A Hole in the World

by anneliese-michel

Dean Winchester never wanted to go home again. Going back to Lawrence meant people who knew what he was, who didn't buy into the lie. But with a tragic accident, he's back and dealing with the death of his father, the social stigma and objectification of being an out Omega, and the lingering aftermath of a long-ago crime.

45. Caught Up In You

Fill your days and your nights
No need to ever ask me twice, oh no
Whenever you want me
And if ever comes a day
When you should turn and walk away, oh no
I can't live without you
I'm so caught up in you

- "Caught Up In You," .38 Special

"This is an exercise in futility, Dean."

"Uh-huh. You've cut open a brain before, you can handle waffles. Now shut up and whisk, Cas."

"I am horrified of what you think my work must entail, if you believe medical practice is even remotely a transferrable skill when it comes to the kitchen. Or that it involves a 'whisk.'"

The laugh from the other room drifts in to them, alerting them to their audience, and Dean plants a kiss to Cas's temple before letting go of him, abandoning him in his flour-dusted battlefield to go offer Jess an arm to brace herself on as she lowers carefully into an armchair, as Sam has his arms full with the baby.

"Don't let us interrupt you." Jess smiles at him, holding her hands out for Sam to pass her their son, determined to get her own chance with him. Three men all running around insisting it's their turn to take care of her and the baby means she's had less time with her child than she'd like since they got out of the hospital. "You two are cute."

"Nah, this is normal. And we're not cute. Don't tell him he's cute when he whines . . ." Dean corrects her, but his heart's not in it if the grin is anything to go by, and he's kept from finishing by Castiel abandoning his post, stepping up behind Dean and putting the bowl of batter in his hands without a by-your-leave, freeing his hands to grab the portable air purifier and move it near Jess, hooking a blanket out of a cabinet.

"I am not whining. I'm a doctor, not a chef, Dean. And we've had this conversation before, but you insist that I have secret culinary skills I've managed to hide my entire adult life. Move." He commands Dean, so he can get to Jess, mostly so that he can make himself busy outside of the kitchen. He's completely capable of finishing breakfast, he just doesn't want to unless Dean's in there with him.

"Now you're whining and pouting. And don't give me orders, asshole." Dean moves, though, but takes his time about it so Cas knows it's not because he demanded it, winning an fond eye-roll from Castiel as he drapes a blanket over Jess's lap. He stays to clip a monitor onto her finger to check her O2 and pulse, still determined to do his job even as it's becoming less urgent, and any day now entirely unnecessary.

"Stop cussing in front of my kid." Sam drops himself onto the couch beside Jess's chair, watching her feed the baby, but he shoots a glance at his brother and Cas. "I thought he was just making a Star Trek reference badly." Sam confesses, earning a bark of laughter from Dean and a confused look from Cas.

"No, he's still clueless."

"You're being mean to your boyfriend." Jess chides Dean, trying not to laugh. Though he doesn't look up from his work as he removes the monitor again and makes a note for himself, Cas is triumphant in his correction.

"Fiancé."

As Dean moves past him towards the kitchen, he spares Cas a punch in the shoulder that rocks the Alpha in place but doesn't do anything to displace the small smile at advancing in Dean's game of one-upmanship. "Way to ruin the announcement."

"I'm sorry, is an engagement supposed to be something handled with a little more romance and planning than that, Dean?" There's a teasing undertone to Cas's level retort that Dean answers with an amused 'yeah, yeah, shut up' and a middle finger, but Castiel assumes that means he won. No, either way he won. The proposal may have been abrupt, unromantic, and nothing like what he'd hoped to do for Dean, but it's the outcome that matters and he is wholly, completely happy with the outcome. Dean wants to marry him.

Dean doesn't get a chance to escape. Sam has long arms, and he finds himself being hugged and back-slapped and congratulated, and Jess carefully moves the baby up against her shoulder so she can give them both one-armed hugs from her chair. "No wonder you two are both so happy this morning."

