We have not yet heard much of Herbert's backstory in this version, given in "Bleeding Rose", his own mother never loved him, and in "Raptured in Re-Animation", his mother was murdered by a homeless person in front of him when he was a child, AND in "Beyond the Boundaries", both his parents died in a car crash and his mother was still pregnant that a C-section was performed. This time around is slightly different, a mild take on "Clockwork Beckons" by Dr. Re-Animator and "The Scavenger Bride".

Chapter Six

Parental Sins

She'd been blindfolded the whole drive since Dan came to pick her up for their date, and the heat of excitement was burning up in her to the point where she was unable to contain herself. "Dan, would you please just tell me what's going on?" Meg asked with a laugh.

"Just a little longer," he promised her, the smug clearly there.

Oh, damn him! He hadn't done anything like this since their very first date together in freshman year. And she was in one of the few nice dresses she owned, and it was the same one from their first date - one of the few he'd told her was his favorite. It was a hot, salsa red with three-quarter sleeves, a subtle V-neck, the skirt reaching her knees, and finished with satin piping going to one side in a starburst. Her heels were three inches tall, also habanero-red and soft suede with shiny patent accents. Finally, her earrings, necklace, and cocktail ring around her right forefinger all had a spectacular centerpiece surrounded by brilliant rounds; the facets of every stone flashed with bright white fire contrasting beautifully against the warm rose-gold settings. She felt like she was a million dollars tonight; all he'd told her was to dress her best, feel special, and then he was taking her out for a night to remember.

Meg grinned to herself, knowing he would see. Just the two of them; no Herbert West and no zombies.

She'd seen the news on the TV and in the papers, obviously. She knew both he and West had something to do with that thing everybody was talking about, but that would have to wait for tomorrow. She didn't want to spoil the perfect mood for either of them. So, maybe this was it: the moment she'd been waiting for. They'd waited long enough, and since Daddy was gone, their relationship had been opened for the whole school to know. They had more time for each other - when he wasn't doing anything with West, of course - and hopefully he would be away soon enough just for her so they could live a normal life.

Dan brought the car to a stop; she heard him unbuckle and get out of the driver's seat; some seconds passed before her side door was opened. She unbuckled her belt for him to take her hand and lead her out step by step. "Okay, Meg, watch your step."

She couldn't stop giggling; where had he taken her? It felt like forever before the blindfold was finally taken off, and she gasped. They were outside their favorite restaurant, on a deck and facing the gardens. The table was set with a white silk cloth and a golden brocade table runner. To the far corner was a candle surrounded by white plumerias and a few smaller candles. Dinner for two was the same meal: a creamy linguini with shrimp, a tangy and creamy Caesar salad, as well as some kind of strawberry dessert. Their shared drinks were a white Sangria garnished with mint leaves. "Dan, you didn't -!" She turned to him only to find him down on one knee, and she gasped, bringing both hands to her cheeks. Oh, God, it WAS happening...!

"Yeah, I did all of this just for you." His voice was low, sweet, but also uncertain. He was willing to do anything for her, and this was the man she'd dreamed of as a little girl, but her father never let her date boys before because of the strict traditions of Puritanism. Dan then reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a black box; he opened the lid to show not one ring, but two. One was for her, and it was easy to identify simply by style: the ring was dual-toned and contoured, details of milgrain and beads of metal shining across the face. Dan's was the perfect symbol of a relationship built to last, with its carbon fiber inlaid with a gold chain link. "Meg, I love you, and I don't ever want to lose you like I almost did before. So, will you marry me and help face with me whatever obstacles are ahead?" He was already putting her ring on her finger, and it fit perfectly snug, when he asked her the question that should have been asked this way a long time ago.

"YES!" She squealed and jumped into his arms as soon as he stood up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him long, deep, and passionately before letting him carry her over to their setup for the remainder of the evening.

~o~

Lily screamed with excitement when Dan called and announced their engagement officially; eventually, they would break it to the whole world. The mood was abuzz with celebration that she wanted to have with Herbert as the happy couple would be having it alone tonight - except she couldn't drink alcohol while she was pregnant, so she got herself and Herbert some Sprite. Except he wasn't home yet.

