STARDATE 48762.89: Six Months After Voyager's Arrival in the Delta Quadrant

The Kazon warrior swung his weapon toward the noise. Crewman Keegan caught his arm from behind and knocked the weapon from the warrior's hand. The Kazon turned and struck Keegan across the jaw. Phil smiled, trying not to laugh. A human jaw might have been broken. Keegan punched the Kazon in the chest with the heel of his hand, knocking the warrior into a bulkhead. The warrior drew a knife and attacked. Phil snapped the wrist that held the knife and shoved the warrior into the bulkhead by the neck. In the Kazon's eyes he saw fear? No. Anger? No. Exhilaration? No. Disappointment. He knew Phil was toying with him. He wasn't happy. Phil was defending his ship. He should do his duty. Keegan took the Kazon by the head and twisted. Another warrior heard the snap and ran to it. He charged Phil. Keegan took hold of him and shoved the warrior down hard, breaking the Kazon's back over his knee. A third warrior screamed a charge, and Phil put a knife in his neck. He picked up his rifle and stood over what he had done.

"Phil?" a woman said behind him. "What happened here?"

"It must have been one of the Vulcans."

"Glad they're on our side," Munro said. "They need us a deck down."

"Right," Phil said. "Right, let's go."

"A transfer, Crewman? Why would you request that?"

"I killed during the last attack. I didn't find it to my liking. I would like to transfer to science or engineering, sir."

Tuvok crossed his fingers. "You cannot transfer until your probationary period has ended. Neither science nor engineering will take you unless you have a degree. Do you?"

"No, sir. I was unable to complete my degrees. However, I have pursued my education."

"If you want an academic degree, I can test you for those. You understand, though, they would be the equivalent of a university degree not a Starfleet degree. It would not count towards your credits should you apply to the Academy."

"I am currently not in a situation where I could apply to the Academy, sir."

Tuvok's eyes drifted around his desk. "That is a very interesting point, Mister Keegan. Do you wish me to provide Academy tests as well?"

"No, sir, that's not what I meant. I didn't mean to be that much trouble. The academic tests are more than enough."

"I am aware of what you meant, Crewman," Tuvok said. "We do not have the opportunity to allow members of the crew access to the Academy; however, many of you may be Starfleet potential. I do not wish to see your abilities wasted, Mister Keegan. If you can prove yourself in your academic tests, I will recommend you for a field commission. It would require additional tests, but I am an authorized Starfleet instructor. The Academy would accept any results. The captain must approve all of this, of course. Are you interested in making the attempt?"

Keegan stared at the top of the desk. "A Starfleet officer?"

"Yes, Mister Keegan, does that interest you?"

"What? Uh...yes. Yes, Mister Tuvok, it interests me a great deal."

"Very good. How close were you to your degree?"

He took a breath. "A semester away from degrees in physics and mathematics."

"At what level?"

"Doctorate, sir."

"Very good. Two doctorates are the minimum requirement for graduation from the Academy."

"Really? Oh."

"Is something wrong, Crewman?" Tuvok asked.

"No, sir. Nothing at all. Can I complete the academic requirements while I am under my probation?"

"Yes, only the Starfleet tests require the probation to be ended. When would you like to begin?"

"As soon as possible, sir. I've spent my free time continuing my education. I feel ready for the tests now."

Tuvok tapped his terminal. "I will set up a schedule. We will begin the tests in two weeks. If there is nothing else, you are dismissed."

"Yes, sir. And, thank you, sir."

STARDATE -335280.39: April 12, 1988

"Well done, Philip," Khan said. He smiled at the news report. "Zi was very impressed with your design."

"I'm certain he was."

Khan tsked. "Philip, that man was here to sabotage the reactor. It might have gone critical. Imagine what would have happened. You may have saved many, many lives. Aren't you pleased?"

"Pleasure is not a burden I will bear. Or remorse, if you were wondering." He turned off the screen.

"Philip, it is a war. And war means death. They began the conflict. We responded to it."

"No different than Oppenheimer, Khan? And no happier."

"That was hardly Hiroshima," Khan laughed. "We offer them order, and they will have it."

Keegan sat in a chair and stared at the inside of his mind. "We never knew the pains of birth. Are we inflicting those pains on others?"

Khan sighed and watched out the window at the looming reactor. "The tiger would not weep if you were burning."

"And who would?"

STARDATE 49438.18: Fourteen Months After Voyager's Arrival in the Delta Quadrant

"It's a dangerous business, Phil," Munro said.

"Tuvok said much the same."

She reached across the table and took his hand. "We need you in security."

"That too."

