He wasn't entirely sure how or why he had ended up here, or why he'd left Steve at the previous store to come and wander to this one on his own, and he almost turned around and headed back when the depth of his cluelessness became apparent. But, rather than give in to that particular urge, he stared at the mannequins displayed in the shop's window and figured that as long as he was subjecting himself to this at all, he may as well try and get something decent out of the deal. And the clothes in this particular window looked more modern - he thought - than the kind Steve seemed to gravitate to. Which wasn't actually saying much, but still.
Already feeling stupid, he opened the door and walked in, quickly shoving both hands into his jacket pockets and trying not to wince at the electronic-sounding music that immediately assaulted his ears. It wasn't playing very loudly but hearing it at all was enough to make him grit his teeth and try to ignore it as he did a quick overview of the stacks and racks of clothes in front of him. In the distance, he spotted a worker about to turn around and notice him, so he darted behind the racks before they could start badgering him with offers of (much needed) assistance.
The problem was, as loathe as he was to admit it, he really did need help. What he saw were t-shirts made of bizarrely bright colors containing words and designs that made no sense, pants that came in so many different fits and "washes" and materials that it was stupid, and an entire section of "accessories" that seemed to encompass a lot more than what he anticipated.
In short, this was a horrible idea, and he probably should have just stayed home and made do with what he already had.
About to turn around and head back out, he immediately stopped in his tracks when he looked up and realized, to his chagrin, that he'd been intercepted by the very same worker he'd been trying to avoid.
"Well hello there," the tan, dark haired man drawled with a smile, moderately heavily accented voice an octave or two higher than Bucky would have expected. "You look like you are in desperate need of some guidance."
Despite the truth of that statement, Bucky wasn't sure he wanted to take guidance from a guy dressed in overly tight black shirt with a slightly plunging neckline and tight red pants. "Uh... no, I -"
"Oh yes," the man nodded insistently. "You do. But it's okay - that is what Esteban is here for." At Bucky's blank stare, he clarified with a flourish of his hand, "That would be me. Now, tell me why you're here - what's the occasion?"
He should have bolted when he had the chance. "I -"
"Never mind. Do all your clothes at home look like this?" he asked, gesturing loosely to Bucky's hoodie and jeans with an open grimace. "Because this is doing you no favors, my friend. You know what, let's start from scratch, shall we?"
Opening his mouth to vehemently but politely mumble something before making a run for it, Bucky instantly lost his train of thought when "Esteban" then whipped out a measuring tape from out of nowhere and was suddenly invading his personal space with it. Bucky stepped back automatically, slightly defensively, but Esteban only sighed and said, "How am I going to know what sizes you need if I don't measure you? Stand still."
Gritting his teeth, Bucky went along with it for some reason, still planning to split the first chance he got. But that chance never came, since as soon as the measurements were done, he was almost instantly getting about half a ton's worth of clothes tossed into his arms as he was dragged around the store.
"I don't know what kind of look you're going for with the black hoodie and the gloves," Esteban said, flipping through the racks quickly but carefully, "but the boring grunge look has been over with since before I even came to America. You are so lucky that I am here to help you. Now, what did you say the occasion was?"
Looking down warily at the growing number of clothes in his arms, Bucky managed to answer, "A date."
"Ohhh, a date," Esteban drawled, grinning widely, "of course, I should have known." Then he turned and looked Bucky up and down, in a sort of admiring deep thought. "Hmm..." Just when Bucky was about to freak out, the man snapped his fingers. "I've got it!"
Then Bucky was again being hustled through the store, though this time he became even more alarmed when what appeared to be leather pants got thrown at him. His concern deepened when Esteban asked his shoe size, then threw a pair of leather boots at him before tossing him into a dressing room and exclaiming, "Try on the outfit on top first! And show me when you're done!"
Dropping the pile of clothes somewhat angrily but mostly in lingering bewilderment, Bucky mentally scoffed at the idea of showing the man anything before beginning the daunting task of trying on the... outfit.
At first glance, it seemed non-threatening enough. The shirt was fairly normal, gray but with city names written all over the front of it for some reason, but the pants... was this how men really dressed now, or just men like... Esteban?
"Hurry up, honey, I haven't got all day!"
He never should have walked into this place.
Nonetheless, he put on the outfit one piece at a time, and of course, it all fit perfectly, but it felt weird - the pants, anyway. His memory may have been lacking, but he was fairly sure that he'd never worn anything so tight before, and wasn't the leather boots on top of it slightly overkill? Then again, what did he know?
Looking at his reflection, the first thing that popped into his head was how hard Steve would probably laugh at him later if he actually wore this. Then there was more tapping at the door. "All right, you've had long enough and I've got other guests - I'm poking my head in!"
Frantically, Bucky tore through the pile of clothes to retrieve the sole coat he'd had thrown at him, some kind of men's black peacoat, and he got his left arm into it just before the door cracked open. He might kill this "Esteban" before the day was over.
"Oooh! I am a genius as usual. That's perfect. See? And this is why Esteban does what he does. Your girlfriend or your boyfriend will thank me later. If you try to hide those legs in boring shapeless jeans again, I will personally hunt you down and trash your wardrobe like we're on 'What Not To Wear'."
Then the door closed, and Bucky stared at it for a moment, only half understanding anything the man had just said. Then he looked back at the mirror, suddenly wondering if he really did look as ridiculous as he felt. But what other choice did he have? His current choices for fashion advisor was Steve, who according to the rest of the tower looked mildly "grandpa-fied" half the time, and then there was Esteban, who did this for a living.
Eventually, he decided to just suck it up and go through the rest of the clothes, picking out what was acceptable and what wasn't - like some weird neon green shirt and a plaid belt - and then he mustered up his courage and headed out of the dressing room.
"He's finally done! Am I a genius or what? Come on, I'll ring you up," the almost effervescent man said, ushering him to the front of the store and taking the clothes out of his arms. If he lived to regret this later, he may come back and punch the guy in the face. Maybe.
