A/N: Alrighty so, first of all, thank you guys so much for your reviews and feedback and follows, I love you all SO MUCH and I am so so grateful for each of you lovely readers :D Now, unfortunately, this is going to be the last chapter that I'll be able to post for at least a month. Real life has taken a turn for the hectic and I currently have almost zero writing time - definitely not enough to focus fully on the next chapter and do it justice - so I'm going to be taking a bit of a break. Everything's okay, so no worries there, but writing just really isn't happening at the moment, not for a lack of motivation but just sheer time issues. I do anticipate things going back to normal in about a month though, so rest assured that I'll be back and that this story will be finished and all my future stuff in the works will happen as well :) It's not impossible that I might manage to squeak out another update here in the next few weeks, but since that's unlikely, I'm just going to say to expect one in about a month. So keep an eye out for that, and in the meantime, hopefully you guys will like this next chapter :D let me know what you guys think, and I'll be back with a new chapter as soon as I can!
Following the legal blunder of the century, Bucky's trial was put on hold for three weeks while the prosecution got its act together and regrouped under a new lead attorney. This news came as a relief to Summer and the opposite to Bucky himself, who simply just wanted the trial over and done with and his fate decided.
Still, the break gave them all the chance to breathe, at least a little bit. Matt and Foggy dealt with the press and the inevitable reports of what had happened when to make Bucky fall unconscious in the courtroom. They only had a day or two of keeping the details under wraps before they were released, and the news only served to further divide public opinion. Those who considered Bucky innocent saw the incident as confirming his lack of responsibility for his actions as the Winter Soldier, and those who wanted him locked up saw it as undeniable proof that he was indeed still dangerous and certainly not fit to be roaming the streets as a free man.
Summer's blog was inundated with comments from followers who were highly concerned for them and had many choice words for the now-dismissed prosecutor, and reading through each comment took the better part of an entire day. It was worth it, however, for how it lifted Summer's spirits a little bit to see how many people were as outraged as she was. She wrote a post about the incident, leaving out the more sensitive details, and as was expected at that point, the post got plenty of attention on all the news cycles.
The good news was that Summer hadn't been photographed or seen in the media following those events, so she didn't have to endure any questions or speculation as to who had given her the nasty cut on her forehead. It wasn't something that she thought about often, and in fact she would do a very good job of forgetting that it was even there until she'd catch Bucky staring at it. He couldn't forget what he had done, and he also couldn't stop punishing himself for it.
In the days following the full restoration of his memory, for Summer it was like watching him relapse into the struggling and sleepless man that he had been at the very start of their relationship. He was quieter, much more distant, and even irritable which was rather new. He didn't sleep much, and most nights he would either wait until she fell asleep and then quietly slip out of bed or he wouldn't come to bed at all until morning had nearly arrived. He was back in therapy full time and that was good, she knew, but whatever he was sharing with Dr. Connor, he wasn't sharing it with Summer. In fact, she was pretty sure that sometimes he was even avoiding her.
For the kids, he put on his best happy face and tried to make them feel as if nothing was different. It worked for Adelaide, being as little as she was, but David was too observant for much to get past him. He drew Bucky pictures to cheer him up and would act silly to try to get laughs out of him, and Summer recognized that as a trait he'd inherited for her. She always tried to use humor to make someone feel better and was painfully sensitive to the moods of the people that she loved, but her attempts at this weren't as successful as David's.
She tried to talk to Bucky and get him to open up at least a little about his new memories and why he was having such a hard time dealing with them, but he shut her down almost every time. He'd never done that before, and to make it even worse, they were legitimately bickering for the first time on a regular basis. Ever since the social worker's untimely visit had set him off and the threat of having the kids taken loomed over their heads, there was a tension between them and every time she tried to resolve it or at least ignore it, it only seemed to get worse.
He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to let her in. He never wanted to do anything she suggested to take his mind off of his worries. All he wanted to do was punch and kick his frustration out in the gym, which he spent an inordinate amount of time doing, and he was also spending a lot of time with Steve. When he wasn't doing either of those things, he was usually either putting on a brave face for the kids or scribbling his newly recovered memories in a notebook because he was now more afraid than ever of forgetting again.
She never even touched that notebook or peeked at it, even though it was sometimes a tempting idea. She trusted him to open up to her in his own time, and she tried her very best to not push him or get on his nerves or do anything else to make it worse. She did, however, decide a two weeks following the Sputnik incident to try a new tactic and hand the kids over to Steve and Natasha for a night so that she could try to get Bucky's mind off of everything for at least a few hours. She didn't know how successful she would be but at the very least, they'd get some time to themselves for the first time in a very long time and she definitely need that. Hopefully he did too, though it was hard to tell with how he was often running the other way.
When the night came, Steve and Natasha slipped out for an incognito night at the movies with the kids and Summer got dressed up and ready like she was preparing for a date. Dinner was in the crockpot, a very easy recipe and luckily one of Bucky's favorites, and he was in their room alone and oblivious as Summer got everything set up the way that she wanted once dinner had finished cooking. She got ready in Natasha's room to avoid suspicion, fixing her hair and throwing on a nice dress that she knew he liked, and because this was Bucky she was trying to impress, she put on a pair of heels too.
While she uncorked a bottle of red wine that she'd nabbed from Tony's ridiculously extensive cellar, the smell of the food drew Bucky out of their room and into the kitchen. He paused when he saw the whole floor empty and Summer pouring wine at the table set for two, and he knew she was up to something as he trailed his eyes over the back of her and took note of her dress, dark hose on her legs and high heels. He liked that dress a lot - it was black and it fit her beautifully, fitted at the top and flowy at the bottom, tied at the side of her waist with a bow - and he wasn't sure if he'd seen the heels before. They were a deep scarlet color and very high, and he could hazard a guess as to why she'd worn them.