Lily was wearing a short blue dress that plunged low at the neck to show some curves, sleeveless, and the skirt ending at the knees, hair still loose about her shoulders when she grabbed the beverages from the fridge and was just coming back when she heard the front door open. Now Herbert was back; he'd been out again in search of the "female", and it seemed no luck again. She just hoped they would be able to fix this problem in time. Stepping out of the kitchen with the soda in both hands, she saw him round the corner and lean against the doorframe. He was scowling as ever, meaning only one thing. She walked up and helped him take his coat. While she did, he looked her over, and she could not read his expression at all even though the glare softened. She hoped he liked it.

Herbert still wasn't exactly fond of Meg, but he did admit he would offer his congratulations and shared this cause for celebration with her; she had a great time and laughed when she felt the baby stir even though it was barely four months along. She asked him to reach over and feel it - they both sat on the long couch in the living room - but he hesitated and shifted back a seat. Lily couldn't help but pout at him. "Aw, it won't hurt a muscle."

Taking his hand into hers, his skin felt warm as hers instead of as cold as it looked. And softer, daintier than Jake's. Placing it over her rounded, still-growing belly, she felt a tingle in spite of herself. His hand began to feel the tiny little thing slowly growing inside its mother; looking up at Herbert's face, she saw a slight tinge of pink to his cheeks.

He was embarrassed at touching her stomach, but it eventually gave way when he became fascinated at the feel of the baby in her womb. It made her feel more comfortable than Jake ever did. Who could forget his reluctance when she asked him to feel at any time?

"Are you going to continue to look at it as a living, growing being instead of just as an interesting topic?" she asked when she continued to examine the expression on his face. Remembering their talk about conception, she went on, "You said that you were touched by how a woman can give life - is that all you see?"

He sighed. "I cannot answer that in an easy way you would understand, Lily. I still stand when I tell you that life should not be taken for granted, and the man should be with the woman's decision no matter unplanned. Abortions every day - and the whole idea of unplanned pregnancy entirely. Even if an abortion is not done, that child still grows up feeling unloved and unwanted. I didn't...have the best example growing up, as I told you once before."

"Then tell me more about it," Lily pleaded, leaning back. She HAD to understand why he was the way he was, obsessed with conquering death so much, and she would not sit by and pretend that it was just because he was an unwanted birth.

Herbert looked like he was angry at himself for revealing one of his...darkest secrets, but knew he had to say it so she understood; Lily knew she herself would have to get this to Dan and Meg so they would understand, too, whether Herbert wanted them to know or not. And Meg had to especially cease her disgust somehow. He sighed. "Well, I was born unplanned. My parents had it going well after getting out of college, but having a child was another matter entirely - at least for my father. My mother really wanted a baby, so she planned the pregnancy by herself. Later on when I was about eleven, she told me that my father didn't want a child because his own father was not a good example, having fought in the war and come back a different man altogether, alcoholic. She was convinced her husband would be nothing like his father, but she was wrong. He lashed out at her when she told him she was carrying me." He stopped right there, looking at her hard.

Lily swallowed. Everything he was saying about his father was not at all much different from the situation with Jake. She was pregnant with a child that they both didn't plan, but it was neither fault of theirs, yet he blew up and turned to his secretary; in Herbert's case, his mother wanted the baby on purpose, hoping that it would help her suffering husband move on from his personal demons. But what did this have to do with Herbert's lifelong desire to conquer death? "Go on," she managed, both her hands cradling her stomach.

"As I grew up, he never once showed any sign of love and affection for me, but my mother was always there. She would be the peacekeeper, but no matter her efforts, her husband would hit her and me. Even then, he did provide well for the family. He was a construction worker, until one day, he was in an accident. He was taken to the hospital where his legs were removed; I was fourteen at this time. Mum and I were in the hospital for the duration with him, despite the horrors at home. It was there that I watched the process from the window into the ER, when my mother wasn't looking, and that was the beginning of how I learned how these matters worked." He paused again, frowning. "To this day, Lily, I don't know why I made the decision there to wish his life was saved."

Now she was confused. She didn't ask it aloud because she didn't have it in her. If you hated him so much, why did you want his life saved? He was looking into her eyes, then speaking as though reading her mind. "Even though I despised him, he was still my father, and my mother could never live without him. Unfortunately, the damage done to his body was so extensive that he died of blood loss and all forms of puncture hours later. My mother lost her wits over it."

