One month and two weeks after Adelaide was born, Summer awoke mid-morning one day to something she hadn't been woken up to for quite awhile - silence, and her husband's arm firm around her waist and his soft lips on her neck. She smiled to herself and kept her eyes closed, though she knew that he could tell by how her breathing had changed that she was awake.
Adelaide was sound asleep in her bassinet next to their bed, and Summer felt incredibly warm and safe and content where she was in Bucky's arms. In fact, she could have easily fallen back asleep if not for the way that Bucky paused his little sweet kisses when he made it to her shoulder, slid the strap of her tank top down, and then kissed there as his right hand slid softly down over her arm.
There was really no more sleeping when he dragged his lips back up to her ear, and then murmured as his hand curled around her waist, "How long are you gonna keep acting like you're still asleep?"
She smiled and cracked her eyes open, caught as she peered back at him and bit her lip. "As long as it takes so you keep kissing me like that?"
"What makes you think I'd stop?" he grinned before leaning down and gently kissing her lips. Her smile lingered as she kissed him back, and she shifted to her back so she could reach him easier. Her hand went to his hair, which was a mess and still quite long, soft and smooth between her fingers. She'd trimmed it a few times but she loved it longer and he seemed to like it too, and she had a special fondness for his bedhead.
He was shirtless and she was in just her tank top and underwear, and his skin was so warm on hers that it almost made her break into a sweat already. His palm laid over her stomach as they kissed, and when the kiss came to an end, he pulled away and smiled down at her. She smiled back and then asked as she helpfully tucked his hair behind his ears for him, "What time is it?"
He shrugged, glancing down at his hand as it toyed with the hem of her top. "Early."
She glanced towards towards the bassinet. "Is Adelaide -"
"Sleeping," he assured her. His fingers that had been playing with her shirt slipped beneath the fabric, sliding softly on her stomach as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the side of her neck. "Just you and me."
Summer closed her eyes and swallowed, a mix of excitement and nearly crippling anxiety snaking through her belly as his hand continued to wander and his lips kissed down her neck. She had known that this was coming soon, and she'd been looking forward to it fully. But now that it was here, all she wanted to do was hide from him under the covers and be completely ridiculous.
She put her hands on his shoulders and asked, "Don't you have to go to work today?"
He lifted his head and then shrugged. "Just for a couple hours later. Not yet."
"Oh," she replied a little dumbly, closing her eyes as his lips descended down on hers for a far for more insistent kiss than the last. Her stomach flipped a little and her blood started pumping faster, especially when his hand left her stomach to go to her side and trail down until he reached her bare leg. He gripped her outer thigh and pulled her leg up and over his hip, his tongue sliding in her mouth as he ground himself down on her with just enough pressure for her to feel how much he wanted her.
And God did she want him too. She'd been cleared the day prior by her midwife to resume normal physical activities, healed up and perfectly fine, but that didn't change the fact that she still felt roughly the size of a beached whale and about as attractive as one. In addition, childbirth certainly had a way of changing a woman's body, and she wasn't sure that she was okay with him getting that close to certain parts of her and seeing them close up.
But even with all of her understandable insecurities, it was nearly impossible for her to doubt how much he still wanted her despite the current very non-ideal state of her body. Her hands roamed up his muscular back as his hand left her leg to move back up to her stomach. He pushed her top up until it was over her breasts, which were contained by one of her comfier and therefore decidedly unsexy nursing bras. It was another ding to her already nonexistent confidence, but she didn't make a move to stop him when he broke the kiss and moved back to her neck with a soft groan.
He gave her breast a squeeze through her bra - gently, since that was important these days - and murmured into her ear as he ground more insistently against her, "You feel so good, sweetheart."
She felt her cheeks get hotter as she blushed, closing her eyes and trying to stop thinking and just enjoy herself. He kissed her again, his mouth dizzyingly hot and determined upon hers, and then he was kissing down her neck again, only this time he didn't stop there. He kissed down her chest and stomach almost lazily, both hands moving all over her, grasping and teasing and almost distracting her from his mouth as it made its steady way down below her belly button. She only realized what was happening when he started tugging at her underwear, his mouth not far behind, and a sudden burst of irrational nerves made her grab him by his shoulders and stop him.
She blurted out the first excuse that popped into her head. "Are you sure we should do this with the baby right there?"
Looking up at her with slightly confused eyes and his fingers still hooked into her underwear, he paused and glanced over at the bassinet before replying, "But she's asleep."
"I know, but... isn't it a little... weird?"
He blinked. "... But you don't like her being alone in her room, so I just thought while she's asleep, we could..."
She felt like an idiot. She didn't think it was weird. Why would she? Adelaide was a tiny little sleeping baby and therefore completely oblivious. One would be hard pressed to find a parent who hadn't done the very same thing at least a couple of times. It was a crappy excuse, and she felt herself growing more embarrassed by the moment.
"Yeah, I know, but I just... um..."
Bucky stayed where he was, his face not far from where she was pretty sure she couldn't handle it being at the moment, and as she floundered to come up with a reasonable explanation, something in his expression changed. She knew then that he was on to her, and he opened his mouth to surely zero in on what was truly afoot when she was saved by the bell, or rather saved by the hungry cry of her baby who had picked just the right moment to wake up and demand sustenance.
Bucky let go of her with a faint sigh, resignation taking over his features as he rolled off of her. Now it was time for Summer to feel guilty, pulling her top back down as she looked at Bucky and frowned apologetically. Even if she was being ridiculous about her body, she hadn't had any intention of leaving him hanging. She had been fully planning on making sure he came away satisfied, but now all she could do was touch his arm and say, "Crap, I'm sorry."
