Clarke nods. It feels like a final nod. Resolutely. Finally accepting that everything that her and Lexa did, happened for a reason. That this moment was meant to be. That it all led up to now.
"Maybe someday you and I will owe nothing more to our people." What else can she say? I want to stay, but I can't. I love you, but my people are my duty. None of the things she actually wanted to say would so freely come out of her mouth.
Lexa nods in understanding but her features are bleak. She's on the verge of tears. I can see how clearly her eyes are filling and it breaks my heart. "I hope so." She says and my heart, the one I didn't think worked anymore, the one that was dead since Mount Weather, expands to where it feels like it might burst.
I look at her as if seeing her for the first time. Maybe I am. Maybe I have just let go of the past and understand that what happened, had to happen. It is a part of who we are, just like I now have to leave. I now have to leaving knowing that this is the hardest decision I've made in a long while. I look at her lips. If I'm leaving, it has to be now. I can't leave her without saying… Without showing her how much she has changed in my view.
Lexa puts out her arm. This is familiar. I know this action. It's both a greeting and a good bye. But also this is Lexa's way of letting me go. Letting me know that it's okay. She'll be okay. I grab her arm in mine. How do people see this as a friendly act? I can feel goosebumps rising all over my body. Her touch is almost like a caress. Her grasp firm yet gentle. "May we meet again."
Oh how those words have haunted me. For three months, over and over, I repeated those four words. Hated her for saying them. But now, it sounds almost like a love song. There was so much meaning behind those simple words that all of the emotions I'd been trying to hold back rise up to the surface.
I look at her. I feel like I can finally see her. Not Heda. Not the Commander, not the one that has a duty to her people, but Lexa, the girl that feels, that regrets, that understands me. I see her and I cannot contain myself. Have I been staring at her lips this whole time? If I'm leaving and have no idea how long it will take to get everyone to understand what is going on with Pike, I'm going to take what I know is mine.
A small voice at the back of my mind says no, if you do this, you'll give yourself away. You'll be telling her that you love her. You'll be vulnerable again. You don't want to be vulnerable. But regardless, her lips looks so inviting. I see her chin quavering, and I find it insanely attractive, I want to taste her one last time, just to remind myself of what she feels like…
I step forward and instantly feel her arm rise up. Everything has been leading up to this moment. Each conversation, each touch, look, decision has led us to this moment. Our first kiss is soft. I put my hand around her neck to pull her closer.