After she filled the glasses of wine and set down the bottle, she turned and almost jumped a little when she saw him standing there watching her with a suspicious but knowing look on his face. "Oh hey," she smiled, tucking her hair back behind her ears and feeling oddly nervous. "I didn't hear you come out."
"You're all dressed up," he noted, walking towards her and the table. "Where's the kids? And..." he glanced around as he walked, "everyone?"
"The kids are at the movies with Steve and Nat getting some much needed time out of this tower," she replied with a smile, leaning up and giving him a peck on the lips once he was close enough. "And I bribed everyone else to let us have the floor to ourselves for a few hours."
He smiled faintly at her, a very small smile that she was used to seeing in those days, and he lowered his eyes over her body again before telling her, "You look beautiful." She smiled and then he glanced down at himself before adding, "And I'm wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt."
"It's okay," she insisted with a laugh, gesturing for him to sit down. "I'd rather you be comfortable. Besides," she grinned, "sometimes sweatpants make things more visible on guys, you know?"
He gave a small grin back and shook his head, looking down and not giving her the kind of comeback that she would normally expect from him. That was okay, though. She was happy just to be pulling these little small smiles from him at all, because God knew that wasn't easy to do anymore.
"I'll be right back," she said, briefly dragging her hand along his shoulder before heading back inside the kitchen to grab their plates. She could feel him watching her as her heels clicked across the floor, and she held fast to her hope that the night would go well.
Her goal was to get through dinner without either of them having to say a single word about the trial or lawyers or memories that Bucky wished he didn't have. It wasn't easy, but to her relief, they actually pulled it off. As they are, Summer carefully steered the conversation from one safe topic to another, from the kids and David's progress with his studies and the piano teacher he had been taking lessons from for months to mildly interesting stuff from her workplace. She still worked four to five days a week ten floors above their room planning events for SI, and that provided plenty of safe chatter.
He knew what she was doing, trying to distract him and pointedly ignore the constantly swirling storm looming over their lives, and he played along with her. She did most of the talking but he spoke when he knew it was needed, and it was okay. It wasn't bad, and it wasn't great. It was simply exactly what it was - a semi-effective distraction from things that he really wasn't sure that he could be fully distracted from.
Summer knew this, and she was okay with that because dinner was only phase one of her plan. Once they'd finished eating and Bucky had volunteered to take their dishes to the sink for her, she prepared to commence phase two which had a much riskier chance for success. But if it did succeed, she was sure that it would be more than worth it.
After he was done cleaning up for her, Summer walked up to him as he dried his hands on a small towel and then smiled brightly as she asked, "Ready for the next stage of my evil plan?"
"There's more?" he asked, tossing the towel aside and letting her take both of his hands in hers and start walking him out of the kitchen.
"Of course there is," she smiled. "I plan giant events for a living. I can handle a date."
"Oh, so this is a date," he chuckled quietly as they moved out into the hallway towards their room. "Pretty forward of you, taking me to your bedroom right after dinner."
She smiled at his display of humor, painfully aware that it was the first joke he'd cracked in weeks. "Well, y'know... I'm a modern woman and all. But actually, I'm not taking you to our room for that. Not yet, anyway."
They reached their room just then, and she shot him what she hoped was a mischievous grin before opening the door and bringing them inside. She let him walk past her and then shut the door behind her, and then she quickly got to work moving things around while he watched her in brief confusion.
She moved Adelaide's crib and kicked away a bunch of baby toys that littered the floor, pushed a chair and a small table against the wall, and then once she headed to their dresser where Bucky's long-unused record player was, he finally understood what it was that she was planning on doing with him.
She already had a record picked out and put in place, so as she turned it on and got it started, she glanced at him and smiled. She got a half-smile back, and then once everything was set, she walked to him and reached for his hands again as she explained, "It's been a long time since we've danced, and... I don't know, I thought it would be nice."
He nodded and let her move him to the center of the room as the first notes of the song began to play. She'd chosen the record carefully, making sure it was a song that hadn't been released prior to his "death" in case a familiar song would trigger him or bring up difficult memories. The song was from 1949, and it was one that they'd danced to a few times back when he was still teaching her how to.
His metal arm slipped around her waist, pulling her close to him, and his right hand took hold of her left one. They slowly began to sway to the easy rhythm of the song, and Summer smiled up at him almost as soon as they had begun to move.
"Remember when we'd do this all the time, in this same room," she said, trying to fill his mind with a pleasant memory for once rather than a bad one. "I was so bad at first and you were so patient."
"You weren't that bad," he assured her. "Just needed a few pointers here and there, that's all."
She scoffed quietly. "I had two left feet. But you still managed to make a dancer out of me. Twice, actually."
She hadn't meant to say that, because bringing up how he'd helped her learn to dance again after her leg had been crushed by a drunken teenage driver didn't exactly qualify as a happy memory, but thankfully it didn't seem to bother him. He simply nodded and then smiled, "Yeah, and then Natasha went and really made you into a dancer."
She blushed a little and glanced down as she smiled. "Yeah, she did. Wonder if I've still got the moves."
"If you want to give it a try and see, I won't stop you," he replied, and she chuckled before laying her head down on his shoulder and closing her eyes with a quiet sigh.
"I love you," she said quietly, and she felt him nuzzle gently into her hair as the words left her mouth.
"I love you too," he replied just as softly, and for a moment - just a moment - they were okay again. Everything was okay, they were in their own little bubble of happiness, and the world didn't matter for a little while.
