Go Baby Grow

Chapter 42 – Secrets

Tuesday, June 9th

At 1:30am, Sam's words were haunting Julie. She knew that she was over-thinking their conversation, but she couldn't settle down and she couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned as questions spun in her brain, What did he mean by "keep an emotional distance from officers" and "There are some experiences beyond your zone"? What zone? What is he trying to say? And what does he think I've done?

Picking up the phone, she typed out a text to Ryder. Right now, she needed her best friend. You awake? She wrote.

His response arrived quickly, Yeah. What's up?

I had a weird conversation with my brother. He laid into me and it's bugging me. Obsessing. Can't sleep, she shared.

Ryder wanted to commiserate, but he sensed that Julie needed support. He was tempted to share details about his crummy night or about his unanswered questions about their kiss on prom night. He trusted his gut and pushed those thoughts away. Instead, he encouraged his friend, How can I help?

Let's just talk. Subject doesn't matter. Help me get my mind off Sam and his advice, Julie decided. Ryder decided he could share his tales of woe after all.

In that case, want to hear about my crappy night? Ryder wondered. After Julie told him to go for it, Ryder continued, You know I caught Livs and GF, right? I went to talk to Dad about it. She made up this story where she turned it all around, accused me of lying and bullying her. She almost convinced Dad that I was the one causing trouble. Lying little b*tch.

Ouch, Julie responded.

I'm so angry at that red headed she-devil, he typed.

Julie spent a few moments pondering Olivia's motives and the situation before writing, Why would she accuse you of something? To take the focus off her?

Yep, Ryder confirmed. She's been lying a lot lately.

What'd your dad do? Did she get busted? Julie inquired.

She did. He wouldn't tell me his plan, Ryder shared. Oh, and Dad found the flask. I left it in his car.

Julie replied, The flask! Damn… I wish I'd remembered. I would have reminded you. I should've thrown it out after your prom.

Not your fault, Ryder reassured her.

Busted? Julie inquired.

Not sure. He told me to stay around the house tonight and tomorrow except for workouts. Had to cancel some plans. I'm sure he's in the process of designing obscure and over-reactive discipline for me. Who knows what he'll dream up, Ryder pondered.

I'm so sorry, Ryder, Julie apologized.

Not your prob. I'm the one who screwed up, Ryder admitted. Change of subject?

Sure, she agreed

Ryder worded his message carefully, Remember how we were going to talk about last Friday? We haven't.

I know, Julie recognized. What is there to say? Your texts were nice, but I'm not really sure what to talk about.

I feel like an idiot. I don't know how to explain what I'm thinking, Ryder typed out.

Try, Julie urged.

It was a great night. I like how it ended. That was memorable, Ryder wrote and sent with some hesitation.

Great night, Great company, Great kiss, Julie answered.

Ryder chuckled. Since she opened the door, he stepped through it, Agreed. I liked kissing you. I'd like to do so again.

Ryder… Julie wrote back. We were friending. It was a nice way to end the night, right? We're BFFs. You're a great friend and Fri night was wonderful, but I didn't mean to imply anything by kissing. It was a friending kiss, wasn't it?

I hoped it was a 'I've decided I want Ryder to be more than a BFF' kiss, Ryder pressed.

Julie placed her hand on her heart and frowned. She was concerned she had hurt him, which caused her to hurt. In addition, she wanted to believe he meant the words he was writing. So often, he blurred the line between teasing and truth-telling. Nate was in her life now, too, and she wasn't sure if that was a relationship or a series of make out sessions. It was something, but she didn't know what.

I'm kind of seeing someone, Ry, Julie disclosed.

Oh. Yikes. I wouldn't have said anything if I'd known. Can't believe you didn't tell me, Ryder shared.

Julie did not want him to know the guy was Nate. She couldn't explain to herself why she held back that information, but she knew for certain that she didn't want another lecture like Sam's.

Julie offered, It's casual right now. New. Not sure we're an official couple, but it might lead there.

Who? Ryder quizzed eagerly.

Let's not go there, Julie suggested.

Ryder tried his luck, If I don't get a name, do I get details?

We've been talking, flirting, making out, & a little more…, Julie admitted proudly. As far as she was concerned, it wasn't kiss and tell if she didn't reveal the name.