As the bill racked up, which Bucky ignored, the store's front doors opened, and as Esteban was talking away about something while folding the clothes and placing them in bags, Steve walked up to the counter and asked cheerfully, "Success at last?"
Bucky glanced at him before the widening eyes and knowing grin of Esteban stole his attention and made his eyes narrow suspiciously.
Holding out the two shopping bags for Bucky to take, Esteban winked and said, "Date, huh? Well aren't you two a lucky pair of specimens. I am so jealous."
Steve's jaw dropped a little and he suddenly looked extremely uncomfortable and mildly constipated. Bucky tried to keep his poker face intact, but it ended up looking more like he was violently screaming inside, all while Esteban positively vibrated with glee and focused his knowing gaze on Steve. "You're gonna totally thank me later, trust me."
While Steve choked a little, Bucky yanked the bags to his side and focused on getting out of there as soon as humanly possible, ignoring the lighthearted goodbyes from the overly friendly sales associate. Steve caught up to him quickly, and neither of them said a word until they were safely out of the store and back on the street.
"So..." Steve muttered, "he thought..."
"Yep," Bucky replied blankly, mainly just wanting to forget that ever happened.
Steve was silent for a moment, and the last thing either of them said about the incident was, "I know you're not exactly friendly with Stark to begin with, but I'm just saying - neither of us ever says a word about that to him. Ever. We'd never hear the end of it."
"Not a problem."
By mid-day, Summer had come up with exactly zero ideas for her own date idea, and in a fit of mild desperation, she cornered Steve in the kitchen about an hour after he and Bucky had returned to the tower.
"What does... well, what did he like to do, back when... you know?" she asked, watching Steve put together a sandwich.
"Uh, well... he did a lot of dancing, but you already knew that," Steve replied, thinking as he walked back and forth from the fridge to the counter, Summer following everywhere he went. "Other than that, movies, baseball games, kind of anything that there was to do back then, we did. He liked to drag me to Coney Island and watch me throw up."
"Oh! Amusement park! Rollercoasters! I didn't think of that," she half-exclaimed, though she immediately frowned a little and asked, "Although, if we went there, would he remember it and... I don't know, would that be a good thing or a bad thing?"
Steve thought for a moment and then answered, "Well, it's a lot different from what it was when we were kids. They closed the first park back in '44 and built two new parks just recently, and it really doesn't look anything like what I remember." He said this a little sadly, but shrugged and added, "I think it's a good idea. If he does recognize anything, he'd only be remembering good things."
She nodded. "It wouldn't be... I don't know... intruding on your guys' memories or something?"
Steve looked at her a little incredulously and chuckled. "No! Not at all. I think it's a good idea. Really."
She nodded. "Okay. Sorry, I just... don't want to like, overstep, or..." At another look from him, she fell silent and smiled. "Sorry. I'm gonna shut up."
He grinned and then asked, "Need a babysitter?"
"Yes," she sighed. "I think so. One time when David was three he rode a carousel and cried for half an hour."
"Ah," Steve nodded. "I feel his pain. Well, I used to. But yeah, leave him here."
She hesitated and then said, "I don't know... he just got over his not eating thing and he's still pretty clingy with me..."
Steve shrugged. "Well, we can give it a try. If it comes down to it, I can always bring him to you."
"Okay," she agreed, happy with that idea. "You're the best. Seriously. Like, I owe you so much, it's disgusting."
Steve waved her off as he chewed a bite of his sandwich. "I kinda feel like it's the opposite. Anyway, go get ready. I doubt the lines have gotten any better since 1943."
She smiled and thanked him again, suddenly feeling extremely excited and totally in her element for once. She could only hope that Bucky would share her enthusiasm for rollercoasters, and that if not, at the very least, seventy years of torture and ice hadn't taken away his sense of fun. This would definitely be a level of fun they'd never even thought about approaching as of yet.
As long as he didn't barf on her, really, she'd be happy.
After Summer had all but bounced into his room as if from straight off of a trampoline, exclaiming a question about if he wanted to go ride rollercoasters with her, Bucky had agreed slightly reluctantly, only because it took him a minute to remember what a rollercoaster was. Once he had, she told him to get ready fast and then bounced off, leaving him to stare warily at the shopping bags on his floor.
The irony of being more terrified by an outfit than he was by trained killers and his actual enemies was not lost on him, but he seriously did not want to look as idiotic as he feared he would if he actually put that outfit on. But eventually, he decided that he'd look even stupider if he trudged out of his room wearing the same things he'd been wearing for months when everybody knew he'd gotten new stuff that day.
And anyway, he'd already wasted entirely too much thought on the matter anyway.
So, he threw the outfit on without really looking at it, fought with his hair for a minute before giving up because it was determined to have a mind of its own that day, and then he somewhat angrily pulled on the still-possibly-overkill boots. Then he marched out of his room, determined not to think about any of it anymore.
He heard Steve talking with the apparently newly arrived Natasha in the kitchen before he stepped into it, not looking at either of them as he opened the refrigerator and grabbed a water bottle out of it. After he closed it, Steve glanced over his shoulder towards him in the middle of taking a drink from his own bottle, and he promptly did a double take and choked. Natasha peeked around him to see what the big deal was, then grinned and unabashedly took it all in.
"Bucky, what... are you wearing?" Steve asked, eyes wide, as Bucky stared back defiantly and took a forcibly nonchalant sip of water.
"I have no idea," he replied honestly. "That guy at the store picked it out."
"You mean the... guy."
"Yeah."
"It looks good," Natasha interjected. Bucky's instant reply of a glare made her add, "I'm serious." Then she patted Steve's shoulder and said, "You should dress like that one of these days."
