Wolf: Howdy friends :D (this chapter involves various dwarves with our cute little hobbit!)
Thorin: You are no friend of mine.
Bilbo: THORIN! She let you out of the basement! Be nice!
Wolf: It wouldn't have happened if he'd learn to keep his mouth shut... Maybe you should spend more time in there-
Gandalf: No need to be so cruel Wolf!
Wolf: But Aragog gets lonely!
Bilbo: You literally named a spider down there Aragog? From HP?
Wolf: Duh. He's huge! Have you seen him?
Bilbo: No-
Wolf: Good! Field trip! *runs off with Bilbo*
Thorin: Thank Mahal that doesn't own The Hobbit...
Thorin was right, his Company was mocking him.
He was hunched by the side of the bed, as he'd made another attempt to release Bilbo's hold, when they walked in.
Thorin didn't care much for his predicament. Hands still on Bilbo's to get them to relinquish their grip, he looked to his Company.
At first it was deathly quiet...
Right as he noticed Gandalf wasn't amongst their ranks, his nephews grinned ear to ear and they both working hard to keep serious voices, barely reeling in laughter, "Did we come at a bad time?" They questioned in amused unison. Which caused snorts from the other dwarves around them and the brothers shushed them, "You'll wake him with that noise!" The hypocrites shouted.
Thorin glared, "By all means wake him," He looked back to the hands still gripping his shirt and frowned.
"Where's the fun in that Uncle Thorin? He seems comfortable enough," Fili grinned again and his brother's shoulders were shaking and some of the others did the same at their leader's current situation.
"I'm glad you all find this so amusing," Thorin drawled, sounding very output, "however I will not be standing here all night,"
"Just take off your shirt and you can slip away," Fili suggested.
As if it was that easy.
"I've tried..." Thorin muttered. He really did. "He won't let go..." It turns out Bilbo also had hold of another shirt and a piece of armor underneath that, and that wouldn't come off because the armor piece went to his thighs in length and he'd have to be completely bare to remove it.
No.
He was stuck.
And helpless...
Wait.
"I assume you lot can come up with at least one idea for this situation..." Thorin said slowly. There had to be a way to get out of this death-grip, there had to be.
Fili and Kili looked to each other, yet another sibling telepathy conversation ensued, it was much shorter, and ended with the brothers looking back to their uncle smiling.
"We have an idea..." They trailed off suspiciously.
Thorin didn't care at this point.
"Well than act on it, obviously noise doesn't work. You lot have been ever so loud since entering this room and then some."
"You're so bossy Uncle Thorin," Kili whined as he slumped his shoulders. He and Fili walked over to the bed however Kili got a quill from the bed side table and held it up. "This is your means to freedom!" He cheered.
...Pardon?
"How will a feather help-"
"Give us a moment an' you'll find out! Geez," Thorin thought he also heard his nephew say something along the lines of 'impatient much' but totally could have been wrong.
Kili proceeded to stand next to Thorin and Fili looked to be readying for something, hands hovering nearly over Bilbo's.
"Go ahead Ki," Fili says to his brother, who nods and preps the feather above Bilbo's nose.
"What-"
"Do you want him to let go or not?"
"How does poking him in the nose with a feather make him let go?"
Fili and Kili slumped their shoulders together and sighed glumly. (Don't know why, I thought of Gimli here and started laughing really loud... okay continue)
"Just... It's never happened to you?"
"What's never happened to me?"
Can they just elaborate?
Thorin looked back to the Company for help but some had their heads tilted like they didn't comprehend either.
Wonderful.
Fantastic.
Truly amazing.
When Thorin turned around again he had a feather poked at his nose and he swatted it away. He looked to his youngest nephew somewhat more irritated than he already was.
"What was that about Kili?"
"It's happened to you now." Was all he said.
What happened? Getting a feather shoved at your nose?!
"What was it supposed to prove?"
Kili looked to the ceiling above and closed his eyes, muttering and probably praying to Mahal and demanding answers to why his uncle was the way he was.
Fili looked on the verge of tears.
"For the love of- Uncle! What did you do when the feather was against your nose?"
"I got it away from the place it shouldn't be." He stated blankly.
"With?" Fili almost started to sound hopeful.
With? Well what else besides his hands-
Oh.
Oh.
"Oh." He uttered.
The princes grinned now, finally, "Ooooooooooooooooh," They said simultaneously.
Thorin glowered, "Well say something next time instead of having us waste time."
Of course they were to blame for this... always taking what seemed like years to show instead of tell...
So were the elves... making the now young Burglar fall asleep with that harp playing, making every blasted door look the same... existing...
