Go Baby Grow

Chapter 7- Needing What We Don't Want

Sunday, April 18th

Molly pointed at the fork and shook her head. "No?" Julie guessed. "You don't like peas, huh? Your mama said you do."

"Nam," Molly declared with certainty. Having had enough with Julie's nonsense, she wanted blanky and milk.

"Food first, then Nam," Julie reminded her charge lovingly. "How about a bite of this yummy, yummy oatmeal?"

"Nam," the baby stared. The front door opened and Molly exclaimed, "Oh!" Her hands immediately went up in the air as she hoped Uncle Ryder had arrived to save her from Julie's attempts at force feeding.

Ryder ran toward Molly dramatically and wrapped his arms around Molly, encouraging, "Give a hug, Ladybug!' Molly laughed as Ryder tickled her and pretended to gobble her up.

Turning her head and looking over her shoulder, Julie smiled and pointed out, "You always have cute sayings for her."

Ryder put his hand on Julie's head and messed up her hair, speaking in baby talk, "Does Julie want fun names too? Poor widdle JJ."

"Yes, Wy Wy, be my uncle, too!" she giggled.

Ryder winked and raised one eyebrow as he searched his Amelia-provided list of silly rhymes for children. "Give a kiss, goldfish," he suggested as he pointed at his cheek and bent toward Julie.

She obliged. Just as she reached his cheek, he turned and kissed her on the lips. Then he turned red while his niece clapped. He offered, "Sorry… that's what I used to do with the twins… habit."

Just as Julie was about to make light of it, Ryder's brows lowered and his eyes narrowed.

"What?" Julie inquired as he studied her face. She thought maybe there was a piece of Molly's oatmeal in her hair.

"Turn that way," Ryder requested as he nudged her face so her cheek was illuminated by the rays of sunshine pouring through the dining room windows.

She quickly turned the opposite direction and subtly pulled her hair over the side of her face, afraid he'd spotted the swelling or bruise from Adam's rant.

"What's wrong?" Ryder asked. "Why'd you turn."

Shrugging uncomfortably, she tried to provide an excuse, "It just… you know…." She smiled, hoping to charm him out of seeking an answer.

Deciding not to push, Ryder turned to Molly and commented, "JJ's being weird."

"Weed," Molly attempted to imitate.

"Close enough, kid," Ryder laughed. He walked to the kitchen and wet a towel for Molly's face.

"She's not quite finished, Ryder," Julie pointed out. "Lissa said she'd eat all of this and probably want more."

"She looks pretty finished to me," Ryder opined as Molly leaned away from an incoming spoon.

Desperate, Julie begged, "You try."

Julie stood up and Ryder took hold of the spoon, pretending to eat it and making Cookie Monster noises. "Mmm… this is good."

"Mo, mo," Molly pled.

"Of this? You can't have any more peas," Ryder quipped as he pulled the spoon away.

"Mo!" Molly called out and opened her mouth wide.

Through charm and perseverance, Ryder managed to convince Molly to eat the rest of her dinner.

"She wouldn't even have one bite for me," Julie lamented as she cleaned off Molly's face and the high chair tray.

"Between my charm, good looks, and experience with younger siblings, I'm a pro," Ryder joked.

"And humble," Julie teased as she slipped an elbow against him playfully and set Molly on the carpet to play. As she walked to the kitchen, she mentioned, "Hey, did you read that packet the Academy sent a few days ago?"

"They sent us a packet?" Ryder questioned, forgetting Amelia had given him a large envelope a few days prior.

Shaking her head, Julie advised, "You should keep track of that stuff, Ryder. The Academy is strict about forms being returned on time. Sam had hell to pay when he checked in on I-Day and didn't have one of the forms he needed. The detailers flipped out on him."

"I'm not afraid of the detailers," Ryder scoffed, referring to the upperclassmen who would be yelling in the plebes' faces and training them in all ways Navy.

"Ho… ho…. Just you wait, boy," Julie laughed heartily. "You think you're so tough now. Just wait until they're screaming into your ear and telling you how you screwed up when you didn't."