Pretty sure that she was making fun of him, Bucky tossed the bottle on the counter and turned to march right back in his room and change the stupid clothes, only to nearly collide with Summer as she came bounding out of the hallway.
"Oh sorry! I was just - uh... whoa..."
He watched as Summer's eyes moved from his face to his feet and then back up again, then back down, and her jaw went slack as words apparently failed her. He held his breath, unsure if she was about to start laughing at him or blush so hard she'd actually morph into a tomato.
Her face turning a furious shade of red gave him his answer. She backed away by a step and muttered, "You're... you're actually trying to kill me. That's not nice. I... don't remember what I came out here for. I'll just... damn."
She then stumbled off, back down the hall, and he decided that maybe the outfit could stay after all. He glanced back towards the kitchen, where Natasha wore a smug smile and said, "See? And to think you doubted me."
He snorted derisively and headed back to his room to grab the coat he forgot, hoping it was worth a day full of walking in weirdly constricting pants and the agony of having to accept an actual compliment from Natasha. Still, if nothing else, it was worth it just to watch Steve choke and Summer die a little inside.
Summer was uncharacteristically quiet a bit later, as she sat next to the suddenly male model-esque Bucky in the backseat of a cab on their way to their date. She had changed into her nicest comfortable outfit, which she hadn't had much competing options for, but dark skinny jeans and flats paired with a flowy black and white lace top under a burgundy coat (almost as nice as the one she'd lost with the rest of her clothes back home) just seemed underwhelming compared to what was next to her. The one thing she thought she had going for her was the slightly lower-than-usual neckline she was sporting, which wasn't too major given how she assumed the park would be relatively full of kids, but it was enough that she noticed his eyes stopping there for half a second before meeting her eyes everytime he looked at her.
Still, the question remained - was he just trying to do everything he could to visually torture her? She'd caught herself staring at his leather-clad legs so many times already, and they'd only been the cab for five minutes.
"You're quiet."
She blinked and realized she'd been doing it again. Dang it. "Oh, yeah, sorry. Just, uh... thinking," she explained half-honestly.
"What about?"
She met his gaze and saw that it was slightly playful. "Rudy Giuliani. He was an awesome mayor and... it's sad he's not... anymore." What was she even saying? He hadn't been mayor for years!
"... Right," Bucky said, looking at her as if she had two heads, and frankly, maybe she did have two heads.
She rolled her eyes. "Actually, I'm trying not to drool. Like you didn't already know that. Are you trying to kill me?"
He smiled faintly and said, "No, I walked into a store and some guy threw this at me. I feel like a moron."
"Well, you look like sex, so," she replied, wincing almost instantly at her words before she decided that she didn't really care. "It's almost disgusting."
"Disgusting?" he squinted.
"Yeah, like I need to take a shower just because I looked at you." She grinned at the way he chuckled at that. Their driver was on his phone talking in what sounded like Arabic, so thankfully, nobody was paying attention to their conversation. "It's super unfair."
He kept his faint smile, glancing out the window, and she let herself stare at his profile for a moment before shaking her head and trying to think of something halfway decent to say. It took her awhile, but she finally thought of something non-leather related. "Oh, what was with the giant record player in the living room?"
"Steve bought it," Bucky said, looking away from the window. "He was playing old records to help me remember."
"Oh, that's a good idea," she replied. "Did it help?"
He nodded, glancing down towards his lap. "Yeah. It actually did."
"That's great!" She smiled. "What did you remember? Not that you have to tell me if you don't want to, but..."
He finally looked at her, his expression a little strange and unreadable for a moment, but then the cab came to a halt at their stop, and she made a mental note to pick up the conversation later - if he wanted to.
Once they were outside the rather sprawling, definitely modern and well-expanded upon amusement park, Summer glanced at her companion and asked, "Seem familiar?"
He shrugged. "Not really."
"That's all right," she shrugged. "Maybe it'll all come back to you once you get off a ride and puke."
The temperatures outside were getting warmer these days, and it made wearing a coat as they strolled through the amusement park rather uncomfortable after awhile, but Bucky didn't have much of a choice in the matter. The gloves on his hands were equally annoying, and he soon found himself rather envious of the carefree people passing by who didn't have to think about things like causing mass hysteria by taking off their jacket and showing the world their metal "robo-arm", as Summer called it.
Speaking of her, he suspected that she was keeping her own coat on for his sake, but before he could say something about it, she spotted something in the distance and grabbed his hand before heading there excitedly.
Nothing looked familiar, and he wasn't sure that he particularly enjoyed the fact that there were people everywhere - even if none of them cared one bit about him or even looked his way - but he kept to himself how little he expected to enjoy himself, the thought of putting a damper on Summer's excitement nearly unbearable.
She led him through a small gate, and then they reached the back of a line as she glanced up at him and pointed forward. "I think this okay to start with. Looks like a pretty standard coaster, nothing too ridiculous. The sign didn't say anything about going upside down, so I think it's a good starting point. What do you think?"
He shrugged. "I guess."
She smiled at his very neutral reply and said, "I have it on good authority that you used to love these things. If you don't though, it's okay. There's other things to do if rollercoasters aren't your thing anymore."
"They seem to be your thing," he noted, taking in the way she was bouncing on her heels even though a rather long line stood in front of them.
She nodded enthusiastically and flashed him an almost child-like smile. "Oh yeah. I haven't been to one of these in forever. I think I was sixteen or something, so almost ten years ago. Ugh! That's way too long."
Absently, in his head, he subtracted ten years from the current year, then decided to figure out what year she was born in for no discernible reason. Once he figured that out, he recalled what year he was born in, then shook his head and ignored how weird it all was as the line started to move.
After the first half of the line got on the ride, he watched what he could see of it and still didn't think much of it one way or another. Summer, however, was happily squeezing his hand and still bouncing slightly. When it was nearly time for them to board, he leaned down and murmured near her ear, "It was worth coming just to see you bouncing like a kid."