And Gandalf... for his stupid spell gone awry.
Of course this was just Thorin's lot in life, nothing good seemed to happen to him.
Kili moved back to face Bilbo and placed the feather just at the tip of his nose and moved it a little. No response.
"Heavy sleeper huh?" Kili mumbled.
"A feather isn't very heavy Kili," His brother added.
"I know that!" He huffed, "This always works!"
"Then you aren't doing it right," Fili moved to reach for the feather and Kili retracted glaring.
"I know what I'm doin'!"
Thorin made a silent plea to any deity that would listen. Just to get his nephews on with it and shut up.
Fili moved his hands back and held them up in a quick gesture of peace.
"Hurry up though Ki, I think uncle's gettin' ready to break something."
Kili placed the feather on Bilbo's nose again and moved it about more. Thorin looked back down to him to see his face scrunch up and his nose twitch around. His grip on the shirt tensed.
"Ha! See? It's working!" Kili beamed.
Thorin was less than amused.
"Kili his hold has tightened, not lessened."
"That just means he'll let go soon Uncle Thorin!" Kili almost sounded sad... Like he enjoyed his uncle's misery. He moved the feather back and forth some more and Bilbo moved.
He didn't remove his hands from Thorin's shirt.
No. He did something else.
It was not something Thorin wanted.
Bilbo lifted up his whole upper half and rubbed his face against Thorin's chest, getting rid of that odd tingle on his nose, yet he was still, weirdly enough, asleep.
There were a few 'awwwws' from the dwarves a small distance away, a few happened to be incredibly close to sounding mockingly.
Bilbo was leaned up against Thorin now and lightly snoring. Kili was holding the quill to his chest and making doe eyes.
"This is too cute."
Mentally, Thorin wondered if dying of utter and total hatred of those around you was a thing. A good chunk of the people he surrounded himself with were mocking instead of helping, he was still in an ultimate death grip, he was in an elvish city seeking refuge which was utterly ridiculous, and as far as he could tell, he could blame it solely all on Gandalf and his horrible temperament control.
"Well laddie, I'm afraid you're stuck there,"
'Very observant Balin,' Thorin thought. He does however glare over his shoulder to the Company. They'd done nothing in terms of theories this entire time...
They wanted him to suffer this...
Those little-
"Uncle Thorin?" The voice jolts him from finishing his thought and he turned his head again to his nephews. Kili grins.
This will be delightful.
"I suppose you're staying with us tonight?" He obviously thought it hilarious a development. He nearly sighs, would he react this way if it were another member of the company?
And then a thought comes to him. An odd little thought, it almost makes him smirk.
He won't be suffering alone.
Not this night.
"Actually," He starts, trying not to hint how pleased he is in his new development for their stay, "the whole Company will be." There were growls amongst said gathering of dwarves. He had to shut them up, "Considering our Burglar's new... stature, he is in greater peril should anything happen, which is why it is best to keep a better eye on him, which means there will be no arguments when it comes to a member of the Company's wellbeing."
They shut up, yay.
Good job Thorin.
Gandalf returned to the room that morning and was honestly surprised at what he found. He'd opened the door a fraction and peered inside to find twelve dwarves littering the floor.
Wait. Twelve?
He glanced around the room again but entered. He counted the dwarves on his fingers and put names to faces yet one was still missing.
Just where's Thori-
Oh, bugger it all!
Oh he found Thorin. Along with the official burglar of the group in the same bed. It's not like they're cuddling or anything! Bilbo just happens to be holding onto a certain dwarf's shirt extremely tightly. Said dwarf actually looks really mad, he's got his arms crossed under Bilbo's and looks to be frowning even in sleep.
...Maybe it's the drool in his hair...
Okay so the image is super cute and Gandalf doesn't want to ruin it. He came here with a purpose however and will see it done, many matters need to be discussed. There is a slight problem however, the dwarves surrounding the bed like a minefield.
This is one of those points in time Gandalf wishes he wasn't old.
He thinks that often enough though, it's no surprise.
A few times the wizard can actually just side-step a few sprawled bodies but sometimes he had to jump over them. Oh and what a sight that is... He swings his arms around after losing balance after a landing and curses, nearly crushing Kili. Really he's too old for this kind of thing.
He finally arrives at the bed only to hear, "and where have you been?" And he is about ready to hit a king over the head with his staff. He looks down to said king who has one eye open and looks far less than amused.
"Have you been awake this entire time?" Gandalf really wants to hit him when he just shrugs, "I have been running over certain particulars with Lord Elrond," cue scowl from Thorin, "and am now informing you of how we should proceed with young Master Baggins."
