A/N: Another mini-series within the Collection. I started this one quite a while ago :) There are several, several (like, 4) chapters of this which will be uploaded over a period of time :)

Rating: K/G

"I…I don't love you anymore."

Kurt froze, swallowing hard and almost dropping the phone.

"…What?" he breathed, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I…don't love you anymore Kurt." Blaine's voice was low and controlled.

"But…why?"

"I've…I've found someone else. You've been in New York for six months…did you really think we'd last this long?"

He wasn't bitter, but Kurt felt his organs dropping, his throat seizing up and his fingers shaking. What? No. Oh god no.

"I…but…"

"Please Kurt, just let this go as easy as possible."

"But…"

"Look…I don't…get the feeling anymore. I used to think about you…and all I'd get is giddy feelings…but now there's nothing. I'm sorry. It's not something I can control." Blaine's voice broke half-way through his apology, but he fought to remain composed.

Tears welled to Kurt's eyes. "I'm…"

"I have to go. I'm sorry. Goodbye."

The resounding echo of the phone hanging up in Kurt's eyes made him blink once, before he sunk down the wall until he hit the floor; his phone still at his ear. Now he understood the true feeling of a broken heart – but his wasn't just broken. It was pulled from his chest and stomped, spat and flattened by the love of his life.

He felt sick and empty and he couldn't move – couldn't breathe.

He couldn't even cry.

Blaine knelt at his window, sobbing into his arms. How he kept so calm was beyond him.

He always thought he was a bad liar.

He loved Kurt with every fibre of his being – and that is why they couldn't be together. More than once, Blaine had been this close to buying a ticket and flying over to him, and the only thing stopping him was the New Directions.

But it was getting harder to resist – it hurt so damn fucking much to watch Kurt on the webcam, happy and enjoying himself – while Blaine was stuck at school.

The amount that Blaine was willing to do scared him.

So maybe it was better this way. It was dangerous love – the kind that made Blaine want to hurt himself because he couldn't be with Kurt – to see his perfect face and to touch his perfect skin.

And so what if he was being selfish? If he could convince himself that he didn't love Kurt, he'd be better off – and then when he graduated, he could follow Kurt, meet up with him and they'd fall back in love, and everything would be perfect.

^.^

Rachel returned home late – like usual. She never made it back to their apartment earlier than nine, but it was her preferred lifestyle. Being a credited extra was tough work, but she wouldn't give it up – not when she'd just broken into the pack.

The lights were all off, and she frowned. Kurt never went to bed this early.

"Kurt?" she called, tiptoeing into the hallway.

She'd walked in on Kurt and Blaine on webcam enough to not go barging in, but his door was closed.

"Kurt?" she knocked gently, but there was still no response.

The door opened – it wasn't locked – and she squinted in the darkness.

Kurt sat against the far wall, almost in the light of the window, with the phone at his ear. His eyes were glazed and unfocused, slowly darting around the room, his mouth parted slightly. The grimace on his face was enough to worry Rachel – he was usually so happy.

"Kurt…are you okay?" she whispered, dropping to her knees and shuffling towards him.

As if her voice broke him from a trance, he suddenly burst into tears.

Rachel's eyes widened and she crawled forward, resting on her heels in front of him.

"Kurt, what's wrong?"

Kurt just cried – long, broken sobs that had no intention of thinning or stopping. Rachel pulled him into a hug and held him while he cried; his phone dropping when Rachel pulled him forward.

It was a good twenty minutes before his sobs subsided into hiccoughs.

"What happened?" Rachel whispered.

"Bl-Blaine…"

Rachel's eyes widened. "Is he okay?"

Kurt nodded wordlessly, staring at the ground. "He…"

Rachel frowned. "Kurt, what happened?"

"He broke up with me."

Rachel's mouth fell open and she tugged Kurt closer to her.

"Oh my god…I'm so sorry Kurt…what happened?"

Kurt took a shuddering breath, shaking his head. "I don't know. I just…all he said was that…long…long distance wasn't working and…" he suppressed a sob. "And that he'd found someone else."

Rachel's eyes narrowed. "What a dick."