It's too good an opportunity to pass up, and Dean refuses to lose when it comes to banter. "Nah, that's just because of all the sex."

Cas flushes red, mumbles something about finishing breakfast, takes the batter out of Dean's hands, and escapes back to the kitchen. The hilarity of it is completely worth the bitchface Dean gets from Sam or how Cas will pay him back for that later.

"No, this is wonderful." Jess is smiling, ignoring their antics as she strokes a finger down the baby's cheek, and she smiles at Dean.

"We can have a double wedding. It'll be perfect."

xXx

It is not, in fact, perfect.

"He just fired the pastor, Dean."

Jess was already standing on the porch, arms folded, when Dean, Sam and Charlie pulled up from the last run to the courthouse to file pre-wedding paperwork and swing by to let Dean see the progress on the halfway house. They ended up spending a bit longer than they intended so he could try coaxing one of the teenaged Omegas into speaking to him, or even telling Dean her name, still traumatized from the farm they took her off of in their the first sanctioned inspection. He got a name and enough information to try and track down if she was abducted or sold into this, and that's a start, but the raw reddened band of skin around her neck is going to haunt him for a while. They're doing the right thing, and they're helping, but he's pissed at the system again and wasn't ready to come put out fires among his family.

Like Cas unexpectedly pulling the rug out from under all of their wedding plans in the couple of hours Dean was absent.

Blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail, rosy color in her cheeks from waiting for them on the porch, Jess is the personification of bridal wrath. She's recovered well since the hospitalization, and now she's shouldering most of the wedding planning herself, with Cas supposedly helping her. While she was recovering, Cas's help definitely a boon, particularly as the Winchester boys are pretty much happy to rubber stamp their approval of whatever makes their respective partners happy for the wedding without making any decisions themselves.

"The wedding is less than a week away, and we don't have anyone to officiate it and we're losing our church, too."

"I'll talk to him." Dean promises, and slips past her into the house, leaving it to Sam to find out what's going on from his future wife because Dean's pretty sure from the looks of Jess that she's about to start crying, too upset to do otherwise, and he can't handle more tears now after that kid at the halfway house broke his heart all over again. He calls out a greeting to Bobby as he passes through the living room, and gets a grunt in return that would seem a lot more like the crotchety old man he pretends to be, if he weren't comfortably ensconced in the couch with his namesake's tiny fingers reflexively clenched in his beard and a spit-up cloth on his shoulder, a grandfather now whether in name or legally or not, and proud to be.

"He's sulking in the guest room. You tell that boy his little fit over 'deliberately misgendering him in a misguided attempt to insult him' is bull, and if he acts less like Bridezilla about this wedding crap I won't have to call him on it."

Dean exchanges a look with Charlie, who drops herself down in the armchair beside Bobby like they're dividing to deal with the various persnickety personalities in this house. This arrangement leaves Cas for Dean to defuse, which . . . well, even if everyone didn't pretty much bank on Dean being the only one to really get Cas, he'd have picked Cas for his angle on this.

There's what looks like an x-ray up on Cas's laptop screen, and deep frown marring his features, eyes narrowed to a squint as he works. He convinced the clinic to let him consult remotely until he can get back, just to keep his job, but Dean knows he's also finally applied to the county hospital since the proposal. He wants a better job, something that will support them if they do have a family. As much as he's convinced that Zachariah will find a way to sabotage him from afar when his potential employers call him for a rundown of what happened in Lawrence, he got up the guts to at least try for something better. Dean's proud of him for taking the chance—he knows Cas isn't comfortable with it, and is going to take it as a personal failure if he doesn't get the job.

Of course, Cas also seems to swing back and forth on the priest thing between being convinced that he failed the church, and furious at what he sees as the church failing Dean. Cas's life is still in upheaval, even as they settle down, though he'd never admit it. Dean would bet whatever the hell is happening today is probably symptomatic of that problem.