"I want to sleep with you. Did he say that?"

"No," Phil said. "That was absent."

She squeezed his hand. "Scientists have designed weapons that worked and defenses that failed. Starfleet is dangerous. You can't hide from that."

"I don't need to look at it quite that closely."

"You hardly knew him. What's this really about?"

"It reminded me of something that hurts a lot." Phil took his hand away. "Did anyone ever tell you that?"

"Yes," she said, standing. "Right before they transfer. And, what about my offer, Phil?"

"You're a bit callous, aren't you?"

"The hell I am," Munro said. "You knew how I felt months ago. You can't run from life in the face of death."

"I think no good will come of the bed-hopping among the crew. It's a bad way to deal with the stress."

"That's a lousy lie, Phil, even for you."

"I had a bad experience a few years ago," he said. "I hurt a woman badly."

"I don't believe it."

"Am I hurting you now?" he asked.

"Oh, shut up. Fine. Best of luck, Phil."

"Physics and mathematics, huh?" Lieutenant Nirrip said. "We can use that. First, I'll need you to review all our current experiments. Run simulations on them and compare them to our results. Got all that?"

"Yes, sir."

"Get through them as quickly as you can and write a report on each. Let me introduce you to everyone in the department, and they will tell you which test they want checked." The Bolian Chief Science Officer smiled and led Keegan to a woman examining a cloud chamber. "This is Lieutenant Leslie Willis. She's our resident multitasker. Ask her anything."

"Ensign, have a seat," Willis said. "Off the top of your head, what can you tell me about this experiment?"

In the next three weeks, Keegan reviewed fifteen experiments and corrected two. He was praised for his attention to detail. In the next month, he analyzed twenty ongoing experiments. He corrected or improved eight. In the next two months, he assisted in the design of seventeen experiments. He suggested more efficient techniques for nine. He corrected four theories and dismissed one, with kindness. In the following month, they provided him with theories or experiments and gave him free reign to design simulations. The original theorists then rechecked his results. In the next month, they stopped rechecking his results. They began asking his advice. They asked him to review their theories in the planning stage. All the while, he sat in his corner, programming his simulations, never suggesting an idea of his own, never adding his name to any paper. And never, ever showing them his own writing.

One day, Nirrip walked up to him and said, "Phil, how are you with biology?"

People in earshot laughed.

"I can hold my own," Phil said. More people laughed.

"The captain has given us a new microbe to analyze. I want you to do the work."

"Are you sure I'm ready, sir?" Still more laughter. None of them noticed him sweat.

"Long overdue," Nirrip said. "Show me your best, wunderkind."

His second day working on the microbe, as he thought of new ways of dragging the experiment out, the Kazon took control of Voyager. Nirrip died during the fight. Ensign Suder died when they retook the ship. The most unfortunate good luck Phil might have imagined. He could tell Leslie Willis that Nirrip helped him with the work. With a careful manipulation, he could write the paper in Nirrip's style. It delayed the inevitable. He needed to do something genuinely wrong soon. After the cleanup of the ship, he walked into the main science lab with his story ready. The entire department met him and smiled at him.

"Leslie?" Phil said.

"I have some good news, Phil." The petite blond woman motioned him over.

"Good news? Nirrip is dead." Shock? Fear? Anger? What emotion should he affect?

"Bolians don't mourn. It would be disrespectful. He would want something right to come of this."

Right? What the hell did she mean by right?

"Chakotay spoke with me."

Oh, shit. Shit, merde, hovno, bok. "Leslie, could I speak with you?"

"Anything you want," she said.

"In private, Leslie."

"Certainly, Phil." She shrugged at the others, and she and Keegan walked to another room.

"Phil—"

"I want a transfer."

"What? Are you out of your mind?"

"Yes," he said.

"Oh. It was a joke." She shook her head.

"No, it wasn't. I can't handle this job anymore."

After several seconds, she said, "Chakotay needs a new head of the department."

"Congratulations."

"No, Phil—"

"I want a transfer to Engineering," he said. "They need the help."

"Yes, and so do we."

"You were doing fine without me. You're perfect to head the department."

She watched him, mouth open. "Phil, we just took a vote—"

"Congratulations, again."

"Why the hell are you doing this?"

He took a short breath and let it out slowly. "I can't stand the sight of death."

"I understand you liked Nirrip, but we have an obligation. We have a duty to the ship. I don't give a damn if you're afraid of death. When you put on that uniform, you took that oath."

