The Reconstruction of Rome: That Thing Called Guilt
By: M14Mouse
Summary: Sam and Castiel forgot but in the end, guilt is still guilt
Disclaimer: Don't own them.
"I never thought about her…once we left her with her mom. I never thought about checking in or something," Sam said.
"I thought…much like you that she would be capable hands," Castiel said.
He thought that he left Claire in good hands with her mother. At all, that is what Jimmy would have wanted.
"But you still feel guilty, huh?"
Many years ago, he would have said no. He had far more important matters on his mind like the end of the world…then heaven…then Sam…then Dean…a million other things came to mind. He never thought about Claire until recently. It invoked an odd feeling within him.
"Yes…but…it is strange," He said.
He wondered if he could put into words. It was an odd feeling that course through his body.
"How so?"
"I am guilty and I feel guilty about it. But it like….distant…more of a sadness. It is a strange sort of feeling. It is different than one that I felt before. I have felt guilt for the things that I have done to you, Dean, Bobby…to the world. And yet…this guilt is different."
"You know that not every guilt is the same. There is the different between taking all of the hot water and hitting someone with your car," Sam said with a pause.
"Maybe…I am not sure how to describe it." He said.
"I think that I do…and you can tell me if I'm wrong. You feel guilty about your actions toward Jimmy and his family. I thought same thing with Jess. Dean could tell you the same thing about Lisa. The thing is…those choices lead to a waterfall effect. Mine lead to Jess's death. Dean leaded for Lisa and Ben's memories having to be erased. Yours affected Clare and her mother's lives."
"Yes…"
"Cas, you got to understand this. You are responsible for what you did. Claire is responsible for hers. For the longest time, I took responsible for everyone else's mistakes and choices." Sam laughed for a moment.
It was a bitter laughter. It was one that he heard from the brothers' mouths before.
"Of course, I still do. Now, I understand…to a point that I can't. You shouldn't either,"
He said.
"I still feel guilty. I still wish that I could fix it."
Sam shook his head and patted his shoulder.
"Cas…everyone has feelings like that. We are doing now."
He frowned for a moment then tilted his head at Sam.
"What do you mean?"
"I am doing the same for Dean. You are doing the same thing for Claire."
"In a way, you are right. Unlike you and your brother, I don't know how much my opinion matters to Claire. Probably none at all."
"True."
"I'm not sure if I can stop her. I am not her father."
Sam nodded and waved his hand for him to continue.
"I might make the situation worse."
"Possible."
"I could get her killed and that would make Jimmy and her mother more displeased."
"Maybe."
"But…I can not do anything."
"I'm not asking you too."
He sighed softly.
"I'm glad. I want to help Claire."
Sam looked over at him and smiled softly.
"Sometimes, that is all it takes. Someone willing to help," Sam said.
"Even if they don't believe, they need it?" He asked.
"Especially if they don't believe that they need it."
End of That Thing Called Guilt
Next Chapter: The Inside Out Man
A/N: I am not 100% sure how to end this series. I don't know if I just wrap it at the end of Season 10 or continue into Season 11 which has some great Cas/Sam moments. Anyway, read and review if you wish.