Shrugging off his jacket and toeing off his boots, Dean plants himself next to Cas on the bed, shoulder to shoulder, and watches the mouse pointer zip around, zooming in and out, and clicking areas. He's ignored in favor of the computer until the staccato typing ceases suddenly and Cas finally addresses him without looking up, prickly and defensive without a word exchanged between them. "This is not as dire as it's being presented. The guests can be updated by email to meet at a new location, statistically the winter months are not as busy for wedding venues, and we will not be married by that pastor."

He stabs enter, sending off his work, and continues in the next breath, his voice low and furious, and Dean now understands why Jess and Bobby left him for Dean to deal with. "Nearly anyone with an internet connection and the urge to be ordained by some off-branch of a faith can officiate a marriage. Ship captains can hold a wedding. You can be married by celebrity impersonators, or people wearing prosthetic elf ears. Even high ranking members of the Salvation Army could theoretically conduct a ceremony in the middle of a thrift shop, if they so choose-"

"Salvation Army, huh? I'll tell Jess, we'll see if we can get them to pencil us in. Save a bundle on venue costs, probably get someone on a used keyboard there for music. I wanna stick an old fur coat on Bobby anyway, seems like as good an excuse as I'll ever get." Dean cuts him off before he can build up more steam, and gets a dirty look for the quip, but that's eye contact and definitely a forward step, especially with Castiel trying not to laugh at the mental image.

Dean's already got a good idea of what happened, though, just from that one rant. Cas may be saying he fired the preacher, but he's the one seeming pissed off and insulted. Add to that the fact that Dean already got his daily reminder of what the world thinks of him, and he's not convinced. He cuts right to the point. "So which one of us did they get all pissy about, the ex-priest or the Omega?"

". . . Me." Castiel's lie is transparent, eyes flitting back to the screen because he can't meet Dean's stare when he's not telling the truth, and that's pretty much all the explanation Dean needs. Some church doesn't want an Omega Male profaning their altar with his doctrine-contradicting existence, and Cas is pissed. If this were about Cas swallowing his own pride on something theological, he knows Cas would do it. But if he's getting protective over Dean he'd let the entire family blame him for getting in a snit before he admits what's going on and risks making Dean uncomfortable, letting people's prejudices creep in and taint their wedding. Dean doesn't call him on the lie. He'll let Cas think he spared his mate some measure of insult.

"Well then fuck 'em. You're the expert, Cas, find us someone else, just do it quickly before Jess blows a gasket."

It doesn't bother him that Cas booted some stiff-necked preacher. Hell, it makes it all better. As long as they don't derail Sam and Jess's wedding, he's just obstinate enough to like the idea that they're making heads roll to get their own. So far, his own contribution to wedding planning has looked a hell of a lot like the same legal battle he and Sam have already been fighting, with signed and filed papers to get a license despite who he is. This entire thing would never fly in South Dakota, and they may or may not even recognize the marriage as legal, but that's a battle for another day.

Of course, usually in that battle Cas doesn't go asking for forms and emailing Charlie without him, thinking he's at all adept at doing things behind Dean's back.

"Charlie picked some things up at the courthouse for. . ." Cas doesn't wait for an end to the sentence, he just closes the computer and puts it back on the end table as he slides off the bed. He hesitates then, facing Dean at the door as if he's not sure if Dean's angry at him too. Dean pushes himself back to his feet, knocking his elbow against Cas lightly on his way out. "I'll back your play with my family on the preacher thing, Cas. C'mon. Show me what you've been up to."

Cas's assurances that he'll fix 'his mess' with the pastor mollify Jess, who searches his face for a minute before coming to some conclusion of her own and offering him her forgiveness with an unexpected hug. There are no hugs exchanged between Castiel and Bobby, though no one expected there to be: Bobby shakes his head and turns back to the baby, and they're pretty much back to normal without discussion. Charlie at this point is nearly vibrating in anticipation of being able to speak, and she pulls one of her perpetual manila folders out of her briefcase, passing it to Cas as soon as he looks at her. "Got it. Brought my notary stamp and everything, too, we're set. Did you . . .?"