"It's okay," he shrugged, and she knew he meant it. He smiled to play it off and added, "I can wait, she can't."
She smiled and gave him a quick kiss, loving how understanding and patient he was, and then she got up and hurried to fetch Adelaide. After going through the usual routine - diaper check first, then about five thousand tiny kisses on her cheeks - then she climbed back into bed with Adelaide and got comfortable.
Adelaide closed her eyes as soon as she was happy and feeding, and Summer took a moment to mentally chastise herself. She might have felt like a beached whale, yes, but she was Bucky's beached whale and she had no reason to act so silly over being intimate again. But it was hard when she still had about fifty five extra pounds on her, an empty pouch of a stomach, hips that definitely didn't lie but also didn't say anything particularly flattering either, and a face that was rounder than it had ever been in her life. She felt like a literal cow - milk producing and all - and it was tough to feel even remotely sexy or when one felt like livestock. And a whale.
Especially when she was married to a specimen of a man who seemed to only get better and better as time went on. She was starting to feel like they were turning into one of those couples where people would see them and wonder how the hell someone as gross as her managed to snag someone as disgustingly perfect as him.
"Are you okay?"
Her head snapped up, and she realized that she'd been staring at nothing with an increasingly disturbed expression. "Oh yeah," she immediately nodded to Bucky. "Just kind of... drifted off there."
Bucky's eyes lingered on her, and he again appeared to be on the verge of opening his mouth and saying something. But that was when his phone rang - interruptions were on their game that morning for sure - and it turned out to be Steve, asking him if he could come in to the facility then rather than later.
After Summer nodded to him that she had no objection to this, Bucky agreed and then hung up the phone. After that, the morning fell back into its usual sort of routine, with both of them getting ready and going about their normal business before Bucky headed out the door. Soon it would be Summer's turn, as she headed back to work in two weeks, but for then she was stuck at home with her kids with little else to do but wonder why she was such an idiot.
... Or maybe she could do something else.
After she'd kissed Bucky goodbye and gotten some food in both her and David's bellies, and fed Adelaide one more time, she got out her phone and dialed the number of a very close friend who luckily had the day off.
"Hey, Nat?" she said, getting David and Adelaide both loaded up into the car as she balanced her phone on her shoulder. "You know that thing you offered to help me with last week? Yeah... I'm gonna go ahead and take you up on that. Yep. I am totally in."
With any luck, the journey that she was about to embark on would hopefully help with her current problem. If it didn't, then she was pretty sure that she was just hopeless.
And of course, an idiot.
"You do realize you can't do everything with a baby strapped on your chest, right?"
Summer looked down at the sweet sleeping baby curled up against her chest thanks to the baby-wearing mechanism that was wrapped around her torso, and Summer merely shrugged and kept on walking on the treadmill next to Natasha. "Yeah, but I can do this."
Natasha smiled in amusement, walking leisurely on the treadmill next to Summer's. "Well, for what it's worth, I can understand why you don't want to put her down. She is ridiculously cute."
"I know," Summer smiled widely. Then she glanced at the treadmill's control panel and asked, "Am I supposed to be going this slow?"
Natasha nodded. "Yes. A few weeks ago when you told me you might want my help getting back in shape, I went ahead and put a plan together for you because I figured you'd decide to go for it."
"Really?" Summer smiled.
She nodded again. "Yes, and it was a little tricky to figure out since you're a nursing mother. You need extra calories every day, so you can't just diet and lose weight. But I think I figured out a good balance."
"Okay," Summer nodded. Then she looked at the treadmill again, still walking at a somewhat slow pace, and she said, "I just don't feel like I'm really doing anything. Are you sure this is gonna help me at all?"
"I'm easing you back into it," Natasha explained. "Your body's been through a lot and it doesn't need to be overworked before it's ready."
Summer nodded, sighing a little. "Yeah, that makes sense. I just... I'm really ready to get back to normal, you know?"
"Yeah," she nodded understandingly. "We'll get there. It'll take time and commitment, but you'll get back in shape."
Summer nodded again, muttering, "Hopefully I don't lose my mind in the meantime."
"Why? Something happen?"
"No," Summer shook her head. "But that's kind of the problem. Now that I'm recovered and stuff, me and Bucky can... y'know... again, and he tried this morning to do some stuff, and I just panicked and acted like an idiot. I don't even know why. I know he doesn't care that I'm gross right now. I just..."
"Well, you're right," Natasha said. "He doesn't care. He never has. He's not the kind of man to lose interest in his wife because her body's gone through changes thanks to having his baby. If anything, it probably makes him even more into you."
Summer widened her eyes and said, "I don't even know how, but yeah."
"Well, if the roles were reversed and he was the one to gain some weight, would you lose interest in him?" Natasha asked thoughtfully.
"Oh, frick no," Summer immediately replied. "Why would I ca-... oh. Okay. Point made."
Natasha smiled, shrugging and replying, "Even if you don't like your body right now, you shouldn't deprive yourself. Or him. You trust him right?"
"More than I trust myself," she admitted.
"So then trust him to make you feel good," Natasha replied. "And maybe once you see how much he likes you the way you are, you'll feel better about yourself."
"Maybe." Summer paused. "Probably not."
"Either way, no reason to turn down perfectly good orgasms."
Summer nearly choked on nothing and said, "Yeah, that's, uh... one way of putting it."
"One day you'll start using your big girl words," Natasha sighed, glancing at her and grinning.
"Yeah... probably not," Summer shook her head.