He spun her slowly a few times, making her smile and then melt back against him when he'd bring her back against his chest. He smelled good, having showered just a few hours before after his usual overly strenuous and hideously long workout down in the gym, and he felt so solid and strong that it somehow took her by surprise. She didn't understand why for a few moments, but then it hit her that she couldn't remember the last time she'd been this close to him for this long. A lot of that had to do with the healing cut on her forehead that she'd caked with makeup before dinner, but so far he hadn't been staring at it like he usually did. He was doing good with this, and she wanted to keep it that way.
Music still playing and their bodies still swaying together lazily, Summer looked up at him and began to slowly lean in closer, wanting to see if he would lean in to meet her. When he did, she brushed her nose against his and closed her eyes before placing a soft, short little kiss on his lips. It was just a test to see how he'd react and if he'd reciprocate, and when he answered with a kiss of his own, she felt even more relieved than she had expected to be.
He drew away from the kiss only to untangle his hand from hers and then bring it to her face, gently cupping her jaw before kissing her again, more deeply that time. Summer could have sang with joy, but instead she parted her lips for him and welcomed the soft, teasing little brush of his tongue against hers. She moaned a little just from that, and then they were no longer dancing but instead standing there in each other's arms and kissing until they were both breathless.
When they broke away for air, Bucky leaned his forehead against hers and murmured in a voice that made her shiver, "Thank you for all this, sweetheart. I needed a night like this."
"You're welcome," she smiled, wrapping both arms around his neck before pressing a kiss to his lips. Then she added, "It's not over yet, though."
His eyebrows raised up a little at the gleam in her eye. "No?" When she shook her head, he asked, "What else you got for me?"
"Take off my dress and find out," she purred, and the way that his gaze heated up at those words made her insides jump with excitement. She grinned and then turned around in his arms, pulling her hair over one shoulder so that he had a clear view of the zipper on the back of her dress.
She closed her eyes and sighed when he pressed his lips low on back of her neck. His flesh fingers gripped the zipper and slowly dragged it down, his lips kissing down between her shoulder blades as each new inch of skin was exposed. Then he drew away and pulled the zipper all the way down to her lower back, and after pushing the dress down and letting it pool on the floor around Summer's heels, he got the full view of the back of her last little surprise for him.
Underneath that little dress, she had been decked out in satin lingerie all night. He'd seen her in a lot of different lingerie sets over time, but he'd never seen her in the sort of red satin with black lace detailing that she was wearing now. After he raked in the sight of her, she stepped out of her dress, kicked it away, and then turned around to give him the best view of all.
He let out a strangled groan that he just couldn't help. She looked absolutely perfect, her long dark hair tumbling over her shoulders but not obscuring his view of her breasts as they sat snug and high in her red and black bra. Then it was all smooth and pale skin until his eyes reached her matching garter, sitting above an almost criminally tiny pair of panties that he was sure would rip with the smallest tug. The little garter straps were snapped securely to the tops of her stockings that stretched over her long and perfect legs, leading down to those damn high heels that just so happened to perfectly match everything else.
He reached out for her, ready to devour her, but she quickly darted just out of his reach and then slid surprisingly smoothly on to their bed. She scooted back into the middle of the bed, leaning back on her elbows and giving him what she hoped was a come hither sort of look, and it must have worked because he was crawling on the bed after her in an instant.
He halted, however, when she pressed one high heeled foot to his chest. He looked down at her foot and then back at her, the heat in his eyes even more intense now as he looked at her questioningly. She grinned and said, "You're a little overdressed."
He stood back up in a flash, hands gripping the bottom of his shirt and yanking it up and off dizzyingly quickly. Summer watched with a little grin and her lower lip caught between her teeth as he then quickly shed the rest of his clothes, not taking his eyes off of her once. Then, once he was naked and she could see how excited he already was, he got back on the bed and this time she welcomed him with open arms.
Oh yeah, she thought as he hovered over her and kissed her long and deeply, this was a good idea.
He had need this night so badly and he hadn't even known it.
The satin and lace of Summer's lingerie dragging across his increasingly sensitive skin, Bucky kissed her senseless and reveled in letting go and living in the moment. It was comforting, being this close to her and feeling his body take over and letting his instincts guide him, and the fact that she had dressed up like this for him only made it even better.
He wanted to make sure, above all else, that he properly thanked her for her efforts, so he made it a point to kiss down her body and touch her in the places he knew would make her shiver and crave more. He made his way down to her thighs, parting them and kissing the skin between the tops of her hose and her panties, and then he glanced up at her before taking the edge of one stocking between his teeth. He made a show of it, maintaining that eye contact as he jerked his head back and ripped the material free of the little garter snaps, and he was pretty sure that he heard her mutter a breathless oh my God. He smirked and then rolled the stocking from her leg with his fingers, removing the other next, and then he moved back up and pressed his lips to her stomach. She was already trembling a little bit, her hands on his shoulders urging him up as he slowly made his way back to her lips.
She kissed him with a low little moan and pulled him down against her, her legs winding around his hips holding them there as she rocked up against him. They stayed like that for a bit, just kissing and sliding together almost lazily, until the little sparks of pleasure weren't enough anymore and Summer maneuvered her way on top of him.
She reached behind her and unhooked her bra, dropping it to the floor and sighing quietly when his hands wasted no time in covering the newly exposed flesh. He squeezed and caressed them and then tensed when she ground herself deliberately slowly against him, telling her in a rough and heated voice, "Don't tease me."
"Yes sir," she smiled before leaning forward and laying one last kiss on his lips before taking her mouth down lower. She kissed and licked and nipped her way down his chest, across his abs and then stayed true to her word of not teasing him, gripping him first in her hand and then slowly taking him into her mouth. He might have protested, normally doing this first for her before she had a chance to do it to him, but he found that he couldn't speak or even think. He closed his eyes and let out a rough breath, flesh fingers going to her hair while his metal ones went to the hair on top of his own head.