Something inside her wrenched, causing her to lean over, putting her face in her hands. "Oh, God," she gasped, fighting to keep herself together. "That's..." She could not think of anything to say.

"You don't need to say anything," Herbert told her, devoid of emotion. "I can never forget all that blood, nor can I remember my mother's screams when she found me and pulled me away, held me against her as she told me that I shouldn't have seen that. She told me that even though he was a 'tormented soul' -" The sarcasm was evident right there. "- he was still her husband and therefore my father. Words I accepted but sometimes wished I didn't."

"What became of your mother?"

He leaned back against the sofa, looking ahead and avoiding eye contact altogether. "My poor mother suffered a meltdown so great that it was me taking care of her from then on. I began to work at the hospital after school, taking care of the elderly sick and dying, the likes. But ever since Father died, she was never the same. She relied on me to do everything for her, and as time went on for the next four years, she wasn't the happy, smiling soul she used to be. Sometimes, I wondered if she was...dying. She got frail and sickly every day, even if she didn't seem to have an actual illness. It...shattered ultimately by the time she found out I got accepted overseas by Dr. Hans Gruber, instead of at Miskatonic University.

"She had begun to howl and wail that I was leaving her to fend for herself, screamed at me after everything she did for me - I was abandoning her, she said. Whereas the last four years, she had been very quiet and passive, she then blew up the moment I informed her I had found even greater studies to further what I had promised her when Father died: that I would be the one to stop death, our greatest enemy, once and for all. I told her that all others failed because they had no real passion, no real care - and no devotion. But as I began to study hard in school, even seen how a failed operation took a life, and so forth, I wondered what would happen if I actually lost my mother, the one important being in my life - even though the reality was that I was losing her. I never had real friends, so I never knew what it was truly like. My mother was all I had.

"In the end, I had no choice but to put her in the hospital." It was by then that she heard the choke in his voice; he had regretted his decision. He loved his mother, but years of living with the monster in their lives rendered her helpless and unable to fend for herself. And her only son had done all he could only for it to harden his spirit and resort to placing her in the one place for people with shattered minds like herself. "I went away to Switzerland afterwards on a full scholarship won, but some years later with the incident, I was in custody for a few months before I was let go, and I came here. To Miskatonic. But upon arrival, I went to see my mother, given that we had not spoken for years...but she had passed away three years before. Took her own life with a drug overdose."

Her head was pounding now; why did she have to hear all of this? She felt the tears burn her cheeks. Herbert suffered more than she thought; he had seen what happened to his father in spite of the physical trauma inflicted on him and his mother - product of past demons and insecurities - and as a consequence, his mother lost her mind that her son did the best job he could to take care of her until she took her own life when he left her. "I'm so sorry," Lily whispered, moving over and not caring if he wanted to be left alone, rested her head on his shoulder, taking his hand into hers.

He snorted, even though his hand squeezed hers in return. "How could you possibly feel sorry for me?" he asked, very cold and undeserving that she hated it.

"Because you didn't deserve any of that!" Lily burst, hiccupping. "Your mother loved you but depended on an abusive monster who should have loved you just as much, but he was not even close to the man that you are!" Indeed, Herbert West was more of a man than his father - and his father before him - ever was. She now knew that it was not simply because of the fact that women were "distractions" in his eyes; it was because his mother whom he loved so much had changed on him and destroyed everything that his work became all he cared about.

She fervently hoped to death that he could be healed from that somehow.

~o~

Herbert was still thinking about Lily's words while he was in his room, just sitting there and wishing he had it in him to go to the basement to work on the formula, but his brain was too distracted, and it was one of the things he hated the most. He'd devoted his life to this, but after earlier in telling one of his darkest secrets he kept to the back of his subconscious for his own sake to one of three people he knew only, now he didn't know if he would be able to tonight. Not working made him morbidly sour.

"Your mother loved you but depended on an abusive monster who should have loved you just as much, but he was not even close to the man that you are!"

Lily...perhaps truer words had never been spoken. Even though he had tried his hardest not to think too much about the past, she was right about his parents. He never once mentioned them to anyone, nor would he ever admit it aloud to anyone else like he did to her. He still loved his mother, still missed her no matter how much time went on, and no matter how foul everything got. But he had been hurt all his life he could not let it happen again - losing the one.