For the next hour or so, Natasha helped to ease Summer back into the concept of exercise in a way that left her a little sore but nothing too unmanageable. Afterwards, they headed to the floor of the tower that Summer used to live on with everybody, which was where David had been the whole time. He was glued to Wanda's side, as per usual, but most of the others were gone that day. But Darcy was there, and she confiscated Adelaide almost immediately while Summer headed towards the shower in her old room.
She was taking down her hair and getting ready to start peeling her clothes off when there was a little knock on the bathroom door behind her. She turned and before she could ask who was there, the door opened and, to her surprise, Bucky's face was the one that peeked through with a smile.
"Oh hey," she smiled, turning around and watching him smile back and step inside, closing the door behind him. "Done with work already?"
"Slow day," he shrugged, stepping up to her and kissing her gently. His hair was up, tied in a little bun at the back of his head and the perfect amount of loose strands near his face, and his mostly black clothing complimented his look rather well. "I got here and the kids were happy and Nat told me you were taking a shower, so..."
She smiled as he kissed her again, though now she was suddenly nervous just like she had been in bed earlier that morning. When he pulled away, he ran his eyes over her slowly and noted, "You're all sweaty."
"Yeah..." she smiled, looking down at herself. "I just got done working out with Natasha, so..."
"Really?" he asked, a little surprised by this.
"Yeah," she said, nervously scratching at her head. "I'm starting slow, but... it's a start."
"Okay," he nodded, looking at her a bit strangely, like he was trying to figure her out.
"What?" she asked, trying to decipher the look on his face.
"Nothing, I just... you don't feel like you have to, right?" he asked, the look in his eyes impressing upon her how very serious he found the matter.
"No!" she insisted, smiling like the idea was ridiculous. "No, it's because I want to. I want to get active again and work on getting back to where I was. And it's good for my leg, too."
He nodded, accepting that answer. "All right." Then he looked her over again, as slowly as before, and he said, "Adelaide's knocked out with Nat right now and David's trying to teach Vision how to play Minecraft, so..."
He gestured towards the shower with his head, and Summer smiled nervously before immediately trying to think of any excuse possible to get out of what he was suggesting. It wasn't that she didn't want to, of course - it was that same conflict of wanting it but feeling like she'd lose her mind and start crying if she had to stand naked in front of him in a fully lit room.
But the thing was, she barely had it in her to stop him or say no. He kissed her again, his right hand going to her hair to take it down for her, and the kiss got a bit deeper after her long locks fell in a dark wave around her head. Maybe if she just kept her eyes closed and focused on him and forced herself to stop thinking about how she looked...
"Summer?"
She opened her eyes, which she hadn't realized were squeezed so tightly shut that she looked like she was possibly in pain, and she looked up to find Bucky looking at her in that concerned, slightly suspicious way of his.
She swallowed and spit out the first excuse that popped into her head.
"I need to shave."
He blinked. She blinked. Was that really the best that she could do?
"I, uh... I haven't... since Adelaide was born... like... anywhere. So... I'm kind of gross and I don't really want to do all of that in front of you."
Inside, she was smacking herself on the head with a giant sledgehammer. Bucky proved how weak of an excuse it was by pointing out, "Okay, but... I've... shaved your legs for you before. You know none of that bothers me."
"But it bothers me," she replied, and she wondered if he knew just how much bothered her and what was really at play.
If he did, it didn't affect his next action. True to how he had always been with her, he nodded and relented. "Okay. That's fine. Whatever makes you comfortable."
She breathed a sigh of relief as he kissed her again. God, she was lucky to have such an understanding and patient man.
"Watch the kids for me," she said after the kiss had ended. "And when I'm done, if you want, we can stay here and hang out with everyone for awhile, or... maybe go out somewhere? Do something fun?"
He nodded. "Yeah. We'll figure something out."
"Okay," she smiled, kissing him one more time. He smiled at her and quietly told her that he loved her before leaving the bathroom, leaving her there alone to roll her eyes and cover her face with both hands in a double-facepalm.
She was fairly sure that she had surpassed idiot status and was now roughly along the lines of a blundering, bewildered, brainless moron.
Later, after night had fallen on a day spent mostly at the tower, Bucky and his little family returned to their home outside of the city and fell into their usual nighttime routine. Summer did a bit of cleaning so nobody would have to the next morning, David threw a controller in Bucky's hand and snuggled up next to him, and Adelaide stayed up for about two hours. Now that she was getting bigger, she had longer periods of being awake and alert, and these periods usually came about at night.
It was nice. Bucky never would have thought before that he'd have such a domestic, comfortable and happy homelife, but somehow he'd gotten incredibly lucky and he wouldn't have changed a thing about it.
Well, maybe one thing, but he was working on that. Clearly, Summer was having some internal issues and was not very willing to talk about it. But he wouldn't let that continue on for long.
That night, after Summer had gotten her tasks done and plopped down on the couch next to Bucky and David with Adelaide in one arm and a strange contraption in the other, they both turned to look at her as she smiled and handed the baby to Bucky.
"Here, can you take her? I have an idea."
Bucky put his controller down and happily took his wide-awake baby, smiling broadly at her as he settled her into his arms. He wasn't as nervous now to hold her, and Summer had been right about his control over his metal arm being more than good enough to prevent accidentally harming her. He kissed her cheek and she stared up at him with her big blue eyes, sucking on a pink pacifier and perfectly happy to be where she was.
Bucky looked up after a few moments and was about to ask Summer what her idea was when she rendered the question moot. Her shirt was up and the contraption in her hand was now attached to her breast, making odd mechanical sounds as it started pumping milk out of it and into a bottle. It looked vaguely like a torture device, and it was nothing like the sweet image of her nursing Adelaide directly, and apparently David agreed. He was staring and looked positively aghast, and quite grossed out.
