AN: Happy birthday to me! Please R&R.
Previously, on "The Coach":
Harry Snape, the eleven-year-old orphan of Severus and Lily Evans Snape, attended his first year at Hogwarts. He found himself proficient at Potions and surprisingly good at Quidditch, though for some strange reason the Quidditch Coach, Professor James Potter, appeared to hate him. Harry began to suspect the Potter of being involved in a plot to steal the Philosopher's Stone, so he enlisted the help of his two friends Hermione and Ron to steal it first. Unfortunately for them, Draco Malfoy overheard and followed them; when he helped them defeat a troll and decided not to use the Stone for his own ends, he and Harry also became friends, much to Ron's chagrin. Then James saved Harry's life, and Harry saved James from going to Azkaban, because, of course, James wasn't really after the Stone...but he does hate Harry. Because James and Severus used to be friends...
And now, Act Two.
Dear Harry,
How are you? I hope your aunt and uncle haven't been too terrible so far. I do hope you remember about not being allowed to use you-know-what outside of school; I'm pretty sure even threatening to do so is some kind of offence. Luckily of course there's no Trace on threats, but I still wouldn't do it, you being you there's no telling who might be listening in.
I am naturally very pleased to be home and to see my parents again but I do wish I could practice some of the more practical aspects of my homework, I do think it is a shame we aren't allowed, though of course I understand why. Some people, particularly Muggle-borns and particularly of our age, are so very childish about magic, like it's some kind of toy. I suspect that even you if you were left to your own devices would do something truly dreadful to your poor cousin who however terrible he is wouldn't be able to defend himself and so of course it wouldn't be fair.
Not of course that any of the jinxes we learned this year were particularly useful. For the most powerful dark wizard in the history of the world HWMNBN certainly isn't a very effective teacher. Or maybe he was thinking of something else at the time and letting poor Professor Quirrell do all the work— Professor Q was quite adept at magical theory, but not very good with practical, that's one of the reasons I wish we could practice at home, to make up for it, I'm sure the teacher next year will be ever so much more difficult.
I did learn some things about Secondary-Entity-Dominant Possession—one wizard living parasitically off of another, you know. It's very rare but it is mentioned in one of my Defence Against the Dark Arts books. There are other kinds of possession too but I'm almost sure that HWMNBN and Professor Q were SEDP; the wizard who's being lived off in SEDP still has a will and a certain amount of power over his own actions, but it's weakened and over time becomes completely subject to the secondary entity and eventually they blend completely, and if the possessing entity is very much stronger than the other one he can in effect completely absorb him, leaving a consciousness but no power over is actions. I didn't see anything in the book about one entity being able to hurt the other one (except of course by forcing him to hurt himself, but from the language it seems like that would just hurt both of them). Of course the books I have are inadequate, I would have to go back to Hogwarts to do proper research!
I was thinking you and Ron and I, and Malfoy, if you like, could meet up in London before term starts and buy our books together. But you don't have to invite Malfoy if you think Ron wouldn't like it.
Write back soon!
Love, Hermione
Dear Harry,
I think my owl must have something wrong with it because it's been nearly a week since I wrote and I haven't heard from you. My owl— well, it's not mine really, of course— came back very quickly, I've had very few chances to send by owl before of course so I don't know what the standard of efficiency is, but it didn't have the letter so I thought you must have got it but now I think it must have delivered to the wrong person.
The owl actually belongs to Mr Roth, who lives across the street and six doors down. His daughter, who is not quite four, accidentally set our shrubbery on fire. I think Mr Roth would have tried to pass it off as a lighter or something except that the fire made the shape of a dragon and spat fireworks— his daughter must have been in a towering temper. Mr Roth was all prepared to Obliviate my father when he found out that Daddy already knew all about magic and wasn't angry at all, he even offered to look at the child's teeth. Mr Roth has been for tea twice already and he says I can use his owl whenever I want. Mr Roth says that he is thinking of moving because his children are very young and can't control their magic, so he wants to go somewhere where there's a stronger wizard presence.
Perhaps if the Ministry is so very concerned about the Statute of Secrecy they should do something toward a primary school, or at least some courses for parents to take about helping their children control themselves. Then again I think many parents need courses about helping children control themselves!
Mr Roth was quite impressed when he found out that I came top of the year; he taught me a very interesting spell that he said they don't teach in school but that has been very useful for him. I really cannot wait to try it!
I hope you've been well and getting along with your cousin and not frightening him too much, no matter how much you think he deserves it!
See you soon,
Love, Hermione
Dear Harry,
Hiya! Sorry this letter is so late; it's been almost a fortnight since school let up but it feels like we just got back. Fred and George have got in trouble twice for maybe using magic but Mum can't really prove anything; just to be safe she wanted to consifcofinscateconf take away their wands but Dad always says we should keep them on us in case something bad happens so now Percy has to keep an eye on them and they're all three sore about it. Hermione's written three times already and she says she's written you but you haven't responded, she reckons maybe you're on holiday with your family somewhere (personally I think you're still recovering from her letter, I mean, the first one she sent me was thirty-six inches long! All about Quirrell and possession and…to be honest I only understood about half of it).
