Summ.
Axel didn't care that his older brother was dating a guy. Until he fell in love with the boyfriend's son. They're engaged to be married, but will the young lovers stand up for their relationship? I mean it's not REALLY incest!

It is written in first person, chapters switching viewpoints from Axel to Roxas. Axel for odd numbered chapters, Roxas for even numbered chapters.

"I don't want to look at you or talk to you anymore! Get out! Get out of my woods and out of my life!"

"Roxas, please—"

"GET OUT!"

It had been about two weeks since Roxas and I broke up. Reno went over Cloud's alone; I refused to go with him. And they always met at Cloud's house, because the older blonde didn't feel comfortable leaving Roxas home alone after all those bad experiences of the boy falling prey to some creep when he was left unsupervised.

I sat on my windowsill, trying to shove away the thought that I was sitting in the very spot Roxas had been when we shared our first kiss. Glancing over at my bipolar-induced disaster of a room, I stood and walked over to a broken picture frame and picked it up. I hadn't bothered to clean up after my episode, so everything was still broken and messed up, just as I left it after Roxas left me. I had arrived at home and smoked a cigarette, then went back inside and immediately trashed my room, destroying everything that he was connected to, trying to take out my frustrations on something other than Roxas himself. As upset as I was, I didn't want to hurt him. I knew that if I had, I would severely regret it.

The picture frame in my hand contained a photograph of Roxas standing sweetly in the park, adorably camera-shy, and my head resting on his shoulder, arms around his waist and a huge grin on my face. It had been the Spring Festival, and all the flowers around us were in bloom.

Regardless of how much I tried to push away the thought, I smiled and mentally commented on how Roxas' blushing face outshone those gardens infinitely. I slid the picture out and opened my desk drawer, sliding into my folder where I kept the letters and photos Roxas and I had sent to each other when one of us went away on a trip. I took a fleeting glance at one of Roxas' letters.

Dear Axel,

I miss you soooo much! It's nice up here and all, but it's really cold at night and even when I'm being crushed by twenty blankets I'm still not warm. That's because only you can make me warm~ :D

Yesterday, Dad took me out to the lake. It was really pretty! (I put the picture I took in the envelope). The frost was thin over the water, and it was glistening like there were little diamonds just under the surface. We saw a really pretty bird, too. It was black with white spots on it. Dad said it was called a 'loon'. You should look it up on the computer (I KNOW you have nothing better to do, Axel. I know how you are). It makes a strange noise at night and early in the morning that sounds really nice, and it lulls me to sleep when I'm cold and being sandwiched between blankets and mattress.

Did I mention how much I miss you? You still love me, right? Don't fall for someone else just because I'm not there! Regardless, I really, really miss you and I love you soooo much. I'll always love you. I have to hurry and put this in the mail before my dad reads it and we get caught! I love you, Axel! *letter kiss*!

Yours forever,
Roxas.

P.S.
Don't forget that you still owe me an ice cream when I get back! Don't think I've forgotten just because it's cold here! I WANT THAT ICE CREAM!

I nodded, wiping my eyes of stealthy tears trying to escape. "Yeah, Rox… I still love you…"

I looked at those words again.

–I miss you–
–I'll always love you–
–Yours forever–

"Roxas…" I closed the folder and put it away, trying to hold back sobs. 'Come on, Axel… Man up…'

'I can't help it. I miss having him in my arms and hearing his voice…'

"His voice…" I thought, getting a really bad idea. "I can't talk to Roxas, but there's someone I CAN talk to…"

I grabbed the phone and dialed.

-Hello?-

"Cloud."

-Oh. Good morning, Axel. How are you? Did you want to talk to Roxas? I can get him; he's been so depressed since you stopped coming over to keep him company. Zexion and Ienzo spent the night, but I don't think it has nearly the same effect as when you're here.-

'I'd be pretty jealous if it did have the same effect…' I thought. "No, that's okay, Cloud… I actually called to talk to you."

-Oh? What about? Is something the matter?-

'That same concerned tone…' I shuddered. "I was actually wondering if it would be okay if the two of us could have a chat today… It's something I really can't talk to Reno about and…" I knew I had to say it, even though I didn't want to, "and you're like a brother to me, you know?"

I could hear him gasp. Hook, line, and sinker. It was a horrible idea, but it was going to work. That was all that mattered. There was a pause, as if he was trying to get past how excited he was to be told I accepted him as my brother's fiancée so that he could form an answer.

I had to bait him a bit more. "But if that's not cool with you, then that's fine… Sorry if I bothered you so early in the morning."

-No-no-no-no-no! Axel, that's not it. I'd be happy to talk to you. I was just… surprised. Where and when do you want to talk?-

"If you could come over today that would be great…"

-Alright. I just need to tell Reno to keep an eye on Roxas and I'll head over there.-

"Thanks Cloud… bro."

