Summ.
Axel didn't care that his older brother was dating a guy. Until he fell in love with the boyfriend's son. They're engaged to be married, but will the young lovers stand up for their relationship? I mean it's not REALLY incest!
It is written in first person, chapters switching viewpoints from Axel to Roxas. Axel for odd numbered chapters, Roxas for even numbered chapters.
Reno called for Cloud once more, and as the older blonde left, Roxas suddenly seemed to have some sort of panic attack in his sleep. He tossed and turned, thrashing in my bed and whimpering.
"Roxas!" I tried to calm him, but he wouldn't snap out of it. "Roxas, wake up!"
"No… no… I don't want to be alive… you don't want me… don't make me…" he cried, almost incoherently.
"What? Roxas, don't say that! Of course I want you! Roxas! Roxas, snap out of it, please! Calm down!"
"No! I want to die! Kill me, please!" my lover wailed. "I'm not supposed to be alive!" he lashed out, still asleep and confused, nails scraping my cheek and making me hiss.
"Roxas, stop!"
Roxas continued to lash out at me, and I climbed onto the bed, pinning his arms and legs to keep him from attacking me again.
"You're having a nightmare, Roxas, calm down!"
"I hate you!"
A shiver went down my spine. Even if he was having a slumber tantrum, it still made my heart throb in pain to hear him say those words.
"You don't want me! You never wanted me! I'm a mistake!"
"Mistake…? Roxas, you're not a mistake, what are you talking about?"
"You wish I was never born, don't you, Dad…?" he sobbed, and the realization hit me.
"You're talking about what Cloud said?" I embraced my lover, placing small kisses along his jaw line in an attempt to soothe my restless angel. "Roxas, you didn't hear correctly. Cloud doesn't think that way about you, not at all! He loves you! You were not a mistake… you were a miracle… a surprise… a gift. I love you, and Cloud loves you. He just meant that he wasn't planning on you being born, not that he didn't want you. He wants you, and I want you, and Zexion and Ienzo want you, and even Reno wants you to be alive and with us. We all love you. Don't cry… it's alright… I'm here for you, okay? I'll always be here."
Slowly, Roxas calmed, his crying dimming to small sniffles as he curled up to my chest, being comforted as I held him in a close embrace, rocking him gently from side to side and softly hushing him.
"Axel, I heard a lot of noise, is everything okay?" Cloud's voice said from the other side of my door.
"Yeah. Roxas was just having a bad dream, he's fine now."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. He's still crying a little, but he'll be okay in a few minutes. I think I should just stay with him to let him take a nap. Tell Reno to put our dinner in the fridge, I'll heat it up later."
"Okay. Make sure you call me if Roxas is too upset for you to handle."
"I will, I promise."
"I'll see the two of you in the morning, then… tell Roxas I said goodnight."
"Alright."
I lay down with Roxas, pulling the blankets up to cover us as I hugged him close. I kissed his ear gently, breathing sweet nothings into his dreaming mind.
"I love you… you're cute and amazing and adorable and I love you so much… You're beautiful, Roxas… you're so beautiful."
"Ax…el…" he mumbled brokenly.
I didn't wake up until eleven at night, when I groaned sleepily and stretched until I felt better. My eyes opened and I realized that Roxas wasn't beside me, though I could hear him sniffling.
"Roxas?" I crawled on the bed to the source of his sorrow and looked over the edge. "Roxas…"
I slithered down, pulling him into an embrace, adjusting my hands when he hissed in pain. I didn't need to look; it was easy to guess he had bruises.
"Poor thing… fell right off the bed but didn't even wake up… Roxas, I need you to open your eyes, okay?"
He shook his head.
"Roxas, you need to wake up so I can make sure you aren't seriously hurt. Please open your eyes. For me."
Roxas complied, but the pain in my heart begged him to close his eyes again. The usually lively, beautiful blue orbs were dull, toned a hazy gray color and were glazed over to the point they didn't even look like real eyes.
"Roxas."
He opened and closed his mouth twice, though no sound escaped his lips. My heart shattered to see him like this, so broken and lifeless.
"I love you. I'll always love you…" I choked out. His head lolled to one side as if his muscles weren't even trying to hold it anymore, though the slight questioning expression gave away his confusion at my words. I wasn't sure if he didn't understand what I was talking about, maybe he didn't even recognize me, or if he just didn't see what was so difficult about telling an emotionally dead person how much you love them.
He was miserable to the point he had simply shut down and withdrawn to the inner depths of his mind to hide from the pain. I kissed his cheek softly and tried to avoid looking into those glassy eyes.