"They…" Ryder insisted, "are going to love me."

"You…" Julie imitated his slowed pace, "are going to hate life."

"Ye of little faith," Ryder expressed as he blew air through his lips.

"The Plebe Handbook was in the packet. All sorts of rules and expectations are listed for us to learn," Julie shared.

"Yeah, I know about the memorization of Reef Points," he groaned, referring to a booklet they'd receive on I-Day and be expected to recite verbatim.

"More than that, Big Boy," she emphasized. "Oh…" she broke into hysterics, "and there are some surprises in there for you!"

"Like what?" Ryder grimaced as he shook his head in disbelief.

Julie walked toward her purse and pulled out a booklet. She'd hoped to have some time to read it once the girls were asleep. Thumbing through it, she read, "No midshipman – not just plebes, mind you – 'no midshipman may own, operate, or ride a motorcycle, moped, or motor driven bicycle.' Ha!"

"You're making that up," Ryder scoffed.

"It's right here," Julie showed him as she pointed to the passage. "You can't ride your motorcycle. In fact, you can't even own a motorcycle."

"That's an injustice," Ryder pretended to protest. "I'm taking that up with the Commandant the first day."

Julie howled, "Good luck with that. I'm sure if you tell him you want the rule changed because you don't like it, he'll accommodate any request you have."

Ryder read the passage again and sighed, "That sucks…" He began reading the surrounding passages and taking in the rules he'd encounter in his new life. He summarized, "No alcohol, very clearly no drugs, no walking and using a cell phone. Man, these regs make living with Owen Hunt look like a vacation in the tropics."

"I read them and thought, Oh hey, that's where Dad learned how to parent.'" She shrugged.

"That's sad," Ryder said, suddenly turning serious. Although Julie acted casual, Ryder knew she was speaking the truth. He suspected he'd only heard the tip of the ice burg when it came to how Adam parented. She held details about Adam, and also about her mother, close to her chest.

Julie didn't respond and went about collecting Molly's toys into a basket.

"What about your mom?" Ryder worked up the courage to ask.

"What about my mom?" Julie attempted to clarify without looking up at him.

Ryder spread out on the couch and studied Julie's expression. She appeared nonchalant… or maybe she was actually emotionally detaching from the conversation. As he spoke, he continued to watch her expressions. "Your mom's parenting style. My mom – what I remember anyway – was fairly loose. I remember Nolan and I running around like wild children. Once we transferred to Major Hunt's brigade, the rules changed. What was your mom like?"

Julie sat down and stared out the window. With a soft laugh, she reminisced, "My mom was… fun. She was strict but fun. She loved to laugh." Pausing, Julie smiled and recalled, "Every move, every challenge, anything difficult… she'd say it was an adventure. She'd create games to make chores a blast. We'd have contests when we boxed up our toys for the next move."

Pausing, Julie bent her knees toward her chest and clasped her arms around them. She rested her chin on her knees and disclosed in a soft voice, "She was crystal clear about expectations and pointed out the benefits of following them rather than threatening us with discipline… life was so different when she was alive."

Intrigued, Ryder nudged the conversation along. After a bit of silence, he asked, "How did life change?"

"My father was so angry that Mom died. He had always been gruff, but she could soften him up and get him to laugh. Laughter and light left when Mom died," Julie described. "Then Sam – Mom died at the beginning of his youngster year at the Academy… his second year – he stopped coming home. He and my dad had always butted heads, but it escalated after Mom died."

"That's tough," Ryder commented, speechless to offer more. "You lost your mom and your brother."

"Yeah, kind of…" Julie thought aloud. Reorienting, Julie forced herself out of her gloom and stood up. She smiled and celebrated, "But now, look. I have an awesome job helping care for these beautiful, amazing babies and before long, I'll be a Navy pilot."

Attempting to keep her in self-disclosure mode, Ryder continued to discuss the topics at hand. "You've always been so fantastic about listening to me and supporting me, Julie. I want to do the same for you."

Rolling her eyes, Julie downplayed her pain, "Ryder, I don't need any more support than you already provide."