She knew just how to give him exactly what he wanted, knew how to string him along and make him tighten his fingers in her hair and have to use all of his self control to not rock and thrust into her mouth. She did all of that work for him, making him feel so good and so carefree that it was all he could do to lay back and just take the pleasure she gave him.
Fuck he'd needed this. He couldn't remember feeling that good in ages, certainly not before...
He clenched his eyes shut and told himself not to go down that road. Stay in the moment, stay focused. Don't let his mind drift, because if he did...
His eyes slowly opened and he gently tugged on Summer's hair until she lifted up and off of him, panting a little bit and flushed from her efforts. He pulled her up and kissed her, then flipped them so that she was on her back again. He shifted all of his focus off of himself and his own desires and on to her, determined to lose himself in her and keep his mind turned off the way that he needed it to be.
It was easy, focusing wholly on her and nothing else. She was so sensitive and easy to please, and he knew her like the back of his hand. He kissed every inch of her, taking his time and enjoying every moment of it, finally taking off her garter and the little scrap of panties that barely covered her and then burying his face between her thighs with a hungry groan.
This, he knew, he could do until exhaustion set in and he would be perfectly content. He absolutely loved it, loved everything about it and about her, especially the helpless way that she squirmed and moaned and then arched off the bed every time he pushed her over the edge. He didn't stop until the third time, and he only stopped then because she begged him to. He drew away, licking his lips and breathing hard, brushing the back of his hand over his mouth before he let her pull him back up and crash their lips together again.
After that, it was only seconds until she was bringing her legs back around his hips and then reaching between them, not breaking their kiss as she took him in her hand and guided him inside her. He loved it when she did that, and he broke away from her lips with his eyes shut and a moan escaping his slightly open mouth. When he opened his eyes he found her smiling up at him, and he grinned back at her before starting to move and making her eyes roll shut in contentment.
She was tight and hot and soaked around him, and his mind was blessedly blank as she moved with him and held on to him with both arms wrapped around him. He dropped his face down against her neck, his quiet but deep moans muffled against her skin, and as his instincts reigned once more, he kissed her neck and then sucked a possessive mark into the sensitive flesh. He licked over the spot after, and then he made the mistake of looking at it after he lifted up his head again.
It was a harmless little bruise, one that he'd intended to give her, but it was enough to make him suddenly recall in vivid detail how he had tossed her into a wall after waking up reverted to HYDRA's most recent programming. He blinked and tried to shake it off, but then his eyes drifted to her forehead where her still-healing cut was slowly becoming a scar under all the makeup she applied to it every day. It was definitely still there, unlike the enormous bruise that had since faded from her lower back.
He shut his eyes again and started moving faster. But that was also a mistake, because closing his eyes those days meant seeing things he didn't want to see.
Summer sunk just the tips of her nails into his back, and while that was normally something that would make him shiver with pleasure and want it harder, this time it made him cringe and falter for a moment. He didn't understand why, only that the brief moment of slight pain made his entire body feel hot in an unpleasant way.
She opened her eyes when he stopped, looking up to find his eyes closed and a look of intense concentration on his face.
"Hey," she said quietly, bringing one hand to the side of his face. "You okay?"
He nodded, briefly opening his eyes to look at her before he lifted up one of her legs higher and then got back to it. He tried to resume his previous pace and he told himself for the hundredth time to stop fucking thinking and just feel, but now he couldn't get the image out of his head of Summer's body being flung into a glass cabinet and then hitting the floor, all by his own hand.
This time when he fell still again, it wasn't by his own choice, or Summer's either. He stopped because he physically couldn't continue, and that... well, he certainly felt hot again, and this time it was from sheer embarrassment.
They both laid there, frozen in place and stuck in a moment they'd never expected to be in. Summer looked down and then back up at Bucky, whose face was burning and who couldn't look her in the eyes. She stared at him in bewilderment and slight panic, having no idea what to do, and he didn't seem to be doing any better.
When he finally managed to glance up at her, he opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. He then looked away and eased off of her, and Summer was quick to follow him.
She put her hand on his chest and stopped him from bolting from the bed. "Hey, are you... are you okay, or..."
He still couldn't meet her eyes. She didn't wait for him to answer, instead turning his face towards hers and saying, "It's okay. Look at me. Do you... do you need me to do something? I can... try to..."
He stared at her helplessly, feeling absolutely humiliated and about as turned off as one could possibly feel. He shook his head. "I don't... no, I don't think anything's gonna..." He swallowed and looked away. "I'm sorry."
"No, no, don't be sorry, I... I understand," she said, the rushed tone of her voice and wide eyes giving away how desperately she was trying to diffuse the situation. "You're under a lot of stress, and... yeah." She paused. "It's stress... right?"
He honestly didn't know, and the longer that he spent sitting there next to her the worse and more embarrassed he felt. "Yeah," he nodded unconvincingly, brushing her hand off of his chest and then getting up.
Summer sat there in the bed, pulling up a sheet around her and staring as Bucky grabbed his clothes off of the floor. He gathered them up in his hands and then glanced back at her, again opening his mouth even though no words came out.
She didn't say anything either. They both stared at one another in an awkward state of uncomfortable silence before Bucky looked away and took refuge in the bathroom, leaving Summer there to stare after him and wonder what the hell had just happened to them.
The following morning, Bucky was downstairs in therapy while Summer got the kids up and fed. He had been gone before she had woken up, and after the previous night's events, that didn't surprise her one bit. He had gone off somewhere else in the tower following the whole... incident, and he only came back to bed once the kids were back and they were all asleep.
The very minute the kids were sitting and eating happily, Summer plunked herself down at the table in the seat next to a coffee-sipping Natasha and whisper-yelled, "I need to talk to you."