Kurt looked up at her with wide, wet eyes. "Rachel…"

"What? He is." She gave a small sigh. "Do you have work tomorrow?"

Kurt shook his head.

"Good. Me either. We're staying up late. Have we got ice cream?"

Kurt managed a smile – a small one, his lips barely turning up at the corners – but a smile nonetheless. "Isn't that a bit clichéd?"

Rachel laughed. "Cliché's are cliché's for a reason. They always work." She said matter-of-factly. "Come on."

Kurt shook his head. "I don't want to get up."

"Yes you do." She grabbed his fluffy duvet from his bed and hauled him up, dragging him into the lounge room.

Kurt dejectedly allowed himself to be manhandled as Rachel practically placed him on the couch. She wrapped him up, giving him a small kiss on the forehead before heading to the kitchen.

"Have you had dinner?"

"I haven't moved since midday."

"Sushi?"

Kurt barely nodded, but she caught it, getting the phone and ordering their favourites.

"Ice cream?"

"Before dinner?"

She nodded seriously and took the tub out of the freezer, carrying it over with two spoons.

"Okay. What do you want to watch?"

Kurt shrugged dejectedly, fiddling with the loose threads of his duvet. "Anything."

Rachel sighed. "Disney?"

Kurt's eyes widened, quickly filling with tears. "No. Please no."

Rachel nodded quickly, moving on. "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?"

"Do you have the Johnny Depp one?" he asked softly.

She nodded. "I thought you liked the original?"

"Not today." He said softly and she nodded, putting it in the DVD player.

She cuddled up with him again, resting her head on his chest. Just the feeling another body near him made him remember Blaine – and he quickly started crying again.

"Oh Kurt…" she whispered, cuddling up even closer. "It'll be okay."

Kurt shook his head, burying his face into his duvet as the ugly crying started. Rachel simply petted at his shoulder as he cried, soothing him with gentle reassurances. But it was hard.

He wasn't going to be okay in a hurry.

^.^

Blaine only survived the next month with constant reassurance that he'd get his happily ever after with Kurt. He just had to be patient.

It was hard – not calling him, not texting him, and deleting him from his contacts on Skype. There was a sudden emptiness in his life, now that he didn't have afternoon talks to look forward to. But in five months they'd be together.

If Blaine could survive this – he could survive anything.

^.^

Kurt was not fairing the same way. Every day he was numb – going to work, coming home, eating (sometimes) and then sleeping.

Rachel was getting worried.

"Kurt…you need to do something! Get out…find some more friends."

Kurt shook his head, curled up on the couch. "It's too hard."

"Please Kurt…you come home every day looking like…honestly, you look like shit."

"Thanks…" Kurt mumbled, and Rachel sighed.

"I just…I want you to be happy again. It's been a while."

"It's been a week." Kurt mumbled, curling further into himself.

"I know…but…" she took his hand. "I…honestly, don't think Blaine's going to come back. If he's not made any contact by now…it's safe to say he's gone…"

Kurt buried his face into the couch, but he didn't cry anymore. He couldn't cry anymore.

"I'm sorry Kurt…"

He just nodded. "I'll go out tomorrow. For lunch. I promise." He whispered and Rachel patted him on the leg.

"I'll be home same time tomorrow. Be careful."

Kurt just nodded and Rachel left to her room. It was hard – even a week of him moping around was a little too much – she was used to his bright energy that lit up the room. Kurt eventually made his way to his own room, collapsing on the sheets and falling into a restless sleep.

The next morning he woke up depressed, but he was determined to do something about it. He hated the numb, empty feeling – he just wanted something.

^.^

Rachel opened the door to her apartmment. She crept in quietly, but Kurt was nowhere to be seen.

"Kurt!"

The door was unlocked, so she knew he was home.

"Kurtt!"

There was still no answer. Feeling a vague sense of déjà vu, she headed into the hallway. His door was a fraction open, and she could smell…something.

"Kurt!" the boy sat on his bed, facing the headboard, with a cigarette poised between two fingers, dangerously close to his lips.

The door slammed against the wall as she flew forward, taking the smoke from his fingers almost violently.