Ryder began to amp up and challenged, Please tell me it's not Larson. I've seen flirty glances and sweet smiles… oh, and kissing. Are you guys a thing?

Ryder… Julie responded promptly. He waited for more, guessing she was pondering a fuller response. A minute later, she sent another message, Doesn't matter. Look, you think you need to protect me or watch over me and, RB, you don't. I've never asked for that.

I care about you, JJ, as a friend, Ryder insisted.

I know…but I'm a big girl and he's a great guy, she wrote.

Ryder investigated, 'He' who?

The guy I'm dating-ish, Julie clarified.

JJ, I'm worried you're with Larson. If you are, you're in over your head. He's a nice guy… a great guy, but there are a ton of reasons why it's not a good idea. Ryder waited for a response, but never received one.

Julie read and re-read the text conversation, trying to figure out when it went deep. Why is Ryder so flipped out about Nate? He and Sam are so damned protective. What's their problem?

As Julie pondered and tried to sleep, her phone lit up with a new text. She quickly grabbed it, wondering what Ryder was going to throw at her. The text, though, was from Nate.

He wrote, Had to check on something that came up at the Base. Now I can't sleep.

Hey, Julie wrote back after she debated whether or not to do so.

I didn't wake you, did I? he checked.

I've been awake. Can't sleep either, Julie told him. Call me?

Julie's phone, silenced during the night, lit up. She accepted the call and immediately heard, "Too bad we can't be awake together, huh?" Nate nudged. He thought about how much he wanted to have her to himself and hold her. She wasn't some hot piece of 18-year-old ass, he truly was attracted to her. In the past week, he had spent far too much time trying to figure out how they could be a couple after July 1st.

"I'd really love that," she whispered.

"I'm off duty Wednesday," he mentioned. "Want to go to Dash Point? Do some hiking and hang out on the beach?"

"Yes," she exclaimed quietly so Adam and Sam didn't hear her.

"You're sure you can get away for the day?"

"I should probably be home for dinner," she said softly. "Pick me up around 8 or 9?"

"Let's shoot for 0900. Can't wait," he cooed.

"Text me if you're still awake in 30 mins," she prompted.

"I'll be dreaming about you within minutes," he hummed.

Julie beamed even though nobody was there to see her smile. Lightly, she replied, "I'm glad we talked. G'night."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Owen's first task on Tuesday morning was presiding over an Attendings' meeting. The new interns were due to begin on July 1st and, as always, the doctors were concerned. The process of evaluating the current interns and residents was underway. Owen was relieved to report that he didn't anticipate any students being asked to leave the program.

"May I make a suggestion?" Arizona asked. Owen nodded and she continued, "Each year the new interns rotate every few days to experience each department right away. I understand the reasoning, but… quite frankly… I hate it. What if we had them each do a 3-5 week rotation in one department, learn the layout of the hospital and be exposed to one of the specialties first? Then, once they're accustomed to the hospital, we start rotating them."

"Thoughts?" Owen requested.

"I like the idea. Think about it. They won't spend nearly as much time being lost if they start out in one place and stay put a few weeks," Meredith pointed out.

Derek, remembering Meredith's first day, teased, "Like you did, Mer? I still don't understand how you ended up in the tunnels."

"That was a long time ago," Meredith smirked as she caught her husband's mischievous grin.

"Is the goal to throw them in the deep end and see who swims or is the goal to be their mommy and coddle them?" Karev groused.

"Say more," Owen encouraged.

"I like the idea of clueless interns having to learn the hard way. We all survived. Why hold their hands?" Alex pressed.

"Alex, you and I have already been round and round on this," Arizona huffed as she placed her pencil on the pad of paper in front of her.

"And I still think it's a bad idea," Alex emphasized.

"Others?" Owen questioned, feeling like he was refereeing a fight between his children.

"I think it's worth a try," Richard pondered aloud. "We can give it a go and adjust as needed."

"Agreed. Can we move on?" Miranda urged.

"Besides Karev, is anyone opposed?" Owen inquired. Nobody spoke up, so Owen proposed, "Robbins, why don't you lead up the effort and present a plan at our next meeting? And remember, I won't be here from the 28th to the 5th. This will be your baby."