She grinned up at him. "I'm actually controlling myself right now. If I actually jumped up and down, I'd smack myself in the face with these things," she said, gesturing to her chest. He laughed at the image that put in his head just as it was their turn to finally get on the ride.
Luckily, he didn't end up squished next to any random people, because they got the very back portion of the seats and he ended up on the far end of it. Summer happily clutched the restraints that were pulled down over their heads and shoulders, but he didn't bother to grab his, still thinking very little of the ride.
Summer was overflowing with excitement as the ride began its creep up the first hill, and by the time they reached the top, he had nearly zoned out so effectively that when it began a sudden plunge straight down, his hands flew to the restraints and his gasp would have been audible had the ride not been noisy and had nobody been screaming.
The ride was just under two minutes, and after two loops, several more plunges, and enough twisting and turning to make his head nearly literally spin, it finally groaned to a halt, and while Summer was absolutely glowing with the lingering thrill of it all, Bucky was still clutching the restraints and didn't quite want to let go even as they sprung off of him.
Half-stumbling out of the cart, he swallowed down a lump in his throat and stopped for a moment, waiting for the world to stop spinning and his stomach to stop twisting.
"Hey, you okay?" Summer asked, suddenly at his side and putting a hand to his arm. He straightened quickly and nodded.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm good," he said, trying to brush her off, but he wasn't exactly good yet.
"Wow," she grinned. "That wasn't even a spinny ride and you look like you're about to barf."
He shook his head, and in a few moments, after the spinning finally stopped, he took a breath and looked to her expectantly. She grinned and took his hand, leading them off to wherever she wanted to go next. "Okay, so we'll avoid the crazier ones for now. And definitely nothing spinny."
"Just pick whatever you want," he told her. "I'll be fine."
"Maybe, but I just really don't like getting puked on. Paul used to throw up on me all the time when we were kids and I try to avoid it as much as I can." When he looked at her slightly questioningly, she explained, "One time i ended up covered in slimy candy and pickles... he was a gross kid."
Not particularly wanting to know anymore, Bucky let that one go and then let her drag him to the next ride that caught her interest. After the next few times, he was mostly used to them, and at some point, he started genuinely enjoying the rides. Whether it was due to the rides themselves or Summer's infectious love for them, he wasn't sure, but one thing he was positive of - he loved the way that she squealed and relished every second of each ride, and that alone made coming here worth it.
In some ways, it was basically the perfect day - scouring an amusement park she'd never been to, bouncing from ride to ride with her ridiculously attractive leather-clad boyfriend, all of it taking her mind off of everything bad that had happened recently and placing it solely on having fun. It was an absolute blast, and she even managed to get them both on the biggest ride in the whole park, despite her initial concerns that it might be a bit too much for him. He proved her wrong, and she could tell that he really was enjoying himself.
By the time the sun had halfway set, she was starving, so for the dinner portion of the date, they grabbed overpriced and greasy food at the closest cafe they could find within the park. It was a far cry from their first date with its quaint little Italian restaurant and candlelit atmosphere, but it all felt much more at ease and natural this time around, and she wouldn't have had the day go any differently if she could have.
Having done a fair amount of Googling on the area before coming, however, she did have one more idea to try out after they'd had their fill of the park. Rather than head straight home, they took a somewhat chilly walk down a nearby beach.
It was a clear night, so the moon and stars were out in full force, dimly lighting the night along with a handful of boats out in the water's distance and homes on their other side. It suddenly dawned on her, early in their walk as she grasped his hand, that decades ago, he may have walked this very beach hand in hand with another woman - or maybe a lot of other women - before even her mother had come into existence. After all, this was Brooklyn, his old backyard, and it was a little surreal to be here with him.
"So, anything jog your memory yet?" she asked, her shoes dangling from her free hand while she tried not to giggle at him treading through the sand in his leather boots.
"Maybe... not sure yet," he said quietly, looking out towards the water, matching her slow steps.
"Have fun?" she asked with a slight grin.
"Yeah," he nodded, turning back to her as they walked. "I wasn't sure at first, but I had fun."
"Good," she smiled. "I kinda feel like our time together has been super serious and kinda traumatizing half the time, with things blowing up and people trying to kill you at every turn, so... I guess it was time for some actual fun. Mix it up a little bit."
She didn't expect him to frown at those words, but he did. Then he asked quietly, "Is that... what you think, or..."
"Oh, I didn't mean it like that," she hurriedly assured him. "I wasn't complaining, I just - you know, it seemed like a good idea to just... act silly for awhile and... not think about all the heavy stuff, I guess."
He seemed to understand, and she breathed quietly in relief. Absently, she reached down and disentangled their hands long enough to peel the unnecessary glove from his right one, then placed her hand back in his while they continued to walk.
The truth was, this was one of those things she'd always wanted to do - walk hand in hand with some gorgeous, awesome guy down a quiet beach, under a moonlit sky and every cliche imaginable, because darn it, cliches were cliches for a reason. And it was nice, beautiful, even, but it was as perfect as it was because of who she was walking next to. She could have been walking down a questionable street on the rougher side of Brooklyn under a partly cloudy sky and she would have felt the same warmth that she was feeling right now. And knowing that somehow made her happier than any picturesque stroll on a beach could have done.
Though, there was definitely something to be said for the beach, no matter what. If only the water could have been a bit warmer, she could have sat and let it wash over her toes while he played with her hair and eventually laid her down in the sand and kissed her for all she was worth...
"You're quiet again."
Somewhat snapping out of her thoughts, she blushed slightly and said, "Just thinking."
"What about?"
"... Sex on the beach," she blurted.
He stopped walking. "... What?"
Mentally punching herself in the face, she laughed a bit nervously and said, "It's gotta be weird, right? Sand everywhere... like... everywhere..."
