Chapter 2: A moment changes everything
"There's nothing I'd like
better than to fall
but I fear I have nothing to give"
Six months earlier
She was sitting by a table in the back of the bar nursing a beer and looking tired.
He didn't want to be there.
He hated places like this.
The bar was small and packed with people who were looking for that last drink before closing.
Gibbs had never been good in these kinds of situations.
He wasn't that kind of person.
He was all sharp edges.
She needed someone else.
Someone better.
Someone who knew what to say to make her feel better.
He wasn't that person.
But still he was there, moving through the crowd of people towards her.
He didn't know what to say.
She had heard them all before.
She had probably used them herself many times.
Those lines that you say to show you care, that you understand.
Those words that seems so shallow and pointless.
Like words can make any difference at all.
She doesn't look up as he approaches.
Her voice is hoarse as she speaks:
"Just leave me alone, okay."
"Kate."
She looks up as he speaks her name.
Her eyes are red from crying.
He wants to turn around and leave right then and there.
She doesn't want him there.
They are not friends.
He is her boss.
Her face reddens as their eyes meet.
She feels embarrassed to be caught crying.
She s an Agent after all.
A professional.
A strong woman.
She wipes at her eyes with the back of hand and straightens up in her chair.
"Gibbs."
"May I sit down?"
Her eyes flashes with worry in that moment and she hesitates for a moment before she says yes.
He pulls out the chair opposite her and sits down.
Their eyes meet.
He points at the beer in front of her and says:
"Do you want another?"
She manages to smile as she says:
"No, I'm good."
"Okay."
He wants to touch her.
To calm her.
To make her feel safe.
But he keeps his hands to himself.
Her eyes are dark as she speaks:
"Why are you here?"
He wishes he knew the answer to that.
He could say that it was his job as her friend to make sure that she was okay.
But they are not friends.
He should not be there.
In a bar in the middle of nowhere with a woman he works with.
Who he is responsible for.
Who was hurting.
"It wasn't your fault. You know that."
His words came out sounding harsh.
She stiffens and her eyes flashes as she says:
"I know that."
A lie.
Her tears give that away.
"He was a bad man."
"I know that."
"He had a gun."
"I know that."
"You did nothing wrong."
"I know!"
Her eyes are huge as she leans towards him and continues:
"I know, I know, I know! Did you come here just to tell me things I already know!?"
"Kate."
He reaches out and places his hand over hers.
It was meant to calm her, reassure her.
She looks down to the point on the table where their hands connect.
She doesn't move.
"I have never actually..."
Her words are barely a whisper.
He wishes he knew the right words to say in that moment.
To remove that part of her that is aching.
But he had said them all.
Those words that he had heard so many times before.
Those words he had told himself, to reassure himself.
To keep himself sane.
She looks up and their eyes meet.
Her eyes seem to occupy her whole face.
"I know, Kate."
"I thought I could take it. That it would be okay. I thought..I don't know.."
Her voice fades to black.
"I wish I could say it will get easier but. The work we do..."
"I know, Gibbs. I just need. I don't know. Time, I guess."
He nods.
"Time. Take a couple of days off."
She smiles then.
It warms his heart.
But he ignores it.
As he always does when it comes to her.
"Thank you."
His hand is still covering hers.
Her face reddens as she notices and she pulls away her hand.
She brushes a lose strand of hair behind her ear and looks at him:
"It's time for me to go home."
"Okay. Do you want me to take you home?"
His words surprise her.
He can see that.
He shouldn't have said that.
Not to her.
Not now.
Her eyes softens then as she says:
"No, I'm fine. I'll get a cab."
She rises and puts on her coat.
He feels so out of place as he rises and follows her out of the bar.
He should go.
He came there to reassure her, to make sure.
It was time to leave.
But still he lingers.
Standing besides her looking up at the dark windows of the building across the street.
"I never thought you would come."
Her words sting more than she knows.
He looks at her and their eyes meet.
"Well..."
She smiles that smile that has the capacity to do real damage to that wall he has built and maintained during the years.
She moves closer to him.
He should move away.
It's better that way.
But he doesn't.
They stay there, side by side, as the city moves around them.
His heart almost skips a beat as she slips her hand into his.
Her skin is warm against his.
She leans closer to him.
She smells of honey and the night air.
He should move.
He doesn't belong anywhere near her.
She is everything and he's nothing.
She is light and he is darkness.
But he doesn't move.
He just turns to look at her.
Her eyes are dark and for a moment he wishes that he knew what she is thinking.
She smiles that smile of hers and whispers:
"Thank you for this."
Then she leans in and places a soft kiss on his cheek.
He almost stumbles then.
Almost.
His heart seems to in that moment race and swell; occupying his whole chest.
Then she lets go of his hand and takes a step away from him.
He finds himself missing her touch.
Her cab arrives in that moment.
He wants to say something but his words fail him.
She moves towards the cab, opens the door and looks back at him:
"Goodbye, Gibbs."
He doesn't say anything.
He just stands there.
With his skin burning from her touch.
A small smile manages to escape him.
Their eyes meet one last time as she closes the door and the cab starts to move away from the curb.
He stands there, watching her go.
With his heart screaming in his chest.
He stands there until her cab is nowhere to be seen.
Then he walks back to his car to go back to the empty house he calls his home.
End Part 2/?