"Not yet. Dean, can we . . .?" Cas tilts his head towards the kitchen, away from their family, and Dean raises an eyebrow at him. They just left a room where they were alone, and however excited Charlie seems, Cas seems nervous again and Sam is as confused as Dean.

"Yeah, okay."

Cas doesn't take a seat at the table, too tightly wound to sit down, he just opens the folder and checks it over, pulling the pen clipped to the front and setting it on the table. "I wanted. . ." Cas's nose scrunches faintly as he tries to figure out how to explain, and Dean can tell when he completely revises whatever he's planned to say. "I don't want what happened to Jimmy, to Claire and Amelia, to happen to you . . ."

Dean pulls out a chair and sits down, elbows on the table, trying to figure Cas out again. "Just spit it out, Cas."

"If anything happens to me I want you to be financially stable, and I want you to make my family's fiscal lives miserable. These are in theory a will and a modified prenuptial agreement, but Charlie assures me these are as cut-throat as possible and give you the complete control over my trust if anything should happen to me. Lucifer will, of course, fight it the moment we file . . . but they're legally binding."

It's funny and a little staggering how the idea of the prenup being used against him in a divorce hasn't even crossed Cas's mind, or is completely beneath his mention. As for the rest, it's morbid, and a little spiteful, another thorn in Lucifer's side and a smack in the face to his idea of what their family should be, and Dean could get behind the spite aspect if it didn't hinge on them breaking up or Cas dying. That's really not something he wants to think about right now. Cas is going to live to be ninety if Dean has any say, and be the best grumpy old man he can be, which Dean is pretty sure is going to be impressively grumpy.

"You know I don't want your money, and nothing's going to happen to you, Cas." He takes the papers when they're passed over, anyway, and with a glance at them he pauses, brow furrowing as 'Castiel Winchester' appears on every page. "These are screwed up. She got the name. . ."

Castiel takes the paper-clipped next section out from underneath what Dean's reading, and places it on top, caps locked title catching Dean's eye, and suddenly a lot of things about Cas today make sense. None of this is about the will, or the prenup. Not really.

PETITION FOR CHANGE OF NAME

"I was born an Allen, and changed it to Novak to distance myself from family. I know you don't want to be regarded as Omega property changing hands, and wouldn't want the traditional Beta bride's role of changing your name. I thought. . ." Dean pulled him into this family, made it his own, and Cas doesn't care about tradition and the fact that he's the Alpha of the two of them. He changed his name to run away from the mess at home. Now he's asking permission to change it again and join Dean's family, to build a future with him and for any children they have together to be Winchesters in name and spirit. All this hesitation and nervousness is because the poor naive bastard wants to be a Winchester despite all the mess that comes with it.

This is probably closer to a proposal than Dean's middle of the night actual proposal, and Cas is worried he's going to be turned down?

"I didn't want to presume. . . Charlie was supposed to draw up a second set of paperwork under Novak but she w-" Dean cuts him off with a hand over his mouth as he rises from his chair, other hand pushing the name change documents to Castiel across the table.

"Sign the damn paper, Cas." When he kisses him just to keep him shut up, he hears an excited clap, like Charlie was blatantly eavesdropping, and the rest of his family's been pretty suspiciously quiet too.

"You're a bunch of nosy assholes!" He calls out to the other room.

"Stop cussing in front of my son, Dean!"

Castiel laughs despite himself at the reminder of just what kind of family he's signing up for, eyes closed and forehead pressed to Dean's, and Dean grins.

Their lives are strange as hell. Court documents have become romantic gestures, neurology is pillow talk, sarcasm is flirting, 'shut up' means 'I love you,' pie is foreplay, and dates are nights spent in watching old movies Dean's seen half a hundred times already while Cas bitches about the factual errors in fiction. Someday they're going to have to explain to their kids that their first date was either assault, arrest, drinking in a church, or a Biggerson's dinner and a bar brawl some time later, depending upon how detailed they're planning to get about how they got together.