She expected his usual bewildered look or maybe an amused chuckle, not his hand reaching out and grabbing her coat by its first few buttons and pulling her much closer. She sucked in a breath of surprise, smiling a little when she saw the faint grin on his own face as it grew closer to hers. And she especially didn't expect him to breathe out an inch from her lips, "You're so damn cute."
And then she had her perfect beach kiss, which was better than any of the ones she'd ever seen in romantic comedies, and though she was fairly sure that she hadn't been called "cute" since around kindergarten, it was the way that he said it that made her melt.
As much as she had seen and been around him recently, which was a lot more than ever before, there had somehow been less time for these things than when their time together was scarce. She had been trying to settle in and get David back to his normally functioning level, getting ready for her interview, and Bucky did not follow her around like a lost puppy, thankfully, but it resulted in her passing out most nights without even telling him goodnight or getting a decent kiss or two in during some point in the day. In fact, an annoyingly nagging little voice in her head had been wondering if it was on purpose, if he was pulling away a bit for some reason, but the way that he kissed her now silenced that voice rather beautifully.
When he pulled away and the kiss ended, all too soon, she said somewhat breathlessly, "We need to make time for this every day. I don't care if it's in the morning or at night or whenever, or if I'm asleep and you have to wake me up. I just... I kinda need this."
He nodded in agreement, and she pulled down for another kiss. The air around them suddenly didn't feel so chilly, and she poured several days' worth of missed touches into the kiss before he broke away and muttered near her ear, "It's hard to stop."
"Almost impossible," she agreed, her words barely above a sigh as he pulled her coat aside to press his lips to her neck. "It gets harder and... harder..."
He hummed in response and then kissed her lips again, and she shuddered, wrapping her arms around his neck partially just to stay on her feet. He could go from zero to utterly devouring before she had a chance to begin to wrap her brain around it, and one of these days she would lose every last ounce of will to resist and beg him to end their self-imposed abstinence.
But, it seemed that when she would near that point, he would pull away before she could, and this time was no different. She was equally grateful and frustrated for it, but how could she complain about anything after the day that she'd had?
Her forehead against his, she managed to say something for once that didn't embarrass her in the slightest. "Thank you for today."
His eyes met hers and the corner of his mouth twitched as he replied, "Everything was your idea."
"Yeah," she said quietly, "but you're what made it perfect."
She saw a lot of things flicker in his eyes then, and she couldn't figure out what a single one meant. His answering kiss, however, she did understand, and that was more than enough.
Whatever Bucky expected to find upon arriving back to the 36th floor of Stark Tower, it was not a small gathering of everyone he recognized from the tower sitting in front of the nearly theater-sized television watching what appeared to be black and white videos from the '40s. From the minute he stepped off the elevator, he saw Steve, Natasha, Sam, Stark, even Thor - the last of which was confirmed by the sudden widening eyes and near-squeal of the woman standing next to him.
He still didn't get what was supposed to be so great about the guy.
David came barreling out of nowhere directly at Summer's legs, knocking his hand out of hers before she picked him up in a hug and Steve called out, "Hey! Have a good time?"
Bucky nodded and let Summer do the talking, shedding his jacket while she alternated between glancing at Thor every other second and telling Steve about Bucky almost puking. Bucky looked at the TV, which was paused on a frame of Steve in his old uniform, and he might have been interested in seeing the video if not for the group currently watching it. He started heading for his room, where he planned to peel off the leather he was wearing and stuff it deep in his closet where he'd never find it again, but Steve had other plans.
"Hey, Bucky, come sit down. You're in a couple of these, I've been saving them for when you got back."
Bucky nodded and didn't bother arguing, slightly nervous at the prospect of seeing such a video. He made his way to an empty couch, ignoring the not friendly nor unfriendly stare from Tony Stark as he sat. Steve beckoned Summer to come and sit with them, then got up and to change out the DVD as he explained, "SHIELD preserved a bunch of our videos, and Tony here was nice enough to convert them to DVDs for me."
"I'm helpful like that," Tony shrugged, taking a drink from the small glass in his hand. Bucky wasn't sure if he'd ever seen the man without a drink in his hand. "By the way, these are all really boring so far. Weren't there hot nurses that hung around Army bases back then? My dad sure made it sound like it."
"Well, you're probably about to see one or two," Steve replied, heading back to the couch just as Summer took a seat next to Bucky. Thor noticed her staring and smiled brightly.
"Lady..." his brows furrowed briefly before he guessed, "... Solstice? No, that's not right..."
"Summer," she giggled. Bucky shot her a side-glare that she completely ignored.
"Ah, that's right! Lady Summer! How have you fared since we last met?"
"Pretty good," she smiled. "Except for my house blowing up. But that happens, right?"
"Oh... I am... sorry?" Thor replied in slight confusion, maybe unsure why she was giggling about her house getting blown up.
Tony rolled his eyes. "Anyway, on with the show. Some of us have girlfriends to go and ravish, can't spend all night listening to awkward small talk."
"Actually," Natasha remarked, looking around the room, "I think that's every adult male in this room aside from... Sam."
Sam rolled his eyes at the chorus of sarcastic "awww"s that followed her comment, just before Natasha gestured to Bucky and added, "Oh, and I forgot the abstinence kids over there."
While Bucky glared at her, she smiled and Tony nearly spat out his drink. "What? What did I miss? Who's got a chastity belt?"
"Very funny," Steve said, "I'm pushing play now -"
"Hold on, George Washington, this is important," Tony interrupted. "First of all, why, and second of all - why?"
Bucky glanced at Summer to find her suddenly looking rather like she wanted the floor to swallow her up, but before Bucky could defend her honor - or something - Steve shot Tony a glare and said, "Drop it, would you? It's personal, and you barely even know them."
"Hey now, don't get touchy," Tony said, holding up his hands in surrender. "Blame a guy for being curious about what's happening in his own tower. Or what's not happening."