Natasha looked away from her phone and eyed Summer without a hint of surprise. "Ready to tell me why you weren't a big ball of bliss when we brought the kids back last night?"
After blowing out a long and tired breath, Summer replied, "I don't even know where to start."
"Was Operation Date Night not a success?"
"I mean... most of it was," Summer said, glancing at Adelaide as she shoved a handful of Cheerios into her mouth. Then she turned back to Nat and said, "He loved the dinner, and he seemed to really like dancing, but then..."
Natasha raised an eyebrow and paused with her coffee mug halfway to her mouth. "What?"
Cringing and blushing with reborn embarrassment, Summer glanced around to make sure no other Avengers had wandered into the room. "Well, at first everything was fine. The uh... the lingerie was a big hit," she said quietly. "Everything was fine at first. Normal, super hot, he was really into it, I was about to scream my head off -"
"Right," Natasha nodded, urging her to get to the point.
"Right, so then right towards the end when we're... you know..."
Natasha almost rolled her eyes. "Yeah?"
Summer gestured vaguely with her hands and then made a face of pure dismay. "He just..."
"He what?"
"He... lost... motivation to... um... finish."
Whatever Natasha had been expecting, it wasn't that. She appeared legitimately surprised. "Oh."
Summer nodded, face bright and voice still barely audible. "I feel bad for telling you because I know he'd probably kill me, but if I don't tell someone I'm gonna go crazy overthinking and convince myself that it was my fault and that he's not into me anymore, which I know isn't true but -"
"Okay, slow down," Natasha said, raising her hand in the universal sign for chill and then following Summer's example of speaking so low that David couldn't hear a word they were saying. "So what you're telling me is everything went great until the very end?"
Summer nodded. "Yeah. Like he was very into it." She paused. "Until he wasn't."
"Stress can do that to a man," Natasha pointed out. "And he's under a lot of stress. I'm sure going through that was humiliating for you both, but..."
"I know," Summer sighed, "but I just feel so stupid now. I just... it's Bucky, you know? With everything we've been through, that part of things has never changed. Ever. And I figured... I just thought that it was a no-brainer. Like a way to get his mind off of everything, but all I did was make everything worse. And I can't even describe to you how awkward it was."
Natasha, so unflappable most of the time, cringed herself a bit. "I don't doubt it."
"I'm just so stupid," Summer groaned.
"Well, it's not like you could have predicted that kind of thing," Natasha replied. "Did something happen to... kill the mood?"
"I've been going over every last detail in my head and I just don't know," Summer replied with a shrug. "I don't think so. But I know he was looking at my forehead right around when it happened. So for all I know he either got scared that he was gonna hurt me or he was thinking about what happened before. I don't know."
"Look," Nat said, "you can't blame yourself for that. Don't do that to yourself. You know better than anyone what his head's been like ever since he testified."
"I really don't though," she sighed. "He hardly tells me anything. He won't open up to me anymore, especially not about his memories."
Natasha furrowed her brows. "Oh. I didn't know that."
Summer leaned back in her seat and glanced at David's plate, reminding him to put down his tablet and eat the rest of his food before she turned back to Nat and said, "I get it if he doesn't want to tell me everything. I can't even imagine what all he remembers and I'm not gonna push him. But I've never had to tiptoe around him like this and after last night... you know me and how awkward and stupid I am. I'm gonna make an idiot out of myself."
"Just try to calm down. It's not the end of the world," Natasha pointed out. "With everything that you guys are going through, it's bound to cause some problems here and there." Her phone made a quiet noise then, and as she unlocked it to find out what it was, Summer turned back to her own half-eaten breakfast and resumed her previous task of overthinking until she was blue in the face.
She just felt so bad about it all. The look that had been on his face when he had left her there in bed and got away from her as fast as he could was burned into her memory. He had been so embarrassed and so frustrated, and the fact that whatever was going on in his head was enough to trump his serum-enhanced bloodflow and stamina was... well... it was new, that was for sure.
"Oh boy," Natasha said, holding up her phone so Summer could see the screen. "Look what just hit the Internet."
"Oh no, what is it this time?" Summer asked, expecting the worst as a video loaded. The Internet was certainly a thing to be feared lately, but to Summer's relief, this time it was a good surprise that popped up.
She blinked as Thor of all people appeared on the screen, with Steve, Sam, and Wanda behind him. They all appeared to be outside the tower, and Thor was speaking into several microphones held by random reporters.
"Yes, I would be happy to give my opinion, thank you for asking," Thor said, looking rather unhappy as he glared into the camera. "I left this realm some time ago and returned to my home to see to the welfare of my people, and today I return to find out that while I have been gone, one of my friends has been charged with crimes that he is not responsible for. At first I thought it was a joke, because humans are surely more advanced than this, but it is true. I still cannot believe what I have been told."
Summer's eyes widened, and David quickly moved to her side to watch as soon as he heard Thor's voice. "Is this from today? Is he here?"
"This was posted five minutes ago," Natasha replied with a small smile.
"What kind of justice is it to force a man to pay for crimes he did not commit of his own will?" Thor asked. "I know James Barnes, and he is a good man. He is a brave warrior and a father, and after all that he sacrificed in the name of your country, you people repay him like this? This is a disgrace! And anyone who's had a hand in this supposed trial should be ashamed."
A slightly muffled voice of a reporter then asked, "So you believe that he's innocent and that he should be a free man, even though he killed one of our own Presidents?"
"Yes, that is exactly what I believe," Thor replied unapologetically. "I love this realm and I love its people, but this is a stain on your history. It is outrageous. It is cowardice, not justice, and the people of this land should not stand for it. I certainly won't."