So no, it's not perfect. Never has been, and they wouldn't expect their wedding to be, either.

But it's pretty damn good.

xXx

"Who the hell gets married on Valentine's day?"

"You do, dumbass. Obviously. Or you damn well better after all this work." Jo squints critically at Dean's hair and attacks it again. They're tucked away in one of the small rooms of the Swedenborgian Church, a word Dean doesn't think he could ever say without screwing it up, no matter how patiently Cas continually corrects him on it. But Cas liked their progressive non-denominational service, it was already on Jess's list of possible places, and once the big church wedding fell apart with their inclusion Jessica fell in love with the little tile-roofed church with its rambling gardens, and now here they are, because Sam's a miracle worker and Jess is hard to say no to, and they scrambled to be added to the schedule.

Compared to the massive traditional church Cas haunted back in Lawrence, or the one he showed Dean in Chicago, this place is tiny. Bent wooden branches act as the support beams, candles line the back of the altar, and sunlight streams through the simple stained-glass windows and from the walled gardens. If Dean had been driving down the steep San Francisco street outside, he'd have missed this place entirely, thought it was just an old house and not a little church on the national landmarks registry.

But there's foil valentines hearts around the mirror in here, and candy hearts with phrases as saccharine as the candy itself on the table, and that's the current subject of Dean's ire.

"No, Sammy gets married on Valentine's Day because he's a sap."

"You're kinda missing the point here, Dean." Sam had to sit down for Charlie to fuss over him, and he's managed not to smack her hands away from his hair, which is kind of a miracle. He's protective of that mop, and didn't think Dean offering him one of Charlie's scrunchies was funny.

"If you're about to tell me how romantic it is, spare me the. . ."

Sam interrupts him, with that impish look like he's convinced he's brilliant and funny. "Valentine's Day means I only have one important date night to remember."

Oh. Well, then. Dean grudgingly nods, accepting that excuse, and Sam grins at his brother's reflection in the mirror.

"No offense, Sam, but you haven't kept your own calendar since college." Charlie fixes his collar again, and takes tightening Sam's tie a little too far for fun. "You thought it was sweet, you big softie. You don't have to pretend with us. . ."

A tentative knock on the door later, Claire pops her head into the room and looks at Jo and Charlie as she tries very hard not to mess up her own hair, artfully curled and piled to suit her flower girl dress. "Mrs. Harvelle told me to get you. She said that they're done the pictures of just Jessica, and they want all the bridesmaids now. . ."

"Don't touch your hair." Jo warns Dean, stabbing a finger into his chest, fire in her eyes. He fixes it the second she's out the door, though Sam almost seems to be sitting on his hands to keep himself from reflexively doing the about that sits wrong with Dean, the idea of being still that long. All of this is just way too formal for him.

"I need a drink."

Sam rolls his eyes, but the next person through the now open door is already throwing a flask at Dean, and he catches it just to keep it from hitting him in the head because if he shows up at that altar with a bruised temple, someone will throw a fit.

"As a best man, it's my job to keep the 'bride' happy and from running out on my brother. Even if that means getting him drunk first."

"Fuck off, Gabe." But Dean takes a swig from the flask anyway, because annoying smartass or not, Gabriel always seems to know where the good alcohol is and because he's a jackass to everyone, not singling Dean out specifically. In a way, that's refreshing, and the sarcastic faux animosity works for them. "Everyone here?"

"Please. Like I'd ever let my little bro down." Gabriel lounges in the doorway, blocking them from anyone else entering while he pops a chocolate covered strawberry Dean knows is from the dessert table into his mouth, before cramming the plate into the trash to destroy the evidence that he's sampling. "I dropped Emmanuel with Castiel already, got everyone else set. I figure Manny'll fidget in the hall until. . ."

