Zaveid is the one who ruins everything. That is, quite honestly, not that great a surprise.
"Mikleo!" he shouts, and I try to ignore.
Sora is so excited though. He thinks one of his heroes is near and starts scanning the crowd, looking for someone who could be the Mikleo he's read about. He stops to look and it's all Zaveid needs to get closer to us, his wide smile still as sly as I remember with age hardly registering at all in his face or gait.
"Well, well well! If it isn't my favorite pair of nerds!" Zaveid exclaims and it takes everything in me to keep from slamming my palm against his lips to shut him up. He shouldn't be here. I don't know exactly where the wind seraph should be but it's not here in Camlann, and certainly not standing now in front of me.
I glare at him but the subtlety is lost on him. He hugs Sora and pats his back; tells him he's missed him and how great it is to see him again. Tells him he's surprised by the element-would have thought wind would be more his style-and wonders if either of us have seen Lailah yet.
Sora is confused. Sora looks at me and is even more confused because I am not. I am angry and doing my best not to draw any more attention our way than Zaveid has brought us. Resonance is high here and even the humans stare and whisper.
I hiss, pulling him off Sora. "You're mistaken. We're not who you think we are," I try.
Sora sees through it though. At least a little. Because this overly familiar seraph who called out to the renowned explorer Mikleo did nothing short of approach and acknowledge me who fits that role down to the last detail.
"Mikleo?" Sora asks of me, looking almost hurt in his confusion.
Zaveid doesn't understand. I don't want to explain.
I have to explain.
I'd rather die.
I buy time instead. "... Zaveid, this is Sora. He's been traveling with me for several months now. You have a very big mouth which I'd be obliged to you for shutting. It's Rulay now. I've left Mikleo behind along with the rest of the past."
Zaveid doesn't understand and Sora's eyes grow wide. It renders them both silent at least. I glare at Zaveid and for once he seems to understand. We'll talk later. He'll follow my lead. He wants to know what is going on and Sora's pinched brows are silently begging me for an explanation as well. I feel like I might be sick knowing I caused him to look at me like that. My Sora. My Sorey. I look away, hiding his face behind my hair.
"It's been a long day," I add to the silence. "Let's find a place to rest. We can talk later. Okay?"
They agree and I don't know how to even begin planning for how to get them each alone to tell each separate story.
Sora introduces himself to Zaveid. Zaveid shakes his hand and plays along.
Sometimes I think I could become a dragon. Sometimes it doesn't sound that bad after all. People leave you alone. Life never changes. And in the end you die, becoming a tale for other heroes to tell. I should have been a dragon keeping everyone out of Camlann until the city, its beacon and myself were just myths to be forgotten about. What a missed opportunity. Dragons, at least, don't have to worry about damage control.
It's a sad state of affairs when becoming a monster is preferable to causing someone pain on a much smaller scale. But it's Sora. It may as well be the whole world. I can't look at him when he looks at me like that and every step he takes, walking in my shadow, makes me cringe knowing he stands there out of fear and guilt concerning my reasons for the deception. Zaveid walks by my side, chatting pointlessly about things no one can possibly care about. Sora plays along though. He's too nice to not reciprocate an attempt at conversation. They talk like old friends who've only parted for an afternoon. I can't. I'm terrible at disguising my emotions. I feel lucky they mutually leave me alone.
It doesn't last. It can't last. Time only feels as though it's standing still.
"Are you really Mikleo?" he asks when the moon is high and the fire bright but I still have not found the words to say when both of them sit before me in the same space.
Zaveid looks at me, waiting for me to set the scene, but I...
"And why... why did he call me Sorey?"
... I never prepared for this, even though the outcome seemed so certain.
"I hate Camlann," I whisper darkly. Because I'm angry. I'm often angry. But not at him and I need that to be known. "Zaveid was mistaken. You're not Sorey. Sorey is dead," I quietly explain. Zaveid frowns but seems to have already understood after our walk outside of town. There's not much more I need to explain to him. But to Sora... there is so much more.
"You were Sorey. A long time ago, you were our friend. But that doesn't have to mean anything. You don't have to live up to that life. You're your own person and no one has any right to make you be anyone other than yourself. You deserve to live your life without the baggage of a life you've forgotten. So don't... don't think Sora is in any way less than Sorey. You're your own person. It's okay to just be you."
He doesn't seem surprised. He just looks hurt. It's like my entire being is drying out; I don't want him to look at me like that. I don't want him to feel that way. I'd do anything to make that expression go away but I'm the one who put it there.
He reaches a hand towards me and I turn away, eyes closed. He proceeds anyway, his hand touching my cheek gently as he steers my face towards him. "Mikleo isn't baggage," he says.
I didn't mean it that way. I don't know how to respond, though. Part of me thinks he understood me regardless. He's just being kind. He's always being kind. This is just his way of showing me forgiveness.
"I understand why you didn't want me to know who I was, but... why did you lie about who you are?"
I feel like I could cry. "I knew everything about who you used to be. And you knew everything about who I was. I just... wanted a new beginning for both of us. For us, that's how it's always been."
Zaveid coughs and excuses himself. He's not anywhere near as stupid as he acts and he knows when to make himself scarce.
Sora's hand strokes my face as he offers a small, tight smile. "Would it be okay if I still call you Rulay, then?"
I nod, knowing I most certainly will cry, as I lean forward into him and hold on with all my might.