"You are required to submit my request to Commander Chakotay and Lieutenant Torres," he said. "If they refuse—"

"If?" she screamed, swinging her arm toward Engineering. "Do you know how many people Torres—?" She groaned at the words. "Fine. I'll submit your damn request. Are you happy?"

"As happy as I can be."

Philip Keegan sat in the mess hall holding a PADD and staring in the direction of the upper right corner of his table.

"Phil?" Tadao Nureek said carefully. "Everything Okay?"

Phil looked up and motioned the ensign to a chair. "You can find the strangest things in the Historical Archives if you know where to look," he said.

Tadao sipped his tea in response.

"I decided to look for an ancestor of mine, a very interesting fellow."

"Something inspired this?" Tadao asked.

"No," Phil said. "Something decided it. I didn't grow up with access to full historical records. I thought about my ancestor a lot. I just decided to look for him."

Tadao sipped his tea again. "So, what's wrong?"

"No matter how much I think I know about him, he finds a way to surprise me." He leaned against his fist. "He was a scientist, a rogue."

"That doesn't surprise me," Tadao laughed.

"He made some discoveries I didn't know about."

"Do they bother you?" Tadao asked.

Phil shook his head. "No. But no one else knows about them."

"What?"

"If you don't know him the way my family does, you couldn't understand what he created," Phil replied.

"You can bring this knowledge to the world," Tadao said. "Wouldn't your ancestor be proud?"

"Proud?" Phil said incredulously. "That wasn't in him. I don't know what he'd think."

"I don't understand what's bothering you. It's not like anyone in the Federation would misuse the information," Tadao said. "Is it anything that could get us home?"

"No. It's all in the Alpha Quadrant. I only found references to it here." Phil studied his PADD. "It's strange, is all. It amazes me what some people will do with the right motivation." He put the PADD down. "I feel a little closer to him, like I understand him more. I see some of him in me. I never thought I would."

Tadao set down his mug. "Phil, and I say this as a friend, you need to learn the meaning of the phrase 'straight answer'."

"I will take it under consideration," he replied dryly.

"How are you enjoying Engineering?"

Phil sighed. "Did Leslie send you?"

"No, it was just my turn."

"Everything is fine. Thank you."

"And Lieutenant Torres?"

Phil shrugged. "No major encounters. I haven't even had a decent conference with her."

"When will that be?"

"Tomorrow, when we review the new dilithium stabilizers."

Tadao groaned. "Thanks, I'll stick to biology."

Phil smiled, but it didn't last. "I'm looking forward to it. I haven't seen a reactor like that in quite a while. I can't wait to see how they've improved."

"How would you deal with the excess muons?" B'Elanna asked.

"What?" Phil said.

"That method would produce excess muons. If you can't remove them, they'll destabilize the reaction. The mix ratio will be off."

Phil laughed like a quick stutter. "You're right."

"Yes, Ensign, I know."

Phil laughed again. "You're right. And I was wrong."

"Yes, I know. That's why I'm the Chief Engineer."

Phil studied nothing with a wild expression. "Yes, it is. That's exactly why you're the Chief Engineer." He laughed again. "You're a better engineer than I am."

"I'm glad you feel that way. If you're done laughing, could you reroute the plasma conduits in Jefferies tube five?"

"Anything you say, Lieutenant. I am here to serve."

Off duty, back in his room, he picked up a painting and looked at it. "I'm a lousy painter," he said and threw it against the wall. He laughed and picked up a violin. "I'm a mediocre musician." He threw it against the wall. "I'm a poor philosopher. I'm a rotten cook. I can't sing to save my life!" Books and pans struck the wall. Furniture, a potted plant, a sculpture all hit the wall. He turned the desk over and pulled out the dresser. He finally sat in a chair and tossed pieces of a model starship at the wall. "I'm not the best engineer aboard this ship. I'm not the best engineer aboard the ship!" He leaned his head back and laughed.

The door buzzed.

"Come on in!" he said.

Leslie Willis entered. "Phil?" she said. "Are you Okay?"

"Hell yes! I'm not the best engineer on this ship."

"I know."

"Why didn't you ever tell me that?" he said, looking up.

"I don't know." She looked around the room. "Is everything all right?"

He laughed again. "This is the best day of my life."

"I'd hate to see your worst."

"That, Leslie, was a very long time ago. You've nothing to fear." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. "Why are you here? I'm not going back to the science department. That's for damn sure."

"I heard about what happened," she said. "I came to see if you wanted to talk about it. I guess you don't."

"Leslie, my sweet," he said, lifting his head. "I am grateful for the offer. You are a true friend."

Moments passed as she studied the giddy man. "Do you dance?" she asked at last.

"Yes! I'm no damn good. Why?"