"No, I'm not." The man at the door has the wrong suit jacket and wrong color tie on for the wedding party and he holds himself differently, marking him as Cas's twin. By appearances he's too clean-shaved and well-groomed to be Castiel, but Dean's eyes narrow as Emmanuel darts a surreptitious glance at the plate in the trash before affecting an exasperated expression and gesturing down the hall, entreating his elder brother's help. "Balthazar has found the food and drinks. More significantly, he found the waitress and. . . ."

Gabriel rolls his eyes, nods in understanding and claps Emmanuel on the shoulder, taking off out into the hall to go rescue the wait staff from his more lecherous brother and do his job as Cas's best man. Blue eyes turn on Sam, then, and Dean swears he can see gears turning while Emmanuel lives up to Gabriel's predictions, fidgeting slightly before finally addressing Sam. "If it's not an imposition, may I talk to Dean privately a moment?"

It's polite, a bit meek, and devious. Sam falls for it like the big sap he is, trying to bring family unity about and aware as they all are that only a few of Cas's brothers even made the trip, a miniscule attendance for the man who technically has the biggest family. "Of course, man, yeah."

Dean waits until the door closes before stepping well into "Emmanuel's" personal space as he reaches past the Alpha and flicks the cheap lock on the door. "If your brother gets roped into wedding pictures in your place, it's your own fault. You try and send him up to the altar for you, though, and I'll kick your ass in front of both of our families."

Castiel smiles, pleased with himself for the deception and with Dean for not being taken in by it, tilting his chin up to steal a kiss, before letting himself be crowded over towards the bench Sam just vacated. "You knew."

"Yeah, I knew." Cas is his mate. Considering how crappy Cas is at lying it was a darn good act, but did he really think that trick would work on Dean? And anyway, he's distracting as hell like this, and even though Dean knows his entire family would be ticked over him mussing up two out of three grooms, he really, really wants to. "How long do you figure we have until someone else finds out?"

xXx

Not long enough, it turns out.

Ellen glares at them when Dean stumbles out into the hall while answering the door, laughing, Cas's borrowed tie in hand, completely aware that in their current state of kiss-bruised lips, untucked shirts and open collars, that it's obvious what they were getting up to even without Ellen able to pick up on the scent of arousal in the air. Behind him, Cas is doing an admirable job of pretending he wasn't just caught making out by Dean's mother figure of all people.

She shoves a black jacket and blue tie at Cas with a look that could put fear in the devil himself.

"I may've been born at night, but it wasn't last night." And Cas is by far not the first of her children, surrogate or by birth, that she's caught in an elaborate scheme. "And in a church, too. You'd think of all people..."

"Actually, while there are many things I disagree with them on theologically, by Swedenborgian interpretation of scripture, we're all just vessels for our God-given souls, and the intermingling of . . ." Castiel's hasty explanation is cut short when Ellen points toward the exit into the garden imperiously while Dean tries and fails to not laugh again at how big a frikkin nerd Cas is. From the glance Cas shoots him, lips curving up slightly, he thinks that laugh may have been the point.

Castiel is learning Dean's tricks, in his own way. Dean would kiss him again for that if he wasn't pretty sure Ellen would make them regret it.

"Go 'intermingle' your way out the damn door, Castiel." As Cas obligingly scampers, still not-so-secretly terrified of the Harvelle women, she gives Dean a look as if she blames him for Cas's behavior though Cas snuck in to him.

"He was nervous." Dean chastises her once Cas is out of earshot, entirely unapologetic.

"Uh-huh. Sure he was. And sticking his tongue down your throat was the only thing that'd calm his nerves?"

Dean grins, shrugs, and rebuttons his suit jacket. "Hasn't failed yet. I should go make sure he gets his tie on frontwards, too . . ."

Ellen rolls her eyes, and points him toward the front of the church, swatting him upside the back of his head as he goes. "Go wait with your brother."

xXx

In a larger church, the crowd gathered for them would probably feel too small, rows left open at the back and an echo in the room. Here every seat is full and the room buzzes with everyone they care about, Jess's family on one side watching the baby, and Dean and Sam's adoptive family on the other, the few open spaces taken by Balthazar and Emmanuel and the Novaks folded in among them. It's tight, even with Jo, Gabriel, Charlie and one of Jessica's cousins all waiting in the wings to go up front, the rest of the 'bridal party' so to speak.