"Kurt, oh my god!" she raged, staring disgustedly at it.

Kurt looked shaken, staring at the cigarette in Rachel's hand.

"You're so stupid! What were you thinking? These will ruin your voice!"

Kurt nodded stupidly, staring at his hands.

"Kurt…what's going on…?"

"I just…want to feel…" he whimpered.

Rachel's heart broke for him, and she snuffed the end of the cigarette on the bedside table, not bothering to care about the mark it would leave. She crawled onto the bed next to him and pulled him into a hug as he cried again.

"This isn't the way to do it." She whispered, resting her chin on his shoulder. "Smoking…it'll ruin your voice…your teeth, your throat…and plus it looks gross."

Kurt just nodded, handing her the full box, save for one.

"I haven't…I was going to try…I just…I want everything to be better."

She nodded and took the box from him, putting it behind her as she hugged him. "We need to do this with baby steps."

"I didn't think I was that relient on him." Kurt whispered. "I always told myself I'd never be this person…the…Bella Swan of relationships…I didn't think I'd ever sit and cry over a boy."

Rachel listened to him silently, rubbing his back gently.

"But…he was…god Rachel, I honestly thought we'd make it through everything."

Rachel hugged him tighter. "So did I." she whispered, nuzzling his shoulder.

"Why didn't it?"

She sighed. "Things like that happen."

Kurt cuddled her properly. "Did you think you and Finn would last forever?"

"Once, I did. Before we ever planned for NYADA." She smiled fondly. "But once…once we went to Nationals, I knew that Finn was just another boy."

Kurt nodded sadly, letting her go and stretching out on his bed.

"Tomorrow, we'll go get lunch together, okay?"

"Okay."

^.^

Blaine's progress hadn't changed much. Every day, he wrote himself a list of all the things he missed about Kurt – all the things he couldn't wait to see again. He carried a picture everywhere, and he replayed the tapes from performances over and over again – so he wouldn't forget a single thing.

He'd withdrawn himself, and people were starting to notice. They'd heard about the breakup and had offered support, but Blaine didn't want it, because he didn't need it.

Kurt would be his. That's all the support that he needed.

^.^

"Kurt, you look tired…" Rachel said one morning – two months after Blaine had left him.

"I'm not sleeping very well." He admitted.

Kurt had been a lot more cheerful lately – still not completely right, but more cheerful, and it was pleasing Rachel. They often talked at night – meaningless conversations that went nowhere, but meant everything to Kurt.

"What do you mean?"

Kurt sighed. "Memories. He's haunting me."

If it had been anyone else, Rachel might have laughed at how stupid and needy it sounded, but Kurt sounded so pained that she almost died a little.

"How much have you been sleeping?"

"Two…maybe three hours a night…" he said softly and Rachel's eyebrows almost rose to her hairline.

"How have you been coping at work?"

He shrugged. "I deal."

"Have you thought about sleeping tablets?"

"It may have crossed my mind…but I don't know if I want to."

"You look like you're about to pass out…I think it might be a good idea."

Kurt rubbed his face sleepily. "I'll think about it."

"I can pick some up for you if you want? I'll be passing by the chemist…"

"I could trial them, I guess…" he said softly and Rachel nodded.

"Something's better than nothing."

Kurt sighed, nodding. "Alright."

So when Rachel returned, she was carrying two boxes of over-the-counter sleeping tablets.

"Two half an hour before you go to bed," she said with a grin. "I hope it works. You look like a wreck."

Kurt chuckled, and Rachel beamed. Smiles and laughs were rare occasions these days, and when it happened, Rachel made sure to cherish them.

^.^

The end of school came and went, and Blaine graduated at the top of most his classes. His original plan was to fly out to Kurt straight away, but he really didn't have the savings. He would give himself three more months.

Three more months until he could see Kurt.

^.^

The months leading up to July were somewhat easier for Kurt. He was smiling and laughing more, and the nights weren't so bad now that he had the tablets. He just had to concentrate on the good, so that the bad didn't take over.

All was going well, until the end of July, when Finn appeared on their doorstep.

"Finn!" Rachel exclaimed, pulling him into a hug.