Steve then aggressively pushed the play button on the remote in his hand, and Bucky muttered an unnecessary apology to Summer that she immediately shrugged off before they both turned their attentions to the TV.
The slightly grainy black and white images on the screen started out shaky before focusing on a small group of smiling guys in Army uniforms, and Steve explained, "So this was taken a couple days after we got back from Austria. Everybody got patched up and had a couple decent meals and then this happened."
"This" was what looked like an old-fashioned party on the base, or at least the closest thing to one that they could manage at the time. The camera panned to four or five guys, two of whom had managed to get their hands on a trumpet and saxophone while the others were making do with what they could find laying around, like pots and pans, but everybody seemed quite happy with the result - the lack of audio was almost a shame.
Bucky recognized a few faces as they came and went, mostly those of the men who would go on to be his fellow Howling Commandos and a few others. Every time he saw a picture of them or they came up in conversation with Steve, he couldn't help but silently wonder why none of them were chosen for HYDRA's experiments while he was. Of course, had Steve not freed them all, maybe they all eventually would have faced the same fate.
Stirring him out of his thoughts, the camera shifted then to Steve, who didn't seem all that aware of the camera as he talked to a woman Bucky instantly recognized as the ever-legendary Peggy. He glanced at Steve, then at Natasha as she commented, "She was definitely a knockout."
"Literally," Steve grinned.
Then Bucky looked back to the screen, did a double take, and then felt his eyes widen just by a fraction. He was suddenly staring at himself, and not just himself, but a woman whose face he'd remembered only the day before.
He was a little gaunt, a little too thin, but he was smiling, and they were dancing. Exuberantly dancing, swing dancing amid a small group of other couples, and they were both clearly good at it.
The woman - Vivian, he reminded himself - was dressed in a nurse's uniform, her hair pinned up under her little white hat in curls that fell more and more free from their restraints as he tossed her around with all the ease of someone pretending they hadn't been under torture only days before. He moved like an old pro, which he supposed he had been, flipping her like it had been the most natural thing in the world to do back then.
He stared at the smile on his own face, the identical one on hers, and he barely heard Stark's whistling or Thor's grunts of approval. All at once, it was almost like he was back in that very moment, close enough to touch it, and he could remember the dance and more, maybe a lot more if he sat down and let the vision flood his mind...
His feet almost twitched with the memory of dancing, something that had obviously once been second nature for him, but he hadn't been able to believe it until now, until he had seen it with his own eyes. Now he felt silly for ever doubting it. Watching himself, watching the steps he and the woman took, he could almost predict each one, and remember what it felt like to dance and move like that. Though the movie was silent, he could hear the distinct, seductive, gorgeous jazz music tickling his mind's ear, and how could he ever forget what it had felt like to dance with her?
Her...
There was something else nudging from within, a different scene from the same place, and he welcomed it with metaphorical open arms.
After Peggy chided Steve for being late, and after Bucky himself had led a highly necessary cheer for Captain America, he had to steel himself and cover up a wince at the pain that the effort had unexpectedly caused him. He reasoned that it was just the walking all the way here that was to blame, that and living off little more than crumbs for the last few months, because it definitely had nothing to do with the days and days of injections and tests and tortures that had left him mumbling deliriously as he flirted with knocking on death's door...
But then there was a flash of very familiar, soft red in front of him, and his thoughts faded into the background noise as he stared at the nurse looking up at him with slightly moist eyes and red lips caught between a smile and a noticeable quiver.
"I should slap you," she said, with absolutely no conviction and a whole lot of shaking in her words.
"And here I was hoping you'd missed me at least a little bit," he replied, unable to stop from grinning at her. He could see how she was looking him over, could see the slight horror flickering through her green eyes as if what they did to him was scrawled out in plain English on his forehead, and that was the only thing about the moment that he didn't like.
She shook her head. "You ever do this to me again, and I swear, I'll kill you myself."
"I could live with that." Then he grabbed her and kissed her, because if there was one thing he'd earned the right to do following his ordeal over the last few months, it was most definitely that.
There were some whistles and a chuckle that sounded a lot like the now freakishly-tall Steve, but he paid them no mind, because for the first time in a long time, he almost felt good again.
He snapped out of it when that part of the film came to an end, then switched to a different part. His head ached a little at the rush of memories, but it was the sort of ache that was such a relief that it almost felt good, like the return of sensation after a long period of numbness. He glanced around the room, saw the knowing look on Steve's face before glancing at Summer and the somewhat tentative smile that she gave him.
He knew they'd both understand why he had to stand up and leave the room a few moments later, after the film ended. He was on the cusp of recovering a substantial piece of the puzzle within his mind, and he refused to do so while Tony Stark was cracking jokes in the same room.
"Well... that was riveting, Cap."
Steve glanced at Tony and shrugged. "I know it's a shocking idea that not everything is always for your benefit, but..."
"Yeah, unfortunately," Tony replied, glancing down sadly at his now-empty glass.
"Is your friend all right?" Thor asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
"I think so," Steve nodded. "I'm sure he just needed some time to think on his own. He's still trying to get it all back. I was hoping this would help."
Meanwhile, Summer sat back and watched as most of the Avengers sat around and discussed her boyfriend, her own head still spinning a bit from the video. She'd never been one for dancing, but seeing that made her wish with an unexpected desperation that she could dance with him like that.
And that nurse! Yeah, clearly, her theory about him and fondue had been on the money. Though, if she had to guess by his face in that video, it had been a bit more than fondue.
She returned to the present when she felt eyes on her, and she glanced up to find the culprit, as, of course, her sort-of new employer.
"So anyway, about the abstinence thing, I'm just curious - wh-"
"Stark!" Steve half-shouted in exasperation before Summer could even start stuttering out a response. "For God's sake, she works for you now!"
"So?"
"So, that's basically sexual harassment," Steve pointed out.
Tony almost laughed, then squinted and asked, "What do you know about sexual harassment? Back in your day, that's what they called flirting."