Mum and Dad said it was all right if you want to spend some of the holiday here. When Ginny heard she got so excited she spilled milk all down the front of her jumper so I guess she'll be pretty happy to see you. She talks about you all the bloody time, mate, how brilliant you are and how she helped you on with your trunk last year and how she's going to be in Gryffindor just like you. Not because it's a family tradisi tradition or anything but because then she'll be just like Harry Snape. I'm think you better get here as fast as possible so she can see that you're a real person. Once or twice to shut her up I almost told her the story about you and Peeves and the frog but I thought mum wouldn't like it.
Let me know if you want to come!
-Ron W
Dear Harry,
Think maybe there's something wrong with my owl, tell me if you didn't get the first one and I'll send it again if you like. Highlights:
Mum wants to know when you want to come round. If you want to come round, I mean. Only you need to let her know a bit ahead of time so she can tidy up a bit (I think she's daft I mean I'm pretty sure you don't care but I don't know, maybe you do. Plus I mean it only takes about an hour to tidy everything up so you wouldn't really have to give that much warning. But mum thinks the Burrow's such a bloody mess that it takes a brigade and three days to get everything the way she wants it.
Hermione's written four more times and she says in the end of every single one that she's written you and you haven't responded. She's getting pretty worried because she reckons you'd have got back from holiday now, she thinks maybe something's happened. I told her I'm sure you're fine but I bet a line from you would cheer her up, if you can bear to risk another yard of her findings on the history of owls as carriers of post.
Ginny says she wants me to say she says hello and to ask you what you do about nargles (I don't know what they are either, there's a girl lives nearish us who's starting same time as Ginny and is always talking about them, she reckons she's got special glasses as can see them but I don't know what good that's supposed to do, I'd never heard of them before. Ginny's very excited to see you, if you want to come round, and Fred and George say maybe we could go a few rounds of Quidditch since you can't have seen much practice living with the Muggles!
Just let us know!
-Ron W
Dear Harry,
If you want to come you'd really better let me know because the summer's getting on, you know. Mum says you can come whenever you like just to let her know a little ahead of time, so any time you want to do that it's all right. I understand if you don't have a lot of time to write but maybe a line, like, "Can't write but am alive I'll be there on the 22nd"? I hope you're getting these owls but Errol usually gets there even if it takes him a while. If you want you can send your answer back with Hedwig and that way it'd get here a bit faster and Errol could take his time.
Hermione's got really worried now, her letters have actual blots if you can imagine. Even if our owls aren't reaching you for some reason couldn't you have sent a letter by now? Or are the Muggles not letting you send letters? But I bet you could write Hermione in the Muggle post, you have her mailing dress, right? You could forward one to me too if you want, through Hermione, because I don't think we have a dress.
Ginny wrote you a note though she doesn't want me to tell you it's from her, but really, who else would it be?
"Dear Harry Snape
Please could you tell me about nargles? If you can defeat He-who-mustn't-be-named you can deal with nargles! Thank you very much for helping me with this problem.
Sincerly
A Concerned Party"
I asked Mum and she says nargles don't exist but Ginny doesn't believe her until you tell her. You can just make something up about how you deal with them if you like.
See you soon maybe
-Ron W
Harry Sending by postal owl cause not sure if something wrong with Errol can't write much they charge by weight please send line in response ASAP Ron
Times I have written to you: 4 (5 now)
Times Hermione has written to you: 8 (according to her)
Times Ginny has written to you: 1 plus her entire diary (seriously mate you should see it)
Times Hermione has written to me and mentioned being worried about you: 13
Times Mum has let me know you can come "whenever", just give her a little warning: 37
Times Ginny has said the words "Harry Snape": 7,865,334,961.5
Times you have written even one line on any of these topics: 0
WHAT'S WRONG
ARE YOU CROSS AT ME OR ARE YOU BEING HELD HOSTAGE OR SOMETHING?!
-Ron W
Harry-
Happy birthday! I hope this owl gets there in time.
I hope this owl gets there full stop.
I hope you bloody well read this.
I hope you get the bloody present I enclosed.
I know something's wrong now and I'm going to find out what!
-Ron W
"Dear Ron,
By now you're probably wondering why I never wrote you back after all the letters you sent me. Well, I wasn't getting them. There was this little gremlin thing called Dobby who doesn't want me to go back to Hogwarts for some reason he won't explain; he kept intercepting and confiscating them. He hoped that if I thought you lot didn't care about me I wouldn't want to go anymore. Actually he still has them so I don't know what you've said about anything, you or Hermione or Malfoy or Hagrid or anyone. I wasn't allowed to let Hedwig out of her cage either (well, I'm still not, but they've pretty well locked me in my room, they've all but put bars on the windows, and they never come in, so they have no way of knowing really whether she's there or not and just in case I put a cloth over her cage). And then Dobby put a charm on this pudding of my aunt's and the Ministry thought it was me and told me if I did it again I'd be expelled, but I told Uncle Vernon the letter was just a standard school notice and passed it off. He still stuck me in my room and told me not to come out.
I might not get it if you write back on account of I think Dobby's still stealing my letters. Maybe he'll steal this one too.
-Harry"
I'm not bloody well kidding Harry if you don't respond within twenty four hours I'm going to go to Surrey and demand to see you. Hermione's worried and Ginny's nearly frantic and my mother asks me every single day if you've replied yet.
I WOULD SETTLE FOR A THUMB PRINT.
Right. We're coming to get you. See you soon.
-Ron W