"That'll teach me to throw out an idea," she stated sarcastically.

"Congratulations," Owen smirked. "You have my complete trust." Shuffling his papers, Owen pointed out the last topic, "Dr. Shepherd will be on bedrest the remainder of her pregnancy and plans to request a 12-18 month leave of absence after the birth. We considered filling the spot with a neuro attending, but decided to explore the idea of offering two to three neuro fellowships. Derek? Did you want to add anything?"

"I'd welcome insights on structuring the fellowship and spreading the word," Derek added.

"Your wife is really going to be gone all that time?" Bailey questioned. "That's two years."

With an assured expression, Owen confirmed, "We've thought long and hard about it. In the end, she had the final say. She wants to stay home with the baby. If the board chooses not to grant such a lengthy leave, she'll resign without malice."

"That's a few steps further out," Derek reasoned. "For now, let's focus on the Fellowships."

Ignoring Derek's suggestion, Jackson inquired, "Boy or girl, Hunt?"

"We chose not to find out," Owen shared.

"I know!" Arizona piped up.

"Yes, but HIPAA laws prevent Dr. Robbins from sharing such information unless you are directly involved in the case. Looking around the room, none of you fit that parameter," Owen chuckled.

"Give her our best, Hunt. We miss having her around here," Jackson added.

Derek interjected with a laugh, "And let her know how exhausted I am trying to do her job and mine."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Completely forgetting the Tuesday morning staple that had been part of her own routine for years, Amelia attempted to page Owen during the Attendings' meeting. At breakfast, Olivia moped and didn't speak. She ate her breakfast and returned to her room. Amelia wanted an update to provide some context.

"Hi, Mia. I saw you paged," Owen began when he called. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"I'm fine. It's Olivia I'm worried about," Amelia pointed out. "What transpired with the kids last night?"

Owen shared a summary of the Ryder situation first, then went into detail about Olivia's lies and drama. He ended his overview with, "I came down pretty hard: no electronics, grounded, no door for two weeks. I also told her she'd have to earn our trust back over time and that she wouldn't be driving until she had succeeded with that."

"Ouch," Amelia commented, a touch shocked but also relieved that Owen took the situation as seriously as he did. "What if she pulls something while she's grounded? What's left?"

"She won't be building trust, which will be disappointing for her. I plan on being a little obnoxious on this. Anything she says, I'll doubt. Hopefully it will prove a point. I'm also going to have her apologize to Ryder and discuss the situation with him. I've pondered having her speak to the little kids. She'd share what she did and what consequences she's facing. That's a little intense, though, so I think I'll keep that in our back pocket," Owen reasoned.

"Do you mind if she's in her room all day?" Amelia checked.

"As long as she's dressed and her chores are completed, that's fine," he explained.

"What's your approach with Ryder?" Amelia wondered.

"I'm waffling on that one. I hate to ground him, take away electronics, or remove access to the car right before he leaves. The summer is going to be challenging enough for him," Owen thought aloud.

"Pour out so much grace that his guilt becomes the punishment," Amelia suggested.

"Let's talk more when I get home. Chopper's landing on the roof. Love you, bye," Owen hurriedly shared before hanging up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

After dinner, Owen asked Ryder to chat with him while Olivia was doing dishes. He'd deal with her after Ryder. This time, Amelia would be present.

"Ryder, I was really disappointed to hear about the flask," Amelia began with a serious stare. "Dad explained the way the flask ended up in the Boxster. I understand you assured Dad that you didn't drink and drive."

"I didn't, Mom. That's not something I ever plan to do," Ryder promised.

"If you say it, I believe you, Ryder," Amelia assured him without a change in her expression. "I have no reason to doubt your word."

A measure of fear and anxious anticipation faded from Ryder's face. He swallowed hard and looked Amelia in the eye, "Thanks, Mom. Your trust in me means a lot."

"Back to the drinking in general," Owen interjected after clearing his throat. "If it were drinking and driving, we'd be having a different conversation, but I agree with Mom. How much did you have to drink that night, Ry? Was it limited to the flask?"

"No, Sir, it wasn't," Ryder shook his head as he gazed down at his knees.

"Look me in the eye, please," Owen stated flatly.