"What does the elf have to do with Master Baggins?" He questions, attempting to sit up only to stop when arms tighten on his shirt. He sighs and looks to the wizard, "I don't suppose you can help with this?" He gestures to the hobbit.
"I know for a fact you won't be getting away from Master Baggins until he wakes," Thorin slightly hunches his shoulders, "and it is business of Elrond's because of our stay here, that being said you should do well to listen to what I have to say," Their eyes meet and Gandalf continues. "This is about Bilbo's care, it will fall to you lot, which I am to inform you, it isn't strange for a hobbit to eat seven meals a day," eyebrow quirk from Thorin, "in fact it's encouraged. Next, Bilbo is to go nowhere unsupervised," No argument there, silly wizard, "And finally, though I feel I'm forgetting something," deep frowny face from the dark haired dwarf, "if Bilbo ever asks about his mother, you are to discretely change the subject."
"Were you merely thinking things over last night or are you planning on changing Bilbo back?"
Gandalf huffs at this, "As I've said, he cannot be changed back, we'll simply have to wait it out,"
"How long?"
"I do not-"
"How. Long?"
With a sigh, Gandalf leans more on his staff, "It could take days," Thorin seems okay so far... "Or maybe a few months,"
Bad thing to say. Should have left it with a taking days. Dwarf mad. Dwarf very mad. Must flee room.
And so the wizard does.
"Don't know why we didn't try this before brother!" Kili grins out.
"Try what?" Thorin looks up at their approaching figures extremely hopeful, and looks to what they're carrying, "No." Heads of the Company turn and spy a bucket in the brothers hands.
"Come on uncle!" Fili tries to get him to 'see reason', little idiot of a nephew, "it's already mid-morning, just once!"
"No."
"Uncle-" They groan out in unison, placing down the bucket.
"No."
"...Okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay." Fili shrugs and picks up the bucket slowly, to not alert his uncle, he then proceeds to throw its contents at the bed.
The little hobbit startles awake and wipes hands over his face quickly to remove the too cold water. He also awakes to a fuming and soaked dwarf sitting next to him on the bed.
He meets his eyes and tilts his head at the taller figure, who looks back to creatures as vile as spawns of Morgoth.
"See! He woke up, perfect plan." Kili crosses his arms and grins. The dwarf next to Bilbo begins shaking, either from the cold or from the fact he was cursed with such beings as family.
Bilbo was now being escorted around Rivendell by Bofur. Apparently Thorin got mad at Fili and Kili and was lecturing them. Lectures are the worst. (Or you know Thorin throttling his nephews but tell the child what he needs to hear :)) Bilbo picked Bofur and wouldn't take anyone else with him, they all seemed pretty scary aside from Bofur, Fili and Kili. Thorin wasn't really 'scary' but he wasn't super friendly either.
So far, Bofur wasn't getting lost like Thorin did. They were apparently heading to the kitchens which the hobbit and his belly were all but thrilled about. Bofur was whistling during the stroll.
"Is that a song?" Bilbo finally asks looking at the dwarf. It's okay to listen to whistling and all, but it would be nice to hear if it was from a ballad or a real song or something.
"Nah, just a little tune. Livelier than an elf tune I'll have ye know!"
"It sounds nice," Bofur grinned and began whistling again and they soon reached the kitchens.
After breakfast with Bofur, Bilbo found himself with the largest dwarf of the company (around the middle anyway), in the kitchen again.
"Master Bombur?" The dwarf looked down to the hobbit who became instantly shy, "It is Bombur right?" He nods and they continue to sit in silence with each other until Bilbo breaks it. "Are you up for second breakfast yet, Master Bombur?"
The dwarf tilts his head causing his braided beard to swish a little, "Second breakfast?"
"Do you not have it where you come from?" Bilbo got up to find some more food.
"Never heard of it Master Baggins." Bombur accepted the glass of juice deposited in front of him by the hobbit. How'd he get it? (dafuq? Okay, sorry continue)
"Bilbo will do just fine Master Bombur," a nod, "and that's a shame, how many meals do you eat, being a dwarf I mean?" It will do no good to insult someone by misinterpreting a question.
"Three."
"Only three?" He almost spits out his muffin.
"How many meals do hobbits have then?" He seemed thoroughly amused by his outcry. "I hope you eat more than one, like the elves, they probably have an apple a day."(keeps the doctor away, I'm sorry ignore these XD)
"Seven." Horrible timing as Bombur just took a swig of juice and sprayed it everywhere at the answer.
