, pulling me into a vacant room.
"Tell me what's wrong." She said.
I looked down.
"No, don't do that." She said. "Look at me, and tell me what's wrong."
I looked up at her, and I was fixed on her gaze. I wanted, no... I NEEDED to tell her.
Tears came spilling from my eyes.
"This mission, I curse the heavens every day for this horrible mission! The same heavens that now cast me away for a mission I NEVER CHOSE! THEY chose this... Why? What happens to justice in the face of war? It's gone. Justice does not exist..."
I darkened. "Privilege...? Oh yes! That exists... Chihiro. You were saved, and you killed them all. But no... You... Didn't know. You were unaware, and THAT IS WHY YOU WERE SAVED!? No! NO! I was just as 'Unaware'. It's privilege... Human privilege..."
I dug my nails into my hands.
"Well WHAT AM I TO YOU!? Heavens SPEAK! Am I so... Low? A lowly spirit to be used as a sacrifice...? What have I done to you? WHAT!? ANSWER ME DAMN YOU!"
I sobbed.
"D-Damn them all... Damn them all to the abyss and endless oblivion..."
Nina looked at him. "Welcome to the ranks. You're just what I need."
I stopped.
"The ranks?"
Nina gave a sharp nod. "The Shiriagari. Our mission is to destroy the cults, which cause ruin to this land, and eventually, rule the heavens. We will bring a new order, and Justice back into the balance! My sources have found a way, unbeknown to the heavens, to infiltrate the throne... We need someone like you, who's been there and back, and has suffered the injustice. Unless I have your full support, I will not trust you with the information. When I had finally pieced together my mind, I remembered my cause... and who had fragmented me, to what I thought, was beyond repair."
I was curious. "Who? Who did that to you?"
She looked up. "Them."
I froze.
The heavens had torn her sanity apart, and it made perfect sense. They knew she could win, and they were protecting... Themselves.
She was right. The heavens were a tyranny, and I knew first hand the suffering that caused.
I was with her, completely.
She smiled. "But you had the quality to repair my mind, and I believe, the power to heal this land..."
I grabbed her hands. "I would gladly die to serve a cause so noble."
Her smile became warm. "I knew I could trust you! I knew you were the one we've been looking for!"
"The one you've been... Looking for?" I asked.
She nodded. "Yes, exactly. Kahn, do you remember the amulet you gave me?" She asked.
I did.
"Yes, it was enchanted with a powerful relocation spell."
She pulled it out. "This is the same one. I had forgotten about it until recently, and now I know why I wanted it. It's a piece to a puzzle that will end the tyranny. The amulet will be merged with the dreamstone, allowing the amulet to take us to the heavens. My weapon is one that forms to it's master, making it the ultimate weapon in relation to the person wielding it. There is a shield known as deceptions scorn, worn with the armor of titans. Only the true king can wield all of these things, and it will grant him ultimate strength. It is said that he will wield a crossbow on his back."
She pulled out the weapon, which was now a greatsword. She had changed, and pieced herself together. The weapon she held now was in perfect balance with the other two she'd had before.
"Take it." She said.
I stopped.
"Me...? You're sure it's me?"
She shrugged. "One way to find out."
I grabbed the weapon, and it changed. It was a large crossbow, and had a permanent loading of spears. It was large, but not bulky, and surprisingly lightweight. It would have to be carried on the back.
I went to hand it back to her.
"No." She said, pushing it away. "It belongs to you now. I'll get my own greatsword."
I found myself looking up.
"Me...? It's me...?"
She smiled. "Yes. You're the champion we've waited an eternity for. An eternity is a long time to wait for a champion, I would know."
I stared at her in awe.
"Yes, an eternity." She said. "I've finally been restored to my proper age."
I believed her. I sensed the truth stronger than I had sensed anything in my life.
"What's the plan?" I asked. "Because I'm thinking I've got some potential recruits."