"I don't know if you can hear me, or understand me, or anything… but this is the wrong way to handle this, Roxas… I'll guide you if you give me the chance, because I love you and I don't want to see you this way. Please, Roxas… I know you're hurting, but let me help you, baby…"
He put his hand on my face. "Ax…el…?"
"That's right, Roxas… I'm Axel… your lover."
"Lov…er…?"
I sighed, pulling him into a kiss. He was unresponsive at first, just sitting there while my lips closed over his, but after a moment his arms reached up and wrapped around my neck as he mumbled my name against my mouth. I pulled him in closer and he gave off a quiet moan, his mouth breaking away from mine as he buried his face into the crook of my neck and sobbed. I hushed him softly, rubbing slow circles on his back.
"Axel…" he whimpered, his tears warm and cold at the same time against my skin. "Dad…"
"I love you. I'll always love you, Roxas. Always. You're my angel…"
He sniffled, wiping his eyes, which looked sad but human, making me feel better to see him back to Earth. He looked so innocent as he gazed at me, blushing and biting his lip nervously. "I'm sorry…"
"Don't be. It's alright. Relax, baby, I'm here."
I soothed him until he calmed fully, standing up and waiting for me to do the same.
"Are you hungry, Rox?" I asked.
He nodded sheepishly; face turning bright red as his stomach growled loudly. I chuckled, and he pouted, turning his back to me angrily and crossing his arms.
I moved closer, remaining behind him, before pressing my chest to his spine and settling my head on top of his while I wound my arms around his waist and placed my hands on his stomach. "Don't be embarrassed. It was just so cute…" I offered an explanation, which he seemed even more offended by. He tried to break away from me, but I refused to let go. "Roxas, I wasn't trying to upset you. I was just teasing, alright? I didn't think you would be so… offended. I'm sorry, baby."
He simply broke free from my arms and avoided my gaze. "I'm hungry," he stated bluntly.
"I'll go heat up something. Don't… don't stay mad, Roxas, I really didn't mean any harm. Okay?"
"Okay."
Convinced but still a bit uneasy, I pecked his cheek before walking out, glancing back only to see him furiously wipe it away like I had the plague. I looked away sadly. Was he really that upset by my saying his blushing was cute? He had never said anything about it before, and I had called him cute and precious numerous times, but he always seemed to enjoy the affection…
I ran my hand through my hair and winced.
"Ouch!" I hissed, feeling the bump on the back of my head. "Wait…"
'Was it because of earlier? When he shoved me off of him after Reno almost caught us? But…'
It hadn't seemed like much at the time, but it was shortly after that that things started getting… messy. Roxas had been escalating in his moves against me ever since… and now he was rejecting me completely, just as he had rejected all contact with my brother from the moment they met. Did he think I was just like Reno?
Was Roxas looking at me and seeing another Reno?
Did Roxas… hate me?
We ate in silence, and shortly after we got into bed, I saw him silently leave the room. He didn't even want to sleep near me? What was going on?
The next morning the four of us; me, Roxas, Reno, and Cloud, all went to Cloud's house like we normally did on Sunday nights when Roxas had school in the morning. Reno and Cloud were watching a movie downstairs and my brother was probably trying to seduce the older blonde, whom I would imagine was scolding him for having no shame or discretion for his son just upstairs. It was a normal Sunday, apart from the distant vibe I was getting from Roxas.
"Roxas?" I called softly, reaching over to put my hand on top of his. He winced, but did not pull away. I took that as a good sign and inched closer. "Roxas, what's wrong? Please talk to me. I want to help you. If I did something that upset you, then you need to tell me or I can't fix it."
The blonde stood and pulled on his sweatshirt, the warm black one that Reno had gotten him for Christmas and he surprisingly wore, turning the knob on his door and walking out. I followed him wordlessly into the forest path we so often walked together.
He held out one hand, looking at his feet as he offered it to me, and I gratefully entwined our fingers, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Roxas shoved his other hand into his pocket and turning to glance at me with a small blush.
We stopped at the top of the hill and I sat down, pleased to see him do the same and even nudge into his usual seat between my legs. I wrapped my arms around him slowly and hesitantly, and for a moment I even contemplated letting go when I felt him tense, instead whispering "it's okay" softly into his ear until he relaxed.
"Roxas… I'm going to ask you one more time… What's wrong? I really want to know why you're so mad at me… I don't want to lose your trust, and I really don't want to lose your love. So will you tell me?"
He remained silent, then stood, walking over to a nearby tree and leaning on it. I could see tears glistening in the corners of his eyes as he took a deep breath.
