A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay, and for the length of this chapter. I have no good excuse for my "hiatus". I'm in a weird place about myself now, trying to go on a self discovery journey or something like it and I'm having a hard time writing and focusing enough on something as complex as writing. But worry shall you not, for this story is complete (this is the second to last chapter) and I'm working on another one.

Anyways, here's chapter 10.

Chapter 10

She sighed once again before taking the last steps towards District Attorney's Arthur Branch's door. Placing her palms carefully on the smooth surface she then proceeded to knock - more vehemently than she had expected herself to do so - and allowing herself in, the weight of the words she was obliged to say compressing her chest, making her feel as if she was about to burst.

"Got a minute?", Casey asked, knowing that whatever the answer was she would still say what she had gone there to say.

"When you rescue a little girl, you get two", he said with a smile as he removed his reading glasses, "Have a seat".

"I can't do it", she confessed, grasping the door handle for support, hoping her legs wouldn't give in nor her eyes would decide to pour just now. She wished she didn't have to go through this, such blatant humiliation, to state the failure that she was for not being able to handle a job she had been assigned to. "I never wanted it to start with", she thought to herself, but that knowledge didn't soothe the shame she felt, neither did the knowledge that SVU had the highest rates of A.D.A. changes over the years - statistics very different from white collar, where A.D.A.s usually stayed until they retired. Casey still believed she was weak for letting it affect her so deeply. Once again she thought of Olivia, the decorated detective Benson, 5 years on Special Victims and counting, the detective that despite being the product of rape and dealing with a victim her whole life still had more and more to give to new victims, still had the strength to go after perps everyday. Olivia was strong, Olivia could do it, she couldn't.

"Sure you can. Just bend your knees and let gravity take over", he replied casually.

She sighed, letting out a half smile despite feeling irritated at his ability to make jokes under such stressful and embarrassing circumstances. Walking towards him, her face assumed once again a serious expression, this time firmer.

"That's not what I'm talking about", Casey stated.

"I know"

She felt relieved he didn't try to push on forward with the jokes, but she needed to make him understand exactly what she meant by what she said, even though she felt extremely ashamed for having to say she wasn't able to handle things, that she wanted and needed to give up.

"I want out", she said, hoping it was enough.

"Why? When you've got a slam dunk in your very first case?", Branch sounded incredulous, or maybe that was just his way of making her admit the truth about what really twisted her guts and haunted her since she had opened that cooler, to the point of making the idea of facing another case like this unbearable. She had always been firm on her decisions, and whenever she didn't feel like explaining the reasons behind her choices she simply didn't, but Branch made her feel like she owned him to be clear about it, and she supposed she didn't if she meant to walk away after he had put so much faith on her abilities.

"I can't let go of what that little girl went through", just as she spoke those words she had flashes of a barely breathing Courtney squeezed inside the cooler, the frail infant body surrounded by hospital machines, the relieved yet despaired parents, the gruesome and detailed statement she had given Olivia about her abduction, how the girl had cried when she had thanked Casey for rescuing her. Everything felt so awfully vivid it had taken a few seconds after he began talking for her to come back from those images that drifted through her mind and had taken over her every breathing second.

"I was watching you for this job when you were in white collar. Knew you were tough, but wasn't sure you were the right person", he commented vaguely.

"I'm not", she said pungently.

"The fact that it affects you like this tells me my first instincts were right", he added.

"What are you talking about?", Casey asked irritatedly.

"This case was the ultimate test. And you passed with flying colors", the D.A. said calmly.

"But I don't want it", she begged, in hopes it would resume his insistence.

"You will"

Arthur Branch put on his reading glasses and got up, turning his back to Casey as he organized a stash of papers. Accepting this as his ultimate decision she rose from her seat and walked out of his office.