Any recognizable characters or plot points do NOT belong to me. This is strictly for my amusement (and maybe yours as well), I gain nothing from this. That is all.

Storyline: The Notebook

TEXT: You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.

I wake up with a start, briefly disoriented. The sheets I'm lying in aren't the color of my sheets. These sheets are a dark grey and mine are currently sporting Pocahontas designs (because, I'm an adult like that). I breathe deeply catching a familiar scent. Sitting up, I realize exactly where I am: Edward's bed. I also realize I am naked but for panties. And I'm alone.

What the fuck?

Well, I guess the good news is I'm not in some rando's bed. And I'm relatively certain that if I'm in Edward's bed, I probably didn't acquire mouth Herpes last night. That last part is debatable though; I can't be one hundred percent certain considering I don't remember much after trying to leave the bar we were at with a blonde dude with pretty blue eyes. I think Alice stopped me. I also think Emmett's big ass put me to bed. Things do not add up. I text Edward for answers.

Why am I naked in your bed? – B

I hear Edward's phone ding from the living room followed by a muffled curse, something about 'fuckin Bella'.

You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out - E

"WHAT?!" My scream is shrill even to my ears but I don't care because…what?!

Shut up. I'm sleeping – E

No. There will be none of that. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen get your ass in here now!"

After a minute or two I hear an overdrawn groan followed by the springs of the couch protesting and finally Edward's clunking foot falls as he makes his way to the bedroom. He looks handsomely haggard and shirtless as fuck once he's in the doorway. Despite my current confusion I have to smile. Edward shuffles towards the bed and flops down beside me, yanking the covers up so he can crawl in.

"For someone that was as drunk as you were, you are far too coherent and talky for this early in the morning" Edward snakes his arm around my mid-section, pulling me close and snuggling into my neck.

"It's not even that early." I squirm a little as his stubble tickles me

"It's fucking early. And your horny little drunk ass kept me up all fucking night. I'm tired. Stop robbing me of my sleep." I feel his lips grazing my neck as he speaks and it definitely isn't leaving me unaffected.

I pull away a little, "How the fuck did I end up here?"

He pulls me back, "Em put you to bed and you rallied, like you always do, and managed to make it here without bodily injury. Then. Then you called me incessantly until I woke up to let you in. I hate you." I feel his soothing touch at my hip, small strokes.

"And then what?"

Edward sighs, kissing my neck so softly I almost don't realize it. "You got naked and tried to seduce me."

I try to look down at him snuggled into the spot between my neck and shoulder, "I did not."

This makes him chuckle and push himself impossibly closer. "Oh, you did. You almost succeeded too." I know it's the truth, I can feel him remembering it.

"That did not happen!" I try to pull away again but he won't allow it.

"It did." He speaks into my ear, causing me to shiver.

"It did not!"

"I beg to differ, and, as the sober one I'm the credible source here."

"Why didn't you capitalize on the occasion?" I whisper, almost afraid of the answer.

"Because," he kisses my cheek, right next to my mouth, "when I fuck you Bella?"

And suddenly everything happens very quickly. Edward is rolling me fully to my back and laying his entire body fully on top of mine. My legs, because they're traitors, open for him and Edward is between them. He rocks his dick into me, our nether bits separated only by sleep shorts and my sad excuse for panties.

"When I fuck you you're going to feel it, Bella. You're going to know it." His lips ghost over mine as he speaks, "And you'll fucking remember it because when I fuck you, I'm going to destroy you."

I should make a ridiculous retort. I should stop this before it goes any further. I'm great at ruining the mood. I mean, I tried to seduce him last night and mid-seduction I went to sleep. I should stop. But I don't want to. I want to give in and I want to him to get it in. Now.

We're best fucking friends, minus the fucking. I try to remind myself.

But, Jesus, in this moment I wish there was fucking. It'd be so easy and I know Edward would be so good. He pushes his hips into mine again and I gasp because fuck it is fucking good. And fuck because we shouldn't be doing this. My bare chest heaves beneath Edward's and all I can think is I want our bottom halves bare as well. Edward kisses my mouth, kisses me breathless until I break away. And I only do that because I feel his hand start to creep down my body and I know if it gets to the promised land that'll be it. There will be no turning back. I feel something shifting in our dynamic. I panic.

"I almost went home with a blonde dude last night, I don't even like blondes."

Edward freezes and I know I've popped the bubble. I know I've stopped the sex train dead in its tracks. He rolls off of me and away groaning loud and long into his pillow. He breathes heavily for a moment and I stare at the ceiling, doubting my sanity.

"Fuck Bella! Fuck!" He speaks into his pillow but I hear him. Loud and clear. The man is a saint, I'm sure of it.

"I'm sorry."

Edward chuckles humorously and then clears his throat. Sitting up on his elbow he gazes down on me, "So, did you fellate him? Are you the proud new owner of mouth Herpes?"

I gasp and reach out to smack him, "No! And no! Dickhead!"

"Is the offer for fellatio still up for grabs then?" And just like that my best friend is back. We're officially out of relatively uncharted territory.

"Hell no! As the story of last night goes, I came to you. And that wasn't the offer. This isn't dick sucking on delivery."

I'm speaking but Edward doesn't hear me; his eyes have ventured south and at first I don't realize what he's look at until I follow his eyes. In the commotion of trying to hit him I have managed to dislodge the blanket from my shoulders and one of my tits is hanging out. I'm fairly certain at this point that my body just wants to be naked around Edward. Really, I can't blame it.

His eyes are dark and hooded and I can feel the mood shifting again. His hand reaches out and just as I think he's going to touch me, he surprises us both and covers my chest up. Edward suddenly sits all the way up and throws his legs over the side of the bed. He's up and moving across the room to the dresser where he pulls out sweat pants and my favorite shirt of his to wear. Turning around he throws me the clothes and the sweetest smile I've ever seen.

"Well since you've sufficiently woken us both up, let's go get food and go to your place. It's time for you to start studying for mid-terms too. You're going to regret it if you don't."

The spell is officially broken; things are back to normal. Self-imposed blue labes and all.

A/N: My apologies for the clam/cock block of this chapter. I don't think these two will be doing this dance much longer, I mean...one's resistance is only so strong when it comes to Edward. haha. Anyways, hope you're enjoying. I'm thoroughly entertained while I research Text From Last Night for future chapters. New chapter soon. Ok byeeee.