A/N: Yo! Sequel to chapters; 40 - Reasons Why, 65 - Nothing Changes and 169 - Ulterior Motives.

Warning; May cause triggering. M

Kurt got into these weird little states.

Blaine only really caught on the fourth or fifth time – because he was damn subtle about it, and when it happened, it was hard to catch.

It happened during a movie, and suddenly Kurt would go away. His eyes would glaze over, and the hand that petted Scratcher would still, earning an annoyed snuffle from the cat.

His eyes would water – they'd sometimes close, and he'd be unresponsive, drawing into a dark hole.

It was the fifth time that Blaine realized – he'd gotten thirsty halfway through Aladdin and asked Kurt if he wanted anything, and the boy didn't respond.

"Babe?" Blaine assumed he was asleep, and prodded him gently. He fell into little dozes during these movies quite a lot recently. "We can go to bed if you're tired."'

When Kurt still didn't respond, he prodded him harder, but there was no reaction. He frowned – it was usually quite easy to wake him.

"Kurt…?"

Blaine walked to the front of the couch, crouching in front of Kurt and peering into his glazed eyes. "Baby?"

Blaine started to panic when he didn't blink – didn't move – didn't do anything.

"Kurt!" Blaine's hands flew to either side of Kurt's face, and suddenly he came back, his eyes blinking slowly and taking in everything.

"Blaine?"

Blaine frowned slightly in confusion. "You okay?"

A bright smile appeared on his face. "Yeah. I'm good."

He stood up, heading to the kitchen. "I'm thirsty…want a drink?"

Scratcher followed Kurt into the kitchen – they'd only had him a week and a half and the cat followed him around like a fucking god. Blaine stared after the both of him, a confused frown on his face.

What just happened?

^.^

Curled up into bed that night – Scratcher at their feet – Blaine summoned the guts to confront him about it.

"What happened?"

"Hmm…?" Kurt mumbled sleepily, snuggling further into Blaine's warm embrace.

"This afternoon…you went all quiet during the movie. You didn't talk to me…it was like you were an intense day dream…"

Kurt stiffened, and Blaine immediately knew something was wrong.

"Yeah. Intense day-dream." Kurt muttered.

Blaine squeezed him a little. "What happened?"

"Nothing." Kurt muttered shortly. "It was just…I-I was thinking."

Blaine frowned. Kurt never stuttered.

"What were you thinking about?" he prompted.

"Nothing."

Blaine squeezed him again. "Tell me."

Kurt was silent, and Blaine kissed his neck gently. "What's wrong…? You've been acting off lately."

When Kurt's shoulders started to shake, Blaine frowned, turning him around in his arms. He was crying, silently sobbing and Blaine's eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"Hey, hey, hey…talk to me. What's wrong? What's going on?"

Kurt shook his head, burying it into Blaine's chest. Blaine hugged him tighter, kissing the top of his head gently. Blaine let him cry, letting him collect his thoughts, and when his shoulders started to still, Blaine give him a little shake.

"Baby...you need to talk to me." Blaine whispered. "I hate it when you're upset."

Kurt managed to look up at him – his eyes red and puffy, and Blaine wiped his cheeks gently.

"I hate this." Kurt whispered – barely audible.

"What do you hate?" Blaine asked, running his hands down Kurt's side.

"Myself." Kurt whispered. "I hate everything…I hate this…" his voice broke and he ended up sobbing again. "I hate who I've become."

Blaine's eyes widened. "What?"

"I just…I can't…it's been so hard and it's just…it didn't ever get better and every day I just want to stop…" he couldn't speak for tears, and he ended up curled into Blaine's chest again.

Blaine's eyes were watering, his head shaking. "Baby, I don't…I don't understand…"

He took a shuddering breath. "Remember…a few years ago, back at home…you caught me…" he swallowed hard. "With the scissors?"

Blaine nodded. How could he forget?

"And then on my stomach…"

Blaine nodded again, his eyes widening as he realized what Kurt was alluding to.

"Scratcher…I just…"

Kurt revealed stomach, his legs, where sharp red lines gleamed back at them. Blaine frowned, tracing some of the more faint ones, his heart drumming in his throat.

"He wasn't just a spontaneous pet…" Blaine breathed, and Kurt closed his eyes, tears escaping down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry…I just…it's so hard."

Blaine inhaled sharply, trying to push down his emotions – trying so hard to bottle it before he could unleash them on Kurt – who really didn't need it right now.

"I thought it would get better…we're on our own, away from home and away from everyone. We have…we have a stable life and I love you so fucking much and I thought it would be okay…." Kurt took another breath to steady himself. "But it didn't…"

Blaine couldn't breathe.

"Kurt?"

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry and I'm trying to get better and I just…"

Blaine swallowed hard, still pushing it down. "What…what's making you unhappy?"

Kurt's eyes closed, and Blaine pulled them up into a sitting position, kissing him firmly. It was borderline midnight, but Blaine couldn't care. He stared at Kurt in the light of the moon, waiting for him.

"I…I'm just…I'm frustrated with myself." He breathed, letting a sob escape his lips before he could continue. "I just…I just…I can't stop it…"

Blaine frowned. "Stop what?"

"Hurting myself…"

Blaine shook his head in confusion.

"It's like…it's an addiction." He whispered. "And I can't stop. I just…I want to do it so bad and every time I think about doing it, I get annoyed with myself, which makes me want to hurt myself more…"

Blaine's eyes watered, and he held Kurt close.

They were silent for a while, and Blaine had to remind himself that he couldn't let Kurt know he was crying.

"What am I going to do…?" Kurt whispered after a while.

Blaine sucked in a deep breath, nuzzling his neck and kissing his ear.

"We're going to get you better."

A/N: Poor Kurt.