'there's a million reasons why i should give you up but the heart wants what it wants'

Leonard wasn't a man that felt nervous but here he was feeling nauseous (definitely from the hangover from hell), hands sweating and his heart going a mile a minute. Maybe he was having a heart attack, he'd read about heart attack symptoms a while back and they definitely included feeling nauseous (it's the hangover), sweating (he's nervous) and chest pain (again, he's just nervous!). Leonard shook his head slightly feeling ridiculous; he was only going to grab his stuff from Barry, nothing major to get nervous about something so insignificant.

"Pull yourself together Snart," he mumbled to himself as he reached Barry's floor and suddenly walking very slowly seemed appealing, it would give him some extra time to pull himself together slightly. He wanted to appear calm and composed, both of those things were something Leonard was definitely not feeling right this second.

But wait… he'd been the one to tell Barry they needed to talk. Shit. Fuck. Leonard could just grab his stuff and go, with the way he was feeling he really didn't want to be talking about emotions and shit. He'd dragged this out as long as he could because he was suddenly stood in front of Barry's door, hand getting ready to know when the door opened and there stood Barry looking as shit as Leonard felt.

"Hey," Barry said softly "there's some coffee if you'd like some?"

Leonard let his head drop back slightly "Yes," he sighed "thanks." He added as he followed Barry into the apartment. Leonard had been too busy mentally psyching himself up about not being nervous that he'd walked right past the coffee shop without noticing.

Barry placed a slightly hot cup of coffee in his hands with an uncomfortable air surrounding him. Leonard didn't blame him really, he felt just as on edge.

"How are you feeling?" Barry asked tentatively "you looked pretty drunk last night."

Leonard took a grateful sip and withheld the sigh of appreciation that had almost slipped past his lips. He vaguely remembered seeing Barry but he hadn't been too sure if that had been real or not. "Oh," is what he happened to say "I remember seeing you with Rathaway."

Barry averted his gaze from the other side of the kitchen counter "He said he wanted to show me how much of a mess we were when we're apart," he said "I guess he wasn't wrong. Good night?" he asked.

Leonard physically cringed at the memories that flooded his brain as he set down his cup on the kitchen counter "I asked a guy called David Lestrange if he knew a Bellatrix Lestrange, told him he should read more when he didn't know who I was on about and then proceeded to be sick all over myself so Lisa hates my guts and half of the guys I know now probably think I'm a massive nerd so… yeah, I suppose you could call it a good night." He said summarising his night up as neatly as he possibly could.

That seemed to break the tension in the air around them because Barry broke out into a light laugh at his words. "That's funny," Barry chuckled softly.

"Hartley had no right to intervene in our business," Leonard said flatly as he remembered why he was here "I'll just take my things and get out of your hair." He added.

Barry's face fell slightly "Is it really so bad about my friends and family finding out about us?" he asked softly "I miss you Len, I hate feeling sad all the time. It really can't be as bad as you seem to think it's going to be."

Leonard admired Barry; he had more guts than Leonard. He had wanted to tell Barry how much he missed him, how much he loved him and how stupid he had been to walk out the way he had done. But then he'd freaked out again. "Barry," he said and was caught off guard momentarily at how strangled he'd sounded.

"You said we needed to talk," Barry rushed out "I assumed this is what we were going to talk about."

Leonard felt his heart race again and his palms start to get warm and sweaty again "Barry," he repeated starting to feel trapped "I… I was going to tell you how empty I feel without you, how I don't know what to do with myself when we're not together, how much I miss you and that I love you, I love you too and I regret not telling you that. I was going to say how stupid I had been to just walk away the way I did, I should've listened to you and handled the… setback a bit better." He said getting it all off his chest in one go to stop the sickening knots that seemed to be taking place in his stomach.

Barry looked pretty shocked at his words "You… why… I hate… what do you mean you was going to tell me?" he asked "that sort of implies that you'd changed your mind."

Leonard didn't like the hurt look on his face "Barry I don't want to subject you to being cast away by your family and friends because of me," he said "how do you expect this to turn out for us? I'm not worth you being isolated from those closest to you."

Barry wore a slightly outraged look on his face with his mouth forming an 'o' shape momentarily before he was walking towards Leonard quickly, hands grabbing at his jacket and pushing him backwards until he met the wall.

"Don't you say that," Barry said before he connected their lips more violently than Leonard could remember him ever being.

Oh he was kissing Len… he had pushed Len up against a wall and kissed him. Len was going to be- wait. Len was kissing him back, his hands coming up to rest on either side of Barry's face momentarily before trailing down his chest and resting at his jaw once more. Barry made sure he was the one who stayed in control of the kiss until oxygen became an apparent urgent need.

Len looked the most vulnerable Barry had ever seen him before; he was looking at Barry like he was the world.

"Don't you tell me that you're not worth it," Barry said breathlessly "because you are Len, you are."

"Barry how can this possibly-" Len started to say when Barry moved forward again and connected their lips, he didn't want to hear about all of Len's flimsy reasons about not letting Barry choose what he wants and he very much wants Len.

Barry pulled away resting his forehead against Len's as he breathed softly "Look," he said softly "I know you have doubts about… us. But you're making a decision for me and not with me. I want you Len; I don't want you whenever you think no one is going to catch us. I want you all the time, like a normal couple… or as close to a normal couple we can get." He murmured.

Len looked conflicted.

"I'm not going to put you on the spot about what you want or about what you're thinking," Barry said softly not wanting to shatter the moment "just… just know you can tell me when you're ready for people to know about us. You don't have to take your stuff if you don't want to… I don't mind it being kept here."

