It was several more days before Eir fully rescinded her rest order, although it was taken only with the threat of imposing it again if she saw even the tiniest fluctuation of blood pressure or the multitude of other things that were now being checked daily. Only Eir would give a patient freedom only to dangle the threat of confinement over their heads while she did it. But at least the removal of the constant threat of death had done wonders for her vitals, so she'd take any victory she could get over the severe physician.

But Erna didn't care. She was just happy to have her freedom again. Well, of a fashion anyway. Her bulk seemed to grow by the minute, making real activity all but impossible, but she walked around the palace all the same. Her pace was always frustratingly slow, but infinitely better than staying in their chambers all day and night.

Much to Loki's annoyance, his duties, mostly ignored during the crisis, took him away from Erna for hours at a time. Something about what had happened made him reluctant to leave her for any significant portion of time. She assured him over and over again that it didn't upset her and resorted to scolding him when he tried to shirk his responsibilities too often.

She appreciated his desire to spend time with her, but now that the ordeal was behind them, she was perfectly fine to occupy herself elsewhere while he dealt with his obligations as king. Erna did yearn for her return to the council and the rest of her regular duties, but knew that as soon as she tried, it would likely land her in bed at the first vigorous council debate. There was something about Lord Volsung's smug face that just begged to be debated with in the most exuberant way. No, she would wait instead and try to see it as the calm before the storm. Rest would be in short supply once the baby came.

The children were an excellent distraction. Although upset over the death of their mother, they were adapting to palace life quickly. Sigun had already taken to visiting Erna each morning before classes to read to her. And although she was more than familiar with the stories the girl chose, she wouldn't trade the time for anything. Already growing faster than she would have thought possible, Erna knew there wouldn't be much time left to enjoy her sister as a child.

As it was, Eryk was already stopping studies early each day to train with the palace quartermaster. It was only a matter of years before he'd be a full-fledged soldier. She was already displeased to find out he was set on that path and would listen to none of her suggestions about politics and business as possible vocations. She sighed ruefully at the thought. Maybe he'd grow out of it and choose something that wouldn't leave her sick with worry every night. But she probably wasn't that lucky. The boy was as headstrong as she was.

This was probably why parenthood no longer scared her. She'd partially raised the children and was already used to thinking about their wellbeing, schooling, and a hundred other things. Loki, on the other hand, was new to it all, but was wading in and helping eagerly. He handled their new tutors, chose their rooms and saw to it that they were outfitted appropriately. When she thanked him for it one night, he simply shrugged and said that they were partners and it just wouldn't do to expect her to handle everything.

Life quickly settled into a pleasing routine and after all the turmoil her father left in his wake, she was grateful for a little bit of mundane.

One afternoon Erna found herself on the balcony, flatly ignoring the books she'd brought with her. She felt silly, but she couldn't stop herself.

"Hello, Mother." She took a deep breath, feeling an idiot for speaking to her dead mother-in-law in this manner, but it gave her comfort. "We think my time is close. You're going to be a grandmother very soon. I hope you aren't angered that we're not calling her Frigga. I just don't want any sadness for Loki when he looks upon his daughter.

"He's going to be a wonderful father, but he's terrified. He tries not to show it to me, but I see it. I know Odin was your beloved, but he did damage to my husband and I can't find a warm spot in my heart for him. Loki is so worried he'll end up a distant father, but I have no fears. He'll see her and love her.

"My heart may very well burst when I finally get to see them together. She's going to be powerful, Mother. We've seen all she's already able to do not even born yet. Loki will have his hands full instructing her in the proper uses of magic. And I'll have my hands full making sure he doesn't allow her to turn any disagreeable courtiers into bilgesnipe. Loki's definition of proper and mine don't always intersect."

Erna smiled, feeling rueful and rubbed her hands over her distended belly. "It's going to be a good life, a happy one. My daughter deserves it and so does Loki."

It was several more moments before she got the courage to voice what she wanted to say aloud. Talking in her sleep didn't count. "I wish he loved me." Tears pricked the corner of her eyes, but she continued. "And I wish I could just tell him that. But he's so blind to some things! He actually heard me say it while I was unconscious and thought I spoke of Thor of all people.

"I know Thor is your son too and I love him as I would a brother, but if Loki thinks I'm meant to love someone like that… well, it feels like he doesn't know me at all. You raised two very different sons, Mother. And I love the one that doesn't believe love is possible."