After explaining mealtimes for hobbits, Bilbo was out in the gardens with Dori and Ori. Ori wanted to draw up some of the plant life to be found in Rivendell so Dori was with him to keep an eye out for foolish enough elves. Bilbo was originally just wanting to be out in the open but helped show off a few flowers and what they meant.
"How do you know so much about flowers Master Baggins?" Ori was still sketching an iris but looked over to his companion.
"Hobbits are supposed to know about flowers... We have lots of them in our gardens." He blinked repeatedly, "Do dwarves not garden?"
Dori spoke up now, "I would suspect very few do." He looked over to his brother and moved a stray hair back from his brother's eye only to have it swatted away when he found another. "I do mean very few. Stone is a little more of a focal point than other earth."
At this Bilbo nodded. Hobbits and elves have their greenery. Dwarves have their stone. What do men have then?
Bilbo asked the last aloud and that soon became the topic of choice for the better part of a few hours, even starting to talk about tea and different assortments of such from the Shire.
During dinner Bilbo sat between Balin and Gloin. Balin remind Bilbo of his granddad. He's always talking about great tales and misadventures.
"Have I told ye about what happened in Gondor yet?" He began but a fist on the table and a glare from Dwalin was sent Balin's way. Balin seemed to ignore it and Dwalin pointed at his brother and took on a very serious face meant for no arguments.
"We never speak of Gondor Balin."
"What happened in Gondor?" Now he was curious.
"Apparently thatis a tale for another time my lad."
Kid Bilbo wasn't having it, "But now I want to know~" He whined out and planted his head on the table. Balin just pat his shoulder and instead recounted a tale about once hunting a boar at night in a blizzard.
Because that sounded pleasant.
Bilbo lifted his head at the end of the story and just looked at Balin, because really? You hunt a dangerous animal. At night. In a blizzard. Do all dwarves wish for death? Cold, dark and dangerous are a nasty combination; especially to hobbits.
He looked up and over to Gloin who was chatting merrily with Oin. Bilbo tried to remember the family ties of everyone in the Company.
"Well Master Boggins, if it helps, most o' the others' names rhyme with their family," Kili was certainly acting like a scholar, finger pointed in the air and everything.
"Like Fili and Kili?" He was trying really hard not to be mad at Kili for getting his name wrong again.
He nods, "Aaaaaaand?"
The hobbit racked his brain for the other names, "Doro, Oro and Noro?"
At this the brothers guffawed and Fili just said, "Dori, Ori and Nori"
Bilbo slit his eyes at him, "Close enough,"
Remembering that, he looked back at Gloin who'd finished speaking to his brother and waving him off because he was 'too deaf to deal with'.
"Mister Gloin," said dwarf looked down to the hobbit seated next to him and smiled, "do you have any stories?" His eyes instantly gleamed and he pat Bilbo on the shoulder before telling Bilbo he had a son named Gimli.
Every dwarf around the table groaned.
It was going to be a long dinner...
Thorin was just informed that they would be staying with elves for a week and a half more.
He didn't take it all that well.
First he cursed elves in Khuzdul for threatening to set back their departure and quest overall and proceeded ignore Gandalf for that time.
Honestly the nerve.
This entire time surrounded by everything elvish was threatening to send Thorin to the depths madness.
It was actually quite frustrating when the Company kept dispersing around the place with a hobbit child along. They did seem to be growing closer to the lad however. They were also keeping as many elves as possible away from their little hobbit. He'd heard about such escapades as Nori teaching Bilbo to "burglar again".
The only way Bilbo would seem to want to was if food was involved...
So he stole a jar of cookies from the kitchens... and jam... and cheese... and rolls.
The pointy-ears didn't even know what hit them. Nori even sniffed and wiped a non-existent tear from his eyes declaring how proud he was of Bilbo.
Dwalin had other ideas, he'd "spar" with Bilbo with his little letter-opener, (Since Bilbo heard it was his, he at least wanted to learn to use it.) can't really say little though since it's nearly as tall as him, about eight inches shorter actually.
With the mock duels going on, Bilbo's payment was to steal extra cookies for Dwalin, he obliged.
Each of the dwarves spent time with Bilbo, including Thorin, but that was only when Balin was present as well.
Fili and Kili seemed to spend the most time with the hobbit however. Apparently they'd get into a bit of 'hiding the weapons from the courtyard here' or 'borrowing the actual pillar from there'. It was quite ridiculous what those three were capable of.
And they were totally corrupting the innocent hobbit that was scared of them before.
At the day before they were to leave Rivendell, Thorin, Gandalf, Elrond, Balin (who'd dragged Bilbo along), assembled and Elrond read the moon runes atop a clear rock in the moonlight.