Len brought a hand to rest at the back of his neck "What did I do to deserve someone like you?" he asked before pulling Barry in for another kiss before Barry felt Len turning quickly and carefully so Barry was the one trapped between the wall and Len.

"You've always deserved this," Barry said in between kisses "you deserve the world just as much as anyone else Len."

"you deserve the world just as much as anyone else,"

Leonard definitely didn't picture himself ending up in Barry's bed (fully clothed!) snuggled up with the other man as they just enjoyed the other's company. Barry's earlier words floating around his mind had him trying to keep a smile at bay. "Thanks for earlier…" Leonard mumbled softly into Barry's shoulder.

Leonard felt Barry shift slightly "What for?" he asked softly, hand lightly squeezing Leonard's for a moment.

"I can get a bit caught up in my head sometimes," Leonard said "I know I can be stuck in my ways and it inflicted misery on you, I'm sorry for that."

Barry turned over so he was facing him "I love you," he said softly and Leonard wondered if his heart would ever stop jumping at those words "and I hated every moment we weren't together. I'm not going to lie I hit rock bottom; I hugged a bottle of vodka one night and slept in crisp crumbs Len. I physically had to change my bed sheets because I was that devastated I cried into a bottle of vodka and a big bag of dorito's." he added with an amused tone.

Leonard didn't want to outwardly laugh at Barry but he couldn't help it "I am sorry I reduced you to that," he said as he ran his hand from Barry's temple to the bottom of his jaw "I will admit to not handling it well myself, I barely functioned. Poor Lisa deserves an award for putting up with my shit." He murmured.

Barry smiled softly "Do you think arranging for the three of us to have dinner at a normal time in the evening at a restaurant in town will make it up to her?" he asked "and me?" he added.

Leonard took in a sharp inhale before scrunching his face slightly "Oh I don't know about that," he said laughing lightly "that might be asking too much of me… but if that's what you want then baby steps right?" he asked.

Barry grinned instantly "Really?" he asked.

Leonard chuckled as he nodded his head "Really," he said "I think I knew deep down that we couldn't carry on sneaking around and it would come out eventually but I wasn't ready to face the wrath of your friends and family just yet. I wanted it to be me and you in our little bubble for a little bit longer." He admitted.

Barry leaned in and connected their lips once more "We'll still have our own little bubble," he said as he pulled away slightly and then leaned in once more to capture Leonard's lips "I know it's not going to be perfect at first but they'll see how happy we are together and how nerdy and adorable you truly are." He added.

"What?" Leonard asked.

Barry grinned softly as he whispered in Leonard's ear "When you wear those glasses," and then added "you look irresistible."

Leonard laughed "Is this your version of dirty talk Barry?" he asked.

"No," Barry chuckled "just an observation I've made."

Barry was incredibly warm and comfortable and he had an arm slung over him, he didn't want to get up but there was an irritating sound of his phone vibrating against his wooden bed side table and he didn't exactly want Len to be woken up so early because of something as insignificant as his phone going off. He grabbed blindly for it before he finally got a hold of it and pressed the answer button "Hello?" he asked sleepily.

"Bear," Joe said "where are you? It's almost half past ten."

Barry pulled his phone away from his ear to check the time and almost cursed when he saw his alarm hadn't gone off. "My alarm didn't go off!" he exclaimed down the phone as he pulled the covers off "I'll change and be right there! Bye!" he added before slamming the phone down after disconnecting the line.

"What's going on?" Len groaned as he pushed his head into the pillows.

"My alarm didn't go off," Barry said as he got up and one second he was throwing the covers off and the next minute he was falling backwards onto the bedroom floor in a blink of an eye "oww." He added as he lay on his floor looking up at the ceiling wondering what the hell had happened.

"Holy. Shit. Barry." Len said from the bed sounding wide awake and slightly breathless.

Barry sat up slowly when something caught his eye, his hand was vibrating. His hand was vibrating! He didn't know what to do, how did he stop it?

He looked at Len sat on the bed who was giving him a smug smirk "Oh," Len said "I remember those days." He added.

"How do I stop it!?" Barry asked a little freaked out, he'd heard about his super speed but just assumed that as far as he was concerned he was only going to regain his memories.

"I don't know," Len said "maybe it gets tired and just stops… you really need to see Cisco and Caitlin about this Barry."

Barry looked back at his hand incredulously to see it had stopped vibrating and he looked up at Len again "I didn't just dream that happening did I?" he asked "that… that really happened right?"

Len nodded his head "Welcome back," he said with a grin "Flash." He added before moving down the bed to make a grabby hand at Barry. When Barry complied and met Len at the end of the bed, Len connected their lips.

Barry groaned "I've got to get to work,"

"Would you rather look at a dead body," Len said softly "or would you rather spend an extra forty five minutes in bed with me?" he asked with a wicked gleam in his eye.

Barry connected their lips once more "That's obviously a no brainer," he said.

A/N: Hey patient readers! finally an update! so 3 things:

1- I had bad writers block, I knew what I wanted to write but didn't even know how to go about starting it
2- I had SIX uni deadlines over the span of 2 months - this made me super stressed and super stretched for a bit of time
3- After those deadlines were met i was so stressed I made myself ill for a couple of days!

Thank you all for being so patient with me, I can be really terrible with updating and i've kind of backlogged myself (backlogged? is that the word i don't know) with updates for fics. xoxoxox