"Deep down, you hold a thousand feelings and secrets," Ryder stated declaratively.

Julie sat on the sofa, a sectional, across from him and lowered her brows with suspicion. "Where did that come from?"

"You're more complex and have more on your mind than you let on," Ryder determined. "That's part of what I find so cool about you – you're a cross between an enigma and secret agent."

Laughing, Julie sputtered, "An enigma and a secret agent? I'm going for the Navy not the CIA."

Ryder caught her eye and stared into it kindly. After holding his gaze, he pushed further, "What's life been like for you over the last 7 years?"

Reactively, Julie leaned back and folded her arms. She glanced over to make sure Molly was safe and returned her eyes to Ryder. "What's with all the questions tonight?"

"Your comment about your dad learning to parent via the Academy intrigued me," Ryder admitted. "Sounds more like you've been in the military than in a loving home."

Julie turned her head away and blinked. He'd hit the nail on the head in some ways. Hugs? Kisses? They virtually ended when Claire died. Pats on the back? Expectations rather than encouragement? Those became the order of the day. With a shaking voice, Julie insisted, "My dad has tried hard. He gave up his career to raise me."

"Yeah," Ryder acknowledged, not sure he agreed with Julie's point-of-view.

Without another comment, Julie stood up and went to check on the twins. Then Ryder heard her walk down the hallway and close the bathroom door. She stayed in the bathroom for twenty minutes, and Ryder played with Molly while he waited for her to return. After releasing some tears and trying to center, Julie splashed cool water on her face and forced herself to re-engage.

When Julie walked back into the room, he could tell she'd been crying. Ryder looked in her eyes and said sincerely, "I am really sorry, Julie. I apologize for being so nosy."

"You're fine," she smirked as she tried to convince herself she believed her own words. "What's the latest with you and your dad?" In a sense, she'd asked this passive aggressively, as if to say, 'you want to know all my dirt? Then tell me yours.' She also asked so the focus of their conversation would turn away from her life with Adam.

"Apologies seem to be my thing lately. I asked my dad if I could move back in before I came over here," Ryder confessed.

"How'd that go?" Julie wondered aloud.

Ryder gazed and raised one side of his mouth. "You know… I kind of expected him to challenge me, point out how I crossed a line, how I needed to follow his program. I thought he'd be tough and a little mean. Instead, he was quiet and thoughtful."

"So it went well?" she asked.

"Not really. It was hard. He told me he'd have to think about it. He pointed out that my siblings have been better behaved since I left. That hurt to hear," Ryder shared.

"But it's not really surprising, is it? I mean… Ryder, you guys were fighting a lot before you left," Julie reminded him.

"I guess I never thought about the impact that had on Ria, Anna and Lucas," Ryder confessed. "Dad made it crystal clear that I'd be held to strict rules and consequences if I moved home. I'm not sure I want that, but I'm pretty positive living on my own is a really bad idea." Again, Ryder noticed that Julie had a bump and dark spot on her cheek. He decided not to say anything about it but he wondered what it might be.

"Why don't you talk to your mom about it? She always has wisdom to share," Julie encouraged.

"Yeah, that's a great idea," Ryder agreed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

After Nolan, Linnea and Lissa returned, Ryder left quickly and headed to the Lake House to chat with Amelia. Lissa and Julie debriefed and checked on the girls.

"She ate well?" Lissa asked as they peeked in on Molly.

"Ryder managed to make that happen. She refused to eat for me," Julie admitted with a giggle.

Lissa smiled, "Ryder the charmer." As they stepped into the hallway, Lissa caught sight of Julie's cheek. "Is that a shadow or did you hurt yourself?"

Julie put her hand over cheek and tried to laugh, "I'm a klutz. It's nothing."

"You poor thing!" Lissa grimaced as she set a hand on Julie's shoulder.

'`~~~~~~~~~~~`

"Mom?" Ryder sounded gently as he knocked on the Master Bedroom door.

"Baby Bear! Come in," Amelia called happily.

"Dad said you were up here. Are you trying to sleep?" Ryder asked courteously.

