August 20th, 1984

Today is a Monday. It's also our first day back to school. The boat ride to the mainland is only about half an hour and then only a few minutes to drive to St Jude's Academy. That's where I go to high school; I'm now in my sophomore year. Harper should be attending St Jude's Middle and Elementary School across the street, in eighth grade, but she's still missing.

The police have said they won't stop keeping an eye out for her, but they can't keep up their search party. Grandaddy agreed; he says if Harper doesn't return before my birthday, then he's going to announce her dead and have her name wiped from the Thornton will. This harsh response struck me and I tried for days to argue a better solution, but he's set. I am disgusted with him.

My sixteenth birthday is the day before Hallow's Eve, which gives Harper about two months to show up or be found.

The end of this past summer went by in a hazy blur of studying and preparations. I will now only see Grandaddy's businessmen on Saturday's, but they'll still be meeting with me at the Hall. My friends haven't seen much of me lately, and I'm nervous they'll forget about me entirely. But I suppose I'll always have Clara.

October 18th, 1984

My birthday is in only a few weeks now, and still no sign of Harper. Even Wade has given up hope. Aunt Virginia has been working on the party planning for my birthday, although I've said I don't want one. All I want to do is weep over my sister. This must have been how Harper had felt in the summer.

In these past two months, I've been extremely busy. Grandaddy and his businessmen have been working me harder than ever, and I've also had to continue with my homework. I've had absolutely no free time; I have lost all my friends. They'd tried to spend time with me, but I'd always blow them off because I had to study for this or that. Now all I have are Clara and Wade.

Wade has been distant lately, always off brooding in the graveyard when he visits. He can't stand to talk to Grandaddy, not after what he's said about Harper these past few months. I don't blame him; I wish I could do the same, but my preparations require full time contact with him and his businessmen. Wade tells me of his hatred of our family as a whole, and how he wants to escape it. "The day I get out of this place, Char, is the day I truly live," he told me. I'll never get to leave; I'll never get to live.

October 30th, 1984

I'm wearing a dreamy pink gown with white lace and white shoes to match. I found it in Mother's closet, and I remember her wearing it in photographs I've seen of her from her young ages. Today is my birthday, which just means another familiar gathering of the Thornton clan. Everyone except for Harper. There's now a gray headstone in the graveyard that says "Lost and Dearly Missed". I've read it a hundred times now, but I still don't believe that Grandaddy means it. He doesn't miss her at all.

I'm not going inside the Hall to join the party, I'm going to stay here with all I have left of Harper. A stone with her name on it. I can see the lights and hear the bustling from within the Hall where my family is drinking and dancing and enjoying themselves. Do they know about Harper? How could they dance and sing and laugh if they did? I bite back tears - I wouldn't want to melt my mascara down my pink-painted cheeks. God, how materialistic of me. I hope Harper can forgive me for allowing Granddaddy to do this, to forget about her like she never existed.

Careful not to crinkle my dress, I sit cross legged in front of her headstone, close enough to trace the letter carvings with my fingers. Let everyone else celebrate my birthday but I don't want to. Not without Harper. She never liked these parties anyway - we'd always find an excuse to run off upstairs and play cards or read together. When we couldn't come up with a plausible lie, we'd sneak off through the secret passage in the kitchen. It was originally the servants' staircase in the 1800s, but had since then been boarded up. Harper found a way in, though - she'd always find a way into the old passages - and she shared it with me. Most of the passages she'd keep to herself.

"Thought I'd find you out here." Wade comes into the cemetery and stands next to me. "I come out here a lot, too. To talk to her like...like she's still here."

I chew on my bottom lip, struggling to hold in the tears. "I miss her so much, Wade. Where could she be?"

"I don't know, Char," he admits. "I wish I did. I wish Grandpa Jackson didn't put this goddamn headstone here. I wish our relatives weren't partying like nothing's happened." He makes a move to punch a nearby tree but stops himself, controlling the bursting rage within him. "I wish she'd never made the stupid decision to run of fin the first place."

This all feels too overwhelming. How am I supposed to handle this? My parents death, the business pressure, Harper's disappearance, losing my friends, Grandaddy's behavior...I'm only sixteen. I'm only a child. Sometimes I hate this place and these people. Sometimes I wish I could just run away like Harper did, and leave this all behind.

I pull myself together and stand up. "It's almost time for cake...we should head inside."

Wade just stares at me, shakes his head, then walks further into the cemetery. I trudge up to the Hall; I can hear the music and the chatter so clearly. This is my life now, isn't it? Burying the pain so far down that only I know it's there, so I can show up at parties with plastered on smiles and happy eyes?

November 1st, 1984

All Hallow's day. The day when ghosts supposedly return from their eternal resting places for a few hours of human communication. It's a Thursday, and I'm wandering in the cemetery per usual. The cool, autumn air bites at my bare skin - winter is on its way. It never really snows here, maybe some flakes in early January, and the temperature never drops below the twenties. And that's on a bad day.

It's dead silent; no ghosts are making any visits to me today. I let my arms hang by my sides, my fingertips grazing each headstone I pass. My great grandparents, my grandparents, my parents...relatives I've only heard of and ones I've never heard of. Generations of dead people sleep here tonight. I pause at the only rock belonging to a living girl. A crunch of leaves sounds behind me and I snap my head around to see who's there. I assume to find Wade or maybe a maid, but I only catch a small glimpse of whomever it is before they slip away.

Dark, frizzy hair. Skinny and sad. For a split second I see the ghost of my little sister, my little sister who isn't dead.