"I hate pumping," Summer admitted, frowning at the device as the bottle it was attached to slowly began to fill up. "It feels so weird."
"Why are you pumping?" Bucky asked, trying not to cringe for her. How did doing that not hurt?
"Well," she sighed, "she's six weeks old now, and you haven't gotten to feed her once. I was thinking that maybe tonight, when she's ready to fall asleep, you could feed her and get her to bed. If you wanted."
"Oh," he replied, surprised. Then he smiled. "Yeah. I'd love that."
She smiled back. "I thought you would. And she'll be ready to go to sleep soon, so... you could go ahead and get David to bed, and by that time I'll be done torturing myself with this stupid pump."
Bucky laughed quietly and nodded. "Okay." Then he turned to David and said, "You heard her, buddy. Let's go."
David was tired after his happy day at the tower, so he got up without argument. He hugged Summer when she held out her free arm to him, and then with Adelaide still in Bucky's arms, Bucky followed David to his room and picked out a movie to put on for him while he brushed his teeth and changed into pajamas. David used to demand a bedtime story every night, but at some point over the last few months he'd decided that bedtime stories were for babies and he was definitely no baby. Now he preferred to fall asleep to his favorite movies.
That night it was Inside Out. Once it was on, David climbed into bed and wasted no time in curling up under the covers. His eyes were already heavy, and Bucky smiled and told him goodnight as he mussed his hair. David signed goodnight back to him, and then sat up suddenly so he could give his sister a kiss on the cheek. Then he patted her head and laid back down, immediately closing his eyes and drifting off in minutes.
Bucky smiled and turned off the light. The kid was adorable.
After, he headed back out to the living room and was greeted by Summer smiling brightly and handing him a bottle filled to the very brim with an impressive amount of milk. He blinked and wondered how just one of her breasts could make that much at once, but before he could verbalize the thought, she started giving him instructions.
"Okay, so the nipple on this bottle is a slow drip one," she explained. "It's supposed to be like a real one, so it doesn't just flow and flow. She's gotta make it flow. But still, if it comes out too fast for her and she coughs, just take it out for a minute and let her have a break, and then offer it back to her. Once she's asleep she'll probably keep sucking on it even though she's not really drinking, so once she's out-out, switch it with her pacifier. Then you should be able to put her in her bassinet without her waking up. Oh, and change her diaper first, before you feed her."
"Okay," he nodded, instantly memorizing all of the instructions. Then he furrowed his brows and asked, "Aren't you coming with me?"
"Nope," she smiled. "I'm about to throw a giant batch of cookies in the oven, and anyway... you haven't really gotten any alone time with her. I think this would be good for both of you. Some nice little bonding time."
He smiled back, though he instantly felt a bit nervous now. But at the same time, if something went wrong, Summer would only be one hall away. He could do this. "Okay."
She smiled wider and then leaned closer to kiss him first, then Adelaide. "Goodnight, baby. Just you and Daddy tonight."
Bucky smiled at Summer as she straightened up and rubbed the back of Adelaide's head. Then she looked up at him and smiled back before giving him one more kiss and saying, "Okay. Go on. I'll be in cookie land if you need me."
"Okay," he chuckled, turning and walking towards the nursery down the hall. Adelaide hadn't slept there once, but her changing table and rocking chair was there, and maybe she could also sleep in her crib for a few hours that night. That would give him and Summer some time later to talk about what he knew was bothering her.
But for then, Adelaide had his full attention. He laid her on her changing table carefully, changed her diaper even more carefully and also changed her clothes. He put her in a warm pastel purple sleeper, and altogether it took him about ten minutes to get her ready for bed. He took his time, being acutely aware of his left hand and how very tiny and vulnerable she was, and she was perfectly happy through it all. Being inexperienced, he wasn't quite fully aware of how lucky he was to have a relatively easy baby.
Then he picked her back up and headed to the comfy rocking chair on the other side of the room. He sat down, bottle in his free left hand, and after a bit of adjusting, he got her nice and comfortable in his arms once more. Then he plucked the pacifier from her mouth, and she wasn't happy about that. She whimpered and began to scrunch her face up preparing to cry, but he was quick to soothe her with his voice and offer her the bottle. She wasn't sure about it at first, as she'd never been fed that way before, but once a tiny drop of the milk dripped on to her lip, she realized what it was and accepted the bottle.
Bucky breathed a long sigh of relief, having been unsure for a moment if the whole feeding thing was going to work. But she was hungry and once she got the bottle flowing, her expression became one of contentment. She stared up at him all the while, and Bucky was incredibly grateful to Summer for giving him this. It was the sweetest thing he'd ever experienced.
To his surprise, she stayed awake through the whole feeding, and she also drained the whole bottle. She kept her eyes on him the whole time, and the minute she spit the bottle out, she spared him the trouble of having to burp her by letting out the girliest little burp he'd ever heard all on her own. He grinned and set the bottle aside, then held her a little closer as he started gently rocking the chair back and forth. He dropped his lips to her forehead, and her eyes began to flutter shut as the pull of sleep became impossible for her to fight.
"I love you, baby girl," he murmured after stealing one more kiss. Her eyes opened then, just long enough to meet his own, and then something amazing happened. She smiled for the very first time, right at him, and then closed her eyes and fell asleep as the smile slowly faded from her tiny lips.