Bilbo was the one to convince Thorin to hand over the map, it didn't take long after the little pout of a lip and enlarged eyes.
'Thorin's a sucker' Kili would say.
The hobbit kept quiet in his awe as light runes appeared on the parchment.
Elrond read, "Stand by the gray stone when the thrush knocks, and the setting sun with the last light of Durin's Day will shine upon the keyhole."
Bilbo tilted his head at that, "Durin's Day?"
Gandalf smiled and clasped Bilbo's shoulder, "It is the start of the dwarves' new year, when the last moon of autumn and the first sun of winter appear in the sky together."
Thorin crossed his arms over his chest and looked to Balin. "This is ill news. Summer is passing. Durin's Day will soon be upon us."
"We still have time," Balin stated.
Poor Bilbo was just confused, "Time? For what?" He looked between Balin and Gandalf for an answer.
Balin gave the answer, he was an adviser and considerably wise after all. "To find the entrance. We have to be standing at exactly the right spot. At exactly the right time. Then, and only then, can the door be opened."
Elrond seemed to grow unhappy. "So this is your purpose, to enter the Mountain?"
"What of it?" Thorin demanded, he knew it was a bad idea to let the tree-hugger read the map.
It's all Gandalf's fault.
Elrond makes to move past Thorin and simply says, "There are some who would not deem it wise."
Now Gandalf looked confused, "Who do you mean?" (Okay but literally everyone, there's a dragon there guys, people care about being roasted... okay continue)
Elrond stood by Gandalf and looked at him and answered vaguely. "You are not the only guardian to stand watch over Middle-earth."
He passed Bilbo and ruffled his hair which caused a grin from Bilbo and a frown from Thorin.
Gandalf was walking with Thorin now as Gandalf made his way to a meeting of what he called the White Council. Balin and Bilbo had already left them and were making to the room they all stayed in.
Gandalf abruptly stopped and wheeled around to face Thorin. His expression woebegone. (some of you just looked that up)
"I must now inform you, seeing as how you will leave before dawn," He breathed again, "Bilbo will not be going with you."
To say Thorin was pissed is an understatement. He actually, for a split second, wondered what would happen if he pushed Gandalf off the bridge they were standing on, leaving a member of the Company behind, preposterous!
"That is not going to happen Gandalf."
"There is no place for a child on a rode this dangerous. If you quite recall, there was an encounter with trolls on the way here," Thorin was about to retort that trolls were uncommon but was cut off, "there was also the warg pack and its riders." Thorin breathed trying to will his lungs to spew out the sentence of it never occurring on the way to the Shire and Gandalf continued, "If Bilbo were his right age again, I'd at least allow him to travel again, but until such time, he is to remain in Rivendell. Am. I. Understood?"
There was no way to convince the wizard so he only nodded curtly looking away although he wanted nothing more than to state the Company was well prepared to look after him.
"Very good, I'll send him along once the spell wears off," and he took his leave. Thorin stood there for a time until finally heading back to the rooms.
Now if only he didn't walk in the wrong direction... twice...
Kili was whining again, "I can't believe we jus' left 'im." He looked over his shoulder as Rivendell was disappearing from sight.
The sky was still darkened by clouds and more were on the way. He turned again to face his brother for his reaction but found he was looking back as well.
At a twist in the path, The Elven Home was gone.
That's it.
"I'm goin' back for 'im," and he spun on his foot, "Who's gonna help?" An immediate outcry came around the dwarves and Thorin turned to face the Company.
"We aren't going back for him Kili." Thorin turned again and was met with outcries from the Company, "If we could keep moving."
"Uncle! We aren't leaving him with elves!" Fili chimed in as a majority of the Company were already turning around.
"We aren't." At that the dwarves stopped in their tracks, processing. "Are we Bilbo."
A muffled 'nope ' later and the dwarves turned to find a hobbit head poking out from under a dwarven cloak worn by the king in exile.
A couple of happy cries later and Thorin just levelled them with a look.
"You honestly expected me to leave him with nothing more than weed-eaters for company?"
Wolf: Whoop there it is! Thorin kidnapped Bilbo!
Thorin: If I recall, you kidnapped him as well...
Wolf: Pfffffffft, he hadn't met Aragog, what was I supposed to do?
Thorin: Not cause him to faint.
Gandalf: He fainted?
Wolf: It's not my fault! Aragog's only a few inches long... Anyway, I hope you enjoyed dearies! Apparently school's gonna be hell for a bit so I promise to try and update at least twice this month ^^