AN: Formatting has been changed (previous chapters updated to reflect) so that the flashbacks are a little bit easier on the eyes. Please enjoy and feel free to leave comments

CHAPTER FOUR

I've made up my mind over and over
Keep pressing rewind but I'm getting older
Tried every door, don't know who I'm looking for
And I've made up my mind over and over

What comes from the ground now is returning
It's all the same sound and my ears are burning
In some strange home, don't know who I'm working for
I've made up my mind over and over

Gone – JR JR

BEFORE

Too many times in her life Nora Bishop had taken things a step too far and found herself with terrible consequences. By the time she turned eighteen, she had used her nine lives to avoid the Skybox on a number of occasions. Her father's weight as a councilman had helped her to coast through her teenaged years with less fear than her peers, but as she waited for a knock on her door at 1600hrs, her father's occupation was what she feared most.

With her data-pad and a number of hours spent pouring through the Ark's personnel records, she had found the answer the little question that had been buzzing in her head. The answer to why Bellamy Blake was so incredibly odd. She'd noticed it as early as third year, when he didn't invite anyone home to play after school or bring anyone home for dinner. Too young to understand what it meant, she had kept her eye on the mysterious boy, wondering what made him so different than the others.

As they grew older his behavior only grew stranger and stranger – he didn't date, he didn't try to make friends, and he didn't make his presence known in any of their classes. While others their age moved on to partying on Telsa station and necking in the janitorial closets, Bellamy always had an excuse to avoid spending time with his peers outside the classroom. He'd wave off an invitation with an awkward thank you and forced smile before hurrying away.

She knew that his mother wasn't the reason, Aurora Blake was a lovely woman that she had met on several occasions. Blake didn't have a father that she knew of, and she had wondered if maybe that was the reason he didn't socialize with the other kids, but plenty of their classmates had lost a parent to either sickness or a floating. He didn't seem the type to value himself over others, so she doubted it was dad-issues.

When he had approached her in the Archives, she almost couldn't believe that he was asking her for help. At the mention of a birthday present for someone, a young girl, something had itched at the back of her mind, demanding attention. She'd accepted his plea for help admittedly for her own personal gain and the opportunity to learn more about the quiet, strange boy.

What she had discovered after hours of searching was not what she had expected. Or maybe it was she had secretly been hoping wasn't true. As the last piece of her puzzle came together, Nora realized that she was privy to a secret that could get someone killed.

Her stomach flipped guiltily as she wrung her hands together and waited, eyes flicking to the wrapped present on the table. She'd kept her word and found a gift suitable for a happy young girl. There was a data-stick with the collection on Old Earth televised drama called I Love Lucy, a sleek hair brush with a sparkly black handle, and a few pretty hair ribbons. It wasn't much, but it was more than she had received on some of her birthdays, so she hoped that it would suffice.

The keycard reader at the door chimed and Nora panicked as her father let himself into their small apartment, heavy set shoulders and a crease on his forehead. Quickly hiding the gift on the table in her bunk, she turned to him as he dropped himself into one of the dining chairs.

While hiding such a massive secret she didn't trust her ability to lie successfully to her dad if he were to ask any questions regarding the gift or her strange mood. Her approach to keeping a secret hidden was to keep silent at all costs. Even her dad would give up trying to get answers out of her after a ten-minute silent treatment.

"Dad, I thought you had a meeting with the station reps this afternoon," she said nervously, making sure the edges of the present weren't visible from where he was sitting.

Cole Bishop let out a heavy sigh as he leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes as he kicked his boots. Stretching out so that his feet were propped up on the table, he gave her a tired look. "Hydra is threatening to go on strike because of that nonsense with Hendricks last week and they refused to meet for negotiations today," he explained, looking exhausted. At her look of concern he shook his head, "They'll come around once they remember that Alpha Station won't be the only one without fresh water if they stop showing up. I wouldn't worry about it too much, Peanut."

It seemed that something was always happening on the Ark. No one was ever happy and there was always some major issue that the Council was handling. Too many nights she'd been kept awake by her father as he poured over Council notes in the living space of their quarters. It seemed exhausting and a waste of time in her opinion.

A tentative knock on the door interrupted their conversation and she leapt to her feet as her dad went to answer. As he pulled open the door, she quickly stuffed the wrapped gift in her backpack and shoved her feet into her boots, nearly tripping over the untied laces.

"Hey! Sorry, are you ready?" Nora fell against the doorframe, cutting into the pleasantries that her father was extending to an uncomfortable looking Bellamy Blake. Pushing past her dad, she grabbed him by the arm and tossed a wave over her shoulder. "Bye Dad, good luck with Hydra, I'm sure you'll figure out something. Remind them how much of an idiot Hendricks was! I love you, be home for dinner-"

She slammed the door and left behind a confused father. She quickly pulled an even more confused Bellamy down the corridor and away from her quarters. She didn't release her hold on his arm until they were a few intersections down and she started leading them towards Telsa Station, her stomach doing somersaults as she tried to appear normal. Why did she have to be so nosey all the time?