Standing in the alcove in front of the church, hidden out of sight, it looks like it's starting to hit Sam now that he's looking at everyone there.

Dean takes a hit from the flask he stole from Gabriel, then holds it out wordlessly to his brother, who absently wipes the lip with the sleeve of his jacket and takes a long pull himself. If Dean hadn't impulsively decided to get married today with him, he'd be the best man for Sam, and so he can't help filling the role. Charlie's an awesome stand-in, but Dean carries booze, knows when to shut up, and doesn't give a crap about Sam's hair. He pockets the flask again when the minister takes his place, and that's their cue to go out front. Some sort of light, airy classical music drifts through the space, and Dean has to give it to Jess it works a lot better than 'Here Comes the Bride,' whatever it is.

Claire leads them in, practiced, a little solemn as if this is a serious job she's been entrusted with, and in the second row Dean can see Amelia snapping pictures of her, Chuck nervously at her side. If it's weird for Amelia being at Castiel's wedding, it doesn't show from here, and Chuck actually being there is the icing on the cake, something neither Dean nor Cas expected.

Gabriel leads Jo in, arm-in-arm, and in her heels Jo's actually taller than Cas's pain in the ass brother. Smirking about it gets Dean elbowed once they make it up front, though, and are flanking him. Charlie leads in Jessica's cousin, and if Dean got in trouble for finding something amusing he figures stepping on Jo's foot for her rolling her eyes at how completely okay Charlie is with a different hot blonde on her arm is fair game. Dean figures it's a toss-up if Charlie takes one of the two Beta women in the wedding party home with her tonight, but if it's Jo he really doesn't want details.

There's nothing particularly traditional about this wedding—Sam and Jess's wedding probably would have been, with their church, and the minister, and her father giving her away; a clean-cut American ideal. No one is giving anyone away here, though, and the two newest members of their family come up the aisle arm and arm to join them as equals, and they're actually doing this.

They're standing in a church, pretending to be normal, or worse not even pretending, and it suddenly strikes Dean that they did this all very quickly. The relationship, the wedding. . .

He needs another drink. He needs the wedding to be over so he and Cas can just get in the Impala and head home, back to their lives. He needs the damn tie not to be quite so tight around his neck. He needs everyone he knows not to be staring at him while he does this. All the people around are making him claustrophobic and while he knows they're not judging him, he still feels judged.

As Cas steps up beside him he realizes he had everything backwards this morning: he's nervous. Cas came to comfort him. It's a complete turnaround from when it comes to court cases, where Cas is the nervous wreck. Dean's been trying so hard to pretend he's got it together that the only person he managed to convince of that was himself. He's probably been broadcasting his anxiety to everyone around him, particularly all the Alphas, and especially Cas who can't help but be aware of Dean even before he stopped scent-blocking every minute of every day.

"Please take your partner by the hand. . ."

Cas takes his hands and squeezes his fingers, and Dean lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, dizzy at suddenly having air again. The minister, a step up from them, is speaking to the gathering, explaining the blessings of matrimony or whatever, and Cas leans in to Dean, his voice a low murmur.

"This doesn't have to change anything but my name, Dean."

"The vows exchanged here are a promise, that from this day forward you shall not walk alone. . ."

"Shut up, Cas." Dean grits out, and Castiel smiles faintly, thumbs brushing Dean's knuckles, slow and soothing, the comfort sinking into him, chemistry he's trying to ignore because he'll be antsy if he damn well wants to. Former priest or not, Cas seems to be ignoring the church aspect and the minister, staring at Dean like he's trying to memorize him as if they don't wake up next to each other every morning, as if Dean's something miraculous and new.

"There is no greater gift to give than love, the acceptance of the faults and strengths of your partner, and commitment to walk beside them in all things, to offer them shelter in your heart . . ."

