Chapter 11.

A slim knuckle tapped the thick door. "Katt?"

As Falco opened the door further, he heard a soft rustling. His heart ached at the sight of Katt turning over in her hospital bed.

"I got rid of it," Falco breathed. "It's gone—and I'm not going back."

Katt turned her head, unable to hide her look of sorrow.

"I know you were praying. It worked. Look, I—I can't even begin to say how sorry I am for what I did to you. It was an accident—one that I would undo even if I had to die."

"I know it was," Katt murmured with a tone in her voice.

"Every time I think about you, I remember what I did and how I lied to you. But I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to move on! Can we do that?" Falco asked, interlacing his fingers. "Can we move forward now?"

With what little calm Katt had left in her voice, she said three words.

"Talk to Fox."

In an instant, Falco's mien changed. His hopeful smile fell away to an agape look of shock, and his deep blue eyes clouded over. His body slumped over, aching for any glimmer of hope. In his despair, he managed to gasp one word.

"Why?"

"Because—" A tear rolled down her face and soaked into her pillow. "He has something he wants to do."

"I know, Katt, and—I know how he thinks, but—he's going to have me make a decision I'm not ready to make."

"Then when will you? Sooner or later, you'll have to answer it. I'll always be your friend. And I'll support you in whatever recovery you have to go through. But if you don't make a decision about your heart, then everything you'll do won't last long. Your drinking wasn't really a problem with your body. It was in your heart."

Falco looked on in despair. "After everything I've been through in the past day, you guys still can't give me any slack?"

Katt sniffled, clearing her throat to hide a sob. "I love you with all my heart, Falco. But God loves you more than I can. And if he doesn't become the most important part of your life, then—" At last, a sob came forth. "I can't help you."

"Katt—come on, I—"

"I'm done, Falco! I can't let you keep going on like this. I—we—Fox, Krystal, everyone you work with has made it easy for you. I can't do that anymore. We can't."

"So I lose everything I'm attached to in a weekend. Why isn't my giving it up enough for you?"

"Do you think this is any easier for us? We don't want to lose one of our best friends. But the only way you can be healed is if we let you go."

Once again, she turned over in bed and hid her face in her pillow. After a moment to sputter, Falco left the room in tears, never looking back at Katt.

Once Falco stepped out of the room, Fox approached him and wrapped his arms around him.

"Oh, Falco," Fox sighed, listening to Falco cry. "You two have to be heartbroken."

Falco whimpered and nodded, sending tears dripping down his beak. He pulled himself up from Fox's shoulder and said in disbelief, "It's not her fault. It's what she wants to do."

"Yeah, but still. You were friends ever since you were babies." He put a hand on Falco's sagging shoulder and said, "Come on, buddy. Your car's parked outside."

The afternoon had come, a hot and humid afternoon with slate-gray clouds billowing low in the sky. Fox noted another chance of thunderstorms, but Falco paid no attention.

"You up for driving?" asked Fox, jangling Falco's keys. Falco shook his head and motioned to the car.

"Just wondering," said Fox as he unlocked the car doors. "It's not like piloting a Sky Claw, but it's the closest thing I could think of."

"I don't want to hear about work, Fox," said Falco, walking to the passenger's side of the Lexus. "I'd rather think about what all I do have."

Fox nodded, stepping behind the steering wheel. "Good idea."

"Look, where are you taking me?"

"Are you going to trust me, Falco?"

Letting out a weary sigh, Falco leaned his head against his arm and stared out the passenger window. "Why aren't you making me pay for your car? I nearly killed you for it, and now it's a pile of scrap metal."

"I'm not worried about my car."

For a few moments, Falco stared at the passing scenery. The downtown corridor of Corneria City grew smaller and smaller with each second, only to be blocked by trees that flourished in the neighborhoods.

"It's some Alcoholics Anonymous thing, isn't it?" Falco murmured. "Promise me you're not going to admit me to something, all right?"

"I don't make promises, Falco," said Fox, his tone of voice deliberate and solid. "You know that."

A half-hour of silence later, Fox steered Falco's car onto Mercer, a street that led straight to a series of apartment complexes.

"You're taking me back to my apartment. But why?" Although Fox didn't say anything in reply, his facial expression told Falco enough.

As Fox pulled up to the massive series of two-story apartments, Falco tried to gear up enough nerve to speak against Fox's plans, but Falco said nothing.

Fox and Falco stepped out of the car, the both of them carrying stark opposite appearances. Fox squared his shoulders and strode up the stairs with Falco slouching behind him.

"Put me at ease here," Falco said as he pulled his keys from his pocket. "Why are you taking me back here?"

"Open the door," replied Fox.

"No. No, Fox. I know what this is about. I can't handle this. I won't be able to handle this!"

Fox folded his arms over his chest. "That's up to you, Falco. You've told me what you got from drinking—an escape from the world. But you have to know what you've lost."

"Look, Fox, I've lost almost everything that means the most to me. I konw that. Katt, my job, your trust—but I've kicked the habit! Doesn't that mean something?"

"Falco, I don't know whether you've really kicked it—and frankly, I don't think you have. You're trying to come up with an excuse to go back, because right now, a sober world is looking too big for you to handle. I need to get you ready for it. You said you're free from getting drunk? Well, I'm going to help you make sure you stay free. Now open the door."

Falco complied and turned his head away, trying not to be unnerved by Fox's penetrating gaze. He and Fox entered the apartment, and Fox shut and locked the door behind them. Right away, Falco sensed a burden as he moved inside his home. The burden oppressed his soul, despite all of the good things he kept trying to think about in vain.