She laughed sadly as a few tears fell down her cheeks. "This arrangement, as Loki calls it, has given me so much joy, but sadness as well. But I suppose I have it better than many wives in my situation. He's fond of me, he's kind to me, and he'll love our child, of that I'm certain. It will have to be enough that I love him.

"I'm probably just maudlin because of the baby. The healers told me to expect mood changes and an excess of emotions. Not to mention the cravings! I'm sure you had some strange ones with Thor." The thought made her chuckle. "He probably demanded mead from the womb.

"This little one wants something sweet right now, so I'll try and oblige her. Maybe there will be something to her liking in the kitchens." With much heaving and rocking, she managed to free herself from the chair. Before turning to leave, she spoke again. "Thank you, Mother. You always manage to make me feel better despite not being able to reply to me. We love you."

She walked in from the balcony, dreading the time it would take her to waddle down to the kitchens. But walking was good for her, providing she didn't push herself. She could always rest once she got there, enjoy a nice cup of tea, and catch up on the staff gossip. It sounded like a most agreeable way to spend her afternoon.

Just inside the chamber's archway stood Loki, unreadable expression on his face. She quickly wiped at her cheeks, hoping to disguise the fact she'd been crying, but he didn't seem to notice. In fact, he stood so still, she wondered if he even knew she was there.

"Loki?" When he didn't answer, she called louder. "Loki!"

He peered forward, not looking at her, but he finally spoke. "I heard."

"Heard what, husband?" Trying to keep her voice light, she couldn't help but feel a stab of panic.

"All of it. I ended my meetings meeting early today so we could spend the afternoon together and I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard." He still wasn't meeting her gaze, looking more shocked than angry.

She struggled with what she should or even could say. Refuting it wasn't an option. In her heart she knew she couldn't deny it just because she hadn't meant to divulge this secret to him. The daring, fearless part of her was glad he'd heard, and wanted to take whatever jeering insult he could muster. As awful as it would feel, maybe it would somehow soften the blow that she felt sure was coming.

They stood in silence, each working things through. As she seemed suddenly mute, he spoke first. "I can't, Erna."

"Can't?" His statement wasn't one she was expecting.

"I can't allow this. You shouldn't love me."

"Don't you think I know that, Loki?!" She stalked forward, suddenly angry that this man thought he had the right to tell her how she should feel. "I know how you feel on the subject. When you told me your plan on that first night you made it quite clear you didn't believe people like us could ever expect love."

He didn't interrupt what was beginning to be a true tirade. "The world is a cruel fucking place, I know that. But somehow we ended up together and I started to think that I was lucky. Even with everything that's happened, I still feel that I am lucky. But NO! I shouldn't feel the way I do. Fuck you, Loki. You can tell yourself whatever you want about it being my hormones or stress or anything. I don't care. But don't you dare tell me what to do with my own emotions."

She seethed with hurt and anger, breath coming out in ragged pants. Unconsciously, her hands had come to rest on her belly, as if wanting to protect her daughter from such harsh words.

"Erna-"

She stopped him immediately, not ready to let him speak. "But you will love her. You will. I won't subject her to this kind of pain. You are capable of it and just because you can't love me, doesn't mean that our daughter needs to suffer. She deserves all of her father. You will do this for me." It struck him how much she sounded like a queen. As reluctant as she might have been to take that mantle, she'd grown into the position.

"You don't understand." He looked as deflated and weary as she'd ever seen him. Pity tried to override her other feelings, but she tamped it down.

"No, I understand everything, Loki. That's why it hurts so fucking much. For once in my life I'm starting to see how ignorance could be blissful." As she feared, hot tears started to run down her face. An errant thought struck her that she'd let this man see her cry far too often.

"I couldn't bear to inflict the suffering that comes along with my love, Erna. I can't do that to you."

"Because clearly I'm not suffering already." Despite the tears, she couldn't let go of her defiance. It offered her something to hold on to, a kind of invisible talisman as so much else fell apart.

"This is my fault."

"I'm sorry I wasn't as advertised," she shouted. "The heartless political partner turned into a blubbering mess. You probably should have chosen another man instead of a weak-willed woman. I'm such a hopeless creature, falling for our own sham."

"Enough!" He roared the word, face now red with something she assumed was rage. "I won't have you belittling yourself, especially when you don't comprehend the situation."

"Then explain it to your poor confused wife and be sure to use small words!" She'd be damned if he was going to leave it at such a mysterious pronouncement.

"You don't have to ask for my love, because you already have it."