Ignoring any attempt to start a conversation, she led him down lesser populated corridors until they crossed the border of Telsa and he looked at her in confusion. "What are we doing down here?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at her when she just shook her head and continued walking.

After rounding another corner she looked into the corners of the corridor and pushed him behind an archway so that they were hidden from the cameras. She checked around to make sure that they were alone and then pulled out the present from her backpack, handing it to him with a shaky smile. He took it, still confused why she had made such a show of taking him all the way to Tesla. He didn't have much experience with Nora Bishop, but he was pretty sure that she was acting weird.

"Thank you?" he was unsure as he accepted the gift and bowed it towards her in thanks for a second before sliding his backpack off to put it away. She only hummed a response and he noticed that her hands wouldn't stop fidgeting with one another. Zipping up his backpack, he gave her an odd look. "Are you okay? You kinda look like you're gonna be sick."

She did, with a thin sheen of sweat over her pale face and he could see her shaking slightly from side to side. "Do you need me to take you to Med Bay?" He motioned back down the way that they had come. "I mean, you took us to opposite end of the Station, but it's on my way home, I guess-"

"Who is the present for?"

He froze as they stared at each other in silence, both filled with dread. He felt his stomach drop at the question and tried to shake away the pounding in his head. Trying to hide the fear from his face, he cleared his throat and shook his head, he'd been prepared for her to ask. "My mom has this friend-"

"Do you have a sister?"

She cut him off as he felt the inability to hide the panic from his features overcame him. He had prepared for this all his life, for someone to finally discover his secret and for it all to come crumbling down. His mother had ingrained in him a number of different excuses to use in such a situation, things to keep their secret, things to keep Octavia and his mother alive. He knew that if anyone found out about Octavia that he was guaranteed to lose his family. He knew what he was supposed to say but as he looked at Nora Bishop, he couldn't find the words.

Part of him was relieved that someone finally knew. The other was horrified that it was someone with connections to the Council. Her father would float his mother without a second thought – he mother had broken the law. He stared at her in shock and opened his mouth to speak only to shut it, doing it twice more before she knocked his jaw shut with her hand.

"I'm going to take that as a yes," she said with a sigh, running a hand through her hair and nervously played with the split ends. "Well, this explains a lot."

AFTER

Clarke was the first to recover from the news of the shooting and she grew pale as Octavia explained to her what they knew. She was comforted by the knowledge that her mother was taking care of Nora to the best of her abilities, but as Octavia mentioned the seizure and resulting coma, she felt her hopes waver. There was only so many options that her mother would left if the coma lasted more than 72 hours – the medical directive was explicit in what to do in such situations.

The only real option would be to take the patient off of life support and hope for the best. With the worsening conditions on the Ark, she wondered how much the medical team had been suffering from lack of supplies. As she watched Octavia do her best to calm down her furious brother, Clarke thought it best to keep such details to herself for the time being. She hadn't realized that Nora and Bellamy knew each other on the Ark.

"What do you mean, 'shot'?" Bellamy questioned, face torn between fury and panic. His eyes glanced to the sky, searching for the flickering light that he knew was the Ark. "Are you sure?"

Giving him an incredulous look, Octavia nodded her head dramatically. "I was there when it happened," she said with a frown as she tried to keep her voice steady, "I mean, I watched it happen.. she was talking to me and then someone came in and they- they shot her, Bell," her voice broke as she remembered the sound of the gun going off, the way that her body had crumpled and fallen out of view. "There was so much blood, and I couldn't really see what was happening- She's in a coma-"

Strong arms wrapped around her as she felt herself well up in tears and she held tightly to her brother. He cradled the back of her head as she sniffled and took a deep breath, reminded of the times that he had comforted her as a child. When he felt her breathing return to normal, he loosened his hold on her and turned to Clarke, who had chosen to look away during their private moment.

Using a dirty sleeve to wipe her face, Octavia cursed herself for losing control twice in the same day. Crying wouldn't help her friend and she was almost certain and Nora would mock her for worrying about a coma. It wasn't like it was the first time the young woman had been unconscious for a few days as the result of an injury.

But the last time didn't involve bullets.

"Do you think that this has anything to do with what happened today with Dax?" Clarke gave him a confused look, not following as Octavia also looked lost.

"What happened with Dax?" she asked, looking between the two of them, for the first time noticing how tired and bloody they both looked. Dried dirt and blood covered their faces and each sported a number of cuts and bruises.

"He's dead," Clarke said simply, not looking sad about the fact.

"He tried to kill me," Bellamy explained shortly while hoping to avoid going into further details about what had happened during his afternoon. At his sister's shocked expression, he shrugged. "Someone on the Ark wanted me dead, probably to keep me from telling Jaha and the Guard why I shot him."