What made him even stronger and prouder: she said he was the man his father never was.

Herbert stood from his bed and stomped over to the middle drawer of his low wardrobe dresser where he kept what few possessions he had of his mother - notably her wedding ring which she had taken off and asked to be given to her son if he ever returned to her; the doctors gave it to him when he arrived several years later, having patiently waited for him to come. They told him that she would have wanted him to have it in the event of finding true happiness she never had, that she tried so hard to give her son. He kept the promise, but it would have to wait. He had never, either, been involved with an already married woman; as much as he did not want to admit it either, but with Lily...

Herbert had mixed feelings about Lily, to be honest. She had been afraid of the experiments, but so had her cousin the first time. Even more with the "girl" loose and about town, wherever she was now. It had been a mistake to recreate a human being, now that he knew it; humanity was too submissive to evolution and luck. He was going back to whole humans, like both Cain cousins had insisted. Now back to the jilted wife herself, whose husband betrayed her only the night before. She said that he didn't deserve what his father did to him, just as she didn't deserve what happened to her, and the child didn't deserve a man like that as its father. Herbert swore he would never be like his father, so perhaps by taking both Lily and her baby under the wing, he and Dan could take care of them both while -

Something sharp pricked at his mind, and Herbert flinched. He slammed the wardrobe drawer shut hard. Goddamn it, he was going through a withdrawal from his re-agent! He hissed when another jab came, and he turned and staggered for his fridge, opening it and grabbing the vial that wasn't the strong version, which he made for himself in college and suffered when taken into custody in Switzerland after Gruber's failed re-animation. The symptoms then were no different than here. He'd been a night owl in college as he was now, and the brain cells were known to deteriorate from lack of sleep; the idea of a solution weaker than the one for the dead had been his own risk to take, the dosage less than the one needed for the dead.

However, he was not able to stick the needle in when his whole body began to shake, and the vial and needle fell to the floor with him. He cried out when a stronger attack came to his brain, and Herbert thought he was going to die now, so he screamed for Lily's help through the closed door of his bedroom.

~o~

She had gotten off the phone with Dan again; he was spending the rest of the night with Meg on the first night of their official engagement. There wasn't much discussion on when the wedding would take place, but it was to be in October; why the rush? She'd asked that, the answer being that they wanted to be married as soon as possible, because they'd waited long enough. Which meant they needed to get to the planning and soon, get a hold of her father, Uncle John and Aunt Rose for this stuff.

And now that Dan was gone for the night, she was left alone with Herbert, whom she began to feel all the more sorry for after learning of his tragic past, which was more screwed up than she'd thought. He'd had a problem not at all different from hers, if it was his father who antagonized him instead of the mother, the latter being all he'd had before he was the robotic being he'd made himself into.

The house was getting a bit cool, and even though she turned on the heater, Lily had the need to pull on her favorite pink cardigan over her blue dress when she heard Herbert's scream of her name from his bedroom. Panicked, she dashed down the hall and opened the door, throwing it open to find Herbert sprawled on his back and staring up wide-eyed, a vial of the glowing green re-agent and a needle beside him. She gasped; did he actually drug himself? That insane son of a - "Herbert, you trying to kill yourself?!"

He gritted his teeth and hissed. "No, damn it, I was trying to give myself a small dose. This is a version weaker than the other one, so I can stay awake to keep my mind...s-sharp..." He sounded like he was fading away, his whole body convulsing and shuddering, sweat pouring from his forehead. Lily couldn't believe it; how could someone so smart like Herbert West do something this idiotic to his own body? This wasn't even for a living person! "L-Lily, p-p-please, I n-need it..." Herbert pleaded, his lips quivering.

She stared first at him and then at that stuff made for a dead body and a dead body only. She shook her head, hating watching him suffer; she settled on picking it up and walking back over to the fridge, placing it on the shelf. "NOOO!" Herbert's scream was loud enough to shake the walls. She turned her head behind her to see him trying to sit up only to fall back down again. Lily hurried over to him and quickly grabbed his hands to pull him up, then went behind him to help him rise and clumsily brought him over to the bed where he slumped back against the bedcovers, still shaking and whimpering in pain, his eyes squeezed shut from the agony in his brain and all parts of his body. "Oh, Lily...ohhhh...you're trying to kill me..." He had his head turned from her when he said this to her.