His face sagged and his shoulders hung low, evidence of his genuine regret. He couldn't fathom the idea of lying, and Ryder accepted that he'd face the consequences. "The guys were mixing drinks in Big Gulp cups. I drank one and part of another one. I don't know what or how much was alcohol."

"And the flask was about half full," Owen scolded. Glancing at Amelia, he added, "Sounds like he was approaching alcohol poisoning." Turning back to Ryder, he emphasized, "That's a risky game to play, Son."

"Owen…" Amelia interrupted, setting aside their original game plan. "What's your schedule this weekend?"

"I'm on Friday until 7pm and Saturday from 7pm – 7am," Owen reported, suspecting what Amelia was considering.

"Ryder, you need to accompany your dad to work on Saturday," Amelia insisted.

Owen nodded, then concluded, "Beyond that, you're off the hook. You're a legal adult who can be responsible for himself. Mom and I have been dedicated to teaching you right from wrong and have helped you develop a measure of common sense. We trust that you'll live up to the high expectations that you're capable of meeting and easily exceeding."

"Umm… what's the catch?" Ryder wondered as his eyes drifted back and forth from Owen to Amelia.

"No catch," Amelia smirked. "Make us proud, Ryder. That's all we ask." Ryder swallowed hard and fixed his soft gaze on Amelia.

Owen added, "We need to chat with Olivia, Ry. Sorry to rush you out."

"I understand," he responded with a slow, stunned pace. "Umm…ok then…yeah."

Ryder closed the door, feeling heavy, embarrassed, and sorry. He felt minimal sense of relief about not facing any consequences. Instead, guilt haunted him.

"Olivia, they're ready for you," Ryder informed his sister flatly. His anger toward her had not dissipated.

With widened eyes, Olivia entered the office and sat down. She said nothing as she bit her lower lip and placed her hands under her thighs. While she waited, her gaze alternated between Owen and the floor.

"I've told Mom about our conversation last night. She's aware of all the details," Owen informed his daughter. "We have one additional expectation: you need to apologize to Ryder and enter into a discussion with him about why you lied and why you regret doing so. Mom and I will be present as well."

After holding a stare for twenty seconds, Olivia asked, "When?"

"We want it to be sincere and thought out. How about by dinner time on Saturday?" Owen suggested.

"Ok," Olivia stated.

"I didn't give you much of a chance to speak last night. Do you have anything you'd like to say? Do you have any questions?" Owen offered.

"No, not really," she answered.

Surprised, Owen paused and responded, "That's it for now."

"Olivia, before you leave," Amelia called out as Olivia stood to leave. "At some point this week, I'd like to sit down and chat. It doesn't need to be now, but let's talk by Friday."

"Ok," she agreed before turning around and heading to her bedroom.

When she reached the top of the stairs, Ryder was in the hallway. He sneered, "How busted are you, She-Devil?"

"None of your business, Jerk," she snapped back.

"Whatever it is, I bet I've had worse," he challenged, knowing Olivia would want to compete.

"I don't think so," she stated. "Grounded two weeks - no door and no electronics. No driving until I earn their trust back."

"Woah…you win, Red. I never had a vague 'until we trust you again' mandate. That sucks – that could last until Christmas," Ryder taunted with a convincing voice.

"Seriously?" Olivia inquired with curious concern.

With a casual shrug, Ryder added, "Or maybe longer." Without looking back, Ryder grinned widely as he walked to his bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

When Nolan arrived home at 5:30pm on Tuesday, Julie was over. Lissa had thought about sitting down with Becca and decided it would be helpful if the girls weren't underfoot. During the afternoon, Julie had run a few errands for Lissa. Then, she and Becca chatted as they played with the babies. Molly was with Lissa, begging to have her hair brushed like Mommy's.

Kissing Lissa on the cheek and grabbing Molly for a bear hug, Nolan exclaimed, "Two of my favorite girls. How is everyone?"

"Today was a good day," Lissa smirked. "I feel like the clouds are starting to lift a little."

"Excellent," Nolan smiled. "Shall we go in the other room and hire a nanny?"

"Sounds great," Lissa agreed as she picked Molly up and carried her to the Dining Room.

After handing everyone off to Julie, Nolan, Lissa and Becca sat at the table.

