The Reconstrution of Rome: Million Pieces
By: M14Mouse
Summary: While Sam is drinking, Sam and Cas have a conversation after Dean turned back human.
Disclaimer: Don't own them.
"I believe that is your sixth beer," Castiel said from across the table.
Sam sighed softly as he looked up at his friend. He wasn't quite sure what book Cas was looking at but it couldn't be that interesting since he was paying attention to him.
Maybe, he should have found a bar instead coming back to the bunker but he couldn't leave Dean. Didn't he tell Cas that he was going to get drunk? He didn't understand why Cas was so surprised. He just needed to forget for a moment…a moment to relax before he had to jump right back into it. Sure, he made his brother human again. Right now, Dean was okay. He was busy catching up on his reading…well…he couldn't really call it that but still…
He knew that Dean still had the mark. He had to get rid of it.
Or he would have to go through this again.
He couldn't go through this again. He won't go through again. He will find a way to save Dean.
"I told that I was planning to get drunk, did I?" He said.
"Yes but I believed that you were rational enough not to do it especially given your condition."
"I'm fine, Cas. My arm is getting better."
"I am not talking about your arm. Although, I can sense that it is almost healed and you should be out of the sling in a few weeks. I believed that I also inform Dean that you are to go through physical therapy after the sling is removed."
He groaned softly. First part was good to hear. He hated this thing on his arm. The second part, not so much. He knew that Dean would make him go every single time until the doctor gave the okay.
"But what I speak of is your physical and mental health, Sam. You are exhausted," Cas said.
"I'm fine, Cas…really, I am. Dean is here and human. After I finish this beer, I'm going to bed. I promise," He said.
He didn't want to say that he had a pile of books to go through next to it.
"That means without checking the books that are beside your bed," Castiel said.
"I supposed that you are going to check up on me, huh?"
"Yes."
He really needed to drop this topic. So, he switched to another topic that has been on his mind.
"So, how are you feeling? With your grace back? What are you planning next?" He asked.
"I'm going to search for my grace or find out if there is any of it left. This isn't my grace. It feels…off. Strange….like," Castiel said.
"It is like a shoe that doesn't quite fit. Sometimes, it is like your skin feels too tight or it was an itch that you couldn't scratch. Sometimes, everything was too bright. Sometimes, it was too dark or loud."
Castiel stared at him for a moment then tilted his head.
"Yes, that is…Sam?"
He stared down at his beer bottle and sighed. He wasn't drunk enough for this. Damn it, he never wanted to talk about it. Dean didn't get it. No one really did. God, he felt like that he needed to take a shower.
"Lucifer felt like an endless winter. I was always cold…always burn… Gradeel made me feel like that I was wrong. I was a million pieces of broken glass. I just didn't fit. Nothing fit and I couldn't fix it. And I…"
He cut himself off when he finished up his bottle of beer. He stumbled to his feet.
"I'm going to bed, Cas. Good night," He said as he turned away from his friend.
He knew that Cas wanted to say something else but he was glad that he didn't.
Because he would add that he still felt that way.
He is still broken in a million pieces and still couldn't fix himself back together again.
End of A Million Pieces
Next Chapter: The List
A/N: I promise the next two chapters will be much happier. One of them is Sam takes Cas to see a play! ^_^ So, read and review if you wish.