Angry, she grabbed his chin and turned his face to look her in the eyes. "You shouldn't put that shit in you, West. It's meant for a dead person and a dead person only. And it's not good for any cell in your body. Why would you do this?"

He glared back at her and said nothing. "Stay here while I get you some water," she stated, standing and going into the kitchen, returning with the ice-cold fluid and kneeling back down beside him. She put her hand under his head and supported him, then brought the glass up to his lips - to which she noticed, for the first time, how soft and pale they were. And the soft noises they made when they drank down the water slowly as she ordered him to...

"Now, let's get you into a nice...hot bath." Just saying and thinking that was so embarrassing to say the least. She might have an unfaithful husband who was still looking for her, but she was still married, so to even think about seeing another man that way, much less follow through...she left him on the bed to walk down the hallway to the only bathroom in the house, starting the water to lukewarm so he wouldn't get too drowsy and fall asleep right away. While she waited for it to fill, Lily walked back to Herbert's room and started at the foot to remove his shiny black shoes and socks, which were also black. When she exposed his feet, she was surprised - or maybe not - at how CUTE and dainty they were. She giggled when he faintly wiggled his toes to feel that they were free, and she was tempted to reach and tickle them when the professional side of her kicked back into place, and she went back up further, starting next at his tie, loosening the knot and tugging it off from around his neck, laying it beside him for now; his clothes looked like they needed to be washed, but did he have anything else besides this one he always wore?

The belt was next, but Lily stopped when she looked up to his face. He said nothing, nor did he give any expression of objection at the removal of his clothes. So, off with the belt, and then the undoing of the button and zipper of his pants. Her face burned. He managed to lift his right hand up and unbutton his shirt from the top down after she tugged it out from beneath the waist of his pants. When she did and opened his shirt, she glimpsed a smooth, pale and hairless chest heaving slightly up and down, but she tore her eyes away from it and instead focused on getting Herbert down to his underwear.

But by the time they were there, Herbert stopped her and quickly rolled over to his side, wrapping his arms around himself, his back facing her; she glimpsed the outline of his spine, and it saddened her. "Herbert, what's wrong?" There had to be more than just him trying to preserve his dignity, so what made him so self-conscious about himself?

He shivered fiercely briefly when her hand touched his naked shoulder, and squirmed away from her, his voice slightly cracked. "D-don't touch me. Just...don't..."

"I'm trying to get you into a bath..." she started.

"Just give me a moment alone, PLEASE."

His sudden forcefulness startled her but also made her remember the still-running water. Lily stood and ran, barely catching it in time before it flooded the floor; she had to unplug and drain some before putting it back into place and returning to Herbert, who was now in a different position than before. He had somehow managed to regain some of his strength left and take off his briefs while she was gone, tossing them onto the floor with the rest of his clothes before sitting and drawing his legs up to cover his business. His arms were wrapped around them at the knees to hold them together, looking up at her with hard eyes when she walked in. "Happy?"

"Just that I'm ready to get you in there, and be glad my cousin isn't home to see this," she snapped, walking over. "Can you stand?" He shook his head like a stubborn child, and she sighed. "Herbert, I'm in no mood for this stubbornness. I want to take this illness away."

"You deprived me of my routine medicine; you call that making me better?"

"You take something that's not meant to be used in a living human being; drop this so we can get this over with."

He continued to glower at her before he loosened his bent limbs so he sat at the side of the bed for her to help him stand; he wobbled in his movements before he was steady, and this was when Lily saw the fuss, which shocked her to her core. His body was unhealthily in semblance to a prepubescent boy's, with his narrow shoulders and hips, his limbs bearing muscle but not enough to give a relatively healthy look, his chest lightly muscled but his stomach inwardly curved, and his body completely hairless - with the exception of the pubic hair, if in a sparse growth. Lily suspected that his line of work kept him from taking better care of himself.

He cleared his throat, getting her attention back up to meet his blazing orbs still behind his thick-framed glasses. "Well, Dr. Stevens, are you going to clean me up or are you going to stare at me all night and further humiliate me?"

"Yes, Dr. West," she returned, helping him walk down the hall in his nude suit; if Dan had seen this in his house, he'd have thrown a bitch flip. Herbert said nothing until they were in, and he wobbled, nearly falling onto the cold, hard, tiled floor.