With that, Thor and the others turned away from the camera, the video came to an end. Summer looked at Natasha with wide eyes. "Holy fricking crap."
"That was unexpected," Natasha grinned, and then when the sound of the elevators opening reached their ears, they both knew who they would see walking out. And sure enough, there was Thor heading their way, joined by the others seen in the video plus Tony.
David was off and running his way with an excited little squeal. Summer was smiling like an idiot, heart touched by the rousing defense of Bucky that Thor had just given very publicly, and she and Natasha both got up to greet their returning friend as David launched himself at him.
"Ah, my little friend!" Thor grinned as he bent and gave the very excited boy a hug. "Look at you! You've been growing far too quickly, you must stop this."
David giggled and squeezed him back, and with Adelaide in her arms, Summer headed their way with a giant smile on her face. As soon as Thor straightened up and looked her way, he opened his arms wide for what was sure to be a brutal hug and walked the rest of the way to her. "I've heard the terrible news. I am so sorry, Lady Summer."
Pretty sure she'd never get used to being called Lady anything, she smiled back and then braced herself for the coming hug. As she predicted, he almost squeezed the life out of her. "Thank you. And I just saw your video! You didn't have to do that."
Thor tried to pull away, but Adelaide had reached out and grabbed one of his braids during the hug. Summer chuckled and uncurled her little hand from his hair as Thor replied, "Nonsense. I can barely contain my anger over what I have heard." He then looked at Adelaide and smiled brightly. "Look at this little one! The last time I saw you, you were a tiny little thing."
"I know," Summer sighed. "The time's just flown by."
Watching the reunion with his hands in his pockets, Tony chimed in, "You know, this kid's seen you exactly twice, Thor, and yet she sits here giving you the goo-goo eyes. I see her almost every day and she still won't even high five me."
"Yes, well, that is the least confusing mystery of all," Thor grinned at Tony.
"Well, it's good to have you back," Natasha said, holding up her phone so the others could see. "And look what the top story is on every single national news outlet."
Steve looked and then remarked, "Well, at least it's our side making news today."
"And in a good way for once," Sam added.
"Bucky's gonna be grateful for your support," Summer told Thor sincerely.
"Well, I am happy to give it. Where is he?"
"He's downstairs in one of the spare office rooms," Steve replied, "talking to his therapist."
"Ah. Is he well?"
Steve glanced at Summer briefly before answering, "He's hanging in there. He just recently got all of his memories back, thanks to her," he jerked his head towards Wanda. "The prosecutor used an old shutdown code on him that knocked him out and made him wake up thinking he was still with HYDRA. He didn't recognize any of us, so she had to get in his head and bring him back."
Thor looked at Wanda, then at Steve and back to Summer. "They did what to him?"
Summer sighed and nodded. "It's been a pretty bad time."
"Well, if there is anything I can do, anything at all," Thor told her, "I will be happy to help in anyway that I can."
"If we ever want to scold the media again, we'll definitely know who to call," Tony remarked, patting Thor's enormous shoulder. "You basically put half the country in time-out."
That made Summer laugh a bit, and then she heard the elevators ding again. She looked up and then felt a bit of her anxiety return at the sight of Bucky stepping off, but he wasn't alone. Matt and Foggy were with him, having intercepted him on his way out of therapy, and they were all three talking amongst themselves enough to not really notice the Asgardian royalty in their midst. At least not until Foggy looked up halfway there and then suddenly stopped in his tracks and said, "Oh my God, that's Thor."
Thor turned at the mention of his name and then turned his bright smile back on. Foggy stared with wide eyes and suddenly clutched Matt's arm for balance, as if he might faint. Bucky, meanwhile, looked slightly confused. "Oh. Hi."
"Hello, my friend," Thor said, stepping closer to him and surprising him with a hug that Bucky somewhat awkwardly returned. "I am sorry to hear what is happening to you. It is a disgrace."
"Yeah," Bucky nodded after the hug ended, muttering quietly. "Thanks. Didn't know you were back."
"I've only just returned today," Thor replied. He then glanced at Foggy, who was still staring, and he smiled. "Hello."
Foggy visibly swallowed and then waved. Waved. "... Hi."
Summer stepped in at that point, smiling, "This is Foggy Nelson and Matt Murdock, our lawyers. They're absolutely brilliant and wonderful."
"Oh," Thor said, happily reaching out to shake their hands. "Very nice to meet you both."
"You as well, sir," Matt replied calmly while Foggy very unsubtly marveled at how very huge and majestic the man before them was. Of course, nobody could blame him one bit. He was Thor, after all.
"Thor here gave the press the soundbite of the year about fifteen minutes ago," Natasha said, handing her phone to Bucky with the video pulled up. He pushed play, and Matt and Foggy both listened as the video played.
"I was holding back," Thor mentioned to Steve and Tony. "I could have been much less forgiving."
"Well, probably better that way," Tony replied. "Defending someone is one thing. Scaring the pants off of an entire country's another." Thor laughed at that.
After the video was over, Bucky handed the phone back to Natasha and quietly said to Thor, "You didn't have to do that."
"Your lady said the same thing," Thor chuckled. "And I will say the same thing to you that I said to her. Nonsense."
"Thank you," Bucky told him sincerely, seemingly unable to say much else. He was distracted, Summer could tell that much. She assumed that his therapy session hadn't been particularly pleasant.
"Of course," Thor nodded.
"That'll keep the press busy for awhile," Matt said. "And I think it'll only help to have a god on our side."
Thor laughed. "I am no god, but I appreciate the sentiment."
"Could you maybe sign something for me?" Foggy asked with a nervous smile. "Well, for my mom. Not for me."