She felt as if she'd hit a wall while running at full speed. It stunned her. "Don't…" Her voice broke as she stared up into his enigmatic eyes. "Don't say something like that if you don't mean it. I didn't think you cruel, but if you're just saying this to spare me…"

"I don't lie to you, Erna," he said simply.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to surrender to the idea without further thought. "But you've never said it until now, until I practically forced you."

"I haven't said the words, because you don't deserve the burden. But I fell in love with you, Erna. How could I not?"

"Burden?" The familiar anger flared up again. "Burden? You think I haven't felt the burden of this secret that I feared more than almost anything? I was petrified of even saying it aloud, because I knew you wouldn't reciprocate."

"I was afraid of saying it too, you know. I tried to just show you in actions, but you assumed it was no more than mere fondness."

"What was I supposed to believe, Loki? Reality or the faith in some fantastical daydream? You, of all people, have shown me the truth behind power and privilege."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For everything. For loving you when I shouldn't, for not showing you when I couldn't stop myself, for not letting you know every second how precious you are to me. But mostly for letting you believe that I was incapable of loving you." He reached forward and softly brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "Please don't cry, little one."

It struck her how much love she felt from that simple epithet. "I wouldn't be crying if you weren't so stubborn."

"I'll take all the blame, but I'll promise to do everything I can from causing you further tears."

"You can make me cry, as long as it's out of happiness."

"I agree to your amended proposition." He wrapped his arms around her and the familiar sense of balance came, as it always did when she was tucked in beside him. "I love you, Erna."

"I love you too, Loki."

"I'm so sorry for everything."

"Then stop apologizing. Let me be happy that you love me." The worry she'd been living with finally evaporated. She felt free and safe and didn't want him to over think things and ruin it.

"I don't know how to do this," he murmured into her hair.

"We're already doing it and neither of us realized it." It hit her that Thor had known before either of them, a fact she wasn't inclined to bring up at the moment.

"And I thought we were meant to be the smart ones in the palace."

"Clearly we're the most idiotic king and queen to ever grace the throne. They'll tell stories about us." She giggled at the thought and maneuvered herself around so her stomach wasn't keeping them so far apart. Their embrace turned into an awkward side hug, but she wanted to be as close to him as possible.

He placed one of his large hands gently on her stomach. "I love her already," he whispered. "Please don't worry about that."

"So you admit I'm right about it being a girl."

"Why not? You've been right about practically everything else." He chuckled, enjoying this new sense of something he'd never felt before. He had no idea if it was freedom or peace or if there was even a proper word for it, but it was gratifying all the same.

He held her and savored the smell of rosemary and mint in her hair, the feel of her fitting so perfectly in his arms. There was still doubt, there would likely always be doubt. There was still a voice in his head telling him that he didn't deserve her. It was the same voice that told him this happiness couldn't last, but right now he was able to push it aside and believe that the two of them could weather whatever came in life.

A flutter of movement under his hand brought him back to the moment. Gone for a second, it returned with more vigor. Erna laughed as he frantically pressed both hands over her stomach, searching for more movement. "She's kicking, Loki, that's all. She's happy."

"Happy?"

"I can feel it. She's got this warm little glow." The healers still didn't believe that she knew what the baby wanted or felt so clearly, but she was long past caring. Their child was clearly extraordinary and it didn't take a medical professional to tell her that.

"You may not be able to wield magic, but you must be sensitive to it. I haven't been able to find an account of a mother having such a strong tie to their child."

"You've researched me?"

"I tried to. I've scoured the library for anything referencing what you've described. There have been children born with magic, but never to someone aware of their gifts while still in the womb. The pair of you are unique."

"It took stacks of old books to tell you that?" She quirked an eyebrow, enjoying teasing him.

"Just getting confirmation of what I already suspected. You two are mine and that alone makes you unique, but I do believe we have a very special child on our hands."

"Any child of yours is bound to be precocious."

"And I suppose you were an easy thing to wrangle? I can just picture you climbing trees and running away from your nannies as they tried to dress you in something they deemed appropriate."

"I refused shoes until I was six," she told him with a beatific smile.

"Ah, so I see we'll probably be in for more of the same. Are you up for it, little one?"

"Absolutely… on one condition."

"Name it."

"Let me attend your magic lessons with her when it comes to that. I know I can't wield it, but I want to at least know what you two know. It might help me better understand you both."

"I would…" he coughed, overcome with some strong emotion. "I would love that and I know she will too. I can't tell you how much that would have meant to me as a child."

They stayed silent for several more minutes before he spoke again. When he did, his tone was tentative, almost afraid. "Erna, there's something I'd like to show you."