"Jessica found a new club on the holodeck. We could go. I think I can get Lisa Hununga to join us. Are you interested?"

He turned to her with his head at an angle. "Are you trying to set me up with Lisa again?"

"Yes."

"So, this isn't because Jessica likes to dance and you can't?"

"Sometimes I hate that mind of yours," she said.

"I get a lot of that." He walked to her and took her by the shoulders. "Leslie, the way I feel right now, I will go anywhere and do anything."

"Really? Lisa will be ecstatic."

Hours later, as the tango reached its climax, Phil dropped Lisa Hununga into a low dip. Lisa arched her back and moaned. Jessica Rohr watched closely and licked her lips.

"Hey!" Leslie said. "Eyes on the target."

"Just admiring the technique. Why don't you ever do that?"

"Because you're taller than I am."

"Oh, right."

Lisa staggered to the table, grabbed her glass and swallowed the contents. "No more," she said. "I need to rest."

"Jess?" Phil asked.

Jessica raised her hands. "I need some time, besides, I've had the most dances."

"Then, Leslie, it falls to you," Phil said, taking her hand.

"Fall is right."

"Don't worry, I'll hold on."

"Not too tight," Lisa and Jessica said together.

Leslie leaned over and kissed Jessica. "No worries, my love." Phil pulled her onto the floor as a waltz began.

"How did she get him to do this?" Lisa asked, not trying to hide the way she watched Phil.

"After the incident in Engineering, Leslie went to see how he was."

"And to see if the laws of physics had changed?"

Jessica laughed. "She said he had demolished his quarters and was sitting in a chair laughing." She recounted the rest of the conversation.

"He said that? All this time, and all I had to do was find a mistake. Tell Leslie I owe her a big favor."

"Enough," Leslie said, sitting down. "Enough embarrassment."

"You weren't that bad."

"Yes, I was."

"Will you feel better if I agree?"

"Yes," she said, massaging a foot.

"Then, who's next?"

Lisa stood up and took hold of Phil.

"The man's inexhaustible," Leslie said.

"God, I hope so," Lisa replied.

"Good lord, Lisa," Jessica said. "Why don't you rape him in front of us?"

Lisa swung around with a wry smirk and shoved the glasses off the table. "You up for it?" she said to him.

He pushed himself against her. "You tell me."

"That," Jessica said, "is our cue to leave."

"No," Phil said. "It's ours." He took Lisa by the waist and tossed her over one shoulder. "Lisa has been very naughty and needs a spanking." He carried the giggling woman off the holodeck and down the hall.

"I know someone else who needs a spanking," Leslie said.

"Bare hand or paddle?"

"Surprise me."

Two hours later, Phil, dressed in only a pair of pants, carried Lisa into Sickbay. She wore only a robe.

"Ow, Phil, ow, Phil, OW, Phil," she said as he lowered her to a bed.

"Doctor!" Phil called out.

"State the nature of the medical emergency," the Doctor said, phasing into view. "What happened here?"

"I got a little excited," Phil said.

Lisa shook her head. "We both did. I'm as much to blame."

The Doctor scanned her. "A cracked hip, a broken wrist and a dislocated shoulder. How excited were you, Ensign?" He injected Lisa with a hypo. "That will ease the pain and help you sleep. Open your robe." She looked at both of them and pealed the robe open. The Doctor picked up a belt with a strap attached. He put the belt on her waist and placed the strap around the leg below her broken hip. "You will be off duty for a week while that heals." He put a device on her wrist. "Please scream," he said and popped her shoulder into place. She screamed. "In the future, I suggest you use some restraint."

"It was the damn restraint that pulled my arm out," she replied. She closed her robe and climbed off the bed. She winced when her weight reached her hip.

"Let me help you," Phil said.

"I'll be fine," she said. She limped to the door and leaned against the wall. She gasped a few times before she said, "Help me."

He picked her up, gingerly, and carried her to her quarters. There, he laid her on the bed and grabbed his clothes from the floor. "Where are my damn socks?" he said.

"Phil—"

"Stop. I just need my socks," he said. "There they are."

"Phil," Lisa said.

"No. No, I can't do it."

"Phil! Stop. Please. It was hard enough getting you here." She leaned on her good arm and watched him.

"Do you need anything from the replicator?" He pulled his shirt on.

"No. I can reach the replicator. Will you stop doing that?"

"Stop what?! Hurting you?"

Her voice was hard and steady, but her eyes glistened. "I'm willing to survive a few bruises for good relationship."

"I'm not willing to cause them," he said. He walked out, carrying his clothes.