The taller man laughed, hugging her back tightly and lifting her off her feet. "Hey Rachel!"

Kurt raised his eyebrows, trailing to the front door. "Finn, what are you doing here?"

"Is that all you can say? It's been a year Kurt."

Kurt ducked his head in apology, reaching up to hug his brother. "Sorry. How have you been?"

Finn laughed. "I've been good, and yourself?"

"I've been better. Definitely better."

Finn nodded in understanding, before answering his original question. "I was travelling – I thought I'd stop by."

"Travelling?" Rachel asked. "Where are you going?"

"Everywhere." Finn grinned. "Anywhere."

Kurt laughed. "Good luck."

"Sit down, sit down. Do you want some coffee?"

"Nah, I'm right." He planted himself on the couch, and Kurt followed suit on the opposite one.

"So, how's Lima?" Rachel asked, perching on a recliner.

"Dull, boring…pretty much the same. Mom and Burt really miss you." He said to Kurt.

Kurt ducked his head. "Yeah…I haven't been keeping in contact. I've been…busy."

Finn shrugged. "Just call them occasionally, yeah?"

Kurt nodded.

"How is everyone?" Rachel asked, relaxing slightly.

"Surprisingly good. I just heard from Tina and Mike – apparently they want to get married, but Mike's focused on his dancing at the moment. Mercedes is trying to get record deals but it's hard…Santana and Brittany are still together – they're looking for an apartment together." Finn ticked off the people on his fingers. "Artie and Puck are god knows where, and Blaine's really happy."

Kurt froze at his name, and Rachel glanced over at him worriedly. They hadn't used his name in months – it was either 'that dick' or 'he', whenever they referred to him. Rachel wondered whether Kurt had gotten over it or was just pretending, but she wasn't sure.

Finn seemed to realise he'd said the wrong thing, because he quickly backpedeled.

"Uhh, and yeah. Everyone is fine."

"I'll…Excuse me." Kurt whispered, standing up and fleeing to his room.

"Kurt!" Rachel called, but he didn't stop.

"Is he okay?"

Rachel shook her head sadly. "It's taking him a while to get over Blaine…I thought he'd be okay – it's been a few months now…but he never really dealt with it properly."

Finn sighed. "I'm sorry…"

"No…it was probably good for him…"

Finn nodded and glanced at the time. "I should probably get going. It was really good seeing you again Rachel – we'll have to meet up again soon…"

Rachel nodded and walked him to the door, smiling pleasantly as she shut it. As soon as she had locked it, she hurried to Kurt's room, knocking frantically.

"Kurt! Do you want to talk?"

"No." came a broken reply, and she sighed.

"If you need me…I'll be in the kitchen."

^.^

It had been twelve hours, and Kurt hadn't emerged from his room. Rachel was starting to freak out, but she didn't want to disturb him. He needed to cool off.

But twelve hours…

She knocked on his door again. "Kurt?"

No answer.

"Kurt!"

She figured he must be sleeping…but he hadn't eaten all day.

"Kurt, I'm coming in."

Thankfully, it wasn't locked, and she inched the door open, peaking in. It was completely dark – the curtains had been drawn. Fear gripped her when she found his bed empty, and she tiptoed futher into the room.

"Oh, there you are." She breathed a sigh of relief. He was slumped against the side of his bed. "You know you'll get a sore back if you sleep like that."

When he didn't move, she frowned.

"Kurt…?"

He was asleep and she sighed, ruffling his hair gently. "Kurt, you need to get up."

He still wasn't moving.

"Kurt…" she shook him harder, and he slid to the side, his head banging against the floorboards. "Kurt!"

Surely that would have woken him up.

"Kurt, please wake up…You're freaking me out…" she hauled him up, but his eyes didn't flutter open.

She let go, in hopes he'd stay up, but he fell back, knocking the side table. A small rattling made Rachel pause as the table stopped shaking, but her eyes fell upon a white bottle and she froze.

His sleeping tablets.

She could've sworn the bottle was full this morning. But it only had two or three of the white capsules in it now.

"Oh my god Kurt…" she whispered, reaching into her purse and finding her phone, calling the emergency number.