Matt sighed, and Steve grinned as Thor laughed and happily obliged. Sam produced a pen, and as Foggy tried to rein in his inner fangirl, a Adelaide shimmied out of Summer's arms so that she could go and run to Matt and clutch at his legs as she babbled at him. He grinned and then knelt down in front of her, saying "Hi, little girl," and then laughing when she giggled and, like every other baby in existence loved doing to others, ripped off his glasses from his face.
Tony lifted his arms and dropped them, watching the latest display of Adelaide's inexplicable and instant love for the lawyer. "Seriously, what the fu-"
"Language," Steve quickly admonished, gesturing to the children in their midst.
Tony rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Fine. Fudge. What the fudge. Better, Dad?"
Natasha's eyes widened momentarily before she teasingly said, "Careful, we don't want anyone on the Internet to know that Tony Stark likes to call Steve Rogers daddy from time to time."
Steve groaned while Tony held up a hand and said, "I said dad, not daddy, Miss Filthy Mind." Then, never one to lose an opportunity to torture Steve, he looked his way and then added, "Although if you're into that sort of thing..."
As Steve tried - and failed - to get Tony to shut up and Matt played with Adelaide and tried to get his glasses back from her, Summer followed after Bucky when he slipped away from the group to head into the kitchen. He headed straight for the coffeemaker, and from just behind him, Summer chirped, "I just made that a little awhile ago, so it's still good."
He glanced over his shoulder at her briefly and gave the smallest of nods before grabbing a cup from one of the cabinets and continuing on without a word. She fidgeted a little bit and leaned against the counter and asked as he poured the coffee into his cup, "How was therapy?"
He didn't look at her, but his jaw clenched a little. "Fine."
Chewing on her lip and desperately trying to think of ways to bury the awkwardness between them deep enough for them to be able to ignore it, she replied, "I've got today off, so if you wanted I could find us some movies to watch, or... just do whatever you feel like doing."
Cup of coffee in hand, he turned around and looked over towards the group of people getting on rather loudly, both of his kids occupied and happy with them, and Bucky shrugged. "I'm just gonna go to our room for awhile."
"Okay," she nodded. "Are you hungry? I could bring you some food."
He shrugged again, still barely even looking at her. "No, I'm fine."
"Are you sure because there's still leftover coffee cake and..."
He shook his head and then turned away to start heading out. Feeling an irrational need to keep asking him to let her care for him until he gave in, she followed after him and said, "Well, if you need anything just... text me I guess."
He nodded again without looking back, halfway to their room with her still following. "Yeah."
Once he reached their door, she said his name in a slightly nervous way that made him turn around slowly and look at her with such unhidden irritation that it made her stop in her tracks.
But she was already apparently on his nerves, so why not make it count? "Are you okay?" she asked him quietly, aware that it was a stupid question, but she couldn't help it.
He rolled his eyes. "No. No, I'm not fucking okay."
The bite in his tone didn't surprise her, but it did make the nervous feeling in her gut even worse. "I just... I just want to help."
He opened the door and then muttered, "I know. But I don't think you can." Then he walked inside and closed the door behind him, and Summer closed her eyes and let her head drop back in despair.
God, how she hated everything.
Later that day, Loki the cat met Thor and gave him a reception that was oddly suited to that of his namesake. The minute that the kitty wandered out into the common area and spotted the Asgardian visitor, he seemed to form an immediate and rather strong bond that Summer found hilarious, almost as hilarious as Thor found the kitty's name. The cat curled up in Thor's lap and purred happily for a very long time, and whenever Thor tried to put him down, little Loki would hiss and smack him as if to say I love you, you idiot, now stop trying to move me. As a result, Thor spent quite a long time with the cat on his lap.
Bucky, meanwhile, stayed holed up in his room until he decided to go and do his best to spar his frustration out. He didn't go alone, and after he managed to best Natasha, Steve, and even Thor due simply to his sheer amount of energy and obvious anger and aggression, Steve in particular was left feeling rather concerned for his friend's state of mind.
There was a ledge outside of their floor, on the other side of a window near the living area, and it was the same little ledge that Summer had given herself a heart attack over by sitting next to Bucky on it several years earlier. It was the closest thing to a balcony that Bucky was allowed to sit on, since his house arrest agreement didn't allow him to go up to the roof or anywhere else for fresh air, so it was where he went sometimes to breathe and be alone.
Steve hated it when he went out there. Every time he saw Bucky go out there, he'd see flashbacks of Bucky falling from the train into the abyss below, and he wouldn't be able to properly relax until Bucky came back in. When he went out on that ledge that night in particular, however, Steve decided that he'd go out there and sit with him to save himself the angst of waiting inside. Plus, Bucky was clearly struggling and Steve wanted to help in any way that he could.
Slipping outside and making Bucky look up in mild surprise, Steve made it a point not to look down as he sat down and held on to the railing. Then he glanced at the cigarette in Bucky's right hand and muttered, "You know those things'll still kill you, right?"
Bucky replied by holding up the pack of cigarettes that had been lying next to his leg. "This is the same pack you gave me like three years ago." He then flipped it open, peered inside, and said, "And I've still got three left."
"Oh," Steve chuckled. "Fair enough." He then looked out at the skyline, all the buildings clustered together at his feet, and he said, "Thor seems to be fine even though you almost knocked one of his teeth out."
Staring at the half-smoked cigarette in his hand rather than finishing it, Bucky muttered, "I didn't mean to hit him that hard."
"Well," Steve noted, "he's Asgardian, not invincible. And your metal arm can punch through pavement. But like I said, he's fine. And impressed."
"But you're worried," Bucky said, this time bringing the cigarette back to his lips. He blew the smoke out aimed as far away from Steve as he could, as if he still had the ailments that the smoke would have aggravated.