Nolan began, "Becca, we've been absolutely thrilled with you. You're great with the girls, you remain calm when all three are pulling at you, and you've been wonderful about seeing what needs attention and taking care of it. How has your time with us been for you?"

"I'm enjoying myself, Mr. Tremblay Hunt," Becca started. "I appreciate your approach to parenting and see us as a compatible team. I'd really like to stay on."

"Phew," Nolan sighed happily. Reaching into his briefcase, he pulled out some papers and handed them to Becca. "From what I understand, these are standard agency forms. I've filled them out and would encourage you to review them. They detail tasks and responsibilities, time off, confidentiality agreements, and benefits. The last two pages outline house rules if you choose to live here." Sliding a note across the table, Nolan continued, "This is the compensation we'd like to offer assuming you'd live with us."

Becca tried not to jump up and scream in celebration. The pay was very generous and far more than she anticipated. She knew she should read the forms carefully and comb over the details, but she had little doubt that she'd turn down the offer. She calmly responded, "That's more than adequate. I'm pleased to accept it."

"Make sure to study the details, Becca. We set out specifics hoping to minimize misunderstandings. If you have edits, additions, or suggestions, you and I can chat. We can also adjust details as the girls' grow or as needed," Lissa shared. For Nolan, seeing her engage and not appear to be so empty was a welcome site.

"I'll read them over," Beeca grinned.

Lissa added, "One last point, our last name is so cumbersome. How about if you refer to us by our first names? You're welcome to call me Lissa or Larissa, I'm accustomed to both."

Becca nodded, "I'd like that." She gazed down at the papers and commented, "I anticipate that I'll accept the offer, but I appreciate the encouragement to review the papers. Can I let you know for certain by Friday morning?" Becca requested.

"Absolutely," Nolan smirked. "Feel free to show it to people you trust. They may have feedback and insights to share. It never hurts to have another set of eyes examine important documents." While she knew Nolan meant well, Lissa was tempted to tell him to stop offering Becca fatherly advice.

After the brief conversation, Becca went home for the night with a wide smile on her face. Positive energy filled the house, and the Tremblay Hunts were relieved. Nolan closed the door behind their future nanny and ran to Lissa. He picked her up and spun around while kissing her. For the first time in months, Nolan heard his wife giggle.

While still holding her, Nolan whispered, "We have a nanny."

"I know," Lissa smiled. "Yay!" she giggled again. Nolan slid Lissa down, rubbing her body against his. Then he bent down and offered an extended kiss.

"How long is Julie here?" Nolan mumbled.

Lissa grinned, "As long as we need her."

"I need you," Nolan winked. "In the bedroom. All to myself."

"I open to giving that a try," she smiled softly. Nolan held his hand out and led her to the bedroom, locking the door behind them. In an uncharacteristic move, Nolan threw his clothes on the floor as he undressed. They made a trail from the door to the bed. Between removing pieces of his own clothing, he unbuttoned and helped Lissa slip off her clothes.

"Let's turn off the light," she whispered as she flipped the switch before she was fully naked. She didn't have the courage to tell him how much she hated her post-baby body. The dark would hide the stretch marks and loose tummy that she didn't want him to see.

"Dark. Light. In between. Whatever works for you, Blondie," Nolan commented as he leaned over and kissed her. His hands and lips ran along her body with desperation.

When he stopped at her breasts, Lissa nudged his shoulder, "My milk will let down and… it's weird."

"Sorry," Nolan mumbled as he worked his way up to her shoulders, neck, and ears.

If Lissa was honest, she wasn't feeling sexual. Her libido was still next to nothing. She was, however, in love with her husband. She willed herself to accommodate his hopes and needs and to respond in ways that would convince him she was enjoying herself.

Within a few minutes, Nolan slid off his wife and flopped onto his back next to her. He worked to catch his breath and reached for his water bottle. Then he leaned over and kissed Lissa. The relief and serenity on his face made her smile.

"Thank you," he whispered as he rubbed his cheek against hers. "I love you, Larissa."

With her arms wrapped around her husband's broad torso, Lissa said softly, "I love you, too, Nolan. Thank you for sticking by me through the depression and everything else life has thrown our way."

"Always, Babe," he chuckled as he kissed her forehead.