Barely ten minutes later, the paramedics arrived and Kurt was loaded onto a stretcher, carried out, down the lift and into the carpark, where the ambulance waited. Rachel was pale and shaking by that time, following him and calling his name every few seconds. They sat her in the passenger seat of the ambulance as Kurt was loaded into the back, and they all rushed off.

Half an hour later, Rachel was pacing in the waiting room in the hospital. She'd been there twenty minutes already – Kurt had been rushed off as soon as they'd arrived. She'd answered a couple of questions, starting to shake from the shock of it all, and a nurse had taken pity on her, guiding her to a seat and handing her a cup of coffee.

"Rachel?" the same nurse asked. "He's…stable."

Rachel let out a suppressed breath. "Can I…Can I see him? Is he awake?"

"Not yet…but he should wake up soon. We had to pump his stomach, so make sure he drinks plenty of water – we'll be coming in to ask him a couple of questions in an hour or so. Keep him calm, and don't expect him to be in a good mood."

Rachel nodded slowly, before following her into the room.

Kurt looked like the shell of a person – pale and lifeless, except for the steady rise and fall of his chest. Her tears started to fall then, and only then as the nurse left her.

"Oh god Kurt…" she whispered, moving forward and collapsing on his bed, crawling forward and taking his hand.

The grip on her hand tightened, and she looked up sharply as Kurt swallowed hard.

"Is she gone?" he rasped, his throat dry.

Rachel nodded slightly, looking backwards at the closed door. Kurt coughed a couple of times, taking a congested breath in and swallowing with a wince.

"Want some water?"

"Not really."

"Too bad." Rachel told him, holding a cup out with a firm glare. Kurt took it with a small sigh, draining the cup and handing it back. Rachel refilled it silently and Kurt grimaced at her, but drained the cup anyway.

"Are you going to tell me why you did it?"

"No."

"Kurt.."

"Drop it."

"But…"

"Oh my god Rachel are you that thick?" he sighed. "Why the fuck do you think I did it?"

"All because of Blaine?"

Kurt closed his eyes with a small nod. He drew in a breath.

"I'm nothing without him, and I don't want to be anything without him."

"Kurt..."

"Why is it a bad thing that I wanted to sleep so that I can forget him?"

"You want to forget him, and you think the way to do that is by sleeping forever? Are you honestly that stupid? Blaine doesn't care about you anymore – he wouldn't mourn if you died. Wouldn't the worst thing to do to him now would be to go out and be successful? Throw it in his face?"

Kurt turned his face away from her.

"Get out."

"Kurt?"

"I don't want to talk to you anymore. Get. Out!"

Rachel knew she deserved it, but she couldn't help but feel somewhat angry at Kurt.

"Stop living in a daydream Kurt. Blaine's gone...I put up with this for four months, now get over it." She stormed out.

It was a lie, of course. Rachel cared, but she wanted him to be okay. And maybe this was the only way.

^.^

Kurt wanted to be strong, but it was getting harder and harder with each passing minute. The door had slammed an hour ago, and all he could think of were Rachel's words.

Blaine's gone.

Get over it.

The door opened and he lost it, tears cascading down his face as the nurse walked in.

"Helo Kurt…" she said softly, watching him carefully.

He bit his lower lip, fighing to stop crying.

She waited patiently, busying herself with a quick tidy of the room before getting him another cup of water.

"Thank you." He said quietly and she smiled slightly.

"Do you think you're up to some questions?"

He hesitated before nodding.

"Were you trying to commit suicide?" the way she said it so bluntly…

Kurt nodded once.

"Did something trigger it, or have you been having suicidal thoughts for a while?"

He swallowed hard before replying. "There is a man…and I can't live without him…we broke up six months ago, and today I found out that he didn't give a shit about anything…and that he was happy."

The nurse nodded. "Okay Kurt. One more question. Do you still want to die?"

His eyes closed, a few remaining tears falling.

"Yes."

A/N: Bah. Mmkay. We're tinychatting for a while - until our New Year (6 hours, wheee!) /mkqb7 for anyone who's interested :)