"Lily, I don't think I can make it," he ground out, managing a hold on the sink counter, so she had a full view of his smooth back and mildly jutting spine leading down to a smooth, rounded rear end, making her blush again. Even Jake never made her feel this way before, because she didn't remember ever seeing him this way before...

She pushed all thoughts of her husband out of her head and walked over to Herbert, gently taking one of his hands into hers and guiding him over to the tub, letting him step in on his own while still keeping one hand on his back and another around his hand until he settled against the end and sighed, the warm water absorbing into him. He closed his eyes behind his glasses, which were starting to fog. And upon removing them, Lily gasped when she saw how...beautiful he really was. There were no words to do his soft face justice - none. Herbert didn't open his eyes until he sensed her leave his side and set his glasses on the sink counter.

"How do you feel?" she asked when she returned to his side with body wash, shampoo and conditioner, and a rag all under one arm.

Herbert blinked owlishly without his glasses. "I've been better," he stated flatly. "I can't even see you far away."

She laughed. "Are you that blind?" She only meant it as a joke, but he didn't seem to tell the difference because his lips tightened in a thin line.

"I don't take that kind of humor as well as you and your cousin do."

"Well, I'm sorry, Herbert." She squeezed the bottle of mint-scented shampoo and began to lather it into his soft dark hair, drawing a moan from him, and his eyes closing then. Her heartbeat picked up at the sight of that facial expression: his eyes squeezed shut and his lips parted. She felt something stir in her that she hadn't felt in a long time. And it hadn't been since she found out she was pregnant and decided to abstain because of fear of losing the baby in the first trimester, which could happen, especially when this was your first. "Scoot your head down." She guided him that way, washing the water out so the conditioner was next. "Feel good?" she asked with a smile.

He looked up at her with a languid heat in his eyes and his lips stretched in a near Cheshire cat-like smile. "Mmmmm."

His voice sent a heated wave over her nerves and her blood afire, a way that Jake no longer made her feel. Now it seemed that the love she once had for him truly did die, and it didn't start the previous night when she found him pumping his secretary. It had begun the day he lost it when she told him they were going to have a baby. How could she live with a man like him?

She needed to file for divorce, but she knew it would get ugly. Divorces included splitting up the house and money, as well as who got custody of the children. Well, the last should be obvious enough; he'd made it clear that he wasn't ready to be a father before, but then she would have to move in with Dan and Herbert since Jake owned the house. And Dan would be moving in with Meg sometime before the wedding, so that would leave her with this man whom she was bathing to help recover from the withdrawal attack. Taking him to the hospital was not an option for obvious reasons. It was all in her hands now.

As soon as Lily finished, she drained the tub and helped him stand so she could pat him down with a soft linen white towel nearly matching his pale body, which she accidentally touched with her fingertips and flushed again. Herbert, however, didn't give much of a response to her touch, only looking at her in the mirror despite not having his glasses on. He did let out a soft moan to her rubbing his hair till it was dried down to the roots. And he was able to walk on his own, but he flopped onto his bed and looked up at her with a content, smug smile.

"Don't you want to dress first?" she asked, uncertain.

That smile was still in place. "I'm already tired; I just want to sleep now." With that, he rolled over onto his side and closed his eyes right away. Lily stared at him for a moment as she pulled the covers over to keep him warm, wondering if she should leave him before deciding to stay with him just in case he had any attacks through the night. But first, she had to bathe and change into her pajamas before joining him. She scooped up behind him much to her own embarrassment; getting into bed with him while he was naked was just as bad a risk, but she couldn't take any chances of him falling out during the night.

"The Scavenger Bride" had a chapter which had the four main characters - Herbert, the OC Imogen, and the other couple - having fun and pizza, but nothing related to engagement and pregnant women. It's then and there that Meg does her infamous asking questions, but it's because she realizes she doesn't know much about the man her boyfriend lived with, and in that case, Imogen. Herbert's mother died giving birth to him in that version, and his father abused him until the time he got into medical school.

For Herbert suffering re-agent withdrawal as well as his care, I'd read "Professional Conduct" by severa on Livejournal - truth is I had trouble finding out if that IS the author's name - and "Addiction" by YourRhineStoneEyes here on the site.