"So, Fox," he sighed, "what's happening now?"

Without a word, Fox pointed a finger down the hall. Falco followed, reluctant and unable to ease himself.

"Go into the bathroom," ordered Fox, his strong voice softening but a little.

Yet again, Falco obeyed. Fox came into the restroom after him and flicked on the lights.

"Okay. We're here. What do you want me to do?"

Fox swept the air with his right hand and said, "Look in the mirror."

"Oh, jeez."

"Look in the mirror!"

"I—I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I—I can't! I can't handle it! I can't look at myself like this!"

Fox let out a sharp sigh and said, "You see? This is what any kind of addiction does to a person. All day, you've walked around looking like a hunchback! Is this what you want to have hanging over your life? Do you want to live like this?"

"No! NO! Do you hear me, Fox?! I don't!" shouted Falco, starting to cry. "I want to look at myself and—and not feel this way!"

"Falco, look in the mirror! Now!"

"Why?!"

"Because it's tearing my heart out watching you live this way!" said Fox, keeping his trembling voice under control. "You have to see how you look now and get an idea of what five years of alcoholism has done to you!"

Falco stared into Fox's eyes and lost his gall to argue further. He sluggishly turned to look in the mirror, his whole body shaking. When his eyes fell upon his reflection, his heart skipped a beat.

There was no white in his bloodshot eyes, and his once vibrant indigo plumage all over his body bore a shade of sickly bright purple. The deep red plumage surrounding his eyes had brightened into a near pink to match the paleness of his jaundiced beak.

"That's not possible," he whimpered. "That's what everybody's looking at."

"Keep looking," urged Fox as his eyes watered.

Falco glanced down toward his feet and noticed his waist. "I can't believe this," he whimpered. "I can't even remember what I looked like! Do you know how bad I want to go back to the gym and—and get rid of this spare tire?"

Without saying a word, Fox continued to stare at Falco.

"Have I been looking like this for five years? I never even noticed this! I didn't know I was gaining weight or—or anything!"

"Look at me, Falco. You can get that back, and even if you don't, you'll have to remember how much health you lost. But that's not even the most important reason why you should stay away from alcohol. Come on."

"Oh, man," Falco sighed, following Fox down the hall. "I know where this is going."

"No, you don't, because this scene isn't any different."

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. No one cleaned it up?"

Stepping aside, Fox said, "Look for yourself."

Falco peered into the kitchen and felt his legs buckle. The shattered glass and puddle of blood shimmered in the sunlight.

"It—it was an accident! She said that to me!"

"You were hung over, Falco. Just think about what would have happened if you were actually drunk!"

Falco opened his mouth to object but found no argument. He stepped back and stared up at the liquor cabinet, replaying the accident in his mind.

"That was the worst moment of my life," he murmured. "I didn't even see it coming; I never planned for it. She grabbed my leg, and I just—reacted. I didn't know she was there until—the bottle hit her." As Falco paused, his face contorted, and he let out an anguished cry.

"I could have killed her!" he cried, clasping a quivering hand over his trembling mouth. "I had a bottle in my hand, and—the—the noise it made when it hit her—and the noise she made when it—"

"Falco, it's—"

"Don't say it, Fox!" ordered Falco, lifting his miserable face from his hands. "It's not OK. I know what I did. I tried to kill her!"

"Falco, settle down and listen." Fox grabbed him by his slumped shoulders and added, "You've started to face the hard truth, but I'll tell you right now, it's not over. You've got more things to live up to, and I can't help you face up to all of them. But right now, I can help you with the biggest lie you're telling yourself."

"No, Fox…you can't. There's too much shit in my heart—"

"Maybe, but you said something to me this morning that I know is a lie. 'God doesn't care about my pain.' Let me tell you what's true: God loves you. He loved you enough to let your secret out. He loved you enough to move us to help you. He loved you enough to die for you. Whatever you're facing—He took it all on the Cross, and He came up with a plan to set you free from this."

Falco sniffled and replied through shallow sobs, "You're just saying that."

"I don't just say things for the hell of it—you know me better than that. You remember what happened with Krystal and Marcus? You know how much that messed me up? But I turned to God that night, and I was free. He promises that for you, just as He does for me. When God promises something, I know it's going to happen."

"That's not gonna happen, Fox. Those doctors know how messed up I am—"

"I don't care what the doctors think they know. God is not limited by doctors. Do you hear me, Falco? He is not limited by doctors. He is not limited by anything. You are going to get well. You are going to be set free. I can swear my life on it!"

Falco dabbed his eyes with the collar of his shirt. "I thought you said you didn't make promises."

"I still don't, Falco. God made them, and I'm giving them to you to hold on to. And that same thing I'm promising you is the same thing that freed me from the shame of my affair and Krystal delivering a dead son. That power is mine for the asking because God lives in me. He can live in you and give you that power to be free. He may deliver you in an instant or in a year or maybe longer, but waiting on Him is always better than giving in to despair. But you have to want it, Falco. In this moment, right here, right now, with all your shame spread out in front of you, He still loves you. He loved you enough to die for you—why? So you can be free, because you are not an afterthought to Him, but the first thing on His mind. And now He wants to heal you where it counts, in the way you can truly be free. That's the truth, Falco. That's what I believe."

For a moment, nothing was said. Fox stared at him, waiting for a response, his heart slamming hard enough in his chest that his ears twitched to hear it.

All of a sudden, his red eyes looked brighter and clearer than before. "Maybe you'd better tell me more about it, McCloud."

Fox gave a gentle nod, and a smile twitched along his muzzle…