"I'm just here to talk if you want to," Steve replied. "And if you don't, then I'll sit here until you go back in and I can stop picturing you falling off of this thing."
That made Bucky pause. He looked down at the considerable distance that stretched between them to the street below, and then he muttered, "Sorry. Only place I can sit that's not inside."
"Yeah, I know."
After a few beats of silence, Bucky furrowed his brows and said, "I thought I was done with this."
"Done with what?"
"Having my head fucked with," Bucky replied. "Having them in my head again. For awhile, I thought..." He smiled humorlessly. "I thought I'd beat them. But obviously I was wrong."
"What's going on?" Steve asked, as gently as he possibly could.
"My arm hurts," Bucky said, gesturing to his metal one. "I mean, it doesn't actually hurt, I know that. But now that I can remember, I can feel the damn bonesaw and the fucking... all of it. It hurts like I'm still laying there watching them do it."
Steve grimaced, hurting for him. "You tell the doc about that?"
"Connor? Yeah," Bucky shrugged. "He helps, I guess, but I am just so fucking sick of this."
"I know," Steve said sadly. "And having to relive everything through the trial... I know. You shouldn't have to go through this."
"It's screwing everything up," Bucky said. "Everything. I can't even..." He clammed up then, all but slamming his mouth shut before angrily taking the last draw of the cigarette and putting it out. "Feel like they're taking everything away from me again. Can't even function."
Steve furrowed his brows, unaware of the details behind that statement and certainly not able to piece anything together just from those words. "I know this is hard, and it's too much. But there's still hope. And we've gotta keep fighting."
Bucky looked at him then, anger in his eyes that wasn't directed at Steve or anyone else in the tower, and he shot back, "How would you feel if you hurt Natasha like I hurt Summer? I can't sleep 'cause I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up and forget everything again. Then when I do sleep I either dream of all the people I killed or of killing Summer or you or..." His expression crumpled a little and he looked away, misery etched plain as day in his face.
"... Or what?" Steve asked, scared to know the answer.
Bucky took a moment before shaking his head and saying through gritted teeth, "Last night it was Addie. And I could hear her crying like it was real and see it on her face and..."
"God, Bucky," Steve said in quiet horror.
"What am I supposed to do?" Bucky asked, more rhetorically than anything. "I can't sleep. I can't think. I can't go outside, can't go on missions. Can't even stay out of my own head long enough to..." He trailed off and then said, "You know last night Summer had this whole thing set up for us, did it all to get my mind off everything. Dinner, dancing, like a whole date but inside the tower."
"Yeah," Steve nodded. He'd helped facilitate that date by taking the kids with Natasha.
"And even that didn't work," Bucky grumbled. "She tried so hard and I still couldn't..." He shook his head, fists clenched at his lap like he wanted to deck somebody, probably himself.
"Don't be so hard on yourself," Steve said, still oblivious to the details. "She knows what you're going through."
"Not really, no, because I keep pushing her away," Bucky replied. "I haven't told her anything. Every time she tries to help or get me to talk I just... I can't get away fast enough. And I want to enjoy what time I've still got with her, but -"
"Don't talk like that," Steve replied. "The trial's not over."
Bucky merely shook his head, staring out at the night without really seeing anything. "Might as well be."
Steve sighed and leaned closer, shaking his head. "No. That's not true. You can't give up. You give up and then you will lose."
"And if I don't," Bucky said quietly, as if he didn't want to be saying what he was, "if I get off but I'm still a mess..."
"You'll get better," Steve replied. "You will. It'll get better. You're a survivor. You'll keep surviving."
After a moment, Bucky let out a short, harsh chuckle and muttered while staring at his hands, "Wish I could believe that as easily as you can."
"Well," Steve sighed, "one day you will. Once all this is over and behind us... you will."
Bucky glanced up at Steve then and chided him, "You're a real sap."
"Yep," Steve grinned. "Now can we please go back inside?"
Bucky nodded, picking up the old pack of cigarettes and lighter. Steve went back in first, and as Bucky followed him in off of the ledge, he hoped that Steve was right. But he just couldn't help but fear that he wasn't, and that he knew exactly how all of this was going to turn out in the end.
Later that night, after everyone else had gone to bed, Summer had been asleep for about an hour when the bed shifting with new weight slowly woke her up. Her eyes cracked open and she glanced behind herself just as a warm, familiar body laid next to her.
"Go back to sleep," Bucky whispered, slipping his right arm around her waist and pulling her against him. She groaned softly and laid her head back down, melting sleepily against him and letting out a deep breath at the comforting feeling of being in his arms.
He pressed a soft, chaste kiss on her neck, and she closed her eyes as she murmured, "I'm sorry."
She could feel the way that he paused. "Sorry for what?" he asked quietly.
She briefly opened her eyes as she replied, "Just... everything. I've been making things worse."
"No, no, sweetheart," he whispered, holding her a little more tightly. "No you haven't. It's me. It's... everything."
"I just want you to be happy again," she said, closing her eyes against a sudden threat of tears building behind them. Being half asleep, she had very little filter and she knew that she should shut up, but she didn't. "I can't stand seeing you suffer."
"Shh," he hushed her, kissing her neck again. "Don't... don't do that, just... close your eyes." She nodded, sniffing back tears and prompting him to add more quietly, "Please don't cry."
It was hard, but she didn't. She forced the tears back down and kept her eyes closed, listening to the sound of his breathing and taking comfort in his embrace as she slowly but eventually drifted back towards her slumber.
"I love you," he told her softly, just before she fell back asleep. "No matter what happens, I love you."
Those words scared her more than comforted her, but she didn't let it show. She breathed in and breathed out quietly before snuggling closer to him and saying the only words that she could say in that moment.
"I love you too."