He was stunned. He stared at her in awe, unable to believe what he was seeing and that her very first smile had been at him. If he wasn't already head over heels for the little girl, then that was the moment when he knew that he was irreversibly wrapped around her exceedingly small finger and would be until the day that he died. Not only did he love her more than words could say, but he truly believed for the first time that she really, really loved him too.
It took him a bit before he was ready to put her in her crib. He soaked up the moment and all of the happiness and love that came with it, and by the time he was ready, a smile of his own was stuck to his face. He got up and walked her to the crib, placed her inside and watched as she stirred a bit before relaxing again and staying in her deep slumber. Then, after a few more moments spent staring at her, he grabbed the baby monitor and headed out to the kitchen.
The house smelled like a bakery thanks to the cookies that Summer was baking, and he found her sitting at the table tapping at the keyboard of her laptop as the latest batch cooked in the oven. She peered over the monitor and smiled, "How'd it go?"
"You're not gonna believe this," he grinned, sitting next to her, "but she smiled at me. Really smiled at me."
Summer's eyes popped wide open. "You mean while she was awake?! Because she smiles in her sleep but she hasn't had her real first smile yet!"
"I know," he grinned wider. "But she did. She was still awake and she just looked up at me, and..."
Laptop forgotten, he watched Summer's eyes fill with tears instantly. "Oh my God! And I missed it! Dammit! But that's so awesome! I can't believe it... she's not a little newborn anymore. She's getting big and smiling and the next thing you know she'll be laughing!" After Bucky chuckled at that, she smiled and added more quietly, "I'm so glad you got to have that with her. She really loves you, you know. Your voice was the first one she turned her head for, and now you're the first person she ever smiled at."
He smiled, looking down and trying not to tear up himself. It was tough, seeing as he felt like his heart might explode any minute. Then he looked up when he felt Summer take his hand, and he watched her as she said, "And... I've been wanting to tell you this for awhile but we've been so busy and I keep forgetting or falling asleep, but... you've been really amazing this whole time and you've helped me so much. I didn't have anything like this when David was born, and this has just been such an incredible six weeks, seriously. I'm just really, really happy."
He smiled and squeezed her hand. "Me too."
She looked like she was about to say something else, but then the timer on the oven went off and she was hopping up to take the cookies out. He watched her from the table as she put the baking sheet on top of the stove, and then he noticed the plate full of cookies next to it that she'd already made while he'd been busy with the kids. She always made a lot of cookies at once, freezing whichever ones didn't get eaten within the first day or so, and these ones were his favorites - double chocolate peanut butter. It sounded weird in theory, but they were rather amazing.
He got up and headed her way as she took the newest ones off of the baking sheet and set them aside to cool. She munched on one in the process, sighing and then muttering, "I really need to stop. I've already eaten two and if I don't stop I'll eat twenty."
"I don't blame you," he said, but she turned around and shook her head as she still held the cookie in her hand.
"No, seriously, I have to stop. I'm wrecking my new diet within the first eight hours of being on it."
"New diet?" he repeated, furrowing his brows.
"Yup. Nothing crazy, but just... eating more balanced and not pigging out like I'm still pregnant. Goes along with the new exercise plan."
He nodded, then said a bit more seriously, "I know I said this earlier, but... you know you don't have to do all that, right?"
"I know," she nodded. "I want to. I'm sure it's obvious by now how much I hate looking like this."
He looked her over, her hair up and simple, comfortable clothes on, face makeup free and still just as beautiful to him as when she had a full face of the stuff. He shrugged and said, "You're beautiful, Summer. That hasn't changed."
Still holding the cookie, she rolled her eyes and said, "Well, you're supposed to say that."
He narrowed his eyes slightly. "What?"
"I just... look," she sighed, gesturing helplessly with her hands, "it's hard when you walk around all day looking like a god. I mean, you're perfect. And I'm a mess. I'm fat, I'm constantly shoving food in my face, and I'm annoying because I can't stop thinking about how fat I am."
He really hated to hear her say things like that, but even more he hated the fact that she felt that way about herself. Without missing a beat, he replied, "I can stop working out if you want."
"No," she shook her head. "That's not what I want. I'm just saying that right now we're pretty... mismatched, you know? I mean, I've always felt like you're way prettier than I am, but..."
Bucky stared at her for a moment, then said, "Give me the cookie."
She stared back in slight confusion but handed it over anyway. He then proceeded to shove the entire thing in his mouth - which was kind of surprising, because it wasn't small - and then as he chewed it, he said with his mouth full, "Give me the rest."
"What? No! Why?"
He swallowed. "Because I will stop working out and start eating everything if that's what it takes to make you feel comfortable. Now hand me the plate."
She shifted so that she was standing in front of the plate, smiling as she said, "No! I didn't mean -"
He sighed and reached around her, grabbing for the plate anyway, and she started laughing as she fought him. They ended up in an impromptu wrestling match, both giggling and Bucky eventually emerging as the winner, plate of cookies in hand as he dashed backwards to avoid her snatching it back. He then picked up two and started eating them at the same time, and Summer laughed some more before trying to take the plate back again. He just held it up over his head, too high for her to reach.
"Okay fine, I give up," she said, holding her hands up and leaning back against the counter as her shoulders sagged. "You made your point."
He set the plate down on the table not too far away from him, and he swallowed his latest giant mouthful of cookie before he stepped closer to her and said, "Well, I mean it. And I'm not stupid. I know why you've been avoiding me."
She frowned, looking down and fiddling with her hands. He stopped when he was only inches from her, putting his left hand on the counter behind her and leaning there as his other hand touched her chin and tipped her head up. "Come on, Summer. I know you get insecure sometimes but this isn't you."