She looked up into his serious countenance, unable to gauge what he wanted. "Of course, Loki. What is it?"

"Sit down, prop your feet up and I'll go get it."

Erna had no idea what he might be about to produce, and figured it would be best experienced sitting down. She set about making herself comfortable (a lengthy task these days), while Loki disappeared into his study. She tried not to worry herself. After everything they'd finally admitted to one another, she doubted much could ruin her day.

Whatever she'd expected, it wasn't the envelope he presented her with a few minutes later. It was blank, but sported Loki's personal seal in neat gold wax. She took it and looked up expectantly at her husband.

"I thought a lot while you were gone, little one. And I wrote this with no intention of ever showing it to you. But now I want you to know that what I said to you today wasn't an impulse. It wasn't something I'll regret later. Please read it."

"Okay," she replied simply, breaking the seal.

She saw it was a letter addressed to her and began to read.

My dearest Erna,

You've only been gone a few days, but already I feel like it's been weeks. I find myself reduced to such maudlin banalities and though I normally would be disgusted by such weakness, I no longer care. It's the truth. And I know I always swore to tell you the truth, but there are some things I just can't say to you. I lie to myself and say that I'm not actually deceitful with you if you don't ask a direct question, but that just helps me justify my actions. Maybe putting this down here will help.

I don't know how else to say this, but I love you. Those words sound so much more trivial than the reality of my feelings for you. Love. It's a weakness, isn't it? We said as much when we talked that first night. And it is, but one I feel the stronger for having. You see how absurd my logic has become. But again I don't really care.

I love you.

I shouldn't, I know that. It's why I haven't told you the thousands of times I've wanted to. I have no right to burden you with something like this. It's because I love you that I don't think I should tell you.

It's not all altruistic though. I'm terrified that a confession of this nature will frighten you away and I couldn't bare that. Just these few days apart have made me realize that a life without you in it would be empty and cruel. And I have our child to think of now too. The two of you have brought me such bliss, and while I know I don't deserve it, I'll take it all the same.

I don't know how our current predicament will end, but I swear to both of you that I will fix this. Your home will be safe and when you come back to me I'll do whatever I can to make sure you're happy.

This is rambling, I know, and I apologize, but I've barely slept since you left. I tossed and turned for hours tonight until I decided to write this missive. Maybe it will give me a measure of peace that at least I've admitted this somehow.

I love and adore you, Erna. It took a long time to even admit it to myself, but I live every day hoping I'm able to convey it without words. Words are the difficult part in this, which astounds me. I've been called silvertongue since I was young and have rarely found myself at a loss for words. But now, I feel like the words themselves are my enemy. If I don't tell you, they can't hurt you.

You've given me so much, little one. My life is just so much more than I ever dreamed of. Even when I was a young princeling ignorant of my true parentage and sure the whole world was at my feet. Even then, I couldn't have conjured someone like you. You're kind and brilliant and cunning and brave and my perfect match really. I did so much more than find the kingdom a queen when I met you.

I'm going to try and sleep now. But even that respite is tainted by your absence. I miss you more than you'll ever know. Come back to me soon.

With all my love,

Loki

He watched as she read, trying to gauge her reaction based on the minute changes in her expression. The nagging part of his brain that kept telling him she deserved better tried to upset him when her hand went to her mouth with a sharp intake of breath. But by now he knew his wife and he quelled the voice when he saw no signs of distress or agitation.

She must have read the letter multiple times, because she stared at it for several minutes before looking back up at him. The tenderness and love that shone in her eyes was enough to bring him to his knees, quite literally. He sunk down on the floor beside her, relief flooding through him.

"We're done lying to each other and ourselves out of some misplaced need to protect one another. Clearly our judgment on these matters can't be trusted and we'd be better off talking to the other. Agreed?" The words themselves were stern, but she sounded more exasperated with them than anything.

"Agreed."

Loki raised himself back up to his full height only to be redirected into a deep kiss when Erna grasped his jerkin and pulled back him down to her level. When they pulled apart, he hovered, lips mere inches from hers. "I love you, Loki."

"I love you more than I ever thought possible, Erna."

A small, mischievous smile tugged at one corner of her mouth. "Care to demonstrate just how much?"

"And what did you have in mind, little one?" His voice all but purred with desire.

"First, escort me to the kitchens to satisfy my sweet tooth. Second, escort me back. Third, take me to bed and… well, I'll leave what happens there to your brilliantly inventive mind."

"Nothing would please me more."