'That was a nice touch,' I thought as I hung up.

I snuck into Reno's room and swiped a cigarette, stepping out onto the fire escape and inhaling the tar, relishing in the pain it caused. I looked down at my arms and growled. I had to put on a long-sleeved shirt before Cloud got here. But I couldn't smoke in the house… and it would be a waste to stub out a cigarette I just lit, seeing how expensive they were.

"After this smoke I'll change. I'm not going to waste a perfectly good cigarette."

I took in one final drag before stubbing out the death stick on my forearm, hissing in the pain and adrenaline rush of the burn. I breathed out my last lungful of smoke and turned around to see Cloud staring at me with disbelief.

"Cloud… you didn't take long to get here…"

"Are you… when did you start smoking, Axel?"

"Two weeks ago."

"You're not even legal age, and you shouldn't be doing that! Is that what you wanted to talk about? Are you getting mixed up with drugs?"

"Not really."

He glanced down at my arms and gasped. "Dear God! What happened to you? You're all cut up and burned! Axel, what's going on?"

Feeling a sudden need for more pain, I shoved him out of the way and went back inside, locking myself into my room and taking out a pocket knife I had stolen about a week ago before cutting my arm, putting the knife away and sitting on my floor, watching mesmerized as the blood ran over my skin and dripped onto my carpet. I had only started cutting a few days before, but the sight of my own blood made me feel alive, or at least confirmed I was.

Cloud rushed to my side, and I shrugged to myself. I guess I forgot to lock the door. "Axel. Axel, what are you doing to yourself?"

"It feels good."

"That's not healthy. Cutting yourself shouldn't feel good, Axel. What's happened to you?"

"Your son happened to me."

"Roxas?"

I grinned. "Ah, Cloud, so blissfully unaware of your son's actions, preferring to stay ignorant rather than face the truth… for fear of what you may discover."

"Is Roxas doing these things too?"

"I have no idea," I chuckled. "But he's the reason I am. He's probably fine and dandy with his little friends and family all there to hug him and tell him he's a good boy. I just sit here and try to feel pain so I can escape this void of nothingness."

Cloud looked at me with desperation. "Roxas has stopped speaking. Completely. Not even Zexion and Ienzo can get him to say a word. He won't look me in the eye, and he doesn't even glare at Reno anymore, he simply sits there with a blank face… and it's painful to see him so unresponsive… but it hurts even more to see that your solution to trauma is self-mutilation, Axel. You know there are places and people who can help you…"

I shook my head. "I don't want help. I'm fine. I just… needed to see you. I was getting a little… lonely, I suppose."

"Please, Axel… at least let me clean your arms up and bandage them."

"You can't tell Reno about any of this."

"I might have to, Axel, you need help! You're hurting yourself and it needs to stop. And if telling Reno is the only way to get you the support you have to get, then I'm going to have to tell him."

I narrowed my eyes and let out a low growl as he washed and wrapped my arms. "You aren't going to tell him, Cloud. I can do horrible things to you, and I might. I can also do nice things to you, and I am just as likely to do that."

"Axel, threatening someone who wants to help you isn't a good plan. I mean it. If you don't let me get you what you need, then I'm going to have to tell Reno so he can find someone who can."

I pounced on him, fervently kissing the older blonde. I didn't care. I didn't care…

…I never cared…

Then why was I crying?

I pulled away, leaving Cloud gaping at me in shock.

"Hey, Cloud…" I began, looking out the window. "I wonder… if drowning feels like smoking…"

"Axel, don't say that!"

By the time he reached out to grab me, I was down the fire escape and off toward the park, taking the alley routes so Cloud couldn't follow me by car.

This was what Roxas wanted, right? I was sick of living for nothing but pain just to remember I was alive. Roxas…

"I hope you drown yourself in the lake and I never have to even think about you again!"

"This is what you wanted, Roxas. I love you, so I'm going to grant that one request…"

I climbed down to the bank of Sanborne Pond where Roxas brought me in the summer to swim.

I gazed at the crystal-clear water and saw Memory-Roxas splashing me and laughing as he called me a big baby for not liking the water. I had growled playfully and jumped in with him, pulling him into a chain of wet kisses that left him panting, breathless at the incredible feeling as I sat him up on the bank, wading to keep myself above water as I claimed his mouth, eventually stopping and smiling at the pout he gave me.

"Who's the baby now, Mr. Pouty-face?" I had purred, and he simply pushed my head underwater and hopped back in, giggling as I grumbled when I bobbed back up.

Looking at the beautiful scenery of the park and pond, you would never think…

…that anyone would try to kill themselves here.

HA! No more updates until two weeks from now! I'm going to AAC in Nashua next weekend and if you are too, then hold up a sign that says "LOOKING FOR KIYUX" and I will rush over to accept my humble death at your hands. *smiles* Oh, and the letters on the sign have to alternate between red and purple! That way I'll know~!