'Great. Just great. I made him cry again,' I hissed at myself, grumbling at how incredibly stupid I must be to keep upsetting him and not have any idea what I did wrong.
"Axel…" he called in a soft voice. I got up and walked over to him. He took a breath to calm himself before speaking again in a meek tone. "Yesterday… when Reno walked in on us… I was really scared. I thought just how easily that could've been my dad… and that frightened me. So I didn't want to do anymore things we could get in trouble for… because I was really nervous and I just wasn't in the mood anymore. But then…" he trailed off.
"Keep talking, Roxas. I'm listening," I urged.
"But then you started touching me anyway, and I was getting really uncomfortable because you escalated things even though I was trying to tell you to stop… but you… you wouldn't stop! I couldn't handle it, so I shoved you off and you hit your head..." he paused, glancing up at me as if he was unsure if I was still paying attention.
I motioned for him to continue.
"I felt horrible seeing you hurt, and so guilty that I had been the one to cause the injury… that I forgot all about it, passing it off as something I could just ignore. But when I started to calm down from being upset with what Dad said, I tried to go back to sleep, but it made me uneasy because I felt almost trapped by your arms, and your sugary words were like bait… and I ended up rolling off the bed and just crying there for awhile…"
"Roxas…"
"In all honesty, Axel… when you were touching me… it felt like I was… like I was being molested by him all over again."
'What?' my eyes widened.
"When I woke up and came back to my senses, you were holding me and I felt captured again… and when I heard you laugh at something as simple as my stomach growling, I started to get angry that you were so carefree when I was struggling to keep myself from hating you for making me feel the way Xemnas did. And… and I felt you trap me again, and I heard those words I had been the prey of for so long… and I snapped."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"I couldn't even stand to sleep beside you. I just felt… like I'd been taken advantage of by the most important person in the world to me… the person I loved so much… and every word you said to me sounded so empty and meaningless. …like I was just prey, words were set to lure me in and the excuse of love was thrown in to get access to my body. It was the same way. It's always been like that, hasn't it, Axel?" his eyes were pained as he met my gaze of disbelief.
At first I had thought he saw me as being like Reno, someone he didn't like.
Turns out he saw me as Xemnas…
…someone he despised.
"Roxas, you… you mean everything to me. If you won't believe my words, and you won't let me touch you, and you refuse to permit me to try any other way to make it better, how do you expect me to prove how much I love you? Roxas, you know me better than that, and I'm sorry if I made you upset, I didn't realize you were actually frightened!"
"But the fact is that I WAS afraid, Axel! I was really scared, and you wouldn't stop! You're just like him!"
I was quickly growing furious with his accusations. "Don't compare me to that asshole! He MOLESTED you, Roxas. I would NEVER do something like that to you on purpose. EVER. I LOVE you. He didn't. So don't you EVER say that I'm like him again."
"What will you do if I do? Rape me?" he hissed.
"Listen, are you PMSing? I love you and all, but you're being absolutely fucking ridiculous right now. Take out your menstrual bullshit on someone else!"
I felt a searing pain on the side of my face. Damn… Roxas can hit pretty hard. I looked up to see my fuming lover storming off. I ran after him, grabbing his arm and forcefully spinning him around to face me.
"Roxas, don't do this shit. You know what I'm capable of doing. Don't push me like this, you'll regret it."
"I already do regret it, Axel. I regret every single god-damned SECOND of it! I hate you! You've wasted enough of my life already, I would have been better off if I never met you! I hope you drown yourself in the lake and I never have to even think about you again! Just get out of my face, Axel!"
"Stop acting like a spoiled little bitch!"
"Oh, so that's what you think of me? Nice to know," he sneered. "I don't want to look at you or talk to you anymore! Get out! Get out of my woods and out of my life!"
The gravity of the situation finally hit me, and I knew I had to do something, so I begged. "Roxas, please—"
"GET OUT!" he screamed, and I ran off in the opposite direction.
I ran all the way back to mine and Reno's apartment and collapsed into my bed, eyes stinging at the lingering smell of Roxas on my sheets. "Fuck!" I cussed under my breath.
Grumbling, I dragged myself to Reno's room and glanced over at a pack of cigarettes on his nightstand. I walked over to it and grabbed the box, opening it and pulling out a cancer stick before grabbing his lighter and standing out on the fire escape, setting fire to the tip and taking in a deep breath, not caring about the sensation of my throat being torn to shreds from the inside out. I was numb, and the pain…
The pain was the high I desperately needed.
DRUGSSSSS? Yes, I know this chapter had a horrible ending and you all want to cry… or kill me. But if you kill me you'll never get to know the ending! *smirks*