Cas is right, though Dean isn't going to tell him that. This isn't a collar closing around Dean's neck, it isn't the start of ownership. Their life together is their choice, and they've pretty much got it figured out by now. If Dean can get himself to look at it that way, this becomes just a party. With booze, and their families, and cake, with a hotel, guaranteed mind-blowing sex, and then a road trip afterwards. It's just everyone else figuring out that they're it for it each other, when they already know that by now.

"Samuel and Jessica, Dean and Castiel, you come before us today signifying your desire to be formally united in marriage. In taking each other by the hand, do you promise to love and cherish each other, honor and sustain each other, in sickness and in health and poverty and wealth, and to be true to one another in all things until Death alone shall part you?"

"I do." Sam's got tears in his eyes despite his smile, and he thumbs one off of Jess's cheek before it can fall and ruin her makeup, winning a trebling laugh from her as she turns her cheek into his palm, and replies in kind, completing their vows.

"I do." Cas says the words as if he can shove all the significance of that promise into two syllables, as if he's trying to brand them into Dean's memory, some kind of perpetual assurance that he won't be alone again and they're in this together.

Then it's the moment of truth and Cas is standing in front of Dean waiting, by all appearances calm, but Dean knows how his brain works by now. Cas's tight grip and unwavering stare is hiding the fear that Dean's going to bolt at the last minute. This is the memory of a first kiss ending in locked doors, of Dean realizing he found his mate ending in a note left ignored on a kitchen table, of Cas waking up to an empty bed and having to convince himself Dean wouldn't leave his bag if he meant to run, of Dean practically dumping Cas and storming out after a fight, of an ill-advised attempt to ship him back to his family when they were supposed to move in with each other. Cas is terrified because Dean doesn't handle personal discovery well. He runs from it. Though Dean knows pretty much anyone in this room would willingly kneecap him if he tried to leave now, that's not why he stays.

He made this choice. He proposed. He may not be a big fan of the church wedding part of this, but Cas is an idiot for not remembering that Dean's the one who brought them here in the first place.

"I do."

It's the first time the constant photos being snapped of them isn't an annoyance; Castiel's smile blossoms, genuine and uninhibited, shaving off years of worry and loneliness and completely ruining his attempts to remain stoic. Dean wants to preserve that moment for its rarity and so he has pictorial evidence of the fact that Cas is, as Dean's staunchly maintained, a complete sap underneath his stony, at times violent, once unreadable exterior.

The rings can't be exchanged quickly enough after that, particularly not with Gabriel patting himself down looking for the one entrusted to him before producing it from a crumpled cocktail napkin in his pocket. The word 'kiss' is barely out of the minister's mouth before Dean has ahold of Cas, an arm at the small of his back and one around his shoulders, and he's off-balancing him into a kiss that has Cas clinging to steady himself as at abruptly being dipped, then giving as good as he gets.

If Dean is going to lay one on Cas for a frikkin' audience, he's damn sure going to do it right, thoroughly, and on his own terms. Screw stereotypes of timidity or submissiveness.

Someone once told Dean that a good kiss could spark sensation from ten thousand nerve endings straight into the portion of the brain that houses the soul, binding spirits together. Even then it was a strange mash of pheromones and emotions and science and sentiment, and it still is now. Cas believes it, though, and Dean's pretty sure he started to believe it himself six months back. Not about religion, but about faith. Cas talks about the soul like it's a fact, about love like it's a constant, about being mates like it's a gift, and somewhere along the line Dean stopped looking at any of that as quite so far-fetched. So maybe it's Alpha and Omega and mates, maybe it's oxytocin and dopamine and the limbic system, maybe it's just dumb luck, and maybe it's souls and miracles and the hand of God or whatever. Maybe it's all of that.

But even after seeing the horrors of the world first-hand Cas secretly believes in fairytales, and Dean knows those end in a kiss.

Or maybe that's how they begin.