Amelia pulled herself up and sat against the headboard. Grinning, she patted the bed and gathered the papers spread around her, "Nope – I've been studying up for a surgery, but come sit with me. I can research later."

"Are you sure?" Ryder confirmed.

"Absolutely," Amelia insisted as she turned her head to the side and watched as Ryder climbed on to the bed. He used the same route at eighteen that he used at eight – starting at the bottom of the bed and crawling up. He was so grown up and still so young.

After stacking Owen's pillows and stretching out, Ryder glanced over and explained, "When I planned on coming over earlier, I had one topic… now, I think I have two."

"Think?" Amelia wondered aloud. "You're not sure?

"If you know about someone being hurt, you have to tell the police, right? Because you're a doctor?" he spilled out.

Blinking and widening her eyes slightly, Amelia leaned her chest toward her knees, "It's a bit more complicated than that. Is something wrong?"

"With a friend… maybe," Ryder said. "I think… I don't know for sure."

"If you don't use names, it'd be hard to report," Amelia pointed out, hoping Ryder would disclose the situation so she could help.

Trying to paint a situation that would not identify Julie, Ryder detailed, "This friend at school. On Friday, they had a bruise right here." He touched under his eye along his cheekbone. "It's… well, it looks… do you have a piece of paper?"

Amelia handed him a pen and one of the papers she'd been reading. "Here's a book to put under it," she offered.

Unconsciously sticking out the tip of his tongue, Ryder drew a telltale example of the lower portion of an index and middle finger. The slight intensity at either end of the bone represented the upper and lower knuckles. The index finger had what Amelia recognized as a ring mark.

"That's really detailed, Ryder," Amelia commented as she studied the drawing.

He shrugged and explained, "I was sitting right next to the person. Got a pretty good look at it."

"It looks like he or she was hit fairly hard. Slapped across the face, probably. Textbook bruise," Amelia determined. "Does he or she have any other bruises? Or any marks you've noticed previously?"

"No," he stated.

"Honestly, Ryder, I wouldn't report it unless there was a history of bruising, suspicious marks, or other signs of abuse," Amelia sighed. "Washington CPS wouldn't consider a one-time event like this abuse. Slapping a kid across the face is not clearly against the law… it depends on the extent of injury. Do you think your friend is safe at home?"

"I dunno. I saw the bruise. They acted like it was no big deal," Ryder explained.

Amelia patted Ryder's arm and looked at him sadly, "You can't force someone to get help. You could try to talk he or she into having a doctor take a look, just to ensure the site is healing well and that there's no damage to any bones. Another option would be to watch for other signs of concern. Do you want to tell me who it is?"

"No," Ryder shook his head. "I'm worried about her… or him… whatever, but the person doesn't want to talk about it."

"I'm here if you or if he or she decide to seek more help," Amelia promised. "As Head of Trauma, Dad deals with this sort of issue far more than I do. He'd be a good person to consult."

With a slight and uncomfortable laugh, Ryder responded, "Actually, my second topic is Dad."

"Oh?" Amelia uttered. "How so?"

Ryder gazed directly into Amelia's eyes and told her, "I asked him if I could move back in. I apologized, like really apologized. I told him I knew I messed up and that I needed the structure of home."

"Hmm," Amelia hummed with little reaction. Ryder had no idea she and Owen had already spoken. "How'd it go?"

"Can you… uh… you know, tell him it's a good idea?" Ryder requested.

"I've always got your back, Ryder. Always. It's a decision Dad and I will make together, and I promise to advocate for you. But, Bear, in the end but you need to know that I'll stand with Dad no matter what," Amelia disclosed.

Ryder looked away, knowing that a united front from Owen and Amelia was a given. Hearing her phrase that unity in terms of Ryder and her advocacy stung.

Amelia added, "That doesn't mean I love you any less, Ryder."

"I know," Ryder agreed without turning toward her.

"Sometimes being a grown up sucks, doesn't it?" Amelia observed as she pressed her lips together.

Leaning toward his mom, Ryder leaned his head on her shoulder and sighed, "Yep. Yep, it does."