"Exactly," she said, gesturing to her body. "This isn't me. I hate looking like this. And feeling like this."
"I know," he said, touching her arm comfortingly, "and if you want to get back in shape and eat better, then I'll support you and help you. You know I will. But it has to be what you want. I don't want you doing it because you're afraid I won't be attracted to you anymore, because you should know by now that nothing's gonna change that."
She nodded, looking down again. "For the most part, yeah, I want to do it for me. But I'd be lying if I said some stupid part of my brain is still kinda scared you'll see me naked and be like 'ew gross, who let in Back-Fat Betty and Tina the Talking Tummy'." When he furrowed his brows in confusion, she waved a hand and said, "I forgot you haven't seen White Chicks yet."
Moving right along from whatever reference that was, Bucky said, "Trust me, I'm not gonna think that. And you need to understand something. You look like this now because you had a baby. You had my baby. I don't know about other guys, but that makes me want you even more."
She smiled and started fidgeting a little more, even blushing a little already. He smiled and brushed his finger across her cheek. "It's true. You remember how I was when you were pregnant and your body started changing." She nodded, and he decided to give her a little nudge. "Tell me what I thought of that."
"You said... um... you said I was a goddess," she replied, blushing more. "And you couldn't keep your hands off me. Even more than usual."
"Exactly. And now I see you with Adelaide, feeding her from your own body, which... that's incredible," he said with full sincerity. "You take such amazing care of her, just like you've always taken amazing care of David. And me."
"Well... thank you," she said, faint blush still on her cheeks.
He got a little closer to her, so that his body was almost just touching hers, and his hand was cradling her head now. "You're welcome. I just want you to let me show you instead of tell you."
"I know," she said quietly, almost timidly placing her hand on his chest, looking at his lips. "I'm just really nervous. And it's not just the weight. I pushed a human being out of my body, got stitched up and had to heal... what if it's... different now, you know? What if I don't feel as good to you as I used to? And what if my boobs leak all over you and you get grossed out and... y'know... can't keep going because the mood is ruined?"
He regarded her for a moment, taking all of her concerns very seriously even though he thought they were all completely unrealistic and impossible. "I'm not worried. If it's different, it's different. Won't change a thing for me. And if you leak on me, do you really think I'd be disgusted by that?"
She shrugged, her eyes completely innocent and vulnerable as she looked up at him. "I don't know."
For a moment, he was almost hurt. Several years now of unconditional love and devotion from him and she still had these thoughts. Would she ever stop doubting herself and his desire for her, or would she forever need constant reassuring that he did, in fact, love every last inch of her body regardless of how much it weighed or what it looked like or how it functioned?
If that was the case, it was lucky then that he didn't mind constantly and thoroughly reassuring her.
"Then let me prove it to you," he said, voice lower and more purposeful than it had been before. He moved in closer, his chest touching hers now, and his eyes fell to her lips as he said, "Stop running away from me."
He watched her swallow, anxiety still clearly visible in her eyes, and then he lowered his head and pressed a kiss to her neck. She smelled good, like flowers and a hint of chocolate and her, and he would lose himself in her if she would only let him. Her hands slid to his back and held on to his shirt, and he could feel her breaths grow shorter as he kissed her most sensitive places just how he knew she loved it. His left hand left the counter and went to her waist, his right one still cradling her head as it tilted to encourage him, and he had a feeling that it might be difficult for him to maintain his patience. He wanted her so badly, but he had to take his time and ease her back into this. He couldn't overwhelm her and add to her discomfort. She had to want it as badly as he did.
And so, when he lifted his head and let his hands wander down to her hips, he looked into her eyes and leaned his forehead against hers as he asked, "Do you trust me?"
She nodded without hesitation. "More than anyone."
He then swiftly lifted her up and set her on top of the counter, making her gasp in surprise. He stood between her now-open legs and didn't break eye contact as he replied, "Good."
Then his lips crashed on to hers, and just like that, his blood felt like it had been lit on fire and was raging through his veins with no other outlet but feeling and touching. He'd show her that she had nothing to be afraid of, nothing to be nervous about, and he'd show her as many times as it took to convince her.
The minute he placed her on top of the kitchen counter, she was a goner. She was always going to be a goner, but now there was truly no turning back.
He kissed her with passion and promise, more so than he had that morning when she had woken up in his arms prior to his attempted seduction. His hands were on her hips, curled there tight and firm, and her hands were now in his hair that he'd taken down a few hours earlier, when they'd come home. Heat uncurled in her belly when his tongue touched hers, playing and teasing and making her moan when he eventually broke away. His eyes were dilated and dark as they took her in, and then he took her hair down for the second time that day. Unlike the first time, however, she knew she wouldn't run away or make an excuse to delay what they both wanted.
After her hair fell down behind her back, long enough to just graze the counter she was sitting on, he kissed her again, this time a little harder. His hands wandered, moving to her hips and then yanking her closer, so that everything was pressed against him. Her fingers moved on autopilot, sliding from his hair down to his shoulders and grabbing his shirt and pulling. She kept pulling until he broke away long enough to take the shirt off, and then her hands were on his perfect bare chest as his lips descended upon hers once more. She moaned and moved her hands to his back, not at all minding how he punctuated a particularly skilled motion of his tongue with a thrust of his hips right into hers. She could feel him through his pants and she wanted to feel more, sick of letting her silly fears get in the way of the rich chemistry between them.
He broke the kiss, hands pulling up her top as he panted against her cheek and murmured, "I'd fuck you right here if I wasn't trying to take this slow."
She lost her breath, heart beating faster at those words. "... Rain check for that, then?"