"SHIELD made him watch educational videos when they hired him," Natasha supplied helpfully.
Ignoring her, Steve said, "No, back in my day, we beat up the punks that talked to women like that."
"Geez, take it easy, Cap," Tony sighed. Then he turned back to Summer and asked, "Do you feel sexually harassed right now?"
She blinked and muttered, "Uh... no?"
"Good. So is it the Edward Cullen factor, except instead of being afraid of sucking all your blood, he might accidentally rip your head off when he's -"
She covered David's ears while Steve exclaimed, "Her five year old is right there!"
With a huff, Tony stood up and said, "Fine, you know what? Fine. Since I'm clearly offending Grandpa's morals, I'll just leave. Hey Thor, come with me, I've got something I need you to smash with that hammer."
A little sad that the Asgardian eye candy was leaving, Summer realized that she was actually starting to get used to all of this bizarre stuff. She was also still a little giddy from Thor calling her "Lady Solstice" earlier, but mostly, she was curious about the girl in the video.
"So... that girl," she asked when the room had grown quiet again. "Were they serious?"
"... Sort of. It was kind of complicated. I'm sure he would rather be the one to tell you about her once he remembers. And I think he does now."
She nodded. "I mean, it's not weird to me. I've always thought there was no way he didn't have something serious back then. Because he was... yeah." When Steve chuckled at her, she added, "Should I leave him alone tonight, then? While he thinks?"
Steve shrugged. "Not all night. I think it helps if he has someone to talk to after he first remembers."
She nodded, though a part of her felt as if Steve would be a much better choice than her, since he had been there and she obviously hadn't.
Still, she waited. She went about her night and her usual routine with David, and it whittled down the next few hours into pleasantly mundane blurs that ended with her little boy falling asleep in her arms. He was doing much better now than he had been just a few days ago, and his calmer state was like Xanax to her own nerves. When he was off, so was she, but when he was good, she felt great.
She moved him into his own bed after her arm started to hurt, and then, dressed still in the clothes she'd worn on the date, she quietly asked JARVIS to inform her if he woke up while she was gone before slipping out of the room. Having a British-voiced electronic butler was awesome, she had to admit.
After making her way down the hall, she found Bucky's door unlocked, as it normally was, and she knocked slightly before cracking it open. When she saw and heard no sign of him, she opened the door all the way and looked inside, but still saw no sign of him. She was about to close the door and go look for him in the common area, but then a cool breeze blowing gently through the curtains near his bed caught her attention.
Hoping that it didn't mean that he'd unexpectedly jumped out the window, she walked to the window and found out that it wasn't a window but a glass door she'd never noticed before.
The door was just slightly ajar, so she slid it open a bit further and peeked through it. What she saw wasn't big enough to be called a balcony, more like a slightly large ledge with a rail on it, but whatever it was technically called, Bucky was sitting on it with his boots dangling off of the edge. He glanced up at her, and that was when she got a whiff of smoke and a glimpse of the cigarette in his right hand. Interesting.
He was also still wearing his clothes from earlier, and that and his somewhat disheveled hair helped to make her suddenly find smoking attractive for the first time in her 25 years.
"Is this a bad time? Because I was just checking on you..."
He shook his head. "No." Then he scooted over slightly, and once she realized he was making room for her, she carefully walked out of the door and tried not to look down while she settled in next to him. A thin railing separating her and thirty-six floor drop was a little disconcerting to think about.
"So," she said after a moment, gesturing to his hand, "new habit?"
He shook his head, looking at the cigarette and explaining, "Old one. Steve thought it might help me remember."
That made sense. "Did it?"
She watched him put the thing to his lips, inhale slowly, and then let the smoke pour from his mouth as she failed horribly at trying to make herself think it was disgusting no matter how good he looked doing it. "Yeah."
"Good," she smiled, hugging her arms a bit to fight off the chill in the night air. "Want to talk about it?"
He glanced at her with just a hint of unease, like he wasn't sure if he should tell her or not, but after a moment or two, he tossed the cigarette over the railing - litterbug - and leaned his head back against the glass behind him and said, "All right."
Remembering, he discovered, was utterly bizarre. Before, when it was only the smallest bits and pieces that would come to him and leave almost as quickly, it was an exercise in frustration and anger and not much else. But tonight, he felt like he'd finally managed to grab a big piece of the puzzle, and now some of the smaller pieces had a place to go and fit next to. It was completely exciting and amazing, and yet it came with an underlying sadness that he couldn't easily shake.
Vivian, he now knew, had been more than a girl he'd taken dancing once or twice before he enlisted and she became an Army nurse. As it turned out, he had known her for some time in his past life, and she had been just as important as Steve had hinted at the day before.
Music had brought back the memory of her face and her name. The video had brought back the memory of dancing and of returning from the dead to greet her back in the land of the living. Then so much more had followed those visions that he still felt dizzy from it all.
"The girl in the video," he began quietly, "was named Vivian."
"She was very pretty."
She was. Very much so.
"Were you guys serious?"
The nice thing was, he didn't feel strange at all about talking to Summer about this. He had thought he might, but he didn't. "I think I wanted to marry her."
"... Wow. Definitely serious, then."
"Yeah but it was... it changed a lot," he said, trying to keep it all straight in his head. "Something was always in the way or one of us was always gone, I think..."
"So, kind of off and on?" Summer guessed.
He nodded, supposing that was one way of putting it. He couldn't remember every last detail yet, but he remembered her. He remembered her smile, her laugh, how smart she was, and how he always seemed to end up back in her life one way or another, despite seeming remember a steady stream of obstacles in their way. He remembered that she got along very well with Steve, and if he had to guess (which he did), he was pretty sure that his parents had liked her too.