"It would make sense that they would be tying up loose ends," Clarke agreed, though still unsure of how Nora was involved in the situation. She was a member of the Guard. Did she help Bellamy escape? Was she there when he shot Jaha or even helped him? She didn't know much about the girl outside of her experiences with her in Med Bay. Looking at Bellamy, she figured they could be around the same age.

"So, you think whoever sent Dax to kill you also wanted to take Nora out of the picture?" Octavia said slowly, trying to accept that someone had tried to murder not only her best friend, but also her brother. She shook her head in confusion. "But Nora said that you didn't even tell her what you were going to do. Why would they shoot her if she didn't know anything?"

"Because Shumway was the one that gave me the gun," Bellamy said firmly, nodding his head as the puzzle started to come together. "He was our Commander at the Academy, he knew that we were close. Maybe he didn't believe her."

"And if someone on the Ark wants Jaha dead, maybe a dead councilman's daughter was close enough," Clarke said, understanding more what was going on and felt determination start to set in. "We need to talk to the Council," she said with a pointed look towards her fellow leader. Her words to him earlier in the woods came back her as watched his face set in a hardened mask.

"No," Bellamy said with a shake of his head, stomping off towards the Communications tent. "We need to talk to Jaha."

It took another hour to get the video conference with Jaha set up. Deciding it would be best if only Clarke and Bellamy spoke with the Chancellor, Octavia had resumed her post at the wall. The night was quiet as she searched the woods for any sign of movement. Bellamy wandered over while waiting for the call to begin, bringing with him a blanket that they had salvaged from the supply shelter.

She nodded in acknowledgment and thanks as he wrapped it around her shoulders and took a step back. The space between them remind her of why it was there and she turned back to the woods, pulling the blanket closer. She wondered if Lincoln was alright. She hoped that he was healing from the wounds they had inflicted upon him.

"I know that you're still mad at me," he said quietly behind her, focusing into the woods to avoid looking at her for a moment. "But you're going to have to find a way to live with me, because I'm not going anywhere."

Shifting to look back at him, she gave him a thoughtful look. "She asked about you, you know," she said as a cold shiver ran through her, forcing her to borrow further into the blanket. He stilled her words, guilt flashing over his face before he stood sharply at the ground. "Before getting shot, I mean," she said, tone bitter before she continued, "She said that you didn't tell her what you were gonna shoot Jaha. Why not?"

It had been a question burning at her all afternoon. While she knew that Nora would never have agreed to such a terrible and treasonous plan, she couldn't believe that he had managed to keep it from her. She was worried that while she had been in the Skybox her brother had alienated himself from the only person left in his life to care for him.

A pained look took over his face as he shifted awkwardly to the side and refused to meet her gaze. "I didn't have the time to tell her," he admitted in a low voice, "Not if I wanted to make it in time for the drop and I couldn't let you go alone."

"Wait, so you didn't even tell her goodbye before you jumped on a dropship headed to a different planet?" Octavia said, looking at him disbelievingly. "What is wrong with you? You could have least left her a note!"

Bellamy let out a scoff and shot her an annoyed look, "Seriously, O? A note? And what exactly was I supposed to put in it? 'Headed to Earth, have a nice life!'? Don't be ridiculous," he muttered, pacing a bit in the dirt as he grew irritated that the conversation wasn't going the way that he had initially planned. "I thought that it would be better if she didn't know, you know- plausible deniability and all that. If she knew what I was going to do they would have floated her once they found out!"

"Well, it would have been better than not saying anything at all!" she argued as both of their voices louder with anger. "After everything that she did for you, you just left her to clean up your mess! You left her up there with Shumway and his people, to get fucking shot, and you didn't even say goodbye, you fucking asshole."

"Don't you think I get that?" he finally exploded, taking a step forward as his voice echoed through the nearby woods. He took a deep breath, trying to control himself as he lowered his voice. "She could die up there and I'll never get the chance to make it right, O. I made a mistake, okay? I fucked up."

He hung his head in defeat, all the anger leaving him as he felt the situation rest heavily on his shoulders. Things had gotten out of control faster than he could have predicted. When Shumway had offered him the gun and an opportunity to save his sister, he hadn't hesitated or had even thought what about what Nora would say if she saw him take it. All that had mattered was his sister and doing whatever it took to keep her safe. He had once again made the mistake of thinking that she was the only thing that mattered in his life.

"Bellamy," Clarke called from behind him, aware that she was intruding on a moment between the Blake siblings but knowing that the Ark wouldn't wait. "It's time."

With a nod of his head to her, he looked back at his sister once more and turned from her with a sigh. Halfway to the Communications tent, he remembered the reason he had approached her in the first place. Stopping to call back at her, she didn't turn at his voice.

"The Grounder escaping," he called, already knowing the answer to his question, "Was that you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she answered him, ending the conversation as she leaned into the wall and focused on her post.

Sighing quietly to himself, he continued on his way to the Communications tent, wondering when things had gotten so twisted. Stepping into the tent, he was determined to set things right.

I can't be everything you want me to be
Finally, I can see the light through the leaves
But it's all gone