He grinned slightly, pulling back a little and looking her hungrily, from top to bottom. "Come here."
And then, as soon as the words had left his mouth, he had picked her back up and was carrying her out of the kitchen. She grabbed the baby monitor as he took them to their room, kissing her all the while and making her blood run hotter with each touch. Then, once they were in their room and the door was closed and locked behind them, his lips left hers as he gently laid her down on the bed. She set the monitor on their bedside table, then leaned up on her elbows as he quickly took off his jeans. She had no shame in watching, nor in biting her lip in both anticipation and anxiety as he lowered himself down on the bed and started crawling towards her, now fully naked as opposed to her fully clothed state.
Once he reached her, he kissed her into oblivion and gently laid her down on her back. She could tell in the touch of his hands and his lips how much he was holding back for her, but she was incredibly grateful for his restraint. He laid on top of her, putting enough of his weight on her for her to feel that familiar sensation of safety but not enough to restrict her breathing or be too much. He kissed her until she was breathless, her hand fisted in his hair and body itching for more though she was still a little hesitant.
That was when he pulled away, breathing hard already and letting his eyes drop to her shirt as his right hand began to push it up a bit. Then his eyes met hers and he asked, "You okay?"
She nodded. "Yeah."
"Just relax, okay?" he said lowly, drawing up her top all the way and pulling it from her arms. That left her in her pants and the nursing bra that had been a present from Natasha back at her baby shower months earlier. It was pretty and lacy and even gave her a bit of a push up, so at least there was that. It didn't go unappreciated either, as Bucky's eyes were instantly drawn there.
He didn't ignore the rest of her, however, even though she might have wished he would have. Her stomach was one of her main areas of insecurity, but it was the first part of her that he slid his metal fingers across. She shuddered slightly from the coldness, sucking in a breath as those fingers danced up towards her ribs. Then he laid a kiss just above her navel and slowly worked his way up until he was kissing the tops of her breasts above the cups of her bra. She arched her back to help him when his right hand moved underneath her to undo the clasp of her bra, and then he was pulling it off of her and tossing it to the floor.
Using his left arm to hold himself up, he ran his right hand over each breast, just barely teasing to keep from stimulating them too much. His mouth followed after, just as careful and gentle, and she closed her eyes and tightened her hold on his hair. It all felt so good, feeling his skin on hers and his mouth leaving open-mouthed kisses along her chest and increasingly lower, and she couldn't believe that she had actually been avoiding this.
He kissed all the way down to the waistband of her comfortable, roomy and not exactly sexy sweatpants, and then he drew away and sat up to take them off. After they hit the floor, his hands went to her thighs and his eyes raked over her mostly-naked form. She felt like starting to squirm a little, but he seemed to notice this and didn't dare let her slip inside of her head again.
His lips were back on hers in an instant, his hand roaming up and down her outer thigh as he then told her, "Stay with me, baby. Don't think."
"I'm trying," she told him, truly doing her very best.
"You're beautiful," he assured her. "Do you know what I see when I look at you like this?"
She bit her lip and prayed he didn't say any type of sea-dwelling mammal or farm animal. He didn't, of course.
"I see a woman," he kissed her lips, "who saved my life and made me fall in love with her." His hand nudged her leg away from her other one. "Who carried my child in her body," he added, sliding his hand up her inner thigh as he kissed her neck, "and is just as beautiful like this as she's ever been."
She swallowed, meeting his gaze with a deep blush on her face as he lifted his head and stared deep in her eyes. His fingers were very close to their destination when he said, "Touch me, Summer, and feel how much I mean what I'm saying."
Rather than wait for her, he took her hand and placed it on himself. Her breath hitched and her blush deepened, and she moaned when he kissed her and placed his hand back on her thigh. She kept her hand where it was, unable to help but tease him a little with it, but he quickly brushed it away and said in a slightly strained tone, "Don't, because I won't last long."
"Oh," she half-squeaked, knowing now that he really was incredibly affected by her. One of these days, it would stop surprising her.
"See what you do to me?" he said, kissing her again, a little sloppy and entirely perfect. He pulled away and then touched her, fingers sneaking inside her panties and making her gasp in slight surprise as he watched greedily. "So fucking wet," he marveled roughly, not daring to take his eyes off of her face as her mouth fell open and a whimper escaped. "God, I've missed this."
She had too, and the way that she moaned softly and dug her nails into his back told him exactly how much. He knew just how to touch her, how to wind her up and get her exactly where he wanted her, which was loose and relaxed and so focused on her pleasure that she wouldn't even think to get nervous when his mouth replaced his hand.
She had barely even noticed that his lips had been slowly moving down, dragging down her body until they were there, and a surprised and very loud cry was the result. He looked up and she looked down, her head spinning and his mouth curling up in a grin before he closed his eyes and really tasted her. She gasped and let herself fall back completely on the bed, everything she was feeling amplifying when he groaned like he was finally getting something he'd been desperately craving for some time. It was too much and it had been so long, and he managed to make her stop thinking completely and give in fully without one nervous or insecure thought plaguing her mind.
It wasn't long before she was covering her own mouth with her fingertips so she wouldn't scream and wake the kids. It was, apparently, a little too fast for Bucky, who barely gave her a chance to catch her breath before he simply kept going. At that point, she couldn't do much of anything to stifle her moans aside from burying her face against the side of her pillow and hoping for the best.
When she had nearly fallen off the bed in her uncontrollable twists and turns in response to his constant barrage of pleasure, he finally stopped and gave them both a chance to catch their breaths. She laid there on the bed, limbs loose and brain utterly and blissfully blank, only opening her eyes when he crawled back up her body wearing the most self-satisfied grin she'd ever seen grace his features. She couldn't even give him crap about it, being far too sated to do anything but smile lazily and then wrap her arms around his neck as he leaned down and kissed her.