Then, with the first experimental puff of the cigarettes that Steve had given him, he'd suddenly been back in her bed - or maybe his, it was hard to tell - and she was wearing a grin and little else as she placed one to his mouth. He inhaled and called her a bad influence as he exhaled, mirroring her grin, which made her laugh and point out their current position, which seemed to refute his point.
And then there was more. A lot more, and not all of it pleasant. There was flashes of fights and frustration, but what he remembered most was seeing her face after surviving HYDRA by the skin of his teeth. That was the defining moment, the one that unlocked the others, and the one that made him realize that they'd spoken quite seriously about getting married just before he headed back out to fight again, this time at Steve's side.
It was incredibly strange to remember having once felt such things for someone and then remember nothing of it until it suddenly came back in a rush. It was even stranger to realize that she was most likely dead now and that she'd had to mourn him twice, yet here he was, looking no older than he had back when they had been together.
"I can't get over seeing you dance," Summer said, rousing him from his wandering thoughts. He glanced at her to find her smiling lazily at him. "It was kind of amazing. Makes me wish you could teach me how to do it."
He returned her grin and said, "I remember dancing now, a lot more than I did before."
"Could you do it again?" she asked, a glint of excitement in her eyes.
"Maybe," he said noncommittally. "Not sure."
Then a moment or two passed, and then Summer quietly said, "It must be really weird and kind of hard to remember all of this. Especially since she's probably... not here anymore. I'm sorry."
It was weird, and it did hurt. He knew he'd be adjusting to what he'd learned for the next couple of days, and probably picking Steve's brain to fill in the details that he couldn't remember. It was a lot to take in. But in the midst of it all, something unexpected was starting to come to light at the forefront of his mind.
For everything he could remember about Vivian, about how enamored he'd been with her and ready to make her his wife once the war was over, something about it almost didn't make sense. Not because he wasn't remembering it right, because he was - no, it was something else. Something that seemed to nag at him even more once Summer had climbed out on this little oversized ledge with him.
He had wanted to marry this woman from his past. He had loved her - he could remember loving her, remember the feelings that had seemed to reach a pinnacle on that Army base in Europe. But if that was all true, then why did it all seem somehow dwarfed in comparison to what he felt right now?
He looked at Summer, sitting there hugging herself and enduring the cold for his sake, the faint wind blowing gently through her hair that looked almost fully black under the night sky, and he stared at her like she was some complicated equation that he was missing a crucial variable for. What was he missing? What was his brain trying to tell him?
Then she sighed and glanced up at him before smiling a little sheepishly and saying, "Don't take this the wrong way, because I really am incredibly happy that you remembered something big, but man... she was just stunning, and it's been kind of nice knowing until now that you haven't really been able to compare me to anyone else. Now I've probably got a lot more to... live up to or compete with, or... something."
And then, suddenly, there it was, like a giant flashing arrow sign from an old cartoon, telling him exactly what he'd been missing. What Summer was afraid of was, in fact, the complete and utter opposite of reality.
Now he did indeed have something to compare her to. The only woman, as far as he knew, that he'd ever considered asking to be his wife. A woman that had indeed been stunning, brilliant, the best one he'd ever found, until he had "died".
And yet, rather than Summer pale in comparison to his past, it seemed that his past seemed to pale in comparison to her.
He didn't realize that he was staring at her a little wide-eyed until she looked up at him and then suddenly grew concerned. "Are... you okay?"
He blinked a couple times and nodded, but he wasn't okay. No, he was absolutely screwed, because he had been completely oblivious to how deep his own feelings ran for this woman, and now that he had finally woken up to them, there was no going back.
He was dizzy again.
"Are you sure?"
He swallowed down a lump in his throat and looked away before she realized how very not okay he was. He didn't have the slightest clue how to verbalize any of this. He didn't even want to. She would probably choke in shock and accidentally fall off the ledge if he even tried.
But then he realized he'd never said anything back to her comment about comparing herself to his newly recovered memories. And if he couldn't say anything, then he had to at least do something.
But he did nothing for a long time, staring off in the distance and trying to recover from the shock of the last few moments. Eventually, the cold must have finally gotten to her, because Summer muttered something about grabbing a coat, and that of all things was what finally spurred him into action.
He said her name, stopping her before she'd gotten to her feet, and he grabbed the top of her arm and drew her closer. Her skin was cold, and she was shivering slightly, so he pulled her against his chest and kept his even colder metal arm away from her as his right hand left her arm to trail to her cheek. She looked up at him questioningly, and he wished that he could coherently answer her, but he simply could not. He'd have to save that for a time when all of this had fully sunken in and he could say the words the way that she deserved to hear them.
So, for now, he lowered his lips to hers almost excruciatingly slowly. He kissed her differently than he ever had before, trying to express through touch what his words couldn't, and he felt her shiver from something other than the cold. He let his other hand come up and help his other one cradle her face, his eyes shut tightly as he poured all of his concentration and will into showing her, as best as he could, how irrevocably special and unmovable her place in his life was.
When he drew away from the kiss, letting his forehead fall against hers, he opened his eyes just enough to see hers still closed as she breathed through her mouth. Then she looked up at him, her cheeks flushed and expression mildly bewildered, and he kissed her again, before she could say a word and break the moment.
He knew he'd never be able to fully express everything swirling around his head through a few soft touches and a handful of kisses, but right now, they were all that he had. She deserved more, and eventually, he'd be able to give her more. But for now, he kissed her as if he'd never felt it so deeply before in his life, and the thing was, as he now knew, he truly had not.
A/N: this chapter was one of my favorites to write. Leather-wearing and smoking Bucky was a distinct contributing factor to that, not gonna lie :p And Esteban was another highlight. He may be around in future chapters occasionally :) Anyway, my usual big huge thanks to all of you wonderful readers and reviewers for continuing to read & support this story. Thank you SO MUCH. And thank you to midnightwings96, as always, for being indispensably awesome and helping out a LOT with this story. See you all next week :D