It was a deeper kiss than she had expected, but she knew exactly why he was doing it. He pulled away, his expression filthy as he said, "I could do that all day."
"I think you just did," she giggled breathlessly.
He grinned back and shrugged. "See, you were worried that you'd be different somehow, but... you're every bit as delicious as you've always been," he said, kissing her softly. "Still tight around my fingers. Still fucking perfect. Everywhere."
She wasn't sure that she could adequately express how much of a relief his words were. She didn't doubt him one bit, didn't suspect at all that he was just telling her what she wanted to hear, and it all actually brought tears to her eyes. She covered them up by pulling him down and kissing him, wrapping her legs around him and urging him closer, needing him to take her the rest of the way and feel him inside of her. He needed it too, but he saw a tear escape her eye when he broke the kiss and it made him pause as he wiped it away with his finger.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?"
She shook her head and smiled. "Nothing. Nothing. I'm just really happy. I was so scared of this and I just feel so stupid now."
"You're not stupid," he assured her, tracing her cheekbone with his thumb. "Remember what I've told you before about talking that way about yourself? Saying things like that, insulting yourself. What did I say about that?"
... She definitely remembered the exact conversation that he was referring to. "You told me not to. And to be... good... and do what you said."
"Exactly," he said, fingers drifting down to her chest and absently teasing her breast. "I still mean that. Maybe now more than ever. Can you do that for me? Can you be good again?"
She nodded. "Yes."
"Yes what?"
A shiver shot down her spine. Oh yeah, she'd missed these moments a lot. "Yes sir."
"Good girl," he murmured before kissing her again, this time with a vengeance that belied his own desperation. He was so hard against her, his muscles tense and skin hot as it slid against hers. His hair was damp now, falling in his face and tickling hers as they kissed, and she couldn't stand to wait or make him wait any longer.
She took matters into her own hands, literally, and reached down between them to take him in her hand and guide him to where they both needed him to be. He stared at her as she did this, eyes growing even more heated and dark, and the only thing she said before the waiting came to an end was, "Go slow, okay?"
He nodded, and then with her help, they were finally joined at last. Bucky instantly groaned with deep, palpable relief and pleasure, and Summer was just as relieved that it didn't hurt at all. She was sure that Bucky deserved all the credit for that, having made sure that she was as ready as she could have possibly been.
He went slow, just as he'd promised, and they both took their time in savoring every last bit of one another and the intimacy that they were lucky enough to share. It was just right, slow enough to keep him steady and still fast enough to satisfy. They fit together as they always had, proving her fears unfounded, and when he ended up sitting up in the bed and pulling her on his lap, it only got better from there.
Clutching one another and kissing like their lives depended on it, they rocked against each other until they couldn't hold out any longer and fell apart. Bucky buried his face in her neck, muffling the sounds he couldn't hold back, and Summer pulled hard on his hair as her back arched and head fell back with her own pleasure. It was perfect and sweet, well worth the wait, and neither of them wanted to let go of the other for quite some time after.
They ended up lying on the bed, tangled up in each other and still breathing hard, sweat slicking their skin and mingling as they looked at one another and smiled like the idiots that they were for each other. Summer felt a little like her old self again, some of her old confidence coming back in those lazy, perfect moments where nothing existed but them.
Her body wasn't what she wanted it to be, but it would get better. She would work on it, and she'd eventually get back in shape. And in the meantime, she would let Bucky love her the way that she deserved to be loved, and she'd let him show it however he saw fit. She trusted him implicitly, even if she hadn't been showing it as well as she could have up until that night.
"I love you," she said quietly and happily, cradled in his arms and feeling utterly safe and completely satisfied.
"Love you too," he smiled, holding her a little tighter. "You okay?"
"Oh I am so okay," she grinned, kissing his thumb as it passed over her lower lip. "Better than okay. I think I could sleep for a week after that."
He grinned back. "I could sleep for a few hours... then go again."
She laughed softly. "Oh I'm sure. And normally I'd be all for it and one step ahead of you, but..."
In a moment of almost bizarrely good timing, a very familiar little cry was then heard over the baby monitor. They both paused as the sound hit their ears, and Summer smiled warmly at Bucky as he sighed and closed his eyes. She kissed his lips softly and said, "I'll be right back."
"No," he shook his head, gently pulling his arms free and moving to sit up. "Stay here. I'll get her."
"Okay," she smiled, watching and enjoying the view as he got up and threw some clothes on. He tossed her t-shirt to her, and after she caught it, he winked at her and then headed out of their room to grab their daughter.
For the rest of the night, she couldn't wipe the smile off of her face. Now that she had a little piece of herself back thanks to Bucky and his unfailing love for her, she felt better than ever about the future. She had a lot of work ahead of her, in more ways than one, but she knew that she'd get there.
And even if she didn't, the man that she loved would continue to love and adore her just the same. And that, she knew, made her one of the luckiest women on the planet.
A/N: One more chapter down! Lol :) this was a very relationship-focused chapter, and the next one will feature more characters that we haven't seen for awhile, like Paul and some others. And I know I keep saying this but WE ARE GETTING CLOSE TO GOOD STUFF. I'm excited. Getting progressively more excited each week :D thank you to midnightwings96 who is always incredibly helpful and indispensable in her help with keeping this story going, and thank you to all of you lovely amazing readers for continuing to follow this story and leave feedback :D I'll see you all next week! :D